We have another weekend coming up, and once again Dee and I will be on our own for at least a portion of it. It’s amazing, I think, to have a kid that, having yet to reach 10 years of age, already has a life of her own (ours spent last weekend with one friend, and will be spending tomorrow night with another). But it also makes me feel a little old. That’s not a good thing, since I already feel older than I am!
[Tangential thought: looking at the last HNT post, I think from now on I’m going to make Dee post the pictures in a larger format. I’m squinting at the screen here!]
Last weekend we did enjoy ourselves, and had a pretty decent date night. This weekend we weren’t able to plan ahead (we didn’t know we’d be on our own until a couple hours ago), and we’re already having dinner with friends, so it’ll be up to us to put the time to use by throwing together some last minute ideas to fill the little remaining free time available. But I’ve been wondering…
We’ve talked about a threesome (and many other things, but I’ve almost always used that as the standard example, and will stick to it now) now and then, though nothing’s ever come of it – Note: I’m not complaining in any way (I should state that for the record).
… and I wonder, are we wasting a great chance to turn an idea into reality … and if so, which idea? Should I “knuckle down” and make sure that, when these free nights crop up, we knock something off our sexual to do list? Should one of us really gone all gung-ho on at least trying to make that threesome happen?
I realize that the kid will soon be older, and have a job, and a car, and a college dorm. She’ll move out, and we’ll have the rest of our lives together, but who knows what the future holds? For some couples, age and health aren’t an issue, and for others, those things are. So… are we wasting valuable time, or is it good enough to just enjoy the time together, without making a focused and concerted effort to accomplish a specific task or goal (pleasurable though it may be)?
I was looking at our rules this morning, and was confronted with a schizophrenic set of thoughts and feelings about the enterprise. On the one hand, I had a sense of anticipation reading over all the things that were still upcoming on my, and Dee’s list of obligations for the year. On the other hand, I did feel some sense of… a task-oriented approach to the list. I found myself thinking: I can do this on this day… that I can do next month… the trick is, when can I work this into the schedule?... It was more business-Blackberry than wild-gigolo.
Again, I’m not complaining, and I think Dee is right in saying that it’s all about making time, and putting in the effort. Sex is fun, but after more than ten years together, it’s easy to allow other things (like fatigue, or after school activities, or a good TV show) get in the way. But sometimes it seems like, when it comes to sex and sexuality, the more I think about who I am, what I want, and what I’d like to change, the less and less sexual these thoughts become. It’s as if I'm slowly desensitizing myself to my own ideas, becoming less and less aroused by the prospect of the very things that once interested me so much (and I’ve never been a highly aroused individual to begin with). The younger version of me (and even a pretty recent version) would have practically gotten off in his jeans at the very mention of the possibility of a threesome… but now I feel much more blasé about the idea. A threesome? Sure… but if it doesn’t happen, no big deal.
Or maybe it’s just that the sun has been gone for a while now, and, as is always the case this time of year, my energy levels are at low tide, and I just can’t wait for Spring to arrive.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thoughts on HNT
1. It occurs to me that the whole idea of HNT is the “half-naked” part… and so far, all the pictures we’ve posted (all two of them) have been totally naked. I will have to get a little more creative and come up with something a little more half than whole.
2. Speaking of which, is there a “totally naked” day? TNF, maybe?
3. Dee wants me to come up with an idea or two for HNT that includes the both of us, but I’m still thinking about that one. The better looking half is already in front of the camera.
4. I do have a couple ideas for future pictures I think would work out nicely, but I’m not sure if the logistics of taking them will be easily overcome. When you have a kid, simple addition like “daylight + empty house + day off + naked wife = HNT picture” can turn into complicated math!
2. Speaking of which, is there a “totally naked” day? TNF, maybe?
3. Dee wants me to come up with an idea or two for HNT that includes the both of us, but I’m still thinking about that one. The better looking half is already in front of the camera.
4. I do have a couple ideas for future pictures I think would work out nicely, but I’m not sure if the logistics of taking them will be easily overcome. When you have a kid, simple addition like “daylight + empty house + day off + naked wife = HNT picture” can turn into complicated math!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
What a Great Weekend!
I think we wind up with more weekends and evenings alone than most. Not only do we plan date nights, and take advantage of resident camps in the summer, but our daughter has a plethora of friends with whom she loves to have sleepovers. This weekend we had planned date night for Saturday night and she was going to have a sleepover at a friend's. That friend's parents decided they were going to take the girls to the beach for the day, so it was more convenient to have her for Friday night too, and then drop her off on Sunday. Just like that, we had a free weekend!
After breakfast on Saturday we decided to take a walk together, since it was a beautiful spring day. It was gorgeous and we enjoyed the fresh air. After our walk, we cuddled up on the couch. We had early dinner reservations, so we knew we only had a couple hours.
DH was stroking my pussy through my jeans and I could feel my pussy getting wet. He unbuttoned my jeans to gain access and was enjoying my cleanly shaven pussy. Not to be outdone, I was stroking his hard cock through his jeans, until I couldn't wait any longer to have his cock in my mouth. I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his dick out until it was free and awaiting my attention. I was softly licking and sucking his cock for quite a while while he stroked my pussy. I grew impatient, however, and kicked off my jeans so he could have even better access. That didn't last long until I was up and stripping fully in front of him, and then tugged his jeans all the way off too.
I climbed on top of him and welcomed his cock deep into my pussy. I rocked and grinded on his cock, rubbing my swollen clit against him and building the pressure, all the while kissing his beautiful pink lips. I swung around and pulled him on top of me, wanting to feel his weight on me and let him really dig in and go as deep as possible. This was incredible, but it still was not making me come. I asked him if I could flip us over, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs to our bed.
He laid down and I climbed on top, relishing the beautifully alive feeling that I get when we are naked together in the sunlight. It only took a couple of strokes before the wave of orgasm crashed over me. He let me bask and laugh for a minute or two and then flipped us around so that he could penetrate me and I watched his face as he stroked his way to his own orgasm. I love when we have the house to ourselves because my normally silent DH lets go a little and expresses his coming with small gasps.
We were dozing for just a few minutes when DH said hang on and left the room. He was back shortly with my camera and told me to stand by the window. We so rarely get to be naked in the daylight he wanted to take advantage!
We had a wonderful dinner and hung out with friends. We capped the night off with another romp and then while hanging around waiting for the drop off, I passed the time by swirling my tongue around the head of his cock and sucking him off.
What a great weekend!
After breakfast on Saturday we decided to take a walk together, since it was a beautiful spring day. It was gorgeous and we enjoyed the fresh air. After our walk, we cuddled up on the couch. We had early dinner reservations, so we knew we only had a couple hours.
DH was stroking my pussy through my jeans and I could feel my pussy getting wet. He unbuttoned my jeans to gain access and was enjoying my cleanly shaven pussy. Not to be outdone, I was stroking his hard cock through his jeans, until I couldn't wait any longer to have his cock in my mouth. I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his dick out until it was free and awaiting my attention. I was softly licking and sucking his cock for quite a while while he stroked my pussy. I grew impatient, however, and kicked off my jeans so he could have even better access. That didn't last long until I was up and stripping fully in front of him, and then tugged his jeans all the way off too.
I climbed on top of him and welcomed his cock deep into my pussy. I rocked and grinded on his cock, rubbing my swollen clit against him and building the pressure, all the while kissing his beautiful pink lips. I swung around and pulled him on top of me, wanting to feel his weight on me and let him really dig in and go as deep as possible. This was incredible, but it still was not making me come. I asked him if I could flip us over, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs to our bed.
He laid down and I climbed on top, relishing the beautifully alive feeling that I get when we are naked together in the sunlight. It only took a couple of strokes before the wave of orgasm crashed over me. He let me bask and laugh for a minute or two and then flipped us around so that he could penetrate me and I watched his face as he stroked his way to his own orgasm. I love when we have the house to ourselves because my normally silent DH lets go a little and expresses his coming with small gasps.
We were dozing for just a few minutes when DH said hang on and left the room. He was back shortly with my camera and told me to stand by the window. We so rarely get to be naked in the daylight he wanted to take advantage!
We had a wonderful dinner and hung out with friends. We capped the night off with another romp and then while hanging around waiting for the drop off, I passed the time by swirling my tongue around the head of his cock and sucking him off.
What a great weekend!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
TMI
1. What do find is the most exciting part of a new sexual encounter?
I haven’t had one of those in… what? 15 years? So I’m really answering based on memory. But in the past, I always liked “the chase” the best. The seduction and flirtation, and the sense of not really knowing what might come next.
2. Do you have "a most exciting part of a sexual encounter" with a usual partner?
The sound Dee makes the first time she’s penetrated in an encounter (whether finger, tongue, or cock). It’s an exhilatory semi-gasping moan that’s part anticipation, part pure pleasureable satisfaction, part erotic enjoyment...
Impossible to describe, but very very nice to hear.
3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?
I think open and honest are two totally different things. I would like to think I’m honest with people all the time, but I open up to almost no one. Even my close friends don’t know about this blog, for example.
4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?
Again, I’m honest, but not open. I’m not close to anyone I work with, and therefore feel that 99% of my personal life is none of their business.
5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent a your child's friend or...)?
As boring as my answers might be this week, they’re all the same.
Bonus (as in optional): Define a "normal" as in "normal relationship" or "normal sex life".
A normal sex life and/or a normal relationship is whatever the two (or sometimes more) people involved say/think/feel/agree is normal.
I haven’t had one of those in… what? 15 years? So I’m really answering based on memory. But in the past, I always liked “the chase” the best. The seduction and flirtation, and the sense of not really knowing what might come next.
2. Do you have "a most exciting part of a sexual encounter" with a usual partner?
The sound Dee makes the first time she’s penetrated in an encounter (whether finger, tongue, or cock). It’s an exhilatory semi-gasping moan that’s part anticipation, part pure pleasureable satisfaction, part erotic enjoyment...
Impossible to describe, but very very nice to hear.
3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?
I think open and honest are two totally different things. I would like to think I’m honest with people all the time, but I open up to almost no one. Even my close friends don’t know about this blog, for example.
4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?
Again, I’m honest, but not open. I’m not close to anyone I work with, and therefore feel that 99% of my personal life is none of their business.
5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent a your child's friend or...)?
As boring as my answers might be this week, they’re all the same.
Bonus (as in optional): Define a "normal" as in "normal relationship" or "normal sex life".
A normal sex life and/or a normal relationship is whatever the two (or sometimes more) people involved say/think/feel/agree is normal.
Monday, February 23, 2009
I Hate It When That Happens (#2)
I Hate It When That Happens (#2):
The Wrong Time
(A story based on the compilation of many true-life instances)
It’s 10am, and I’ve been at work for 3 hours, but it’s only now that the coffee kicks in. For the first time all day, I feel awake, alert, and fairly energized. I’m online, taking five (ok… ten!) minutes to get away from work. After surfing through the news on NFL.com, then click over to the Sports Illustrated coverage.
That’s when it happens. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I’m a little bit horny.
Now?
Last night I was so exhausted that, cuddling in bed with Dee, I didn’t even respond to the overt signals she sent indicating she wanted to play. I kept thinking I ought to make a move, react, send a signal of my own, but I felt tired. My eyes kept dropping shut, sending a signal of fatigue that was somehow, inexplicably more powerful. Moving an arm seemed like too much effort. Against my mind’s desires, I didn’t react at all. Instead, I told myself that if she pushed the issue just a little more… a little more… just a little more… and when Dee gave up, my mind pummeled me with it’s disapproval and disappointment, but my body relaxed more deeply, as if it knew it wouldn’t be called on to perform.
Now I’m sitting at my desk, wishing Dee was here. In this moment, I don’t care that there are coworkers in plain view, or that I’d get fired… if she were here I’d bend her over my desk and fuck her right here. I’d push her under my desk and beg her to suck me off. In this moment, all I want is to get off. I want to come, and come hard.
Great grief.
There’s no reason for the sudden surge – it’s not like I’ve got a hot co-worker who just cruised by in a low-cut shirt and miniskirt. I'm not surfing porn, or daydreaming about the last time I got off on Dee's body. I’m staring at news headlines, that’s all. I’ve gotten this same feeling while staring out the window at the traffic, or while composing a letter on my keyboard. It’s simply an unsolicited rush of… hormones, maybe?
And I’m not just horny… I’m also totally pissed off.
If you believe the stereotype, guys walk around with perpetual hard-ons. They feel this way all the time. They’ll nail anything with a hole and a heartbeat. They spend most of their day thinking about it. They could be bleeding from their eyes and on the verge of starving to death, and if their wives offered them a blowjob, they’d still take it.
But me? I get these flashes once in a while… but never when the urge can be acted upon. They overwhelm me for all of thirty seconds – thirty seconds during which I want to pull my hair out, jerk off, and fuck, all at the same time. It feels incredible, and if I knew how, I’d want to feel this way all the damn time. But after it fades… well, let’s just say I’m left feeling very un-stereotypical.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Even as I wonder this, the hormonal tide subsides. As always, the urge passes quickly, and with it, the anger slips away, too. It’s a 30-second rush of adrenaline, there and then gone again.
But I wonder… which is more frustrating… Is it finding myself completely horny when there is nothing I can do about it? Or is it realizing that, for me, at least, feeling this horny is a momentary experience, a feeling that is never lasting, never sustained?
The Wrong Time
(A story based on the compilation of many true-life instances)
It’s 10am, and I’ve been at work for 3 hours, but it’s only now that the coffee kicks in. For the first time all day, I feel awake, alert, and fairly energized. I’m online, taking five (ok… ten!) minutes to get away from work. After surfing through the news on NFL.com, then click over to the Sports Illustrated coverage.
That’s when it happens. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I’m a little bit horny.
Now?
Last night I was so exhausted that, cuddling in bed with Dee, I didn’t even respond to the overt signals she sent indicating she wanted to play. I kept thinking I ought to make a move, react, send a signal of my own, but I felt tired. My eyes kept dropping shut, sending a signal of fatigue that was somehow, inexplicably more powerful. Moving an arm seemed like too much effort. Against my mind’s desires, I didn’t react at all. Instead, I told myself that if she pushed the issue just a little more… a little more… just a little more… and when Dee gave up, my mind pummeled me with it’s disapproval and disappointment, but my body relaxed more deeply, as if it knew it wouldn’t be called on to perform.
Now I’m sitting at my desk, wishing Dee was here. In this moment, I don’t care that there are coworkers in plain view, or that I’d get fired… if she were here I’d bend her over my desk and fuck her right here. I’d push her under my desk and beg her to suck me off. In this moment, all I want is to get off. I want to come, and come hard.
Great grief.
There’s no reason for the sudden surge – it’s not like I’ve got a hot co-worker who just cruised by in a low-cut shirt and miniskirt. I'm not surfing porn, or daydreaming about the last time I got off on Dee's body. I’m staring at news headlines, that’s all. I’ve gotten this same feeling while staring out the window at the traffic, or while composing a letter on my keyboard. It’s simply an unsolicited rush of… hormones, maybe?
And I’m not just horny… I’m also totally pissed off.
If you believe the stereotype, guys walk around with perpetual hard-ons. They feel this way all the time. They’ll nail anything with a hole and a heartbeat. They spend most of their day thinking about it. They could be bleeding from their eyes and on the verge of starving to death, and if their wives offered them a blowjob, they’d still take it.
But me? I get these flashes once in a while… but never when the urge can be acted upon. They overwhelm me for all of thirty seconds – thirty seconds during which I want to pull my hair out, jerk off, and fuck, all at the same time. It feels incredible, and if I knew how, I’d want to feel this way all the damn time. But after it fades… well, let’s just say I’m left feeling very un-stereotypical.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Even as I wonder this, the hormonal tide subsides. As always, the urge passes quickly, and with it, the anger slips away, too. It’s a 30-second rush of adrenaline, there and then gone again.
But I wonder… which is more frustrating… Is it finding myself completely horny when there is nothing I can do about it? Or is it realizing that, for me, at least, feeling this horny is a momentary experience, a feeling that is never lasting, never sustained?
Friday, February 20, 2009
Then, and Now
One thing I love about posting a picture of Dee on our blog… while I’m sitting at work, I can flip over to the website and sneak a peek of her nakedness! The trouble is, I have to resist the urge to make it an obsession. :)
Shortly before Christmas, I brought Dee to my company’s holiday party, and to spice things up a little, I posed a challenge to her: guess which of my co-workers I think is the hottest. She never told me if she had fun with the game or not, but I found it an entertaining exercise.
The event has since had me pondering one aspect of my life: flirtation.
When Dee and I got back together (for the third time), and began our journey towards marriage, I stopped flirting with others. It wasn’t a conscious decision… it’s simply something that happened. I don’t know if the root cause for this is. It might be some underlying morality regarding marriage. It might be that soon thereafter I changed careers from the restaurant business to an office environment, where I feel such behavior is less acceptable. It could just be that I’m totally smitten with Dee. Who knows?
As I’ve mentioned previously in this blog, earlier in my life (from the time I was 13 or 14 right on through until I was in my early 20’s), I was a voracious flirter. I could flirt with the best of them, and it wasn’t about trying to hook up, but simply about having fun. I flirted with married, fifty-year-old waitresses, and cute eighteen-year-old hostesses. And it was probably a good thing that it was all about having fun, because on those rare occasions I was flirting with the intention of getting somewhere, I almost never closed the deal – other than with Dee herself.
What interests me about this is that now, when it comes to flirtation, I don’t even know where to start anymore. This is slightly frustrating to me because, now that our relationship has begun moving towards this more adventurous direction, I can’t help but think that my current mental/emotional positioning has prevented me from helping to advance our explorations.
When Dee writes: I was thinking of all this because DH answered an online ad today to a woman looking for a couple to have fun with. An ongoing thing. I think this would be terrific. Something I've been wanting to explore for a while. – I can’t help but wonder… if I were still that flirtatious restaurateur, would I be better able to fulfill such a fantasy… to bring home a girl for Dee to enjoy… for us both to enjoy?
It seems to me the likely answer is yes.
So the question now is… how can I do so now?
Shortly before Christmas, I brought Dee to my company’s holiday party, and to spice things up a little, I posed a challenge to her: guess which of my co-workers I think is the hottest. She never told me if she had fun with the game or not, but I found it an entertaining exercise.
The event has since had me pondering one aspect of my life: flirtation.
When Dee and I got back together (for the third time), and began our journey towards marriage, I stopped flirting with others. It wasn’t a conscious decision… it’s simply something that happened. I don’t know if the root cause for this is. It might be some underlying morality regarding marriage. It might be that soon thereafter I changed careers from the restaurant business to an office environment, where I feel such behavior is less acceptable. It could just be that I’m totally smitten with Dee. Who knows?
As I’ve mentioned previously in this blog, earlier in my life (from the time I was 13 or 14 right on through until I was in my early 20’s), I was a voracious flirter. I could flirt with the best of them, and it wasn’t about trying to hook up, but simply about having fun. I flirted with married, fifty-year-old waitresses, and cute eighteen-year-old hostesses. And it was probably a good thing that it was all about having fun, because on those rare occasions I was flirting with the intention of getting somewhere, I almost never closed the deal – other than with Dee herself.
What interests me about this is that now, when it comes to flirtation, I don’t even know where to start anymore. This is slightly frustrating to me because, now that our relationship has begun moving towards this more adventurous direction, I can’t help but think that my current mental/emotional positioning has prevented me from helping to advance our explorations.
When Dee writes: I was thinking of all this because DH answered an online ad today to a woman looking for a couple to have fun with. An ongoing thing. I think this would be terrific. Something I've been wanting to explore for a while. – I can’t help but wonder… if I were still that flirtatious restaurateur, would I be better able to fulfill such a fantasy… to bring home a girl for Dee to enjoy… for us both to enjoy?
It seems to me the likely answer is yes.
So the question now is… how can I do so now?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A Couple Small Steps
We’ve gotten a number of comments on the picture I took of Dee (to be honest, more people have commented on it than I would have guessed even knew this blog existed – so welcome all!). I really don’t know anything about this whole HNT thing (or the TMI thing, or any other thing, for that matter!) – I thought it was just post a picture and there you are, but Dee tells me there’s a whole website-linking-networking thing going on. If that’s true, I’ll leave all the paperwork to her… she’s better at that than I am. I just like getting Dee naked, and taking pictures is a little bonus. :)
That being said, I find it kind of ironic that Dee has spent time learning all these things – literally doing research on blogging… what blogs are really good, what the protocols are (for things like HNT), etc. And yet, I’ve had to bribe her with sex, and practically beg her (playing the devoted spouse card) just to get her to post!
Ah, well. I’m not really complaining. The trouble is, reading a post from her sure beats actually paying attention to my inbox. If I had my way, she’d probably have to post ten times a day or something.
In Dee’s last post, she referred to a comment I made – fatigue is the #1 hurdle to having fun (which, by the way, was a comment I made on my other blog, not on this one) – and I stand by that statement. As to Dee’s own comments on the subject, I’m not sure if she was expressing a concern, a complaint, disappointment, or simple observation, but for myself, I can only say this: every relationship is cyclical, and there will be times when things are hot and heavy, and times when things aren’t.
In spite of what Dee might say, the truth is, I tend to take things in stride, and accept what comes. When things are going well (in that hot-and-heavy sense), I’m happy and satisfied, but when they’re not, I still feel the same, and feel no urgency to “fix” things and “make” them hot-and-heavy again. I realize that Dee gets frustrated by this because, when things are in a lull, she wants me to take the lead and turn it up again, and (from her perspective) my unconcerned contentment and acceptance of the status quo probably seems like a complete lack of desire.
I’m working on changing, one step at a time, to be more proactive in moving things forward in terms of our explorations. I’ve responded to a personals ad (and will do so again when the opportunity arises). I’ve nudged us into participating in HNT (it didn’t take any convincing, but one of us had to say “let’s do this!”). I’ve tried to be a touch more aggressive in getting things started in the evening. I’ve made a specific request for Saturday night (we’re celebrating Valentine’s Day a week late, and at my request Dee will be cleanly shaven… yummy!).
This year started out in a bit of a lull, though we’ve had a couple of weeks when activity has spiked, and I think the fact that we’re both a bit more tired than usual has played a role. Still, in the past week, we’ve had sex more often than not (yet it appears that the absences seem to stick in Dee’s mind most -- *sigh*). But lull or no, I don’t agree with Dee that going to bed earlier would make much of a difference – for example, lately we have been going to bed at the usual time (or even later!), and we’ve still had plenty of VERY entertaining evenings.
Now I just have to get her to write about them! ;)
That being said, I find it kind of ironic that Dee has spent time learning all these things – literally doing research on blogging… what blogs are really good, what the protocols are (for things like HNT), etc. And yet, I’ve had to bribe her with sex, and practically beg her (playing the devoted spouse card) just to get her to post!
Ah, well. I’m not really complaining. The trouble is, reading a post from her sure beats actually paying attention to my inbox. If I had my way, she’d probably have to post ten times a day or something.
In Dee’s last post, she referred to a comment I made – fatigue is the #1 hurdle to having fun (which, by the way, was a comment I made on my other blog, not on this one) – and I stand by that statement. As to Dee’s own comments on the subject, I’m not sure if she was expressing a concern, a complaint, disappointment, or simple observation, but for myself, I can only say this: every relationship is cyclical, and there will be times when things are hot and heavy, and times when things aren’t.
In spite of what Dee might say, the truth is, I tend to take things in stride, and accept what comes. When things are going well (in that hot-and-heavy sense), I’m happy and satisfied, but when they’re not, I still feel the same, and feel no urgency to “fix” things and “make” them hot-and-heavy again. I realize that Dee gets frustrated by this because, when things are in a lull, she wants me to take the lead and turn it up again, and (from her perspective) my unconcerned contentment and acceptance of the status quo probably seems like a complete lack of desire.
I’m working on changing, one step at a time, to be more proactive in moving things forward in terms of our explorations. I’ve responded to a personals ad (and will do so again when the opportunity arises). I’ve nudged us into participating in HNT (it didn’t take any convincing, but one of us had to say “let’s do this!”). I’ve tried to be a touch more aggressive in getting things started in the evening. I’ve made a specific request for Saturday night (we’re celebrating Valentine’s Day a week late, and at my request Dee will be cleanly shaven… yummy!).
This year started out in a bit of a lull, though we’ve had a couple of weeks when activity has spiked, and I think the fact that we’re both a bit more tired than usual has played a role. Still, in the past week, we’ve had sex more often than not (yet it appears that the absences seem to stick in Dee’s mind most -- *sigh*). But lull or no, I don’t agree with Dee that going to bed earlier would make much of a difference – for example, lately we have been going to bed at the usual time (or even later!), and we’ve still had plenty of VERY entertaining evenings.
Now I just have to get her to write about them! ;)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Worth the Effort?
Why is it that it is so hard to make time and expend effort on those things we most enjoy? Seriously...I can count at least 5 activities that I truly enjoy doing but that I purposely put off. Once I'm in the midst of the activities, I typically don't want to stop. It's just getting to the starting point that's a challenge.
Sadly, sex is at the top of that list.
DH pointed out that fatigue is the #1 hurdle to having fun. This is exactly what I'm talking about. We have gone through cycles of making the time and making the effort. We were on a streak for quite a while where we had sex every night (or day). For like three months! Every other day, we were each in charge of the activities. I think that neither of us want to let the other person down. Now, that wasn't the purpose, in fact the purpose was the exact opposite. It was supposed to be so that we each had an opportunity to demand what we wanted. But that's really not how it worked out. I find it interesting that we regularly retired to our bed a half hour earlier than normal to facilitate the extra activity. Now we don't do that as regularly.
Not to mention that to DH's annoyance, I have compiled quite a collection of toys and adult material that never gets used. There never seems to be a good time to pull it out for a little fun. And if there is a good time, I don't expend the effort.
I was thinking of all this because DH answered an online ad today to a woman looking for a couple to have fun with. An ongoing thing. I think this would be terrific. Something I've been wanting to explore for a while. I did attempt a connection that didn't work out, but after that fizzled attempt I stopped trying. Not because I didn't want to find a connection, but because I didn't want to expend the effort. And then if I did expend the effort to make the connection, that would require even more effort to plan play dates, time spent getting to know each other and talking things through with DH.
I have read blogs where people really enjoy being in this type of lifestyle. Frankly, I think it would suit me. It sounds like fun. However, I am completely and utterly fulfilled by DH and our current lifestyle.
So all of this begs the question: Is it worth the effort?
I suppose we shall see.
Sadly, sex is at the top of that list.
DH pointed out that fatigue is the #1 hurdle to having fun. This is exactly what I'm talking about. We have gone through cycles of making the time and making the effort. We were on a streak for quite a while where we had sex every night (or day). For like three months! Every other day, we were each in charge of the activities. I think that neither of us want to let the other person down. Now, that wasn't the purpose, in fact the purpose was the exact opposite. It was supposed to be so that we each had an opportunity to demand what we wanted. But that's really not how it worked out. I find it interesting that we regularly retired to our bed a half hour earlier than normal to facilitate the extra activity. Now we don't do that as regularly.
Not to mention that to DH's annoyance, I have compiled quite a collection of toys and adult material that never gets used. There never seems to be a good time to pull it out for a little fun. And if there is a good time, I don't expend the effort.
I was thinking of all this because DH answered an online ad today to a woman looking for a couple to have fun with. An ongoing thing. I think this would be terrific. Something I've been wanting to explore for a while. I did attempt a connection that didn't work out, but after that fizzled attempt I stopped trying. Not because I didn't want to find a connection, but because I didn't want to expend the effort. And then if I did expend the effort to make the connection, that would require even more effort to plan play dates, time spent getting to know each other and talking things through with DH.
I have read blogs where people really enjoy being in this type of lifestyle. Frankly, I think it would suit me. It sounds like fun. However, I am completely and utterly fulfilled by DH and our current lifestyle.
So all of this begs the question: Is it worth the effort?
I suppose we shall see.
More Random Subjects
1. I’ve been sitting here all day, waiting impatiently for Dee to post her weekly post (she even has it on her calendar… every Wednesday, post something here!)… but so far, nothing. And it’s getting near the end of the work day. *sigh*
2. Just this afternoon, for the first time, I actually replied to an online personals ad… W4MW. From what I’ve been led to understand, it’s not likely I’ll ever hear anything in reply. And I might have subjected myself to a buttload of SPAM. But you gotta take a chance, right?
3. Had sex last night. Rather enjoyed it.
2. Just this afternoon, for the first time, I actually replied to an online personals ad… W4MW. From what I’ve been led to understand, it’s not likely I’ll ever hear anything in reply. And I might have subjected myself to a buttload of SPAM. But you gotta take a chance, right?
3. Had sex last night. Rather enjoyed it.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
TMI Tuesday
1. What is your favorite charity? Do you give your time or just money to that charity?
I don’t have a favorite, though I could probably come up with one if I researched it a little. I give small amounts (money or donations) now and then, when mood and opportunity converge in the same moment.
2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?
A king-sized double pillow top mattress, a nice warm comforter, comfy sheets, lots of pillows (that’s Dee’s idea, not mine, since most of them end up on the floor and seem to be for decorative purposes only). Not to mention a headboard and footboard that are practically designed for multiple sexual purposes… lots of places to hold on to it, or attach handcuffs, or whatever (and we really should make better use of it!).
I sleep on the right side. Not sure why – it’s a chicken or egg thing. The alarm is on the left, and Dee gets up first, so either she sleeps on the left because the alarm is there, or the alarm is there because she sleeps on the left. Who knows?
3. How important is a partners kissing ability?
My knee-jerk response is “not terribly important,” but then it occurs to me that I have met a few bad kissers in my life, and the bad kissing was important enough to me to have withered my interest in pursuing things further. So perhaps it is very important after all.
4. Have you ever "taken advantage" of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been "taken advantage" of while under the influence of alcohol?
I can’t honestly say yes to either of these questions. I’ve had sex with someone while one of us (or both of us) was under the influence, but I don’t think there was ever a time where the alcohol was clearly a factor in the event. I’ve never thought “if she wasn’t so drunk…” and I’ve never woken up thinking “if I’d been sober, I never would have done that…”
5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?
Never. I’m not a big fan of the water, so I don’t have any real desire to, either. And the last time I stood in the ocean (on a beach in Hawaii) a jellyfish washed up and wrapped itself around my ankle and burned the crap out of me. It hurt like hell, and I’d really rather not risk the thought it could have ended up someplace a little more sensitive.
I don’t have a favorite, though I could probably come up with one if I researched it a little. I give small amounts (money or donations) now and then, when mood and opportunity converge in the same moment.
2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?
A king-sized double pillow top mattress, a nice warm comforter, comfy sheets, lots of pillows (that’s Dee’s idea, not mine, since most of them end up on the floor and seem to be for decorative purposes only). Not to mention a headboard and footboard that are practically designed for multiple sexual purposes… lots of places to hold on to it, or attach handcuffs, or whatever (and we really should make better use of it!).
I sleep on the right side. Not sure why – it’s a chicken or egg thing. The alarm is on the left, and Dee gets up first, so either she sleeps on the left because the alarm is there, or the alarm is there because she sleeps on the left. Who knows?
3. How important is a partners kissing ability?
My knee-jerk response is “not terribly important,” but then it occurs to me that I have met a few bad kissers in my life, and the bad kissing was important enough to me to have withered my interest in pursuing things further. So perhaps it is very important after all.
4. Have you ever "taken advantage" of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been "taken advantage" of while under the influence of alcohol?
I can’t honestly say yes to either of these questions. I’ve had sex with someone while one of us (or both of us) was under the influence, but I don’t think there was ever a time where the alcohol was clearly a factor in the event. I’ve never thought “if she wasn’t so drunk…” and I’ve never woken up thinking “if I’d been sober, I never would have done that…”
5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?
Never. I’m not a big fan of the water, so I don’t have any real desire to, either. And the last time I stood in the ocean (on a beach in Hawaii) a jellyfish washed up and wrapped itself around my ankle and burned the crap out of me. It hurt like hell, and I’d really rather not risk the thought it could have ended up someplace a little more sensitive.
Monday, February 16, 2009
I Hate It When That Happens (#1)
[I’m thinking I might make this a recurring theme (meaning sometime down the road there might be a #2, #3, etc.). But for now, at least… ]
I Hate It Then That Happens (#1):
Putting Me On The Spot.
“What do you want?”
Dee’s on her knees in front of me, panting into a pillow, ass in the air, my cock inside her. She’s just had a really good orgasm, and now I’m pretty sure all she wants is for me to have my fun.
I hate it when she puts me on the spot like this.
What do I want? I want to yank my dick out, shift my aim, and bury it in her ass. I want to turn her around and shove my cock down her throat. I want to jerk off and come all over her back. I want to roll her over and fuck her tits until I explode. I want to grab her by the waist, drive it deep into her pussy, and finish what I started.
But it’s late, and this is our second go-round of the evening. I really only have one bullet left in the gun…
I hate the question. I get distracted by it. I stop living in the moment and start pondering, considering… ranking my options. What exactly do I want? What do I want most? What haven’t we done in a while? What do I think will be most satisfying for me? For her?
I hate the question because I never have a good answer for it. I never know what my answer is going to be, or even what I want it to be.
Maybe next time I’ll just smack her ass, tell her to shut the fuck up, and just do what I want to do. That's the whole point, anyways, and I know that's what she wants me to do…
…but then I’d just be asking myself the very same question.
What do I want?
I hate that question.
The answer is always “YES!”
And that's really not an answer at all.
I Hate It Then That Happens (#1):
Putting Me On The Spot.
“What do you want?”
Dee’s on her knees in front of me, panting into a pillow, ass in the air, my cock inside her. She’s just had a really good orgasm, and now I’m pretty sure all she wants is for me to have my fun.
I hate it when she puts me on the spot like this.
What do I want? I want to yank my dick out, shift my aim, and bury it in her ass. I want to turn her around and shove my cock down her throat. I want to jerk off and come all over her back. I want to roll her over and fuck her tits until I explode. I want to grab her by the waist, drive it deep into her pussy, and finish what I started.
But it’s late, and this is our second go-round of the evening. I really only have one bullet left in the gun…
I hate the question. I get distracted by it. I stop living in the moment and start pondering, considering… ranking my options. What exactly do I want? What do I want most? What haven’t we done in a while? What do I think will be most satisfying for me? For her?
I hate the question because I never have a good answer for it. I never know what my answer is going to be, or even what I want it to be.
Maybe next time I’ll just smack her ass, tell her to shut the fuck up, and just do what I want to do. That's the whole point, anyways, and I know that's what she wants me to do…
…but then I’d just be asking myself the very same question.
What do I want?
I hate that question.
The answer is always “YES!”
And that's really not an answer at all.
Friday, February 13, 2009
A Response in Three Parts (Part 3)
Yesterday I wrote: This difference between our viewpoints, however, clearly demonstrates the fundamental differences in our upbringing regarding sex: My dad gave me the save-it-until-marriage speech (see my TMI post of 2-10-09), her stepfather gave her a bag with 50 condoms in it (even knowing she was on the pill) and sent her off to visit me in my college dorm. There’s no doubt that this difference is the true “source of contention” Dee is referring to.
Dee told me that she felt I was bashing her past when I said this, which is not the case at all – I was using this as an illustration demonstrating the differences between our separate upbringings, and putting forth my belief that this difference is a root cause of the differences we now struggle to resolve (my reserved reticence vs. her openness to explore).
In fact, in looking back into my past, I can see that, in terms of sexuality, I would probably be a different person (more adventurous, more open, etc.) if my childhood had been somewhat different. In the house I grew up in, the topics of sex and sexuality were treated as uncomfortable subjects that were avoided at all times. With the exception of that one “birds and bees” talk, I never heard another word about it. Even concepts like attraction and physical contact were absent… my parents never kissed, hugged, held hands, or went out on dates together (in fact, they were rarely in the same room together!).
If you prescribe to the psychological theories about such things, it’s no surprise that I rolled through my teen years and into my twenties with a lot of bravado and very little actual experience, and consistently FLED the scene whenever I was confronted by potentially sexual situations. I can remember leaving parties because someone suggested strip poker. On more than one occasion I was literally inches away from penetrating a naked, willing girlfriend… and then “chickened out.” I once walked home from a friend’s house because the majority of the group wanted to hop in the pool… and since nobody had brought their swimsuits…
On television, guys are usually portrayed as willing and ready to drop everything in a heartbeat when opportunity for sex arises. I’ve never really felt that way. I used to worry that I might be suffering from low testosterone levels, and wondered if I should see a doctor. I’ve even been tempted to try those herbal supplements… the ones they tout as able to reinvigorate your interest and potency… thinking something like that might cause me to actually feel more like the stereotypical “horny.”
As I’ve expressed before (to Dee, at least, if not somewhere here in this blog), I actually wish I were more assertive, aggressive, and dominating. I would like to be more sexual. I want to be a little more like a stereotypically horny man, and a little less like the stereotypical “nice guy.” Basically, I’d love to snap my fingers and be more like Dee would like me to be, but I’ve started to believe that I might simply have to accept that this is the way I am.
I wrote: I find it illogical to blindly believe Dee will stick with me forever. I think it’s only reasonable to accept the fact that (especially given the number of discrepancies between us!) it’s possible she could wake up tomorrow and wonder how the hell she got here, and what idiot signed her up for this.
And when I wrote this, the fact that I KNOW Dee has interests and desires I might never be able to fulfill was first and foremost in my thoughts.
Dee told me that she felt I was bashing her past when I said this, which is not the case at all – I was using this as an illustration demonstrating the differences between our separate upbringings, and putting forth my belief that this difference is a root cause of the differences we now struggle to resolve (my reserved reticence vs. her openness to explore).
In fact, in looking back into my past, I can see that, in terms of sexuality, I would probably be a different person (more adventurous, more open, etc.) if my childhood had been somewhat different. In the house I grew up in, the topics of sex and sexuality were treated as uncomfortable subjects that were avoided at all times. With the exception of that one “birds and bees” talk, I never heard another word about it. Even concepts like attraction and physical contact were absent… my parents never kissed, hugged, held hands, or went out on dates together (in fact, they were rarely in the same room together!).
If you prescribe to the psychological theories about such things, it’s no surprise that I rolled through my teen years and into my twenties with a lot of bravado and very little actual experience, and consistently FLED the scene whenever I was confronted by potentially sexual situations. I can remember leaving parties because someone suggested strip poker. On more than one occasion I was literally inches away from penetrating a naked, willing girlfriend… and then “chickened out.” I once walked home from a friend’s house because the majority of the group wanted to hop in the pool… and since nobody had brought their swimsuits…
On television, guys are usually portrayed as willing and ready to drop everything in a heartbeat when opportunity for sex arises. I’ve never really felt that way. I used to worry that I might be suffering from low testosterone levels, and wondered if I should see a doctor. I’ve even been tempted to try those herbal supplements… the ones they tout as able to reinvigorate your interest and potency… thinking something like that might cause me to actually feel more like the stereotypical “horny.”
As I’ve expressed before (to Dee, at least, if not somewhere here in this blog), I actually wish I were more assertive, aggressive, and dominating. I would like to be more sexual. I want to be a little more like a stereotypically horny man, and a little less like the stereotypical “nice guy.” Basically, I’d love to snap my fingers and be more like Dee would like me to be, but I’ve started to believe that I might simply have to accept that this is the way I am.
I wrote: I find it illogical to blindly believe Dee will stick with me forever. I think it’s only reasonable to accept the fact that (especially given the number of discrepancies between us!) it’s possible she could wake up tomorrow and wonder how the hell she got here, and what idiot signed her up for this.
And when I wrote this, the fact that I KNOW Dee has interests and desires I might never be able to fulfill was first and foremost in my thoughts.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A Response in Three Parts (Part 2)
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TMI
Haven't done this before, but if he is, I will:
1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
Well, I started (in my head) at the hair on the top of DH's body, down to his lips and ears, his neck, his shoulders, chest, nipples, biceps, hands, tummy, cock, balls, thighs, shins, feet, flipped him over and went up his calves, back to his thighs and onto his gorgeous ass, the small of his back, the width of back, his shoulders, his neck, his ears and back to his hair. Not a single un-sexy part of his body.
And just for the record, I think his feet are one of THE sexiest parts of him. Shoes on or off. So cute!
2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
Definitely over. And if I'm somewhere that has it under, I have to switch it. I can't stand it.
3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
Not called in sick per se, but planned for a vacation day. Though once or twice when I was sick and called in, I managed to get some sex in.
4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?
I really don't remember. I have such a bad memory it is pathetic.
5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
For me, it's all the little things. Though when DH hits just the right spot, it rocks my universe.
1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
Well, I started (in my head) at the hair on the top of DH's body, down to his lips and ears, his neck, his shoulders, chest, nipples, biceps, hands, tummy, cock, balls, thighs, shins, feet, flipped him over and went up his calves, back to his thighs and onto his gorgeous ass, the small of his back, the width of back, his shoulders, his neck, his ears and back to his hair. Not a single un-sexy part of his body.
And just for the record, I think his feet are one of THE sexiest parts of him. Shoes on or off. So cute!
2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
Definitely over. And if I'm somewhere that has it under, I have to switch it. I can't stand it.
3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
Not called in sick per se, but planned for a vacation day. Though once or twice when I was sick and called in, I managed to get some sex in.
4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?
I really don't remember. I have such a bad memory it is pathetic.
5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
For me, it's all the little things. Though when DH hits just the right spot, it rocks my universe.
A Response in Three Parts (Part 1)
In response to Dee’s most recent post, I’d like to break it up into a few paragraphs, and directly address several of them, one at a time. I’ve changed the order of the respective paragraphs (that is, I’ve responded to them out of their original order) to better fit my thought-flow, but I don’t think that the order, in this case, makes a contextual difference. Here are the first two:
1. Dee wrote: I can honestly say my reticence to share was less about being perceived as abnormal and more about the worry that it would come back to bite me in the ass. And sure enough, I was right. For instance, I tell the world that I would fuck a movie star in a heartbeat, and he says that he's rather just be with me.
I simply stated a fact: I would rather just be with Dee. And she already KNOWS this… just as she typed in this same post: I have always been the abnormal one. The one willing, and wanting, to try new things. To push the boundaries. And it has always been a source of contention. It was not meant to be an ass-biting comment, though it could be interpreted as such by a jaded spouse (ok… that WAS kind of an ass-biting comment, and I apologize). This difference between our viewpoints, however, clearly demonstrates the fundamental differences in our upbringing regarding sex: My dad gave me the save-it-until-marriage speech (see my TMI post of 2-10-09), her stepfather gave her a bag with 50 condoms in it (even knowing she was on the pill) and sent her off to visit me in my college dorm.
There’s no doubt that this difference is the true “source of contention” Dee is referring to.
2. Dee wrote: After many tears, much screaming, and several hours of that awful talking when you just say the same things over and over, it came out. He could do things to her he couldn't do to me. Wow. It was at that moment that I knew he had it in him. He could be a sadistic bastard if he wanted to be.
Of course, there are differences between any two relationships under comparison, and every relationship has it’s good points and bad points (by comparison or otherwise), but there’s no sense in parsing (or even discussing) the details. However, I want to make a few points in response to this paragraph:
First, there has never been any sadistic qualities in any relationship I’ve had. In truth, I’ve always been the “nice guy,” the “good friend.” This obviously plays into why I have difficulty playing the aggressive or assertive role, too. When I’ve tried to be more so, it always feels rather fake and false to me. Perhaps that alone is enough to explain why my sexual history is so limited, so conservative. Maybe the stereotype is true, and women really do most desire men who have a streak of the asshole in them. But the idea that I could be a ‘sadistic bastard’ if I wanted to be is probably very, very wrong.
Second, it is important to note that, for some inexplicable reason (I honestly have no idea why), for the majority of our relationship neither Dee nor I were really able to talk openly with the other. If I had to guess, I would say it was a combination of my inexperience and conservative always-treat-women-respectfully-and-NEVER-do-anything-inappropriate upbringing and whatever viewpoints Dee brought into our relationship. This is not a feeling that was unique to me, either. At that time, Dee, too, found allure in other guys who were more open, more exploratory, more daring, and with whom she was more comfortable openly communicating.
All I know is, at the time in which these events transpired, I didn’t believe it was either allowed or proper to admit to Dee that I really liked blowjobs, and wanted to try fucking her in the ass.
In truth, the only allure “she” (this unnamed mistake from my past) presented, the thing that I couldn’t do with Dee (at that time), was talking to her about sexual topics… though even that statement is a deceptive “lie” – the communication to which I refer never went beyond “I like blowjobs, and want to try anal,” and her backdoor was off limits because that idea was “disgusting.”
And, for whatever it’s worth, I can honestly say I’m oh so VERY glad that our communication status has changed so dramatically.
1. Dee wrote: I can honestly say my reticence to share was less about being perceived as abnormal and more about the worry that it would come back to bite me in the ass. And sure enough, I was right. For instance, I tell the world that I would fuck a movie star in a heartbeat, and he says that he's rather just be with me.
I simply stated a fact: I would rather just be with Dee. And she already KNOWS this… just as she typed in this same post: I have always been the abnormal one. The one willing, and wanting, to try new things. To push the boundaries. And it has always been a source of contention. It was not meant to be an ass-biting comment, though it could be interpreted as such by a jaded spouse (ok… that WAS kind of an ass-biting comment, and I apologize). This difference between our viewpoints, however, clearly demonstrates the fundamental differences in our upbringing regarding sex: My dad gave me the save-it-until-marriage speech (see my TMI post of 2-10-09), her stepfather gave her a bag with 50 condoms in it (even knowing she was on the pill) and sent her off to visit me in my college dorm.
There’s no doubt that this difference is the true “source of contention” Dee is referring to.
2. Dee wrote: After many tears, much screaming, and several hours of that awful talking when you just say the same things over and over, it came out. He could do things to her he couldn't do to me. Wow. It was at that moment that I knew he had it in him. He could be a sadistic bastard if he wanted to be.
Of course, there are differences between any two relationships under comparison, and every relationship has it’s good points and bad points (by comparison or otherwise), but there’s no sense in parsing (or even discussing) the details. However, I want to make a few points in response to this paragraph:
First, there has never been any sadistic qualities in any relationship I’ve had. In truth, I’ve always been the “nice guy,” the “good friend.” This obviously plays into why I have difficulty playing the aggressive or assertive role, too. When I’ve tried to be more so, it always feels rather fake and false to me. Perhaps that alone is enough to explain why my sexual history is so limited, so conservative. Maybe the stereotype is true, and women really do most desire men who have a streak of the asshole in them. But the idea that I could be a ‘sadistic bastard’ if I wanted to be is probably very, very wrong.
Second, it is important to note that, for some inexplicable reason (I honestly have no idea why), for the majority of our relationship neither Dee nor I were really able to talk openly with the other. If I had to guess, I would say it was a combination of my inexperience and conservative always-treat-women-respectfully-and-NEVER-do-anything-inappropriate upbringing and whatever viewpoints Dee brought into our relationship. This is not a feeling that was unique to me, either. At that time, Dee, too, found allure in other guys who were more open, more exploratory, more daring, and with whom she was more comfortable openly communicating.
All I know is, at the time in which these events transpired, I didn’t believe it was either allowed or proper to admit to Dee that I really liked blowjobs, and wanted to try fucking her in the ass.
In truth, the only allure “she” (this unnamed mistake from my past) presented, the thing that I couldn’t do with Dee (at that time), was talking to her about sexual topics… though even that statement is a deceptive “lie” – the communication to which I refer never went beyond “I like blowjobs, and want to try anal,” and her backdoor was off limits because that idea was “disgusting.”
And, for whatever it’s worth, I can honestly say I’m oh so VERY glad that our communication status has changed so dramatically.
Random Thoughts
Since Dee has committed herself to posting once a week (on Wednesdays), I have plenty of time to contemplate and respond to her latest post, and I will do so in a series of posts over the next couple of days. But first, a few random things, most of which have nothing to do with anything…
1. Damn. On Tuesday, when doing the TMI thing for the first time, I also thought about getting Dee to pose and doing the HNT thing… but I totally forgot about my intentions yesterday, when I would have had to take the picture. So… no picture. Oh well.
2. I had a laugh over this past weekend while thinking of ideas for things do for entertainment purposes. I thought about charging the battery on our video camera… and then realized we don’t have the adapter to play the small tapes… and even if we did, the only VHS tape player in the house is in our daughter’s bedroom (yeah… no thanks!). I COULD plug the camera directly into the big screen and playback that way, but I seriously doubt it’d be worth the trouble… a $100 VHS video camera image on a 52” HD screen… that might just be disturbing to both of us. I could also plug it into the TV in our bedroom, too, but I’d have to pull it out of the armoire to get behind it, and thinking about putting in that kind of effort somehow sucks a lot of fun out of the idea. It’d be easier to just get a new camera.
3. In Dee’s post yesterday, she wrote: Never in my life have I seen a dorm room empty out so fast. Ok… I realize it wasn’t meant to be funny, but that’s just a really funny hilarious turn of phrase. Can’t help it. The image it concocts of fifty people going *whoosh* in every direction like a cartoon just makes me giggle.
1. Damn. On Tuesday, when doing the TMI thing for the first time, I also thought about getting Dee to pose and doing the HNT thing… but I totally forgot about my intentions yesterday, when I would have had to take the picture. So… no picture. Oh well.
2. I had a laugh over this past weekend while thinking of ideas for things do for entertainment purposes. I thought about charging the battery on our video camera… and then realized we don’t have the adapter to play the small tapes… and even if we did, the only VHS tape player in the house is in our daughter’s bedroom (yeah… no thanks!). I COULD plug the camera directly into the big screen and playback that way, but I seriously doubt it’d be worth the trouble… a $100 VHS video camera image on a 52” HD screen… that might just be disturbing to both of us. I could also plug it into the TV in our bedroom, too, but I’d have to pull it out of the armoire to get behind it, and thinking about putting in that kind of effort somehow sucks a lot of fun out of the idea. It’d be easier to just get a new camera.
3. In Dee’s post yesterday, she wrote: Never in my life have I seen a dorm room empty out so fast. Ok… I realize it wasn’t meant to be funny, but that’s just a really funny hilarious turn of phrase. Can’t help it. The image it concocts of fifty people going *whoosh* in every direction like a cartoon just makes me giggle.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Sadistic Bastard
Communication is a wonderful thing. And for sure, DH and I have been communicating. We have written rules and expectations. We have talked about our likes and dislikes, our desires, our fantasies. We've really put ourselves out there. Obviously, one of the reasons most people don't share as deeply with their significant others is the risk that their partner will judge them as being "weird" or not normal.
I can honestly say my reticence to share was less about being perceived as abnormal and more about the worry that it would come back to bite me in the ass. And sure enough, I was right. For instance, I tell the world that I would fuck a movie star in a heartbeat, and he says that he'd rather be with just me.
I can be thankful that in the big scheme of things, sharing with DH has been good and whatever ass-biting that has come of it has been minimal. But I knew that telling DH secrets such as I want to experience being with a woman, or a threesome, or go to a strip club was not without its risks.
Because I have always been the abnormal one. The one willing, and wanting, to try new things. To push the boundaries. And it has always been a source of contention.
Back when I was young, I would get irritated and impatient with DH when he would play the "I'm an innocent that you are corrupting" card, and many times it led to me straying. When he denied me what I wanted, I went out and found it anyway. And then I would feel bad. And think myself that I was abnormal. Oversexed. Seeking love in all the wrong places. Nymphomanic.
Until the night I was visiting his dorm room after recently getting back together. Back then we were forever breaking up and getting back together. I remember it distinctly. Those dorm rooms are small and there were quite a few people gathered so I was sitting on DH's lap in a chair. I could feel the stare from across the room. And all of a sudden, the girl shooting the glares asked DH if we were back together. Me, the oblivious one, giggled and said yep, and leaned back for a kiss. Never noticing the narrowing of the eyes, the flaring of the nostrils, or the guilt-ridden look on DH, I was shocked when she calmly asked if we were back together, what he was doing fucking her the night before. Never in my life have I seen a dorm room empty out so fast.
After many tears, much screaming, and several hours of that awful talking when you just say the same things over and over, it came out. He could do things to her he couldn't do to me. Wow. It was at that moment that I knew he had it in him. He could be a sadistic bastard if he wanted to be. And it was also when I realized I never wanted to be anyone's wife. Or mother. I never wanted anyone to hold me in such high regard that they wouldn't give me what I want. And I want to be bent over the hood of a car and fucked hard. I want to be forced to my knees and ordered to suck cock. I want to be smacked and choked and have my hair pulled. I am not a good little girl and I don't want to be treated like one. And I know DH has it in him to put me in my place. But I'm not sure how to unleash the sadistic bastard.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
TMI Tuesday
Thought I would try this…
1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
The feet. I have a utilitarian view of feet… they’re useful, practical things, but are in no way ANY kind of a turn on for me.
2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
Years ago, I actually cared, and when I did, it would always be over. Now, I don’t care one way or the other, so long as there’s actually TP accessible when I need it.
3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
No. But I have planned ahead and taken days off specifically to spend with Dee, and those days often included sex.
4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?
Yes. My dad, a former Christian school science teacher gave me the three-hour sit-down when I was… 13? 14? Despite the educational background, he was obviously (and ridiculously) uncomfortable with the topic, didn’t tell me much I didn’t already know, and imparted very little useful information. It was a basically a “this is how everything works (in a biological/anatomical sense), but you better wait until marriage” presentation.
5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
I really can’t say I know. I’ve had ok sex, and good sex, and sex that I would call great, but I can’t recall ever having had an eye-rolling, laughing, panting, “holy shit was that fun! We have GOT to do that again!” moment. Maybe I’ll just never feel that way, or maybe that’s still something I need to experience, or maybe the reality simply doesn’t live up to the hyped expectations I’ve unconsciously built up after years of watching Another World and Dallas as a kid.
Bonus (as in optional): What does sex mean to you?
A tough question, and one I could ponder for ages, I think. I also believe that my viewpoint is skewed depending on whether I’m answering for myself or speaking to a general concept. As a general concept, I view sex as a recreational activity, but for myself personally, at this point in my life, I’m not sure I can say that’s an honest answer. By this, I mean that, in concept, if I were single I don’t think I’d have any issue at all with having a friends-with-benefits arrangement, or fucking someone just for the fun of it, but being married, I find I frequently have a much more conservatively constrained point of view.
Maybe the Christian science teacher talk rubbed off a little more than I thought.
1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
The feet. I have a utilitarian view of feet… they’re useful, practical things, but are in no way ANY kind of a turn on for me.
2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
Years ago, I actually cared, and when I did, it would always be over. Now, I don’t care one way or the other, so long as there’s actually TP accessible when I need it.
3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
No. But I have planned ahead and taken days off specifically to spend with Dee, and those days often included sex.
4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?
Yes. My dad, a former Christian school science teacher gave me the three-hour sit-down when I was… 13? 14? Despite the educational background, he was obviously (and ridiculously) uncomfortable with the topic, didn’t tell me much I didn’t already know, and imparted very little useful information. It was a basically a “this is how everything works (in a biological/anatomical sense), but you better wait until marriage” presentation.
5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
I really can’t say I know. I’ve had ok sex, and good sex, and sex that I would call great, but I can’t recall ever having had an eye-rolling, laughing, panting, “holy shit was that fun! We have GOT to do that again!” moment. Maybe I’ll just never feel that way, or maybe that’s still something I need to experience, or maybe the reality simply doesn’t live up to the hyped expectations I’ve unconsciously built up after years of watching Another World and Dallas as a kid.
Bonus (as in optional): What does sex mean to you?
A tough question, and one I could ponder for ages, I think. I also believe that my viewpoint is skewed depending on whether I’m answering for myself or speaking to a general concept. As a general concept, I view sex as a recreational activity, but for myself personally, at this point in my life, I’m not sure I can say that’s an honest answer. By this, I mean that, in concept, if I were single I don’t think I’d have any issue at all with having a friends-with-benefits arrangement, or fucking someone just for the fun of it, but being married, I find I frequently have a much more conservatively constrained point of view.
Maybe the Christian science teacher talk rubbed off a little more than I thought.
Monday, February 9, 2009
A Direct Response
I’ve been thinking about what to post here today, and finally settled on a direct response to a few things Dee posted recently:
Dee wrote: Matthew McConaughey is gorgeous, yes, with those twinkly blue eyes that can smolder in an instance, the blindingly white smile, the dimples, the hair, the aw shucks demeanor. I mean, wow. What girl could resist that? Seriously, what girl? He's on like every woman I know's top 10 list… AND...if I had the opportunity, I'm pretty sure I would fuck him a heartbeat.
This is where Dee and I diverge. She’s adventurous enough (or confident enough, or whatever) that if the opportunity arose, I’m pretty sure she really would run off and take advantage of it. Me? If you lined up my top ten list on the bed naked, and let me have my pick… I’m pretty sure I wouldn't fuck any of them. Part of that is that I’m less adventurous than Dee is, and part of it is probably that, in all honesty, sex just isn’t that important to me (I like it, and I enjoy it, but if I had to live without it, it wouldn’t rip a gaping hole in my life). I think most of it, however, is that I’d rather just be with Dee.
Dee also writes: …I tell you so often how cute you are that you obviously don't even hear me anymore. [This was said in response to my statement that “she’ll tell me three times (in a semi-orgasmic squeal) just how cute Dermot Mulroney is over the course of a single 23-minute episode of Friends” – and I acknowledge that she does tell me I’m cute quite often… just without the orgasmic squeal!]
This is a second point of divergence: I tell Dee she’s cute, too, but I can’t recall the last time I told Dee I found someone on the TV cute – let alone telling her the same three times in 20 minutes! The main reason? I just don’t feel that way about anyone other than Dee herself. Even when Jennifer Anniston is nipping right out of her T-shirt, I don’t really notice it until Dee points it out… and when she does, I don’t really care. I suspect it isn’t even 10% as arousing to me as it would be to any other guy. I have Dee, and she’s really all I have eyes for.
And within these points lies the basis for my last post… there IS always a chance Dee will wake up one morning and decide things could be better, or more entertaining, or more satisfying, or happier, or more fun (or any of a hundred other adjectives). She notices the cute guys, and can say (honestly) that she’d fuck them in a heartbeat. Me? I’ve even tried saying such things… I've tried thinking such things… but I might as well tell Dee I’m a ballroom dancing fiend while I’m at it – they’d both be equally true.
I’m not complaining about a spouse’s wandering eye, here (or anything else) – she’s allowed to look, and opine, and fantasize, and whatever else, just as I am (even if I don’t actively use that right). All I’m saying is… it IS reasonable to accept the fact that, whether remote or not, it’s possible Dee will decide an adjective upgrade is in order, especially if I'm making her life miserable instead of adding to its enjoyment, satisfaction, and happiness. And that's my job… to keep her happy, and prevent that from ever happening.
Hence, when Dee also writes: …all of my friends are sick with jealously at how very much in love we still are, after all these years. We are so far from divorce it's like we're not even married. I swear, if I tell my peeps how cute my husband is one more time, I am frightened they won't be my peeps anymore! I get so many eyerolls, I am worried about their retinas. DH is so amazing, DH is so cute, DH is so sweet, DH is so sexy.
… I merely take it as an indication I’m doing my job fairly well, at least for now.
Personally, I don’t think THAT’S such a bad thing.
Dee wrote: Matthew McConaughey is gorgeous, yes, with those twinkly blue eyes that can smolder in an instance, the blindingly white smile, the dimples, the hair, the aw shucks demeanor. I mean, wow. What girl could resist that? Seriously, what girl? He's on like every woman I know's top 10 list… AND...if I had the opportunity, I'm pretty sure I would fuck him a heartbeat.
This is where Dee and I diverge. She’s adventurous enough (or confident enough, or whatever) that if the opportunity arose, I’m pretty sure she really would run off and take advantage of it. Me? If you lined up my top ten list on the bed naked, and let me have my pick… I’m pretty sure I wouldn't fuck any of them. Part of that is that I’m less adventurous than Dee is, and part of it is probably that, in all honesty, sex just isn’t that important to me (I like it, and I enjoy it, but if I had to live without it, it wouldn’t rip a gaping hole in my life). I think most of it, however, is that I’d rather just be with Dee.
Dee also writes: …I tell you so often how cute you are that you obviously don't even hear me anymore. [This was said in response to my statement that “she’ll tell me three times (in a semi-orgasmic squeal) just how cute Dermot Mulroney is over the course of a single 23-minute episode of Friends” – and I acknowledge that she does tell me I’m cute quite often… just without the orgasmic squeal!]
This is a second point of divergence: I tell Dee she’s cute, too, but I can’t recall the last time I told Dee I found someone on the TV cute – let alone telling her the same three times in 20 minutes! The main reason? I just don’t feel that way about anyone other than Dee herself. Even when Jennifer Anniston is nipping right out of her T-shirt, I don’t really notice it until Dee points it out… and when she does, I don’t really care. I suspect it isn’t even 10% as arousing to me as it would be to any other guy. I have Dee, and she’s really all I have eyes for.
And within these points lies the basis for my last post… there IS always a chance Dee will wake up one morning and decide things could be better, or more entertaining, or more satisfying, or happier, or more fun (or any of a hundred other adjectives). She notices the cute guys, and can say (honestly) that she’d fuck them in a heartbeat. Me? I’ve even tried saying such things… I've tried thinking such things… but I might as well tell Dee I’m a ballroom dancing fiend while I’m at it – they’d both be equally true.
I’m not complaining about a spouse’s wandering eye, here (or anything else) – she’s allowed to look, and opine, and fantasize, and whatever else, just as I am (even if I don’t actively use that right). All I’m saying is… it IS reasonable to accept the fact that, whether remote or not, it’s possible Dee will decide an adjective upgrade is in order, especially if I'm making her life miserable instead of adding to its enjoyment, satisfaction, and happiness. And that's my job… to keep her happy, and prevent that from ever happening.
Hence, when Dee also writes: …all of my friends are sick with jealously at how very much in love we still are, after all these years. We are so far from divorce it's like we're not even married. I swear, if I tell my peeps how cute my husband is one more time, I am frightened they won't be my peeps anymore! I get so many eyerolls, I am worried about their retinas. DH is so amazing, DH is so cute, DH is so sweet, DH is so sexy.
… I merely take it as an indication I’m doing my job fairly well, at least for now.
Personally, I don’t think THAT’S such a bad thing.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Heh Heh Heh
[Explainer: Dee is at work, and has just discovered she can no longer log on to the blog and post from there due to new Internet restrictions placed upon her, so she has asked me to cut and past her post out of an email and post it in her name. She didn't give me a title (Heh Heh Heh), and at this moment I'm trying hard to resist the urge to insert a few comments of my own... but I will overcome the temptation other than to say, after all these posts here on my own, I FINALLY got a rise out of her. :) ]
Ok, I know I don't post nearly often enough, and I know you're looking for juicy stuff, but I can't NOT post a reply to this one!
First of all, all of my friends are sick with jealously at how very much in love we still are, after all these years. We are so far from divorce it's like we're not even married. I swear, if I tell my peeps how cute my husband is one more time, I am frightened they won't be my peeps anymore! I get so many eyerolls, I am worried about their retinas. DH is so amazing, DH is so cute, DH is so sweet, DH is so sexy.
Second, I tell you so often how cute you are that you obviously don't even hear me anymore. Matthew McConaughey is gorgeous, yes, with those twinkly blue eyes that can smolder in an instance, the blindingly white smile, the dimples, the hair, the aw shucks demeanor. I mean, wow. What girl could resist that? Seriously, what girl? He's on like every woman I know's top 10 list. Bad grammar not withstanding.
AND...if I had the opportunity, I'm pretty sure I would fuck him a heartbeat.
BUT...if afterwards he said he couldn't live without me and wanted me to run away with him forever, I would have to break his heart. Because I can't live without you.
I think it's funny that if we see our mates through rose-colored glasses, we also see ourselves through circus fun house glasses. We are seriously our own worst enemy.
But, in my many years of experience, I have come to learn that gorgeous eyes aren't that great without intelligence behind them. And a beautiful smile is nothing without a sharp wit and sense of humour. Big bulging muscles are worthless unless they are being used to tenderly massage a sore back or carefully coax an orgasm. A loving, attentive, engaged, and thoughtful man will win out over movie star looks every time.
And it doesn't hurt to have the ability to make your wife melt with just the power of a kiss.
Ok, I know I don't post nearly often enough, and I know you're looking for juicy stuff, but I can't NOT post a reply to this one!
First of all, all of my friends are sick with jealously at how very much in love we still are, after all these years. We are so far from divorce it's like we're not even married. I swear, if I tell my peeps how cute my husband is one more time, I am frightened they won't be my peeps anymore! I get so many eyerolls, I am worried about their retinas. DH is so amazing, DH is so cute, DH is so sweet, DH is so sexy.
Second, I tell you so often how cute you are that you obviously don't even hear me anymore. Matthew McConaughey is gorgeous, yes, with those twinkly blue eyes that can smolder in an instance, the blindingly white smile, the dimples, the hair, the aw shucks demeanor. I mean, wow. What girl could resist that? Seriously, what girl? He's on like every woman I know's top 10 list. Bad grammar not withstanding.
AND...if I had the opportunity, I'm pretty sure I would fuck him a heartbeat.
BUT...if afterwards he said he couldn't live without me and wanted me to run away with him forever, I would have to break his heart. Because I can't live without you.
I think it's funny that if we see our mates through rose-colored glasses, we also see ourselves through circus fun house glasses. We are seriously our own worst enemy.
But, in my many years of experience, I have come to learn that gorgeous eyes aren't that great without intelligence behind them. And a beautiful smile is nothing without a sharp wit and sense of humour. Big bulging muscles are worthless unless they are being used to tenderly massage a sore back or carefully coax an orgasm. A loving, attentive, engaged, and thoughtful man will win out over movie star looks every time.
And it doesn't hurt to have the ability to make your wife melt with just the power of a kiss.
Rose Colored Glasses
I can’t quite figure out how Dee and I ended up together, or how it’s even possible this thing will last another month, let alone beyond that.
I mean… just in the physical sense there’s a discrepancy here… she’ll tell me three times (in a semi-orgasmic squeal) just how cute Dermot Mulroney is over the course of a single 23-minute episode of Friends (Hey… I can’t remember the last time she squealed like that when I walked into the room… uh… wait… it’s never happened!). And he’s lower down in her rankings than Ashton Kutcher, and Matthew McCougnahy, and Christian Slater, and that guy from High School Musical, and Jude Law, and…
I admit, I guess can see the appeal. They’re young(er), in great shape, and I doubt any of them spend their evenings vegging out on the sofa. And it isn’t lost on me that none of the guys who make her sit up and shriek have beards, or glasses, or Budda-bellies, or the early signs of man-boobs.
On the other hand, I have also noticed how vehemently she “EEEEEWS” guys getting their back hair waxed on America’s Funniest Videos… and then I look in the mirror and realize I’m significantly closer to THOSE guys than I am to Ashton.
Uh-oh.
Of course, there are a thousand possible discrepancies I could point out between us (and vice versa, I’m sure), just as any two people who have been married for a while can do... and I’m not in any way suggesting that there’s an imminent divorce pending in our household. However, a number of our friends either have gone through a divorce or are struggling with the decision whether or not to do so, and it does raise questions about exactly how people break apart.
I’m convinced that people see their partners through rose-colored glasses – it’s an obvious fact. We overlook faults, tolerate things we’d never tolerate in others, and fail to make logical or rational choices based on what’s best for us when we’re “under the spell” of someone we love. And then one day…
Couples in the midst of divorce can list a lot of reasons why they don’t want to be together anymore. He’ll say she’s a bitch, she’ll say he’s an asshole, and all of their friends will say ‘well, duh, we’ve been telling you that from the start.’ There might be affairs, or flirtation with others. There might be neglect, or screaming fights, or days of silence. There may be a lot of things, but in the end, I wonder if the root cause of most divorces (and affairs, and even changes in the way spouses treat each other) is simply that one (or both) parties suddenly starts seeing their partner for who s/he is, perhaps for the first time.
And, if that’s the case, what causes this suddenly clear vision in the first place?
I find it illogical to blindly believe Dee will stick with me forever. I think it’s only reasonable to accept the fact that (especially given the number of discrepancies between us!) it’s possible she could wake up tomorrow and wonder how the hell she got here, and what idiot signed her up for this. She says that’s not going to happen, but you just never know. Even she doesn’t know… not for sure.
It might seem like a depressing way to view the world, but it really isn’t. I think every couple should realize the truth of this, and act accordingly – by doing everything from trying to fulfill sexual fantasies to shouldering some of the household chores without being asked to make your partner’s day a little easier. There will still be good days and bad days, of course, but when both parties act this way, everybody is happier, and the view is still wonderful, even when the rose-colored glasses come off.
I mean… just in the physical sense there’s a discrepancy here… she’ll tell me three times (in a semi-orgasmic squeal) just how cute Dermot Mulroney is over the course of a single 23-minute episode of Friends (Hey… I can’t remember the last time she squealed like that when I walked into the room… uh… wait… it’s never happened!). And he’s lower down in her rankings than Ashton Kutcher, and Matthew McCougnahy, and Christian Slater, and that guy from High School Musical, and Jude Law, and…
I admit, I guess can see the appeal. They’re young(er), in great shape, and I doubt any of them spend their evenings vegging out on the sofa. And it isn’t lost on me that none of the guys who make her sit up and shriek have beards, or glasses, or Budda-bellies, or the early signs of man-boobs.
On the other hand, I have also noticed how vehemently she “EEEEEWS” guys getting their back hair waxed on America’s Funniest Videos… and then I look in the mirror and realize I’m significantly closer to THOSE guys than I am to Ashton.
Uh-oh.
Of course, there are a thousand possible discrepancies I could point out between us (and vice versa, I’m sure), just as any two people who have been married for a while can do... and I’m not in any way suggesting that there’s an imminent divorce pending in our household. However, a number of our friends either have gone through a divorce or are struggling with the decision whether or not to do so, and it does raise questions about exactly how people break apart.
I’m convinced that people see their partners through rose-colored glasses – it’s an obvious fact. We overlook faults, tolerate things we’d never tolerate in others, and fail to make logical or rational choices based on what’s best for us when we’re “under the spell” of someone we love. And then one day…
Couples in the midst of divorce can list a lot of reasons why they don’t want to be together anymore. He’ll say she’s a bitch, she’ll say he’s an asshole, and all of their friends will say ‘well, duh, we’ve been telling you that from the start.’ There might be affairs, or flirtation with others. There might be neglect, or screaming fights, or days of silence. There may be a lot of things, but in the end, I wonder if the root cause of most divorces (and affairs, and even changes in the way spouses treat each other) is simply that one (or both) parties suddenly starts seeing their partner for who s/he is, perhaps for the first time.
And, if that’s the case, what causes this suddenly clear vision in the first place?
I find it illogical to blindly believe Dee will stick with me forever. I think it’s only reasonable to accept the fact that (especially given the number of discrepancies between us!) it’s possible she could wake up tomorrow and wonder how the hell she got here, and what idiot signed her up for this. She says that’s not going to happen, but you just never know. Even she doesn’t know… not for sure.
It might seem like a depressing way to view the world, but it really isn’t. I think every couple should realize the truth of this, and act accordingly – by doing everything from trying to fulfill sexual fantasies to shouldering some of the household chores without being asked to make your partner’s day a little easier. There will still be good days and bad days, of course, but when both parties act this way, everybody is happier, and the view is still wonderful, even when the rose-colored glasses come off.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Communication
Dee and I have spent the last few days re-working our rules, taking out things that weren’t really working, or at least not worth the trouble of trying to maintain and keep track of. We also have been working on clarifying some things with regards to our roles, and what each expects of the other. These things have gone pretty well.
It is sometimes surprising, given the bulk of our history together, how well this whole idea of communicating can go.
In addition, I’ve extracted another promise from her, assuring me that she would be more active, and post here at least once a week. I think she’ll follow through on it, as it’s now a recurring item on her personal calendar. So now, at least, my boring ramblings will be accompanied by something else… something that’s likely far more interesting.
I realize that this blog was originally supposed to be more about our adventures, experiences and simple sexual interactions, but it’s been a while since the last time anything along those lines was said here. In truth, we haven’t exactly had any adventures here in the dead of winter, but reading back through the last couple weeks’ worth of posts, you’d start to wonder if we’ve had any fun at all – when, in fact, we have (even though I’ve been a little more tentative than usual, since Dee’s back has been an issue, but that seems to have gotten better).
This past Saturday was particularly amusing for me, not for any unusual experiences, but for the way our afternoon sex came about. Dee took the kiddo to a party, and planned to stay there and bring her back home a few hours later. I remained at home, and, shortly after she’d left, it occurred to me that we were letting a golden opportunity slip away.
I texted her: U know, if u come home now, we cld have a quickie.
Fifteen minutes later she burst through the door, having left the kid, her camera, and who knows what else behind (for all I knew, the car could have been left running in the driveway). She rushed upstairs, and by the time I got there, moments later, she was already well on her way to full nudity (she still had her socks on).
It was a nice way to spend an afternoon.
It is sometimes surprising, given the bulk of our history together, how well this whole idea of communicating can go.
In addition, I’ve extracted another promise from her, assuring me that she would be more active, and post here at least once a week. I think she’ll follow through on it, as it’s now a recurring item on her personal calendar. So now, at least, my boring ramblings will be accompanied by something else… something that’s likely far more interesting.
I realize that this blog was originally supposed to be more about our adventures, experiences and simple sexual interactions, but it’s been a while since the last time anything along those lines was said here. In truth, we haven’t exactly had any adventures here in the dead of winter, but reading back through the last couple weeks’ worth of posts, you’d start to wonder if we’ve had any fun at all – when, in fact, we have (even though I’ve been a little more tentative than usual, since Dee’s back has been an issue, but that seems to have gotten better).
This past Saturday was particularly amusing for me, not for any unusual experiences, but for the way our afternoon sex came about. Dee took the kiddo to a party, and planned to stay there and bring her back home a few hours later. I remained at home, and, shortly after she’d left, it occurred to me that we were letting a golden opportunity slip away.
I texted her: U know, if u come home now, we cld have a quickie.
Fifteen minutes later she burst through the door, having left the kid, her camera, and who knows what else behind (for all I knew, the car could have been left running in the driveway). She rushed upstairs, and by the time I got there, moments later, she was already well on her way to full nudity (she still had her socks on).
It was a nice way to spend an afternoon.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Sexual To Do List
I have a lot I’d like to accomplish, but there’s very little on my “actually need to do” list, and the reason is simple: I like to get things done and out of the way. If something is on my “need to do” list, I like to get it done now rather than later. For example, I’d like to organize the garage, but it’s doing the dishes after dinner that gets filed under “need to do.” When we wrap up dinner at 6pm, I get the dishes done by 6:15. Poof. Done. Out of the way.
In the sexual arena, I often operate under the same principals. When it comes to sexual adventures, I would prefer it if Dee would give me a list of specific events – a list of individual items – to put on my “need to do” list.
Dee isn’t normally that type of person – in our relationship she rarely tells me “this is what I want, now make it happen” – but when she does move something from my “like to accomplish list” to my “need to do” list, I usually get around to it, or at least I start looking for a way to create the opportunity. When Dee said “I want us to go to the Dollar Store, where we split up, and each of us has to pick out three things to use (sexually)… now make it happen,” we ended up on a shopping spree. When Dee said “I want to do an adult weekend in Vegas, and go to a strip club… now make it happen,” we ended up going (admittedly that took a while).
Usually, however, Dee tends to add things to me “accomplish” list (or gently remind me what is already on the “accomplish” list), without suggesting any type of change in their priority. And of course, I took (and continue to take) no action whatsoever with regards to these items. They’re not on my to do list.
I have asked Dee to provide me with such a “to do” list, but the results have been confusing. Even when she does try to move things from the “accomplish” to “to do” column, I’m given instructions instead of a list. Dee doesn’t say “I want you do to the dishes… make it happen,” but rather tells me “I want you to fill the sink, then add some soap… then you have to pick up the sponge and get it wet. Begin with the plates… wipe them off with the sponge, then scrub off any remaining spots. Rinse thoroughly, using clean water from the tap…”
This is frustrating. Don’t tell me how to do it… tell me what needs to be done. I’m a guy, and this is what we do. Give me a project, and I’ll do it. Sometimes I’ll screw it up completely, other times I’ll surprise you with my abilities, but at least I’ll give it a try. Give me directions, and I’ll throw them away and go watch the game.
Unlike other areas of life, the sexual “to do” list is a two way street, and I think this may be why the things we try often fade away. I think we often feed off of each other in this (negative) way. She doesn’t make time for these things… she allows other things to get in the way. And I just quit trying.
For example, Dee has repeatedly promised to be more diligent about posting here, but has posted only three times since the flurry of posts made after our visit to the swingers club (three months ago!). She says it’s because she can’t think of anything to say (this from a woman who tells our daughter “just write!”)… and because she has other things she needs to do. I’m (honestly!) not bitter about it, but I lack any ambition to press the issue. I spent a while waiting, hoping, looking forward to seeing something new to read, but since then I’ve stopped bugging her about it.
At the end of all things, the enterprise is always dropped. Looking back at the last “official” dare, Dee still hasn’t completed it, and I haven’t bothered to follow up on it. I tried to spice things up a little on the blog by posting questions for Dee to answer, but if you drop back far enough you’d see she waited days before answering, and the most recent questions posed were never answered at all, so I simply let the matter drop. Dee is supposed to be in charge of tracking our success/failure in following our rules, but she hasn’t done so, and I have just shrugged and let it slide.
It’s a self-fulfilling cycle. When Dee is distracted, I’m less interested in (whatever it is), and thus fail to be creative in the endeavor and keep her interested, and she, in turn, allows herself to be more and more distracted by other things. And the less responsive she is, the less interested I become.
The sexual “to do” list is a team sport, and when only one member of the team is playing, it’s nearly impossible for the other team member to remain interested. And when both teammates lose interest…
In the sexual arena, I often operate under the same principals. When it comes to sexual adventures, I would prefer it if Dee would give me a list of specific events – a list of individual items – to put on my “need to do” list.
Dee isn’t normally that type of person – in our relationship she rarely tells me “this is what I want, now make it happen” – but when she does move something from my “like to accomplish list” to my “need to do” list, I usually get around to it, or at least I start looking for a way to create the opportunity. When Dee said “I want us to go to the Dollar Store, where we split up, and each of us has to pick out three things to use (sexually)… now make it happen,” we ended up on a shopping spree. When Dee said “I want to do an adult weekend in Vegas, and go to a strip club… now make it happen,” we ended up going (admittedly that took a while).
Usually, however, Dee tends to add things to me “accomplish” list (or gently remind me what is already on the “accomplish” list), without suggesting any type of change in their priority. And of course, I took (and continue to take) no action whatsoever with regards to these items. They’re not on my to do list.
I have asked Dee to provide me with such a “to do” list, but the results have been confusing. Even when she does try to move things from the “accomplish” to “to do” column, I’m given instructions instead of a list. Dee doesn’t say “I want you do to the dishes… make it happen,” but rather tells me “I want you to fill the sink, then add some soap… then you have to pick up the sponge and get it wet. Begin with the plates… wipe them off with the sponge, then scrub off any remaining spots. Rinse thoroughly, using clean water from the tap…”
This is frustrating. Don’t tell me how to do it… tell me what needs to be done. I’m a guy, and this is what we do. Give me a project, and I’ll do it. Sometimes I’ll screw it up completely, other times I’ll surprise you with my abilities, but at least I’ll give it a try. Give me directions, and I’ll throw them away and go watch the game.
Unlike other areas of life, the sexual “to do” list is a two way street, and I think this may be why the things we try often fade away. I think we often feed off of each other in this (negative) way. She doesn’t make time for these things… she allows other things to get in the way. And I just quit trying.
For example, Dee has repeatedly promised to be more diligent about posting here, but has posted only three times since the flurry of posts made after our visit to the swingers club (three months ago!). She says it’s because she can’t think of anything to say (this from a woman who tells our daughter “just write!”)… and because she has other things she needs to do. I’m (honestly!) not bitter about it, but I lack any ambition to press the issue. I spent a while waiting, hoping, looking forward to seeing something new to read, but since then I’ve stopped bugging her about it.
At the end of all things, the enterprise is always dropped. Looking back at the last “official” dare, Dee still hasn’t completed it, and I haven’t bothered to follow up on it. I tried to spice things up a little on the blog by posting questions for Dee to answer, but if you drop back far enough you’d see she waited days before answering, and the most recent questions posed were never answered at all, so I simply let the matter drop. Dee is supposed to be in charge of tracking our success/failure in following our rules, but she hasn’t done so, and I have just shrugged and let it slide.
It’s a self-fulfilling cycle. When Dee is distracted, I’m less interested in (whatever it is), and thus fail to be creative in the endeavor and keep her interested, and she, in turn, allows herself to be more and more distracted by other things. And the less responsive she is, the less interested I become.
The sexual “to do” list is a team sport, and when only one member of the team is playing, it’s nearly impossible for the other team member to remain interested. And when both teammates lose interest…
Monday, February 2, 2009
Disappointment
I should be a little disappointed, but that just wouldn’t be reasonable.
Saturday night Dee left me for a “girl’s night” out, and I sent her on her way with a dare: take a camera with you, and return to me on Sunday with at least two pictures, a picture of her tits, taken by someone else, and a picture of someone else’s tits, taken by Dee herself. They were going out drinking (and by later accounts, several of them got quite toasty), dancing, and spending the night somewhere afterwards, so I left it up to Dee to decide (based on circumstances, etc.) how risqué, revealing, daring, and naughty the pictures got.
This would seem to be an easy dare… especially since Dee ended up spending the night in a hotel room with a woman she’d previously expressed an interest in enjoying… without her bag (and therefore without her pajamas!). Talk about your perfect opportunity, not only to accomplish the dare, but perhaps to do far more than that!
And yet, Dee returned home with a few random snapshots of herself and her friends’ low cut necklines, showing some cleavage, but not much more than you’d see while attending your average wedding. In fact, Dee’s wedding dress showed off more than the picture her friends took of her!
I should be a little disappointed, but that really wouldn’t be fair.
In all honesty, I have to admit that, subject to a comparable dare on a “guy’s night out” (that is, taking a photo of another guy, and vice versa), I definitely wouldn’t be taking photos of anyone’s equipment, or posing for pictures myself.
Even if I were given the obvious, abbreviated dare (get a picture of someone else’s tits), it’s highly likely I’d never even get the cleavage shots, let alone anything more daring. I don’t know any guys that are likely to be willing to serve as my wingman in the pursuit of such a dare, let alone be proficient at the task. Given most of their wives’ opinions on the matter, a few drinks in a sports bar is about as far as they’ll go.
My first choice for a wingman, be it a bar or a strip club or wherever, would be Dee. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, though. After all… pajama-less, drunk, in a hotel room… and she’s texting me and watching Three’s Company… what kind of a wingman is THAT?
On the other hand… pajama-less, drunk, in a hotel room… and she’d rather text me than do anything else. I guess I don’t mind that at all. :)
Saturday night Dee left me for a “girl’s night” out, and I sent her on her way with a dare: take a camera with you, and return to me on Sunday with at least two pictures, a picture of her tits, taken by someone else, and a picture of someone else’s tits, taken by Dee herself. They were going out drinking (and by later accounts, several of them got quite toasty), dancing, and spending the night somewhere afterwards, so I left it up to Dee to decide (based on circumstances, etc.) how risqué, revealing, daring, and naughty the pictures got.
This would seem to be an easy dare… especially since Dee ended up spending the night in a hotel room with a woman she’d previously expressed an interest in enjoying… without her bag (and therefore without her pajamas!). Talk about your perfect opportunity, not only to accomplish the dare, but perhaps to do far more than that!
And yet, Dee returned home with a few random snapshots of herself and her friends’ low cut necklines, showing some cleavage, but not much more than you’d see while attending your average wedding. In fact, Dee’s wedding dress showed off more than the picture her friends took of her!
I should be a little disappointed, but that really wouldn’t be fair.
In all honesty, I have to admit that, subject to a comparable dare on a “guy’s night out” (that is, taking a photo of another guy, and vice versa), I definitely wouldn’t be taking photos of anyone’s equipment, or posing for pictures myself.
Even if I were given the obvious, abbreviated dare (get a picture of someone else’s tits), it’s highly likely I’d never even get the cleavage shots, let alone anything more daring. I don’t know any guys that are likely to be willing to serve as my wingman in the pursuit of such a dare, let alone be proficient at the task. Given most of their wives’ opinions on the matter, a few drinks in a sports bar is about as far as they’ll go.
My first choice for a wingman, be it a bar or a strip club or wherever, would be Dee. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, though. After all… pajama-less, drunk, in a hotel room… and she’s texting me and watching Three’s Company… what kind of a wingman is THAT?
On the other hand… pajama-less, drunk, in a hotel room… and she’d rather text me than do anything else. I guess I don’t mind that at all. :)
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