Broadening Our Horizons

TMI

2009-06-09T16:03:00.000-07:00

DH hasn't been posting lately...nor sending me picture that turn him on...nor posting on his other blog. I have asked him what his deal is and why he is being distant, but he insists it's my perception and nothing is amiss.

That's not what my chart says, but it has been a particularly busy time of year.

So I will contribute the TMI this week...

1. had sex with someone ten years older or younger than you?
Nope! The biggest stretch was when I was 14 (or so) and I attempted to have sex with someone who was 21. I say attempted because I was a little bitty thing, and he was a big big guy and things just didn't fit! Ouch! He was very gentle and caring though, and did not force anything. But whew!

2. drawn from a nude model or been a nude model?
Obviously, DH has photographed me, but that is it!

3. had sex at a company Christmas party?
Nope! But I did work at a country club once, and after the party we snuck back in and had sex under the ginormous Christmas tree!

4. had a blind date?
No! I don’t know that I would trust anyone enough to set me up on a blind date.

5. slept with a teacher?
No, though I have slept with a couple of men who have really taught me a lot about myself!

Five Things I Like About Date Night

2009-05-22T15:54:00.000-07:00

1. We get to be relaxed with no rushing!

2. We end up talking for hours and hours. Just talking! About nothing. And everything. And I am reminded how witty, smart, and fun my husband is.

3. We get to go to grown up places to eat instead of Red Robin! And have a plethora of adult beverages!

4. We both get off work pretty early, so we sometimes pass the time by taking a stroll though the bookstore, or Costco, or no where in particular.

5. Sometimes, if the evening has gone just right, and we aren't too full or too drunk, if we don't get home too late, and we haven't argued about anything, we sometimes wind up having really great sex.

Growing Old...

2009-05-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

First, in reading DH's previous posts, I am struck but what a good writer he is. Very articulate. I never seem to write what I mean to say, or else I end up writing something I didn't mean to say! But he can do it and I appreciate that it in him.

This particular sentence really sums him up in so many ways:

...it’s just that, when I’m not in the mood for it, I’m really not in the mood for it, and I react to those who are pretty much the way my father would react to them.

I love this blogging thing, because we are able to communicate things we might not have stopped to talk about. And this particular post makes me feel better about "us."

In yet another display of our incompatibility, I usually have a pie in the sky kind of mentality. I like to feel the joy and I try to find it. But, if DH knows I am excited about something, having fun with something, or even just happy thinking about something, he has a way of cutting through the joy to pull at my heartstrings to bring me back down to earth. Sometimes, I think he does this just to frustrate me or "burst my bubble" as I often say. What I didn't realize is that being with a bubble burster is frustrating enough, but BEING the bubble burster is probably equally, if not more, frustrating!

I found this quote that really resonates with me:

Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

I believe aging affects us in two ways: physically and mentally. There isn't a whole lot you can do about the physical. You can work out, eat right, get rest, but eventually it will catch up to you. I get that.

But the mental...the mental is definitely a state of mind. I believe we all have a choice here. You can choose to "be old." Be crotchety. Turn your nose up at behavior you perceive to be immature.

Or you can choose to be happy. Be curious. Be bold. Be adventurous. Be accepting that others have perspectives. You can believe the best is yet to come. You can accept that work is a necessity, but you don't have to make that work your life or let it negatively affect your every waking moment.

I think every experience is what you make of it. In fact, life is what you make of it.

Disclaimer: This post is in no way a criticism of critique of DH, it is simply random thoughts his post generated.

Friday Fill-In

2009-05-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

And...here we go!

1. If we had no winter there would be no spring or fall.

2. The driving skills of the average American is a perpetual astonishment.

3. If I had my life to live over I’d strive to end up just where I am, but I’d make some different decisions along the way.

4. Live every day inside of four and twenty hours.

5. If you've never been thrilled ride a roller coaster.

6. To be interested in the changing seasons is to be engaged in the natural world.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to relaxing, tomorrow my plans include getting a lot of projects done and Sunday, I want to meet my wife at the movies!

Reacting Mature

2009-05-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

While trying to assess the sexual differences between the ‘younger me’ and the ‘older me,’ it occurred to me that, logically, the older I get, the more open I should be to these explorations, and the less embarrassed I should be about pursuing them. With my self-esteem generally better and my relationship entirely secure, I should feel greater confidence in broadening my sexual horizons… and, in fact, I would say these things are ultimately true. That may seem like a lie in light of some previous posts, and my usual behavior, but I definitely feel less embarrassed, more open, and more confident than I used to… but I still find myself reacting to novel situations with resistance.

I think it’s possible my negative reactions when faced with novel opportunities might have something to do with an “over-mature” approach to the world.

A good example of what I’m referring to was our visit to the swingers club. I blogged about this briefly in the past – that on it’s face, a visit like that should have been right in line with what my interests (the possibility of a threesome, voyeurism, etc.)... and yet I didn’t enjoy the experience. The evening (and the club) can be divided into two distinct parts. Downstairs, where there was socializing, dinner, drinks, and the like. There, we met some good people… interesting, fun to talk to, engaging. Upstairs was all about the sex. And, upstairs, I found myself thinking ‘why would I want to hang around these people?’

My reaction was similar to the way I’d feel if I’d met a guy in a bar, a stranger met by chance. We chat about sports, share a few jokes, have a few laughs, and I begin to think I wouldn’t mind sharing a beer or two with this guy every now and then. Then the drinks hit him; in a heartbeat he turns drunk and starts acting stereotypically soused. He staggers through the room, slightly belligerent, and obnoxiously fires cheesy (and somewhat offensive) pick-up lines at every woman in view, leaving me at the bar, disappointed, shaking my head and thinking (sadly, not angrily), “I can’t believe this schmuck… maybe someday the idiot will grow up, and we can actually be friends.”

Keeping with the example… it’s not that I’m not open to the idea of getting a little buzzed… it’s just that, when I’m not in the mood for it, I’m really not in the mood for it, and I react to those who are pretty much the way my father would react to them.

I find that upsetting; I have no interest in embracing my father’s limited life. But there it is.

In the club, downstairs, it was great conversation. Upstairs, in a way, I felt this same sadness and disappointment, like I was too grown up to be interested in such shenanigans. I felt the way I’d feel if I were in a room with a bunch of buzzed 20-year-olds exchanging fart jokes… an eye roll and a sarcastic “oh, great… this is going to be fun!”

At the same time, It didn’t seem erotic at all… it just seemed… juvenile. It was a group of people older than I am trying to mimic the partying teens they’d seen on Dateline last week. It was a live version of low-budget 1970’s porn. I felt the way a woman might feel if she were on a date with a man… she has a great time… invites him up for a drink… and even before she slips off her jacket and turns on the lights, he strips naked in the middle of the living room and says (in a semi-bored voice) “So… you wanna do it on the sofa, or the floor?”

Downstairs, it was a great date. Upstairs… not even a HINT of romance. And therein lies the difference: when I was younger, I probably would have been fine with that, but now… I need a little romance. A little convincing. A touch more class in the ambiance. Otherwise, I just feel old.

Every now and then, I revisit the notion that we ought to give the swingers club a second try (we still have a gift certificate for dinner for two)… and I’m tempted by the idea, then decide I’m not interested.

With strip clubs, there’s been two types… the really classy places, and those “others.” I’ve always known ahead of time which I was going to, and had my expectations set accordingly. I don’t know what a stereotypical swingers club is like, but I might have felt differently if the one we’d gone to had been a little more… um… upscale is the word that comes to mind, or if I’d had a better understanding of what I should expect, and settled into the proper mindset for it. It’s possible I set myself to expect that the swingers club would be classier, and less “other” (it was nice, just not… elegant).

But part of me also wonders if I really am just too old.

Changes

2009-05-13T14:11:00.000-07:00

In the past, I’ve lamented on the thrill-less nature of getting older, and the way I feel the energy of youth slipping away, but that’s only a small part of the “getting older” syndrome. The past couple lists I’ve posted and the most recent TMI got me thinking back to my youth… and I’ve realized there are other changes that have occurred. Somewhere along the way, I grew up, and started sounding and acting in ways FAR too similar to my father to make me happy. Whether it’s genetics or environment doesn’t matter… I’ve matured, and the changes occurred subtly, without notice:

I used to try hard to ensure that I had something to do every Friday and Saturday night… and every night during school vacations! Now, I’d be happy taking a week off work, just to do nothing at all.

I used to love to travel – it was an irresistible burning desire that hit me every time I got on the highway to go to work – the urge to just keep driving, and visit someplace new. It caused me to take off four or five times a year, to pick a spot on the map, and just drive. Now, I commute on the expressway every day, and feel no such need. I like to think that means I’m happy where I am, but I do miss that call of the road.

I used drink three “Double Gulps” (from 7-Eleven) of Mountain Dew between breakfast and 4pm (and it wasn’t until after 4pm that my REAL caffeine consumption began!), now, a cup of coffee in the morning, and another after lunch, is more than enough to get me through the day.

Often, that Mountain Dew would be seasoned with SoCo (Southern Comfort) or Blueberry Schnapps – a pint over the school day, a fifth if it was the weekend. Now, a glass of wine at dinner is enough to leave me loopy enough to worry about the drive home.

And, of course, there’s the dietary changes. I eat healthier, and keep the calorie intake to what’s reasonable.

There are many other changes I could probably point to without difficulty, but those are the most obvious to me, and most of them I really don’t miss at all. Plus, none of these things are changes for the worse, and I don’t claim them to be. What’s interesting to me is that none of these changes were really a conscious choice I made. The closest to that would be the eating healthy thing, with was Dee’s doing, really, and I simply found myself along for the ride.

I’m not suggesting I want to start re-living my younger days in these ways, either (though I do wonder if I’d feel peppier if I reintroduced myself to Mountain Dew). I’m perfectly satisfied with the way things are, and if I tried to live life differently over this weekend, I’d almost certainly have to take all of next week off to recover, and might even spend the better part of it suffering various forms of misery.

I did, however, want to put these things down, as I think this “growing up” phenomenon (or, how I’ve “personally matured”) has had deep and lasting impacts on how I react and view things in the sexual arena… which I will address in some depth on the ‘morrow…

More TMI

2009-05-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

My mind is very compartmentalized. I am not a very good multi-tasker. I need to finish one thing before I start on another. Each item I work on has to have my full attention and focus. If I try to start something else, both suffer.

However, while I am working on one thing, my mind can "noodle" several other things in the background. These things simmer without my conscious input. When I am ready to work on them, I pull them to the front burner and turn the heat up. For the most part, the hard work is done and the simmering pays off with richness.

Now, my brain has more than your average four burners. Sometimes, however, there aren't enough burners for all the things that I need to simmer. In which case, I take the highest priority pots, and put them on my burners. Those are typically pots that are obligated to someone else. Depending on the workload, work pots sometimes take up most of the burners. Leaving one or two for the community service activities I perform for the girl in our life. The pots I know I can put off for a while get put back in the fridge until some burners free up.

Every once in a while, when I pull a pot out of the fridge, it just doesn't seem to want to warm up, let alone simmer. I keep it on the burner, and every once in a while, return to stir it. But nothing happens. Eventually, like overcooked fondue, the ingredients will turn into a hard ball of unusable ingredients.

As every good cook knows, and the reason I am not one, is if you allow yourself to be distracted for too long and neglect a simmering pot, your dish has a high probability of being ruined. Setting a timer sometimes works. It redirects your attention to your pot, giving you the opportunity to adjust the heat, put a cover on it, or if it's ready, finish it off. But even the best cooks sometimes have too many timers going off at the same time, and find it impossible to finish all the dishes that need to be finished. When this occurs, the dishes that HAVE to be finished get the attention (the bosses' family, the food critic, the health department inspector), while knowing that some of the dishes will be sacrificed (the employees' meals, the cook's own meal, the kids' meal). Sometimes whipping up some mac and cheese satisfies in the short term, but sometimes even that proves to be too much effort.

All this is to say I do the best I can and sometimes I have the capacity to play, and sometimes I don't. When my efforts are rewarded, I try harder. When my efforts are largely ignored or worse, criticized and retaliated against, I stop trying.

On a happy note, my cock stroking worked it's magic last night and I was rewarded with some very nice kisses.

And if that wasn't enough TMI, here's some more:

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?

Too many of them for me too. My mother's spendthrift ways, her lack of looking at the future, her focus on instant gratification, her awful mood swings, her short fuse, her problem with impulse control. I see all of these horrible traits in me. I try hard every day to recognize and address them, but fail more often than not.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?

I was just saying that she is the perfect combination of the two of us. She has DH's quiet introspection, his ability to look at a problem from all angles to find the solution, and his easy going nature. It is rare, if ever, that she gets mad, and when she does it is quickly resolved. She has his beautiful hair and eyes. I think she gets from me a healthy dose of empathy, a strong conviction to community service, and a persistent optimism.

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?

I don't recall ever talking to my mother about the birds and bees. Our school district did require several sex ed classes, which is where I got most of my information.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It still is one of my favorites, and I have given it to our daughter so that she knows that sometimes we have days like that. Even in Australia.

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?

I have read several erotic books, ranging from XXX to R. I would have to say the most I have recalled being turned on by what I was reading was the Mayfair Witches series by Ann Rice. She also wrote a book under a psuedonym (which I can't remember at the moment) called Belinda and I remember the first time I read it I thought it was HOT. But the second time I didn't.

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?

Just be yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you. It's what you think of yourself that matters. AND to just let it go. I spent so much of my youth holding onto grudges and hate. Arguing and fighting the same fights over and over. I am trying to teach my daughter that it isn't worth it. And letting someone else's actions ruin your day, week, month, or moment is just NOT worth it!

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?

I would want it to be "Wicked" but it would probably turn out to be more like "Under the Radar."

Making Lists and TMI

2009-05-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

For me, making lists, or creating games, or generating ideas of things to do (dares and such)… these are all cathartic, fun, interesting, and potentially arousing. These activities keep my mind active, pass the time at work (and sometimes distract me from actually earning my keep), and plant the seeds of real horniness. The question then becomes, will those seeds grow?

These things are double-edged swords. When Dee’s responses are stimulating or arousing, it can be a lot of fun for me. When she surprises me, and responds in a way that is interesting, or far more delicious than I could have anticipated, it can practically make my day. However, when Dee’s responses seem canned, lame, or hurriedly created, the effects can be entirely the opposite.

To use a fictitious example: Let’s say that, on Monday morning, I ask Dee to give me her favorite sex positions by 8am on Friday. From that point forward I’ll spend the intervening time awaiting and anticipating her response, wondering what will end up on the list. Based on past performance, one of two things will then occur…

Option one: Dee seems to be into the activity. Her behavior is more sexual, a little more energetic. There’s an extra hop in her step. Her mind is clearly working – on Monday night she rolled over in bed to make notes, little reminders of things she wants to add to that list. On Tuesday, she emails me links to websites describing/illustrating 1001 possible positions. By Wednesday, I’ve already got my response, which begins with: 1. I like it when you climb on top of me, use your weight to pin me in place, and then pound it into me while telling me how much you like fucking me…

You can see why I’d be playing the game. And very turned on.

Option two: Dee doesn’t seem interested in the activity. It’s already Wednesday, and she hasn’t so much as mentioned it, and there’s no pepped up sexuality or energy. I remind her of the obligation (which I hate doing), and am told she’s noodling on it, but I can already tell this one isn’t going to be all that fun for me. At 7:56am Friday morning, a list appears in my email inbox that says: 1. Missionary. 2. Doggie. 3. Me on top...

You can see how I’d be disappointed. Somewhat frustrated. Not aroused.

So, I just keep trying. But it’s hit-or-miss.

Now… TMI!

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?

Too many of them. And I really don’t want to live my Dad’s life.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?

There are far too many to list here. But at least she got mostly the good ones. There are some outliers there however, and I haven’t the faintest clue where those came from.

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?

My dad sat down with me and, in a very uncomfortable manner, gave me what amounted to the Christian-school-science-teacher lecture (which he was) on how things are supposed to work, sticking to the anatomical and physical facts: Excitement causes erection via blood flow and vascular constriction. Penis goes in there. Sperm and egg meet, and there’s a baby. Wait for marriage. I learned more from the rumors and dirty jokes I heard at school.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?

In the third grade or so it was the Hardy Boys series. Before that… Where the Wild Things Are, maybe?

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?

Don’t have one. I’ve read very little erotica, and none of it has impressed me much.

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?

Invest everything you can scrape together in MircoSoft stock, sell it all when you turn 30, and retire!

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?

Much Ado About Nothing.

Incompatibility

2009-05-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

On Friday, Dee wrote: A couple of things never cease to amaze me… That for as incredibly happy as we are, we are so truly incompatible.

This never ceases to amaze me, either: you name it, we’re opposites (or, at least, incompatible). I like Seattle; She likes Arizona. She likes country music; I like NPR. She’s loves dancing and swimming and naps; I don’t. I like long road trips (sans naps!) and household things (cooking and cleaning, generally) and creative things (like writing and creating lists and dare games…); She doesn’t. She’s social; I’m not. I like football (and other sports, too); she thinks sports are just plain dumb. I like debating politics, sports, and news; she doesn’t. She’s cheerful (mostly); I’m moody. She likes chic-flicks; I like psychological thrillers. I’m an early riser; she’s not. I like photos of landscapes and scenery; she likes photos of people. Not to mention the sexual compatibility issues I’ve detailed in previous posts!

I can’t figure out why it works. All I know is, I’m glad it does work. I don't actually know any other couple that has things as good as we do.

Still, recognizing this mountain of discrepancies plays a significant role in my underlying conviction that, one day, Dee is going to either (a) wake up and realize I’m not the guy she needs to be truly happy; or (b) find someone that better matches her interests/desires/etc., either by pure happenstance, or through purposeful interaction. I definitely don’t want that to happen, and, in fact, live in fear of that day.

This is almost certainly the main ingredient in my resistance to being open to any exploration that involves another guy. I don’t think it’s jealousy, or possessiveness, but a self-esteem problem of some kind. I mean… there are obviously better matches out there for her… and if Dee thinks she’s happy now…!!! She’s a strong, modern, empowered woman who would find the idea of staying with me when greater happiness was clearly obtainable to be both irresponsible and reprehensible. If I don’t see myself as the true top of her choice ladder, I’d be out of my mind to raise the chances she meets that better match, wouldn't I?

I’m mystified as to why Dee doesn’t have similar worries… after all, her situation is just the same as mine. How is it possible that she isn’t concerned I’ll meet a red-headed, green-eyed gal who is addicted to NPR and can argue the nuances of the NFL Draft with conviction? Someone who doesn’t want to adopt foster kids and stray dogs? Someone who doesn’t distribute shoes and bags throughout the house for me to trip over, and can stay awake in the car?

I’m not complaining about any that (please don’t think so!)… I’m trying to demonstrate how I would view things from Dee’s side. I focus on the differences between us, from the most minor and insignificant to the most glaring and important, and clearly see how much more satisfying, happy, and stress-free Dee would discover her life can be if she ever stumbled upon that better match. And then I worry not about if that will happen… but when it will.

You’d think I was an unhappy person, but I’m not. Even though I can’t figure out why what we have works, I’m glad it does work, and I hope it keeps working for a good long time. I think it will work, and I also believe Dee is happy, and not going anywhere (just as her ability to doze off in a car, mid-sentence, mid-conversation, drives me nuts, but not in a way that has me miserably plotting divorce!). But none of these things will stop me from thinking the way I think. It’s just part of my nature.

Reaction

2009-05-09T16:35:00.000-07:00

A few direct reactions to Dee’s latest post:

1. I do know Dee, and realize that her participation in this blog (or lack of) isn’t an indication of her horniness, but I couldn’t come up with a good way to express that fact… that I’m aware my emotional reaction to her non-responsiveness differs from what I know to be true, but don’t have much of an idea what to do about it. This is compounded by the fact that the short-quick email thing DID bring about participation… in every sense of the word. For a few weeks there, we were completely immersed in sexual energy. So I remain convinced that if I can somehow create that same level of anticipation / excitement / passion / participation again, it’ll be worth all the failed efforts. Sometimes I fall into frustration for a while, but I really do always rebound from it – and I give Dee tons of credit for enduring my insanity.

2. We’re different people, and share surprisingly little common ground when it comes to things that’ll get us both fired up at the same time. The short-quick email thing worked – for both of us – but there’s no way that could have been sustained much longer than it was. This is why I’ve persisted in trying different things: because when something works… it REALLY works. I have no problem with Dee telling me ‘this isn’t doing it for me,’ but I do get frustrated when she tells me ‘I WANT to do this, but I don’t have the time right now (or I’m not creative enough, or I just need you to remind me every so often, or a number of other things),’ and then later, after the annoyance has built enough, finally admits that the current idea isn’t fun for her.

3. Dee says she hates obligations (as do I), but she was also a proponent of codifying many of the obligations in our rules. She has also said that she needs to be seduced, and also that I should just get over it and take her, and that I should provide subtle guidance as to what I’d like, and that I should make her do what I want. She also likes to be on top, and in control of things. This is the tightrope I struggle with sometimes, because all these are true, and finding the middle ground (and work them lurking between (in a way that also meets my own peculiarities) isn’t easy. I think I do fairly well in that arena most of the time, but when I think I’m failing in it, I tend to give up quickly and allow my sexual self-esteem to tumble.

4. There was no cock stroking (I’m pretty sure I would have noticed that) and there was no begging to be fucked, either. There was cuddling and nakedness, but those two things are part of the normal bedtime routine. That being said, I know that the rule (as Dee has expressed to me) is “if I touch you, or cuddle up, or anything of the sort, it means I’m up for it!” As admitted, I wasn’t feeling sexual at all at that time, and (as I understood the rule), having been cuddled up to, it was then up to me to decide whether or not to make a move. But, as I also said, after going the whole day without feeling even a hint of horniness, it’s hard for me to flip a switch and suddenly be in the mood! Of course, whenever this happens, I usually end up regretting it later on, when I am in the mood, and kick myself for having let the opportunity slip away.

5. I think the sexiest thing Dee has ever done, the most erotic thing she’s ever done, and the most adventurous thing she’s ever done are all one and the same: the collection of blowjobs she gave in the first year or so of our relationship. I have no idea what her deal was that first year, but the blowjobs kept coming at the oddest times: she’d pull open my pants without even a hint of foreplay or warning in my parent’s basement (with them upstairs!), in the backseat of the car while my friend was driving, in my bedroom while I was on the phone with someone…

6. I’ll be posting more on related topics that this has brought to mind throughout the week. But for now, I'm going to log off and clean the house up a bit in preparation for Dee's return tomorrow for Mother's Day!

Too late...

2009-05-08T15:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I had planned to post today. Really, I did. But since I have been obviously and overtly rebuffed several times in the past two weeks, I wasn't sure what I could say. I have found that saying nothing is not good (frankly, as soon as I saw that DH had posted, I knew what it would say), but worse is when I get pissed off and say things I can't take back, especially since they are in writing.

A couple of things never cease to amaze me:

1. That after being together for over 20 years, DH thinks he knows me, but then writes stuff that shows me he really doesn't. To suggest that my horniness can be measured by my participation in a blog is insane. To measure my annoyance by my participation in a blog is much more likely. I think about sex often, want it daily (at one time or another), and even put myself out there and tell DH I want it even though I KNOW I'm going to get the eyeroll (which is oh so flattering). But to me, blogging is not about sex or arousal. That said, I do know that reading words makes a connection with DH that my speaking doesn't create. And for that, I am sorry that I always put off blogging along with the rest of my "really should do but am clueless where to start" items.

2. That for as incredibly happy as we are, we are so truly incompatible. DH spends hours and hours writing books of questions, asking questions, asking for lists, asking for posts, creating games, and making lists of things to do. I hate answering questions, doing things because I have to, thinking up questions, trying to find new and creative ways of turning him on. The "repayment" started out as cute and novel and fun, and we had sex for 9 days because of it. Great! Then I got busy, forgot a day, and had to try to come up with 10 MORE ways of turning him on. Which is not as easy as it sounds. Everything I like, he hates. I have asked for a list, but never received one. But he gives me all kinds of other lists.

3. That for as incompatible as we are, we are the same in a lot of ways. We both hate obligations. And we hate when fun things get turned into obligations. Don't give DH a recipe or a script, because he will turn off instantly. While I prefer some direction, I don't like being told what to do either. And when you start over-directing, anything fun starts to be an obligation. And the more I get nagged and guilted into doing something, the less turned on it will ever make me.

Not sure where all this is going, but I find it interesting that a naked woman writhing next to him, kissing and stroking his cock and begging him to fuck her does not get him in a receptive mood, but posting a list will.

Speaking of which:

Questions for Dee: Accessories Edition

1. Describe your first experience with a sex toy.

One of my very first lovers came up with the brilliant idea to try a candle and that theme was repeated a couple of times, as well as other everyday household objects. Quite frankly, it did nothing for me, but my boyfriends should were excited about trying something new. My first actual sex toy was a vibrator purchased just a few years and ago and it was, um, eye-opening.

2. What was the first sex toy or accessory you ever bought?

I hosted a Passion Party where a wide variety of sex toys and accessory were passed around for inspection. I purchased a couple and the first I tried was a purple rabbit vibrator. I had not idea I could come that fast. Still one of my favorites...I should really make more use of that drawer of fun!

3. What was the strangest or most inventive thing you ever used as a sexual accessory?

We did use a cucumber once, which I thought was strange and inventive at the time, and now I know that it's really commonplace.

4. Describe the first sexy lingerie you owned.

I've always liked pretty lingerie! I remember I had a black tulle nighty with a big emerald green bow across the boobs. I loved that thing and it inspired me to get boudoir pictures taken in it. I have never been a stick figure, always having big breasts, wide hips, and ample curves. But I loved having my pictures taken. I felt so beautiful. My boyfriend at the time was completely pissed that I had them taken by a male photography, so I never purchased them. I kick myself to this day for not buying them for myself.

5. What is your favorite sexual accessory?

My husband!! Yum!

Bonus Question: If money were no object, what is the one sexual accessory you would buy right now?

If money were no object, probably one of those wedge set ups (darn it, can't remember the name now). But there's a whole system for new positions. To me, that's one of the joys of sex, just varying the angle a bit can give you a whole new sensation.

Questions for Dee: The Most-est Edition

1. What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever done in a sexual situation?

I can't say...it's too embarrassing! But the usual passing air from inapproriate areas at inopportune times comes to mind.

2. What is the most erotic thing you have ever done?

I think the most erotic thing I have ever done is....darn. I can't think of a single thing. I was going to say taking lap dance lessons but since I am too embarrassed to actually give a lap dance to my husband, that falls short. Though actually WATCHING a lap dance performed sure makes my moves less embarrassing...or more!

3. What is the sexiest thing you have ever done?

I think DH would say the sexiest thing I have ever done was to go to a strip club with him and buy him a lap dance. I would say the sexiest thing I have ever done is arrange for date nights.

4. What is the wildest thing you have ever done (sexually)?

Giving DH a blowjob in the backseat of a car with his best friend driving!

5. What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done (sexually)?

Going to a swingers club.

Bonus Question: What is the craziest or most adventurous thing (sexually speaking) you would be willing to do right now (in the next 24 hours) if your partner asked you to? Have a threesome!

Questions for Dee: The Audio Edition

1. Name the sexiest song you can think of.

Most of Prince's music is sexy to me, as is some of Madonna's. I will say Erotic City at the moment though.

2. Name the sexiest word you can think of.

Fuck. Said in a whisper.

3. Name the sexiest sound (nonverbal) that you can think of.

The sound of breathing that DH makes when he stops smiling and really gets serious. Also the sexiest look he has.

4. What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever said in a sexual situation?

Um, hey. It's up a little farther...

5. What is the most erotic thing anyone has ever said to you?

My name. When DH says my name, I almost come on cue.

Bonus Question: If a complete stranger were to walk up to you and whisper something sexual in your ear, what do you hope they would say?

You look like you would be a lot of fun in bed...can I find out?

Would your response differ based on gender (male vs. female)? Probably not.

Location (your office vs. a strip club)? Probably not, but the timing might be different!

Low Tide

2009-05-08T12:21:00.000-07:00

It’s been over two weeks since Dee last posted, and I haven’t posted much, either. I’m not sure she’s noticed the reduction – she hasn’t commented on it, at least – but my post-less-ness reflects the fact that I’m feeling less sexual than usual (and I wasn’t a fire-breathing dragon to begin with). Lately, I’ve been uninspired and lackadaisically un-horny. When I’ve tried to find something to say here, or come up with an idea for my other blog, I’ve run into a brick wall. Even when I try to think about sex, I get bored and my mind wanders off somewhere else. Several times this past week, Dee has subtly (or not so subtly) ‘suggested’ I make a move, but I lack the passion to take the suggestion to heart.

I measure Dee’s ”horniness,” in part, by her participation in this blog (and other electronic interactions, like email) because my participations reflect the level of interest I have. When in my current state, I don’t post, and my emails to Dee merely meet the ‘minimum requirements’ (so to speak). When I’m feeling especially sexual, I suspect that’s easy to recognize, too (especially for Dee, reading my email).

I need to be engaged during the day, I guess. This is why the back-and-forth emails we exchanged a year ago worked so well – the constant flow, the quick responses, and Dee’s obvious enthusiasm, enjoyment, and arousal, all played a part in revving up my interest. Since then, we’ve tried other ideas – the dare game, my giving her questions to answer here – but those haven’t worked. One problem is we’re different people, with incompatible needs. When I participate in such things, I don’t want to beg, or cajole, or remind… and Dee needs someone who will do those things. I don’t want to wait for results, and Dee likes to noodle until she’s done noodling. I need to sense the activity is exciting or arousing to Dee, and, when noodling, Dee never speaks of the topic or shows enthusiasm… it’s as though she’s forgotten about the notion entirely.

These differences give me a sense I’m coercing Dee’s participation, and, for me, begging, coercion, and waiting are all turn-offs. Still, I’ve tried all these in the hopes of re-capturing the moments of engagement we had a while back, but eventually I always start wondering if she’s even interested in the idea at all. I get annoyed, and when whatever mood is left fades away, I let it go willingly, and give up.

Of course, Dee is in the same boat – she must constantly remind me to fulfill my obligations. Maybe she feels the same way I do, or maybe she doesn’t. I really don’t know, but I doubt she likes playing the pestering-prompting-begging role any more than I do… she rarely does any reminding of her own. She has to deal with my impatience and annoyance, too, and this creates a bit of a bad cycle: the more annoyed and moodless I become, the more annoyed she is with me, and the less responsive she becomes… leading me to be even become even less engaged…

So we are where we are: both behind on our obligations (me more so than her). The dare game fizzled. Our email exchanges are brief, infrequent, and nonsexual. Dee hasn’t re-started her repayment plan, and is far overdue on three sets of questions she was to post here. I have no desire to remind her of these things, or to obtain results by doing so (if anything is more of a turn-off than waiting and pleading, it’s feeling like she’s only responding because I’m pestering her!), and have temporarily given up making such efforts. And I’m feeling as horny as a pile of sand.

To get back into a more receptive mood, I’m going to start posting again. I’ll post here, and more often again hereafter. I’ll do the Friday Fill-In thing on my other blog, and, starting Monday, I’ll post my own versions of the same lists Dee has responded to, as well. It’s a simple, easy thing to do, and doesn’t require much in the way of creativity or thinking… but maybe it’ll help get me back into a more interested frame of mind.

TMI

2009-05-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

1. Have you ever bought a membership to a porn site? If yes, what is the most recent one and did you like it?

Never have. Probably never will, either – I’m too cheap to spend money on memberships, and even if I were tempted to do so, I wouldn’t be willing to pay $19.95 a month (or whatever it is) when any content I’d be interested in can be found online for free.

2. Would you rather watch a erotic/porn movie, read a story, or listen to an audio? Why?

Assuming that we’re talking about doing so for reasons of arousal… I’d watch the movie. Audio turns me on to a certain degree, but it has to be the right audio, and I generally have to be in the mood already. Reading something that’s supposed to be arousing doesn’t usually do much for me. The movie would have to fit my tastes – it would have to be a decent one, not corny, and be of subject matter which interests me – but if it fit the necessary criteria, that would be the most effective of the three options.

3. If you have a significant other what do you do for each other to get in the mood? If you don't what would you kind of thing could a future potential long term partner do to get you in the mood?

I can’t answer this one adequately and truthfully without taking up paragraphs and paragraphs, so I’ll let it be.

4. When it comes to sex, how much do you talk about it with others? How comfortable are you talking about sex?

How much: With the exception of this blog and a few cryptic references to friends, I talk about sex with one but Dee. With her, I would have to say I talk about sex infrequently or very little, and when we talk, it is pretty much always a serious conversation, never whimsical or lighthearted.

How comfortable: This is a tough one to answer, really. I would say I feel comfortable talking about sex, but I often find it difficult to convert the thoughts, feelings, emotions, or opinions I am trying to express accurately into language, and tend to cautiously parse my words to avoid saying ‘the wrong thing,’ so I suspect I usually appear to be far more hesitant and uncomfortable than I actually feel.

5. What are the last 5 things you search for on Google (or another search engine)?

Five individual names, for business purposes.

Bonus: Have you ever had a fantasy that you were ashamed of?

That I am (or was) ashamed of? No.

Just Some Stuff

2009-05-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

1. Dee is leaving me alone for the weekend. Between the yard work, errands, and daughter related obligations, I won’t have a lot of time to devote to the enterprise, but I may try to knock one thing off Dee’s list of suggestions…

2. After a busy streak, and paying no attention at all to my Google Reader for a while now, yesterday I found myself with a little time to get caught up on some of them, at least. In all honesty, I skimmed over some of them, marked everything as “read,” and started over with skimming over all of the new stuff posted today. Sometimes these things happen.

3. Along the way I discovered one blog (Views from the Back Row) somehow never made it into my Reader, and thus I haven’t been following at all. Now it’s in there. And through that, I saw for the first time today the “Friday Fill-in.” Seems odd that I haven’t seen that before, but oh well. I may try doing that next Friday.

4. I hope I’m doing these links right. I’m making it up as I go here.

5. My creativity and sexual energy have got to be nearing all-time lows here (and they’ve never been all that high to begin with). I have no idea why, but I wish I had some clue how to snap out of it. I’ve been feeling especially lame when it comes to my other blog. If it weren’t for Dee’s requested lists, I can honestly say I wouldn’t have posted there in at least a couple weeks now.

6. Maybe I’ll hang out a shingle here… any suggestions for further lists are welcome.

7. I’ve been thinking about something Hubman said to Dee and I (can’t remember if it was in a comment or an email) – that single women looking for a couple are rare. I’m not sure I agree with that. I don’t think they’re that unique at all… they just can’t be found by specifically seeking them out. You could split hairs here and say that, yes, single women LOOKING for couples are rare, but I think single women OPEN to the idea far less rare. You just have to already know them. I can recall a fair number of women I once worked with which I now recognize – in hindsight – would be (or, would have been, at the time) open to the idea if I’d either had half a clue, been in the position I now find myself in, or now had an equivalent “relationship” (meaning I was still working with them, flirting with them, etc.) with similar women. The trouble is, I woke up one day in my mid-thirties and suddenly found myself in the market, but I no longer know anyone like that… and don’t have many avenues to establish new connections in that vein. THAT’S how it becomes damn near impossible to find someone!

8. Of course, I could be wrong about that. It’s just a theory I’m pondering.

TMI

2009-04-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

1. Have you ever had angry sex?

Honestly, I don’t remember, but I don’t think so. I think of ‘angry sex’ as having sex while royally pissed off (usually at the other person) and venting that anger on him/her in a way that alters your sexual behavior in the direction of the rougher and more venomous. Taking that definition into consideration, I think there may have been a time or two when I was mildly miffed, but I can’t recall ever being pissed off to the point where it actually altered my sexual character. I imagine it could be fun, but for me to get pissed off enough to change my sexual character, and actually have sex while in that state… I just don’t see that happening. First, I don’t think that could happen with Dee (and if it did, I don’t think it would be a good thing for our relationship, because, in all honesty, I would have to be REALLY pissed), and, secondly, I don’t imagine such a thing would happen with anyone else, either.

2. Pity sex?

No. At least not that I know of. Of course, that doesn’t eliminate the possibility that I was on the receiving end, and just wasn’t aware of it. I imagine that is entirely possible.

3. "Oh well, I might as well" sex?

Yes. Once. See the bonus question below.

4. One-of-you-knew-it-was-goodbye-and-the-other-didn't sex?

Not that I know of, but I have been sent packing shortly afterwards on several occasions (more often than not after the first encounter), so it might have been goodbye sex, or pity sex, or oh-my-God-this-is-boring-I’ve-got-to-dump-him sex.

5. Don't-remember-having-it sex?

No. Though I suppose there’s the argument that my answer would still be "no" if I had, since I wouldn’t remember it. But seriously, no. I’ve passed out a couple of times in my life, but I’ve always woken up with my pants on.

6. Regret-it-afterward sex?

Yes. See the bonus question below.

7. Can't-remember-his/her-name sex?

No. I’ve had too few partners not to remember them all.

8. Never-knew-his/her-name sex?

No. I don’t move in that fast. I’m more likely to know her grandmother’s maiden name before than I am to not know her name after.

Bonus: What was the worst single sexual experience of your life?

I slept with my boss once – a friend I really felt no actual attraction to. A group from work went over to her place just ot socialize, and I had a good bit to drink, so she offered to let me sleep on the couch. The others left, and when I was the only one left, she made a move on me. For the first and only time I can remember, I actually thought “why not?... what the hell?” Between the fatigue, the alcohol, and the fact that she was, in truth, a completely uninteresting partner, I nearly fell asleep in the middle of things. In the end, I actually faked an orgasm (the only time I’ve done so), and I got up and left as soon as I could. We hardly spoke again after that.

Men, and me.

2009-04-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why I don’t fit the stereotype.

The other day I was talking to a friend on the phone… he was in his car heading home after a business dinner, blasting down the road at breakneck speed because (for a variety of understandable reasons) he and his wife hadn’t done it in almost three weeks, and (for other understandable reasons) probably wouldn’t get the chance to do it again for another week or two. He jokingly told me that, after three weeks, he was starting to think about having an affair, then confided: She actually told me tonight was the night. She’s never said that before. Usually I have to convince her.

I thought: Jeez, Dee thinks every night is the night. I’m the one that needs convincing.

In movies and on television, the stereotype abounds. Men can’t get enough of woman: they’re sidetracked by the mere sight of a beautiful woman, and, whether married or no, get themselves into all manner of difficulty over them. They can’t help but stare, even when their wives kick their ass for it. Men are horny little bastards who cheat, lie, and make fools of themselves. They have one-night stands at every opportunity, and seek to get laid with the desperation of a heroin addict searching for a fix. Fidelity in marriage is a struggle.

So, is the stereotype all wrong… or is there something wrong with me?

I seriously doubt it’s the former. I know (and have known) a lot of guys, and there is something to the stereotype. I’ve known guys who cheat on their wives, and guys who would bullshit God himself if they thought they’d get laid. I’ve known guys who have done some really stupid things just to get a girl to look at them. But I’ve never met a guy who admits he’s turned down an invitation for sex. I’ve never heard a guy say Man… my wife was all over me last night, but I was just too damn tired. Other than me, that is.

I know a few married men who are happy with the status quo, but even they aren’t interested in turning down an offer, and most of them still have to do some “convincing. Most of the married men I know, however, are constantly complaining about how nice it’d be to get it more often… even the ones that are happy with the status quo.

Meanwhile, my wife has practically begged me to throw her down on the bed (or sofa, or car hood, or…) and have at it whenever I want – but I’ve never thrown down… not even once. She’s asked me to get off my ass and find a girlfriend… someone we can both play with (most guys would jump all over this – “Quick! Before she changes her mind!” – right?) – but I’ve been completely unsupportive of the idea. Not against it, just ambivalent... or maybe just squirrelly.

Years ago, in the movie The Firm, Tom Cruise’s character is blackmailed when the firm sets him up for a one-night stand while on a business trip. If it had been me in this movie, it would’ve devolved into a comedy… a hilarious story devoted to the firm’s increasingly desperate attempts to get me to even notice the woman, let alone sleep with her. A chance meeting on a beach turning into a blackmail opportunity?… not a chance. At the end of my movie, after leaving naked women in my hotel room without success and who knows what other inventive capers, the partners would throw themselves off the roof in frustration.

In some ways, I’m like a guy with a winning lottery ticket, afraid to cash it in because I’m convinced I’ve got to be reading the numbers wrong. In other ways, I just don’t feel the need to turn it in, like a guy who is already perfectly happy with what he’s got: yeah, I know, I should cash it in… I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

But I still have no idea why I don’t fit the stereotype.

Friday!

2009-04-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

1. Through Google Reader, I subscribe to a number of blogs that are nothing but posted pictures. This week I decided that, each day, I would email Dee the two photos (and ONLY two) posted that day that I found most erotic, arousing, or sexy. I can already see there will be two types of days… the days when I’ll be forced to pick the two best out of a bad lot, and the days when I’ll have to struggle to choose between any number of good ones.

2. Dee has to start over on her “repayment” plan again after not making any offers yesterday. I’m not sure her strategy was sound since she’ll be gone overnight tonight, and the opportunity for any offer at all was therefore limited and likely to be missed today anyways (though she did suggest a quickie in the car in the parking lot of the CHURCH where the sleepover is being held… which is a little over the top for me, I’m afraid to say).

3. She’s threatening to renegotiate anyways, because I’ve turned down her last two offers. The first I’d qualify as a legitimate offer, but the second was just an offer of a backrub with the innuendo of “seeing where it leads” (which, in my case, leads nowhere… a backrub relaxes me and puts me to sleep, guaranteeing it won’t lead anywhere at all). Since I was already well on my way, already…

4. Admittedly, I haven’t been feeling particularly randy lately. I think it’s the sun and the longer days. In December, we’d come home from work in the dark, but now I got to bed and lay there thinking about all the things I should have done with the nice day, and how I wasted a good couple hours… it's distracting, and not particularly rousing.

5. On the positive side, I’m still working on the to-do list, and I’ve taken a stab at writing an ad… but I’m not having much success in the latter. Do I write it as being from both of us? From me? What should I say?

6. I’m going to spend a couple hours on the computer tonight, and pay attention to what’s out there. Maybe I’ll be able to answer a couple of those questions, at least. :)

Clarification first, then on to other things

2009-04-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

1. After Wednesday’s post, Dee pointed out to me that I’d painted her with the jealousy brush when she has done nothing to deserve it (which is absolutely true), that I’d misinterpreted what she’d meant to say (also true). I apologized immediately, and admit that I did misinterpret. And without belaboring the point further (more than I already have, at any rate), I honestly don’t believe that Dee is jealous, and apologize for any intimation in my post that might suggest otherwise.

2. I’ve been putting together a list of little things to do just for fun… a checklist of simple things like blowing bubbles or catching snowflakes on your tongue. My idea was to give it to Dee, and see how many of them she can check off over the course of a year – just to add a little extra fun to her day/week/month/year. I actually had a list of about four hundred of these things, but I pared it down to one page with some of my faves (or those I thought would be Dee’s faves) on it. I was going to do an adult one of these, as well, but most of the ideas I found paralleled with dares I still have, or lists I can give her, or that kind of thing, so I don’t know if that’ll be a workable thing.

3. Seriously… one of these days I’m going to get us back on the dare thing. And start doing a better job of meeting my obligations under the rules. Poor Dee… it must really suck being married to me. :(

4. I’ve been working on writing up an ad, too, but the trouble is, I have no idea what works. Shorter? Longer? Detailed? Whimsical?

5. Having a bit of free time at work is a good thing!

6. I’ll have a couple hours to myself tomorrow night, so I’ll try to check out some of those websites Dee referred to in more detail. Maybe we should consider a pay site, as well. The question would be… which one is best? If anyone out there reading this has any suggestions…

The Firsts Edition

2009-04-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

1. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend?

That would be Jason. I was in 3rd grade and I walked him home from school. I kissed him on his front porch after telling him he had beautiful eyes.

2. Who was your first celebrity crush?

I will say George Michaels. My best friend and I wrote a letter to him when we were in jr. high. We giggled every time we saw his videos.

3. Describe your first sexual fantasy.

Don't really have them.

4. What was your first “type.” (athlete/nerd/etc.).

That would have to be stoner. I gravitated towards the guys in leather who listened to heavy metal and smoked.

5. Who was the first person you fell in love with?

I think that was Chad, the neighborhood boy I messed around with, and eventually he was the one to "officially" pop my cherry. I can still remember dancing with him to Careless Whispers in the darkened hallway outside my bedroom and how my heart felt like it would burst. He was surprisingly romantic and was quite the kisser. I was always second fiddle to his old girlfriend though and whenever she wanted him back, he would drop me like a hot potato. Luv sucks.

Bonus Question: Have you ever had a one-night stand? Describe the first time you had one.

It was Halloween night and I must have been 13 or 14. We walked to a friends house (none of us were old enough to drive) and "hung out" with the older brothers of my friend's friend. We all ended up pairing up and I slept with the guy I was with and I don't even remember his name. I know I knew it at the time. I think this was my one and only one night stand, because while I did sleep with a couple of guys only a couple of times, it WAS more than once.

Hmmm.

2009-04-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a while, I’ve had little to do at work, so I’ve re-read Dee’s recent posts and let my mind wander about both the past and future. Reading between the lines of Dee’s list of things she wants me to do (spend some time on Ashley Madison, et al, create a profile, respond to some ads, connect with someone that wants to pursue a threesome, and meet them in preparation for introducing Dee) and numerous other comments she’s posted or said in the past, I sometimes think she wishes I’d get off my ass and get proactive about pursuing other woman -- that she’d be happier if I a touch of the womanizer in me.

I can’t get on any of those adult websites at work, but I thought I might try my hand at writing an ad or two for later use sometime this afternoon. Then, earlier today, I mentioned to Dee (via email) that a co-worker stopped by and commented on how my weight loss was starting to show (positively). Dee’s response was (paraphrasing) ‘isn’t she the one you think is cute?’ (it wasn’t), followed by a one-word commentary… “Hmmm.”

I assumed that “hmmm” indicated (in thought) the implicit and unstated ‘I’m not sure I like the thought of this,’ but rather than jump to conclusions, I asked what the “hmmm” meant. Dee’s response: “the Hmmm was wondering how much you are flirting at work. I know, I know.” -- again, a response that, to me, signaled hidden discomfort with the very idea I might interact with another woman.

Keeping in mind that I’m stuck living life in prevent mode – carefully avoiding, whenever possible, any act that might cause discord in our relationship -- you can see why I’m unable to bring myself to action… because, even now, I sense mixed messages. On the one hand, Dee makes cracks about me getting a girlfriend, and spends evenings online looking at ads for potential partners. She suggests I find a girl and meet her for coffee prior to introducing them to each other. She gets annoyed when I fail to notice an attractive woman in our midst.

On the other hand, we had a bad row over whether to pursue a threesome, or another couple, and another regarding what comprised a potential female partner (at one time Dee insisted she must be older and comparably less attractive), based in part on Dee’s concern that I might find another woman more desirable… not to mention that the mere thought of my being flirtatious at work being worthy of a ‘hmmm.’ These things, and others, have told me I’m not as free to act as her words indicate.

I can fully understand these sentiments, of course. I’ve been honest with her from the get-go that I’m uncomfortable with the idea of her with another guy. In the self-esteem department, I think I’m really smart, a great father, etc. I think highly of myself in many areas, but in terms of this particular topic, I view myself as being in the below-average. Still, I’ve tried very hard not to send mixed messages … I’ve never said “go get a boyfriend… but… uh… wait… no… Yes!... wait… NO!” (even though I sometimes think that way).

I often suspect that Dee’s urgings are simply words she’s comfortable uttering because she is confident I’ll never actually act. I think if I ever did act on them, our relationship would quickly tumble into a bad patch. And so, my response to her encouragements is a (now stereotypical) eye rolling, “uh-huh… yeah.”

A couple days ago Dee shared with me the fact she’s been exchanging emails with a woman she’d met on an adult site – a woman who wanted to hang out with her and have some fun, and would, in addition, be open to allowing my participation now and then. The revelation came when Dee sought my advice on how to respond after this woman had sent her x-rated self-portraits.

It occurred to me to wonder what Dee’s reaction would have been if the situation were reversed… if I’d told her I’d been chatting with another woman, and she was interested in hanging out with me, and was also open to the idea of a threesome, and had sent me nude photos of herself.

Of course, I didn’t ask. I suspect Dee’s first response would have been to point out that the scenario isn’t the same – for it to be equal, I would have to be exchanging emails/photos with another guy. And I would contest that this is just her splitting hairs in order to justify her unfair belief that we should each live by a different set of rules, and three days of two stubborn and immovable forces butting heads would begin, with both of us behaving somewhat unfairly.

But I’m pretty sure it’d being with some relative of “Hmmm.”

The Media Edition

2009-04-21T15:03:00.000-07:00

1. What was the first nudity you remember seeing on film?

I remember watching the Blue Lagoon at about 10 years old and that was the first nudity I remember seeing. I'm sure there was some before that, but I don't remember it.

2. What was the first x-rated movie you ever saw?

I think the first X-rated movie I saw was in a dorm room in college. Have no idea what it was, but one of the guys I was seeing always had porn playing in his room. I remember there was a particularly graphic anal scene and it wasn't until years later that I realized the green goo leaking all over the place was lube and not bodily fluids!

3. What was the first x-rated movie you owned?

Well, I taped a segment of the Spice channel once when my roommate wasn't home. I watched that tape A LOT! I didn't purchase any until DH and I went to Castle one morning instead of going to work! Sadly, the taped Spice channel was much more enjoyable.

4. What was the first “adult” magazine you ever saw?

The first magazine I ever saw would have to be Playboy. My father used to have them laying around until I was 6 or 7 and my mom made him put them in their bedroom.

5. What was the first “adult” magazine you ever purchased?

I had a subscription to Playgirl for a few years and looked forward to receiving them every month! But that was all, and I've never gone into a store to purchase one.

Bonus Question: Of all the seuxally oriented materials you have viewed, describe something which you discovered turned you on, which your partner would be most surprised to learn aroused you?

My partner won't be surprised at all, but I was completely surprised when I was totally turned on by a girl on each end of a double ended dildo. I was, in fact, shocked that it would turn me at all! He might be surprised that watching two men kissing did not turn me on.

TMI-less Tuesday

2009-04-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

1. There must have been a glitch in the system somewhere, because the TMI questions I see for today were the “extra” ones I answered two weeks ago! So I guess that means I have none to respond to today!

2. I have assured Dee I will try to be more diligent about living up to my kissing obligations. She said ‘don’t worry about it,’ but I sense that this may have been a pro forma response. I have learned that when a woman says ‘don’t worry about it’ to a guy, that guy should immediately start worrying.

3. Yes, my one and only redeeming quality is that I do, in fact, have some kissing skills.

4. Last night Dee uttered a sarcastic threat to start looking for a hooker now that she knows where to look on Craigslist. I don’t know if she was talking about for her, for us, or for me, but I’m pretty sure this had something to do with being frustrated or annoyed with me (she’s never sarcastic unless this is the case!).

5. On the other hand, maybe I should look forward to my Father’s day gift.

6. Oh, man, speaking of which… Mother’s Day is coming up soon…!!!

7. It is far too nice out to be stuck at work.

Questions for Dee...the Kissing Edition!

2009-04-20T15:32:00.001-07:00

Mmmmm....kissing. I do so love kissing. It is one of the biggest attractions I have to being with a woman, because I have a perception that women are way more into kissing then men. DH has an obligation to give me two kisses every day, and I honestly can't remember the last time he fulfilled either of them!

So...I chose this group of questions to answer first.

1. If you could kiss anyone in the world (someone you didn’t personally know), who would you kiss?

Well, I was going to Matthew McConaughey. Then I thought of Johnny Depp. Then Matt Damon. Then Zac Ephron. Mathew Perry. Leonardo DiCaprio. All yummy! But beyond their kissable faces, I imagine the smirk, and the hand reaching out to grasp the side of my jaw as he pulls me in slowly, closer and closer, his eyes staring hotly into mine. His lips part slightly just as they reach mine. My eyes close and I feel his lips moving over mine, slowly at first, with gentle pressure. His bottom lip rubs back and forth over mine until mine also part slightly. Seeing this as acquiescence, he tilts my face up slightly as his lips begin to devour me. His tongue strokes softly across my parted lips and he enters ever so slightly until my tongue catches his. The heat has been turned up now and he nibbles on my lips as his tongue licks my lips with each dart into my mouth.

Whew. So I guess what I'm saying is it's totally NOT the looks, but the technique. And I imagine these guys have a good technique.

2. If you could kiss anyone in the world (someone you personally know, other than your partner), who would you kiss?

As much as I love kissing, I am not a very approachable person and prefer to be arms length from most people. That said, sometimes when I am sitting at my desk, daydreaming about kisses, and on those rare occasions I'm not thinking of DH, I think about my co-worker who lives in the same town as me. Or one of my closest friends who there is no real possibility with, but she gives off a certain vibe that I find intriguing.

3. If you had to kiss someone right now – someone nearby (in your office, etc.) – who would you kiss?

That would be my co-worker.

4. Describe the worst kiss you ever received.

The worse kiss I ever received was given by a very drunk cowboy in a bar, many years ago. He had asked me to dance and I was very flattered, and a bit drunk, so I accepted. He was a very good dancer, and had his hand behind my neck leading me around the dance floor. At the end of the dance, he leaned in and (ugh...I can still see his face!) pressed mushy moist lips against my firmly closed lips. He used his tongue to pry my lips open, helped with his hand at my chin. I squirmed and tried turning my head, but he followed, with his tongue pushed so far down my throat I could barely breathe. It was so gross!!

5. Describe the best kiss you ever received.

Well, the kiss above was describing a kiss that DH gave me in fulfillment of his obligation to give me one sexual kiss per day. This was just at the end of the time he was fulfilling this obligation. He had me pushed up against the wall and it was a good thing because my knees literally went weak and I was thankful the wall was holding me up. There is no faster way to get me heated up and ready to pounce than to kiss me like that...and DH uses it to his advantage on some occasions!

A new week...

2009-04-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

1. I gave Dee her “assignment” on Friday… six groups of related questions (TMI style) to post her responses (answers) to all of them within two weeks. I’m already looking forward to reading them!

2. Anyone reading some of my previous posts would think I’m unhappy with who I am, or with life in general, and that’s not the case at all. To use a common analogy: some people think their glass is half full, others half empty. I personally think my glass is three quarters full… but that whoever washed it did a questionable job. In other words: I think I’m very lucky, and I recognize that, in a world full of thirsty people, my complaints are minor, but I think they are legitimate (of course, maybe I’m biased!).

3. I am now officially down to two requested lists left. I’ll have to start coming up with some new ideas of my own this week!

4. Dee informed me this weekend that she is making it her mission to elicit a more obvious happiness in my demeanor. This is, I think, in response to my characteristically muted post-game enthusiasm after rather enjoyable sexual interactions. Admittedly, I am, by nature, not easily impressed or outwardly expressive – in my vocabulary, “a rather enjoyable sexual interaction” is high praise, and great happiness is typically conveyed with a small (but genuine) smile. Now, I can’t honestly say I have any idea what Dee could do that would cause whatever reactions she is hoping for (or even what reactions she is hoping for!)… but, in truth, I’m a little concerned as to what extent she might go to in attempting to elicit them. She can be frighteningly focused sometimes, and occasionally goes overboard in pursuit of what she wants.

My list...

2009-04-17T13:54:00.001-07:00

He's right...it did make me think!

1. Surf the web and find some adult-oriented shows we can go to on our next date night.

2. Find an adults-only club in our area and check it out.

3. Spend some time on plenty of fish, ashley madison, adult friend finder, or swinglifestyle. Create a profile or two to see who is out there.

4. Watch some of our porn collection and find some sections to share with me. Particulary portions that turn him on.

5. Spend some time setting up a photography spot to include backdrops and lighting.

6. Spend some time finding good lighting techniques and ways of photographing a woman that is flattering.

7. Respond to some personal ads (Craigslist) or connect with someone on an adult site that wants to pursue a threesome and meet for coffee or drinks to see if there's a connection in preparation for introducing me.

8. Look at the website for our local Wet Spot to see if there are any events/classes that might interest him. If yes, makes plans for us to attend.

9. Go to a store and pick out an outfit for me to wear on our next date night as a dare.

10. Create a secret hideout in our home that we can go to expressly for sex.

Friday Tidbits

2009-04-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

It just doesn’t feel like Friday to me. I have no idea what that is.

Dee hasn’t made any offers to restart the ten-day repayment plan… not that I blame her. The past couple of days have been particularly hectic and fatiguing.

I’ve been posting requested lists for a while now (on my other blog), but I’m down to the final three requests. Looks like I’ll be on my own again by the middle of next week. Yikes!

I’m looking forward to Dee’s own list, which she may or may not post today – her “assignment” was to make a list of sexually oriented activities she wishes or hopes I will engage in while I’m home alone for a weekend. It seemed to be a good topic to make a girl think, and I’m curious to see what activities eventually make her list!

Weighed in this morning for the first time in a while. I began the year at 206, and set a goal of 180, but when I hit 185 about a month ago I stopped paying close attention. This morning I was… 183. Surprised by that, but not at all displeased.

If there’s something that can ruin the mood in the bedroom more effectively than listening to one dog snore loudly from the floor on her side of the bed, it would be the other dog farting on the floor on your side. I have no idea what that dog has been eating, but there are rooms in our house that are going to need a fresh coat of paint. Jeez.

For the record… the stray is the snorer. OUR dog is the one passing tear gas. This is why we never have guests over.

I like the way Dee has, of late, been overtaken by the urge to show me her tits every time she catches me looking at her. The past couple of days she hasn't gotten much reaction out of me for the effort, but that's due to the effects of excessive yard work. Mentally, I am paying attention.

On a more serious note...

2009-04-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

As Dee correctly noted, our relationship has never been about swinging from chandeliers, but my post on middle-aged suburbia wasn’t lamenting things we are or aren’t doing – it was about the fact that I have never swung from chandeliers, and probably never will. I’ve always wanted to (or thought I did), but never had a willing partner (until, perhaps, now) or the mental-emotional self-esteem required to do so, and so comforted myself with a promise that those experiences would someday come.

I imagine most young men dream of threesomes and moresomes and harems of girlfriends and selfishly taking what they desire, and I was no different in thought. In practice, however, my sexual history includes a few infrequent, unfathomably boring partners (most of whom made it no secret they found me equally boring), and Dee -- and the Dee of my youth is (was?) far different from the one I know today... a jealously possessive partner who frequently reminded me that looking at others was unacceptable, that fantasizing about them was the same as cheating, and that there were tight constraints within which I must behave, or else.

Between the Christian science teacher dad, the thoroughly avoidant mom, and this history, I never truly developed the confidence to believe a woman would want me. I never learned to boldly take control or pursue my desires, or that it was even ok to do so. In the past, the end of a relationship was usually followed by months, even years of solitude before the next opportunity appeared. I learned that, in order to hang on to what I’ve got, I must be the most giving, selfless, and acquiescent of partners – not just in the bedroom, but in every aspect of life… never asking for anything, always serving, rarely comfortable, trying hard not to complain. It’s always been easier to give in, accept less, submit, or endure unhappiness. I learned to get what little I could through manipulation, and hold any dissatisfaction inside. My relationship mantra has always been “whatever you want.” After all, if I did any less than this, I was left behind, cast aside for someone else, someone who could deliver whatever it was I wasn't.

By contrast, Dee has swung from chandeliers, and has enjoyed numerous interesting partners. She has had no reason to endure dissatisfaction or to accept less, because there has almost always been another awaiting his chance. She has never endured years in succession without even a date. She has far less cause to look back and think “I wish I’d…,” or “If only I’d…” (except possibly with me).

We went to a swingers club, and my reaction was a flaccid ‘Dear God, what am I doing here?’ while Dee’s was a sizzling ‘Why did we wait so long?’ (yet another example, in a long line of examples, of why I remain convinced that, sooner or later, Dee will find someone who makes her happier than I). I wanted to enjoy myself, and reminded myself that this was exactly what I’d once dreamt of, but resisting my now grown-up, now ingrained reactions was like trying to make the tides run backwards. I was in over my head, and knew it. I felt like I was drowning. I felt uninteresting, unexciting… a miserable partner. And I felt old.

My post was about how disheartening it sometimes is to remember I once wanted to expand my horizons, when I find that that, now – whether due to the passage of time, the behavioral constructs of psychological learning, or the fact that I never possessed the proper qualities in the first place – I lack the energy and boldness required to chase those horizons, and likely wouldn’t enjoy them, should I ever reach them, as a result. I’ve become so set in my ways I can’t force myself to be otherwise, and attempting to do so leaves me so far removed from my comfort zone that, as Dee pointed out, “we usually get in a fight about it.”

My post wasn’t about wishing I could party all weekend, but about the fact that, whether at home or with friends, whether drinking coffee or Long Islands, whether active or sedentary, I know when it’s 9:45pm without having to look at a clock. It’s about how, no matter how late I stay awake, I can no longer sleep in and recover lost rest. It’s about the fact that I sometimes sense I may have to just accept who I am now, and put my teen-aged chandelier dreams behind me, once and for all.

I blame it on getting old, and maybe I’m right about that, or maybe I’m not. Most of the time I fight off whatever it is … but sometimes I don’t have the energy for that, either. And when that happens, I end up wallowing in it, just a little bit.

Gotta Respond...

2009-04-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

And I, in turn, will respond to Dee’s post, and so create some weird conversation thing here…

1. I don’t think my other blog qualifies for mistress status, since Dee knows about it! Plus, I very rarely have sex with it. The most you could credit me with there is a little mild flirtation.

2. The light flipping didn’t bother me. She was naked at the time, and the view left me satisfactorily compensated for the disruption.

3. In truth, I realized sometime around 9pm on Monday that Dee hadn’t yet made an offer during the day, and that the obligation had slipped her mind, and it was likely that, if I were careful not to remind her… so, in a fit of selfish whatever, I decided to procure myself an additional 10 days of future offerings. :)

4. Speaking of offers, last night’s offer (“I’ll lay here [and fall asleep] and you can do whatever you want”) didn’t count, so she’s still got 10 to go.

5. I’m posting a three-part-series of lists over the next three days on the other blog. Like the radio DJ says, I’ve got all your requests, all the time! At least until I run out of them, or Dee doesn’t request more, anyways. Maybe someone else has an idea for a list?

6. Did anyone catch the subtle subtext buried in Dee's post, by the way…? When given a choice between a strip club and a stray dog… Dee opted for the dog. When faced with the option of fulfilling my sexual request, or petting the stray… Dee cuddled up with the dog. Boy… talk about putting a guy in his place!

7. Of course, this is the same woman who climbs into bed naked, then invites the dogs up. If I didn’t know any better, I’d start to wonder if maybe she has a thing for dogs…

8. I am starting to worry what that says about me!

9. I think when you start using the phrase “relative youth,” you’re really just making my point about no longer being “young” for me. Next up: you’ll find yourself saying you feel “relatively healthy,” telling people you look “relatively good,” and bragging about how you still sleep “relatively well,” in spite of staying up “relatively late.”

10. As for responding to the rest of Dee’s post, I’ll do that later, since I do have a serious thing or two to say.

Starting Over

2009-04-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

I think I will use this opportunity to respond to some of the last few posts that DH made.

I am proud of myself that I have responded to DH's request for lists for his "other" blog (his mistress blog, I guess!) I always say I'm not very creative, and that is true. And it is also true that I need to be in a certain place, mentally, in order to be creative. Good ideas don't just flow in. I have to noodle something for a good long time, and then I have to have dedicated time in which to THINK. And that means no multitasking. Just setting aside time to do one thing at a time. It's true! The other night, after we had sex, and after I had noodled for a few days, I was laying there thinking and ideas were coming to me. I had to get out a pad of paper and a pen and annoy DH by flipping the light on and off. But I did it.

Perhaps we should go to bed an hour early every night, so that we have time for sex and then I can have time for thinking. It's not a bad idea, though I know it won't happen. In any case, I have enjoyed reading the lists.

Taking HNT photos is the same way, I guess. Only worse. Because we have things working against us. Like lighting. And gravity. But I have a very sweet DH who deletes the really bad ones before I can see them.

I royally screwed up yesterday.

Day 8 out of 10 and I forgot to make an offer. So now I have to start over or re-negotiate. Re-negotiating with DH usually means either trying to think something good up or letting him give me an even more complicated assignment. I think I will start over. But this time with a plan. I do much better with a plan. And reminders. Which is why I have had to go back and change some of my entries on my calendar so that when I print the months off for a planning session, my friends don't know that I have to submit a sexual suggestion on the first of the month, or give DH a blowjob on Wednesday, the 29th.

Having the house to ourselves is fun, but again, I'm not very creative. Though I have to say that having the house to ourselves, enjoying some wine, a cigarette, and DH licking my pussy on the couch may not be very creative, it was certainly enjoyable. Which brings me to his Middle-Aged Suburbia post.

I really like the word "lick." Just sayin.

So sad. I don't know what he thinks we should be doing, but we weren't exactly swinging from the chandeliers when we were young. And when we do try something WAY out there, we usually get in a fight about it. But I'd even be willing to risk it. The problem is: we need a plan. When we try to wing it and think something exciting is going to happen, it doesn't. But if we make a plan to do something exciting, sometimes it does. Though I do tend to mess up DH's plans. He had planned for us to go to a strip club, but I invited a stray dog to stay the weekend, and messed up DH's plans. But I know we will try again.

And his post also reminds me to tell him that he needs to live life for TODAY. Not tomorrow. Not when the kid moves out. Not when the bills are paid. Not for retirement. But NOW!

It is true we are not getting any younger and who knows if we will enjoy each other as we grow older. So we need to take advantage of our relative youth.

Why is why I am choosing to start over and make an offer for 10 more days!!

My Non-TMI TMI

2009-04-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

Normally, I would simply do the TMI today, but the questions posted are the “dance” edition:

1. If you could describe your personality through a dance what would it be?
2. What about describing your sex life through a type of dance?
3. What's one move on the dance floor sure to turn you on?
4. Is there a dancer you would love to be with?
5. What moves do you pull out to impress someone new?

Since I (a) don’t like dancing… (b) know very little about specific dance styles… and (c) outside of Mikhial Berishnikov (or however you spell his name!), don’t know any dancers at all (and Berishnikov is NOT going to be my answer to #4!), I will, instead, post my response to one of Dee’s requested lists here today. So… here are the Top 5 things I look forward to seeing [or doing, or experiencing] at a strip club…

Note: I thought of just putting down the “obvious” answer here (“seeing naked women… duh!”), but that wouldn’t be an honest response. On the rare outing with friends, what I remember are the conversations at the table, not the view. As for the Vegas strip clubs Dee and I went to, I barely remember what the strippers looked like. I remember that one was blond, and her boob job made it feel like there were two volleyballs stuck to her chest, but I don’t remember her face or any other details about her physical appearance at all, and I don’t remember ANYTHING at all about the girl who kissed Dee, nor do I remember anything at all about the stripper who gave Dee the lap dance. I can say, however, that I had a lot more fun with Dee than I had in any “guys only” outing, so that’s the scenario I am focusing on. Here is my list:

1. Just being there with Dee, and seeing her having fun. There were other female patrons in the clubs we went to, but most of them looked about as happy to be there as cats in a washing machine. The most “enthusiastic” one (other than Dee) sipped her drink and tried to appear “above it all” while trying to look as thought the guy sitting next to her really wasn’t her boyfriend. Dee, however, was more into it than I was, and that was the best part of the whole evening. I don’t remember much about the strippers, but I did catch a few guys sending envious looks in my direction or wistful “wish she was mine” glances at Dee, and that made me feel quite lucky and appreciative for who I got ball-and-chained to. :)

2. On the enthusiasm front, while not overtly arousing, the way Dee kept asking me for more money – like a kid in a candy store with permission to buy ANYTHING – was a very subtle, but undeniable, turn-on.

3. The hedonistic atmosphere. This is really specific to the Palomino in Las Vegas… the only club I know of where you can drink and get full-on nudity as a chaser. I’m sure there are others, but I’ve never been in one, and don’t know where one would be. I’ve been to several clubs in Vegas (over a few trips there), but, just as in our state, they can’t serve alcohol if there’s going to be full skin (the Palomino was grandfathered in when the law was passed there). The only other place I’ve been in clubs is back east, and, at the time, those didn’t serve alcohol either (I have no idea if they can or do now), and I’ve never even been to one here! I’m also sure that, if you have the means, the opportunities and selections available are vastly different, and far more entertaining, but I don’t have any platinum records. Still, throw in the drinks, a pack of cigarettes or some cigars, the naked women, and Dee, and the atmosphere of self-indulgent pleasure created is a turn on.

4. Just getting out for the evening... and letting go. I really enjoy doing the “night out as a couple” thing, whether it’s just dinner or a movie or even just shopping at Costco. I particularly like it when we splurge a little and do it up right, and I especially enjoy it when there is a sexual aspect to the event. When all these things are combined, and I feel free to relax and let go of my hesitations and inhibitions (hence my preference for alcoholic beverage availability), it’s a very enjoyably experience.

5. And… ok, YES, there would be naked women. And I do like naked women. Maybe next time I’ll actually pay closer attention to them.

Middle Aged Suburbia

2009-04-13T12:02:00.000-07:00

Most of the time I’m happy with my life… how it evolved and where I’ve ended up, and where I ended up is about as good as I could have hoped for. But sometimes looking back at how I got here makes me feel that life really has passed me by, especially when my age hits home, inspiring me to catalogue all that has gone unfulfilled. Here is a list of things I’ve learned can make you feel as though you’ve past your prime:

… you go to the mall and not only see how young the crowd looks, but realize these way-too-young-to-be-at-the-mall-unsupervised kids actually drove themselves there.

… while browsing mall stores, you realize – with real horror – that your daughter is nearly in the market for the very same outfits that, only a last summer, had you thinking to yourself… damn, girls never dressed like that when I was sixteen!

… your wife tells you how cute the boy-hero in the new Hannah Montana movie is, and how she’s just GOT go see 17 Again because Zach Efron is just so darn cute… and… uh… oh… uh… well, uh… you’re cute, too – hey… did you know you’re beard is turning grey? And you should trim your eyebrows… you’re starting to look like your dad.

… while spending the night with a friend, your daughter runs her cell phone battery dead… texting said friend.

… you’re competing with a Blackberry for your wife’s attentions… and losing the battle.

… your wife reminds you that you’ve now been taking her out to dinner for more than 20 years.

Nothing brings on that “I’m almost 40” feeling faster than looking forward to a sexual weekend, and achieving a sadly stereotypical suburban middle-aged one instead. That’s not to say we had a bad weekend, because we didn’t – we did, in fact, have a very nice weekend together. However…

Friday night I’d planned to get out the accessories, but after shopping until well past our usual dinnertime, we had a nice dinner out, where Dee got drunk on two glasses of wine. We came home and got distracted by a walk with the new dog, then retired to bed. Dee said that if we had sex, she would “do all the work” (her payback offer for the day). We had a quick session, after which Dee essentially passed out.

Saturday I considered a morning shower together, but I woke up early, and Dee was still sound asleep (waking Dee up for sex is a real turn off for me), so I just went downstairs. Dee woke up more than two hours later, and by then I was feeling typically non-sexual. I’d planned to spend some time creating HNT photographs, but that never really materialized at all. That night Dee was going to fulfill my sexual request of the month, but instead, after another full day of shopping and a late dinner, fatigue set in. She offered me a blowjob (her payback offer for the day), which I accepted, and we were asleep soon thereafter.

Sunday morning we had breakfast together, cleaned the house, and waited for the kid to return. She offered me a quickie (her payback offer for the day) in the midst of my making dinner, and I declined, thinking we could have fun later on, but Dee did the taxes last night, and we were late getting to bed, so nothing happened at all.

Hardly the stuff of wild fantasy, or even mild fantasy.

This weekend there was a segment on CBS Sunday Morning (and is there anything more middle-aged than blogging about how you watched the Sunday morning news?) on the benefits of procrastination. If you procrastinate on the stuff you need to do, it gives you an opportunity to daydream about what will make you happy in the future. Dee thought this was a GREAT piece of news (Dee procrastinates on everything, I procrastinate on only a few things – and those that I do are usually non-critical long-range projects that other things… things I don’t procrastinate… take precedence over). My question is, what good does daydreaming about what will make you happy later on if you don’t strive for it (something procrastinators fail to do!)? And what happens when you use the stuff you need to do today to procrastinate… and avoid striving for what might make you happy?

When I was younger, I used to tell myself that the fun would really begin in high school – that being older, having a car and such would open whole new worlds for me. I’d then be able to experience all the parties, and the sexual adventure, and all the fun and wild times I could ever imagine. After I got to high school, I promised myself that it was actually in college that things would begin to heat up. In college I first told myself (as a freshman and soph) that I would experience these things once I got my feet under me, made friends, learned where the parties were… then as time when on I assured myself (as an upper classman) that I’d be able to enjoy these things once I got out of college, got a job, had some disposable income…

… then it was marriage that would open new doors, then having a house and settling down that would do it. Things would be easier once the kid got older. We’ll be able to start enjoying things once we’ve paid off the bills. Or I’ll have a mid-life crisis and go crazy. My second childhood is coming up soon…

… now I’ve started telling myself I just have to make it to retirement, and then… maybe, after the kid is gone, and college is paid for, and the mortgage payments have ended… yes… THAT’S when the fun can begin. As long as I'm still healthy enough to enjoy it.

I know that any number of people experience weekends filled with the stuff of wild fantasy – they stay up late, drink and get buzzed, eat unhealthy foods, have adventurous sex… whatever thrills them. I know that even some people my age have those types of weekends – I’ve read the blogs, and seen the personals ads – but more and more I’ve come to accept that I was born into middle-class, middle-aged suburbia. I was raised there. I live there now. It’s my comfort zone, my habit, my inheritance. I go to bed early, and don’t sleep in. I get out of chairs with a groan. Mowing the lawn makes the muscles stiff. A couple glasses of wine will make me dizzy… and then put me to sleep. Staying up late means lights out at 10:15pm. And, as likely as not, I’ve passed the half-way point in life… there’s more behind me than ahead.

I’ve procrastinated past the point where wild weekends are a daydreamed future, but more likely a thing of the unfulfilled past. And that, above all, can make a guy feel old.

The Weekend is Coming

2009-04-10T12:49:00.000-07:00

1. Feeling the Friday joy today. Leaving work early. A weekend-long "date night" with the wife. She fulfills my sexual request of the month tomorrow evening.

2. Had to turn down yesterday's repayment offer, but do give Dee credit for offering. I just wasn't in the mood for that quick of a quickie, and a second offer made later was reasonable, but I didn't view as practical. Still, 3 down, 7 to go for full repayment, and 2 of those three were accepted and acted upon.

3. I have been throwing together my list responses as fast as I can now. Spent half the workday today typing them up. :)

The latest on Lists

2009-04-09T15:15:00.001-07:00

1. No HNT today. We took pictures, but the lighting was really bad, and both of us have a thing about quality in photographs. We’ll be taking a bunch this weekend, so there WILL be something in the future, I promise. :)

2. I did post another list on my other blog. I feel some sense of accomplishment about that, at least.

3. Speaking of lists… Dee has now flooded me with list work. I’m actually quite happy about that.

4. I’ve been trying to think about all her list requests at once, and knock out one a day. I’ve made progress on a number of them simultaneously, but there’s one that just has me stumped. Dee added this as a list request: If given a day with no disruptions, list the top 10 sexual ways you would spend it with a woman other than me if you had my permission to do so. This one really has me racking my brains. First I got hung up thinking “what would a do with another woman that I wouldn’t do with Dee?” – and, of course, the answer is nothing. Then I tried to put myself in the moment in my imagination – I’m at home, alone with another woman… and Dee says I can do whatever I want… what would I do…? – but just as with not noticing cute waitresses and such, I found myself just sitting here thinking: nothing… seriously… I couldn’t think of a thing I’d want to do. I wound up imagining us sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee, watching the West Wing, and debating political topics. Or watching football. No sex. No nudity. Nothing sexual at all. Then I tried to force myself to think sexually… and wound up imagining I was cooking her dinner. I haven’t come up with a single answer thus far.

Mid Week Tidbits

2009-04-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

1. Dee’s assignment this week is to give me at least five “lists” she’d like to see me post on my other blog by Friday, and I’ve promised to post those lists once each day after receiving them until I’ve responded to them all. I have just returned from lunch, and she has delivered “the first five” – which may indicate there are more to come! – so I will begin working on them at once. The first one will be posted tomorrow, I think (maybe today, if my afternoon is really boring).

2. We have the house to ourselves tonight, so I’m hoping to create a postable HNT!

3. Dee fulfilled her payback obligation last night (1 down, 9 left to go). I was invited to masturbate and come on her body anywhere I chose, and I fully intended to end the evening just that way, after first giving her some enjoyment. Alas, I lost control and made my deposit in the traditional manner… I have great difficulty keeping myself under control when hearing/seeing/feeling Dee orgasm.

4. We have the house to ourselves all weekend, as well, so it’s likely we’ll have some fun then, too.

5. I’m going to go work on my lists now… :)

TMI

2009-04-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I see two sets of TMI questions for today. I’ll just answer them both…

1. Have you ever had a sexual experience with the opposite sex?

Of course. There must be a typo in this question or something.

2. When you see someone you like, how do you act, how do you get their attention?

I either say “Hey… Dee!” or grab her ass.

3. Dominate or dominated, which do you prefer?

Dominate, despite my reticence to do so. I like being in control (even if only passively), and being dominated does nothing for me (in fact, I’d say being dominated diminishes the experience slightly for me).

4. Would you/ Have you ever had a threesome?

I would, but I haven’t.

5. When was the last time you had sex?

Last time I had sex: Saturday night
Last time I had an orgasm: Friday night

6. Sex on the first date...good or bad?

Couldn’t tell you. It’s never happened to me.

7. Do you have any random or out of the ordinary turn ons?

I don’t think so.

8. What attributes attract you to a potential partner.

I’m not looking for a potential partner. But as far as what I find attractive in a woman, the answer would be long and complicated. I find a lot of women attractive, each for different reasons. There isn’t any one thing that I look for in particular.

1. Marriage and children aside, what has been your greatest accomplishment in life?

That’s a tough one, actually. I honestly don’t think I’ve accomplished much.

2. Aside from healthy and happy children, what is your greatest ambition for the future?

Sadly, I have no great ambitions. I used to hope for things like becoming an author (see #3), or a good, comfortable retirement, but now the limit of my aspirations is to someday finish the household projects I have.

3. If we were to enter your real name in a search engine, what would we find?

That at on time I seriously tried to be a published writer.

4. Who is the most famous person you ever met (not just in the same room as, but actually spoke with)?

Arnold Schwarzenegger or Ervin “Magic” Johnson, depending on who you count as more famous. Schwarzenegger would never in a million years remember (at a publicity appearance in… 1988? – his wife was pregnant with their first, so whenever that was – I asked him what part of parenthood he was looking forward to most). There’s a technical chance that Magic MIGHT remember me, vaguely.

5. Parents aside, who is your biggest hero?

There are a lot of people I respect, but I can’t say I have any personal heroes. There are a lot of people who I would define as being heroes, though.

6. Someone once worked out the sexual version of Six Degrees of Separation - Celebrity A slept with B, who slept with C, who slept with D, making as sort of connection between A and D. Are you connected to anyone famous through six or fewer bonks?

I would have to say no. In truth, I have no idea, but I have had very few bonks in my life, and only one of those bonks could be defined as having been with a promiscuous partner, so I would think I’m more likely to win the lottery than be so connected.

Clarification

2009-04-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

1. Dee owes me three for essentially catering the party, and one for volunteering to drive the Brownie troop around town while she stayed home and scrapbooked.

2. I take negotiations seriously. Offering to buy me dinner at Subway (when we don't keep our incomes separate or anything) as repayment for all of the above IS insulting.

3. The agreement is that Dee must offer the SEXUAL gratification of her choice.

4. On that front, Dee... last night's offer to "cuddle" doesn't cut it. You must start over. *heh heh*

Paybacks...

2009-04-06T15:37:00.000-07:00

So last weekend, DH indulged me and spent the evening with my friends and their husbands. Not exactly torture, but for him, pretty close. But it didn't stop there. My girlfriend had the brilliant idea to have a fondue party, she would provide the fondue, and everyone would bring things to dip. Great idea. Did not translate well in reality. So DH's cooking skills came to the rescue. But every time he had to rescue her, he looked at me and said you owe me for this. For a grand total of 4 times.

So, my tongue-in-cheek first offer for payback consisted of me buying him dinner the other night. At Subway. Before the school play. He declined. And was offended and insulted at my attempt to lowball him. My second offer was 10 minutes of making out in the car after work. He also declined, stating that this particular activity would be more for me than him. This insulted and offended me, but whateve.r So I told him he'd better tell me what he thought a good payback might be.

He gave me several options, from one big obligation to payback all the favors, to halfies and even quarters (one for one as it were).

I opted for the one big obligation.

So for the next 10 days, I have to find an opportunity to offer the specific gratification of my choice, whatever creative idea strikes my fancy. Only half can be at bedtime, so the other half has to be during waking hours. He can choose to accept or reject the offer, which must be followed through at the time of offer (no fair offering something up for later in the evening as a way around the half-time bedtime rule). He will be under no obligation to satisfy me, however, so I'd better make these offers good! If I miss a day, I have to either start over or re-negotiate another payment option.

This should be interesting.

Types

2009-04-06T15:04:00.001-07:00

In trying to think up interesting (and challenging) questions to pose to Dee, I’ve found myself thinking about the variety of patters (or personality types) that you can use to describe or define who you are, sexually speaking. There are probably hundreds of different continuums upon which we can define ourselves. Some of them are obvious:
…On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being totally submissive and 10 being completely dominant…
…On a scale from 1-10, would you say you were homosexual (1), bi (5), or straight (10)?

But there are other patters I recognize, yet can’t place a label on – that is, I don’t know that there are names for them. For example, I think there two types of sexual personalities… the first type (which I’ll refer to as A-Types) are those who prefer a set pattern … for them, it’s less about variety, and more about results. I’m not suggesting A-Types are “in a rut,” doing the same thing the same way every time, but I would say they do have a definite set of favorite moves or positions they can mix-and-match in a way which almost guarantees they’ll have a really good orgasm, every time. They know what they want, and what works for them and make efficient use of that information. They specialize in the slow (or rapid) build-up, and the consistent, satisfying climax.

By contrast, B-Types are all about the variety, even though sometimes that variety doesn’t pay off. For them, it’s more about the journey, and less about the results. These are the people for whom sex starts with a caress and a kiss in their bedroom upstairs, and ends with ass-prints on the car windshield in the garage. These are the people who are in the same position twice in a week only by accident. They go with the flow of the moment, and though they do get to the top of the hill, it’s often after repeated build-ups and backslides.

A-Types can be exceptional sexual partners in the sense that, once you have them figured out, you always know exactly how to turn them on, and exactly what to do to rock their world, but for some (mostly B-Types) A-Types might seem uninspired, even uninteresting. On the other hand, with B-Types, you never really know what is going to work for them – or really get them off -- this time, and what blew their mind last night might, today, bore them to death. This can be frustrating, and slightly demoralizing to your self-esteem (especially to A-Types), but others (mostly B-Types) would rather play the guessing game and enjoy the variety.

When two A-Types get together, the sex will be consistently good (provided they like the same things), but will almost never exceed expectations, since they both know exactly what’s coming. When two B-Types get together, the sex can be mindblowing (when both partners desire the same things in the heat of the moment), or frustrating (when the two partners want different things), and will swing wildly from one to the other from encounter to encounter.

When an A-Type and B-Type get together, the disparity can cause a lot of problems. Still, I think the sex can be good, but only if one partner is willing to give up some of his/her personal preference and submits to becoming more like the other.

I really have nowhere to go with this… but I’ve been pondering the various permutations that define what sexuality is. I think it’d be interesting to come up with a little 10-question thing that really boiled down who a person is, sexually, just as a way of really thinking about what it is we want, like, etc. A little 10-question conversation starter.

Friday Bits

2009-04-03T08:43:00.001-07:00

1. These days, it seems that my peak level of horny for the day arrives in the small slice of time between the moment my first cup of coffee really kicks in and the moment when the first work-related frustration hits. That puts it somewhere between 8 and 9:30 am – not exactly a practical and useful moment for this to happen. I think this is the point when my energy level is at its peak, too.

2. On the other hand, I did wake up in the middle of the night last night horny as hell (I don’t know what woke me up, and I don’t remember any dreams, but I suspect I must have been dreaming about SOMETHING…). I seriously considered waking Dee up – the fact that she had kicked the blankets down, and was thus exposed and looking particularly yummy factored into this – but didn’t have the heart to do so. She was sleeping soundly, and I didn’t think it would be fair to rouse her for what would have almost certainly been less than five minutes of self-indulgence. It took me a while to get back to sleep, though.

3. I was feeling particularly creative at work yesterday, so I spent part of the day blowing off my non-critical obligations and played around with a few ideas. I now have a small collection of topics (questions and whatnot) I can pummel Dee with similar to those questions she responded to earlier this week.

4. I’m feeling the Friday joy, but for the past two weeks there’s been a sense of annoyance wrapped up into that feeling. Each of the past two Wednesdays and Thursdays I’ve woken up feeling like it was Friday, so I’ve been feeling the joy – at least initially – on six of the last ten workdays. Since I’ve been disappointed four times out of six, I now have an underlying sense of “oh, great, here we go again,” even though I KNOW that this time it really IS Friday. This is an example of one of those little, meaningless things that has added to my stress level. Waking up every day thinking “Oh, thank God it’s Frid… oh, CRAP!” isn’t exactly getting off to a good start. :)

5. Looking forward to the weekend, though. For no particular reason at all.

Making Demands

2009-04-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

I’ll never quite get past my conviction that one day Dee is going to wake up and call the whole thing off. In a perfect world, Dee would be married to a dominating Zach Efron with cooking skills and a streak of the social butterfly in him -- someone who looks good, brings her home from social gatherings, throws her down on the bed and takes her, and then cooked her breakfast in bed in the morning. Instead, she wound up with a middle aged, moody, slightly rotund introvert with a whole series of hang-ups. A good father, to be sure, cleans up after himself, holds a steady job… but won’t even admit when he IS actually in the mood for a little lovin’.

I can’t imagine that, from her perspective, I’m the guy on top of the evolutionary ladder here, the cream of the gene pool. There’s HAS be another guy out there who knows how to roast potatoes, and is still better acquainted with the rougher and more adventurous adult worlds than I am. Even I recognize that truth, and if anyone were biased in my favor, it’d be me. :)

I mention this because it feeds directly into the topic at hand: It doesn’t take much deduction to see I’m not comfortable with making demands or requests, sexual or otherwise. I’m just not that kind of guy. Never have been. Never will be. It makes me feel selfish, disrespectful. When I even consider such actions, the guy I see in the mirror suddenly turns into just another prick… one of those guys who gives good men a bad name and encourages women to embrace less flattering stereotypes.

I’m convinced there’s better matches for Dee out there somewhere, so it’s up to me to keep her happy... to take care of things and make her life easier; to keep the grass as green as possible over on my side of the fence. And to never, ever embody the selfish, disrespectful stereotype. She stuck with me because I wasn’t the stereotype – in fact, she dumped quite a few stereotypical guys along the way. I often wonder why, exactly, I'm trying to be more like one of “those” guys.

On the rare occasion I do share a particular thought or tidbit of information, I usually end up feeling equally uncomfortable later on… when Dee tries to act on the information. If I grumble about how I really hate unloading the dishwasher, and Dee gets up five minutes earlier and unloads it, I feel like a slave driver. If I post here and say I’ve been extra tired and not really in the mood, and Dee comments (paraphrasing), if I were a better wife, I’d get you in the mood, and I’ll try harder to do so…

… Well, now I just feel terrible! It seems she thinks I’m disappointed in her, or our relationship, or something…

… And when she follows through on her comment, I’m sure I’ll find myself worrying that the only reason she’s trying to light my fire is because I posted a paragraph, and not because she actually wants my fire to be lit.

This is the cycle of stupid hang-ups this poor woman has to navigate.

Yes, empirically, logically, I realize this isn’t the case at all, but since when has reason and knowledge ever really trumped emotion and instinct? You know the stupid, teeny spider won’t hurt you, but you still get the willies when it drops off the ceiling onto your shoulder and runs up your neck and into your hair, right? People feel guilty when they shouldn’t all the time. Schadenfreude exists. So does claustrophobia. Examples of baser reactions overriding higher logic abound. It’s beyond control.

I am continuing to try and change things. As our rules dictate, I submitted the specific sexual adventure which she must make real within the next six months. I also submitted (as the rules allow) a request for a less involved act which she has to make real before the end of the month – though, if you actually read THAT one you’d see that even this request is more about her than about me… even my requests or demands are patently unselfish. I’m supposed to submit those once a month, and here, six months into the rules, and it’s the first time I’ve done so.

And I started looking around for a good strip club, too.

True Wife Confessions

2009-04-01T12:59:00.001-07:00

One of the blogs I read is True Wife Confessions. I don't know why. It's like watching a train wreck. Maybe it makes me feel better about my life. Reading about other's misfortunes just makes me grateful for the life I have. This, however, was a post today that I could have written myself:

Confession #2855

Let me just say that you are wonderful. I am so grateful to have met you. You completely saved me from a-hole after a-hole. You're my best friend, a wonderful father, an excellent provider, a devoted husband, and a fantastic lover. I love you to the bottom and depth of my soul. It's been the greatest 18 years of my life and I would not trade you for George Clooney. I am now and forever yours as you are the best man I have ever known. We have a beautiful child and life is as good as it should ever be.

Truly.

Today's Thoughts

2009-04-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

1. It was nice to read Dee’s responses, though I’m really not sure about “Panties.” For me that word conjures up thoughts of the large white contraptions worn by grandmothers. I think it’s ‘cuz that’s what my mother called female underwear. She insisted that men wore underwear, and women wore panties, and there isn’t a whole lot that’s less sexy than your mother’s underwear.

2. I’ll give her another idea to post after she gets settled at work, and lets me know she wants it.

3. It’s been a couple weeks now since the last time we tried to participate in the HNT thing. Not sure we’ll get to it this week, either. Kinda bummed about that, and kinda not, and by that I mean…

4. … I keep complaining about my energy level being at an all time low, but it is. Which leaves me unmotivated, uncreative, and maybe even slightly depressed-feeling. And…

5. … My sex drive seems to be at a record low tide. I'm here thinking of things I might blog about (something which usually at least turns my thoughts towards what possibilities might exist for the evening), and I don’t feel even a mild stirring in the body. I’m in bed with a naked wife at the end of every day, and haven’t had a sexual though in my head in days. Granted, I did have a number of urges over the weekend (five, if I remember right), but those moments stand out against the backdrop of the last couple weeks like bright beacons… and one of the other reasons is because they were very transitory thoughts – along the lines of “Wow, she’s really looking good… I could totally just bend her over and… uh… oh… never mind.”

6. According to the rules (and a reminder sent this morning from Dee), today is the day when I am required to submit a specific sexual adventure or experience (meaning one in which orgasms are part of the package) that I wish her to make real within the next six months. So I have to come up with something, which might be hard to do, since I’m not feeling terribly creative, and decidedly un-sexual.

7. Speaking of which, I’m not a schmuck… yet. But I’ve gotta be getting close now. Our rules state that Dee must provide me with a suggestion for a non-sexual adult adventure (meaning an orgasm isn’t necessarily part of the package) on January 1, and I have to make it real within six months. Her request: take her to a strip club for a night out. Now, it’s been three months, and I haven’t even really given it a thought, let alone plan anything. My wife has asked me to take her to a strip club, and invited me to enjoy the sight of naked women, live and in person… and I haven’t done so. What kind of a yo-yo does that make me?

8. And even as I’m typing these things, my email inbox has popped up with another incoming flood of work (just as it did a couple weeks ago, and just as it did again last week)… making me feel even more tired, and more sick of everything, and more in need of a vacation. Seven new issues scanned and emailed from one branch office in the last five minutes. It’s going to be another one of those… weeks.

Question and Answer

2009-03-31T08:28:00.000-07:00

(a) Name a word or phrase that turns you on when you hear it (no matter who says it). Suck cock.

(b) Name a word or phrase that turns you on when you say it (no matter who you say it to). Panties. There's something so sexy about the word.

(c) Name a word or phrase you don’t usually like, but which does (or would) turn you on when I say it. Pussy. Though I really do dislike the word, especially saying it. But it does turn me on.

(d) Name a word or phrase you don’t usually like, but which does (or would) turn you on when you say it to me. Ass (as in smack my ass, grab my ass, fuck my ass).

Note from DH: To avoid piling up posts here, I have posted my responses to the same question on my other blog... My Sex-List Life.

Quick TMI

2009-03-31T07:31:00.000-07:00

1. Have you ever sent or received a sext message?

Not really. Dee and I have sent some somewhat naughty text messages back and forth over the past couple years, but I wouldn’t actually consider it sexting.

Nope, though I think we should!

2. Have you ever made or received a booty call?

I have been both the “caller” and the “called.” Being the “caller” left me feeling like a user and a loser. Being the “called” was actually quite the ego boost, but it's only happened a couple of times in my life.

I don't think I have ever made or received a booty call. I am more of a relationship person.

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?

Nope.

I have! Only one or two Wikipedia entries, and one was just grammar and punctuation corrections, but still!

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?

Sixteen. But it wasn’t really all that in the impressive department. In fact, looking back, it’s downright depressing what a sad, fumbling yutz I was.

I will say 12. There was activity before then, but really the first time I was ready and willing and actually did the deed I was 12.

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?

Five years, maybe? I really don’t know. I know who that partner would be, and I know she was older than I, but since I never knew her exact age, I can only guess.

Seven years, I was 14, he was 21 (I know, right?!), though I don't know that you can call him a consensual sexual partner since he was so big he didn't fit.

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?

I think I’ve answered that one repeatedly over any number of previous posts. :)

Because my husband asked me to!

Any number of Random thoughts

2009-03-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

1. In terms of this whole posting on the blog thing, Dee and I discussed it a bit over the weekend, and I can see her point – I have been “nagging” her somewhat. The trouble is, she has asked me to make these types of demands upon her and then hold her accountable when necessary, so I find I’m having a hard time threading the needle between accountability and nagging. It's a tough shot. However, I have agreed to try to be less nagging and more supportive.

2. On that same front, I do want to point out that I have, on numerous occasions, offered assistance in the idea-generating department… everything from posting questions for Dee to answer (TMI style), to offering to submit suggestions for specific “Top Ten (or Top Five)” lists I would be interested in seeing her post (such as her top five favorite sexual positions, etc.). But I have learned that simply giving what amounts to “assignments” doesn’t work, so while I’ve been making these offers, I’ve been waiting for an actual request from Dee before delivering. I did, however, email her four short questions that she’s promised to answer and (I think) post here.

3. I’ve posted on this topic before, but there is a seriously significant chasm between what I sometimes find myself thinking, and what actions I’m actually comfortable taking, and it is unmercifully frustrating. This weekend there were a couple moments when I was seriously right on the edge of something (depending on the moment, either pulling down Dee’s waistband, grabbing her hips, and doing her from behind right then and there, or unzipping and begging for a blowjob, or whatever)… but I just can’t act on these thoughts. Never mind that Dee wants me to make such demands and act in these manners, and would welcome the change in behavior… it just feels wrong to do so.

4. On the other hand (and this is just for Dee) – I finally realized I can describe the feeling perfectly! Dee: It’s the same thing you feel at the end of the party, when everyone says hey, it’s not a problem, go home… and you just CAN’T without helping with the cleanup first because leaving the mess behind feels… wrong.

5. Work-wise, the light at the end of the tunnel is still somewhat in the distance, but I think I’m going to try a more balanced approach here… post regularly, but less wordy, more listy. Like this post. :)

6. I see that, after weeks of completely uninteresting CL ads, last week, while I was ignoring everything non-work, there were a few I would have actually forwarded on to Dee for her opinion on. Such is life, I guess.

Busy Backsliding

2009-03-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

I have three "lists" of things that I have to get done in a workday: First, there is the stuff in my inbox, which, when I arrive in the morning, is all the stuff that was put there after I left (I leave at 3:30, while others in the office are here as late as 6pm) and all the faxes that have come in from the east coast time zones before I got here. Then there is the stuff on today's task list in Outlook, which is where I schedule reminders for those things that I have to do on a later date – every day there’s a number of previously entered reminders I need to address. And, finally, there is a notepad on my desk, where I make a note of anything that comes up during the day (voice messages to be returned, things others ask me to do, etc.).

Every day, the first thing I have been doing is to write the same things on my notepad: B1 (blog one), B2 (blog two), BOH (Broadening Our Horizons), FB (facebook), and RDR (Google reader). As the day goes along, in addition to all the actual work related stuff I need to see to, I have also tried hard to post to all my blogs, keep up to date on whats in the Reader, update my Facebook status… (you get the idea).

Dee says I’m a writer, but that’s not really true anymore. It's been like 3 or 4 years now since I last bothered looking at a manuscript, and there's only been a couple of dabblings in short stories that all quickly fizzled since then. In truth, the main reason I have tried to post every day isn't that I like to write, but because Dee specifically said she really enjoy reading something new every day that I've written there.

Dee’s retort-post made me realize a bunch of things... among them, I realized she’s right – my posts are pretty much just repetitively bitching about being busy, and this is something that isn't enjoyable to anyone anyways. It’s just me venting. So killing myself trying to post/reader-read/status-update every day is just making my days all the harder and more stressful, and in the end I'm not really doing it for any good reason at all.

Another thing I realized is that, again, Dee was right – trying to do all these things has been an obligation, something else on my to do list that I need to wedge into my day, and not something I have enjoyed. They’ve all been things that added to my misery and business, rather than allowing me to escape from them.

For these past few days, I shut off my email notifier, and didn’t write down any of those things on my notepad. And thus far, I have made great progress in the direction I’ve wanted to go, at least in terms of getting my to do lists back under control.

What’s made me somewhat frustrated about this particular matter, however, is the difference between the two of us. Dee says she really wants to read more things more often (as far as my posts go), and I bust my ass sideways trying to make her happy. And yet, when I’ve said I’d like to read more things more often from her, the reaction (based on action and tone more than words) is essentially… “who gives a shit?” and “stop being an ass and get off my back.”

This is where my backslide begins. Because from there, it’s only a few small, slippery steps (and a bit of stewing in my own annoyance), until I’m telling myself how selfish she’s being, and how she doesn’t actually appreciate or recognize the effort I’ve made, and I start thinking about what I do for her vs. what she does to help me out (and doing so with an unfavorable bias), how she hardly every listens to me (and assuming that’s actually a fact), how little we really have in common (again, with all thoughts slanting negatively)… until I have no interest in even talking to the woman.

It doesn’t help that we’re both stubborn people who both think we have the higher ground, either.

As Dee said, we have ups and downs, just like everyone else.

But it’s still “date night” tonight.

A Public Apology

2009-03-26T15:33:00.000-07:00

Google has recently added a feature to its Labs so that you can delay sending your emails for five seconds, making it possible to hit cancel after you hit send. They also have something call Email Goggles, so that you have a minute to think before your email is sent.

This leads me to believe that it's not just me that pulls the trigger on communications without thinking them though thoroughly.

As was the case with my "retort" post.

Let this be my public apology to DH for my sarcastic tone and the words I wrote.

Posting once a week to a blog I agreed would be a vehicle for better and further conversation should not be that difficult. It truly IS about priorities.

I think backsliding comes natural for most of us. The older I get, the steeper and more slippery the slope, so that I wind up crashing down faster and faster, while it gets harder and harder to pull myself back up.

DH and I have our ups and downs, as everyone does. When we are up, we are UP. But when we are down, it takes a good bit of work to get back up again. But it is always worth it.

What happens in Vegas...

2009-03-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I flew to Vegas with 5 of my closest friends. Vegas is a funny place. People go there with all sorts of expectations. Families with children vacation there. Young couples honeymoon there. Older couples renew the flame there. Divorcees celebrate their freedom there.

So where do middle aged housewives fit in?

The last time I was in Vegas was with DH. It was truly a wonderful time. We began the trip holding hands and snuggling on the plane. We dressed up and took in a show. We saw the sights. We went to a strip club or two. We had amazing sex in our hotel room. We snuggled and kissed on the plane on the way home.

We went with no expectations and no inhibitions and we had a great time.

This time was oh so very different. Our group of 7 women, ranging in age from 36 (I'm the youngest) to 45 (recently widowed). Most of us are married, happily, though we had two singles. Getting ready to go to the strip for dinner, I put on the same outfit I wore last time...a skirt and top. Not particularly low cut, but not matronly either. The rest of my friends looked like they were getting ready for church! Arriving at Treasure Island's parking garage, we walked through the casino to get to the street. The entire way hearing comments like "I guess Vegas is just an excuse to dress like a slut" or "look at what she's wearing...that's ridiculous." Of course, I commented that I thought anything was acceptable as long as you couldn't see nipples. And I got a dirty look.

I mentioned, perhaps, seeing one of the male stripper shows and you would have thought I said let's get a group divorce! A girl stripclub would obviously be out of the question.

At dinner, the conversation turned to "where is the craziest place you've had sex." I got to say a frisbee golf course in broad daylight at a family reunion. And I heard some interesting answers from the girls. But all from years past. Talking about our current sex life, only one other even found sex enjoyable! Let alone talking about anything "out of the ordinary." Just the mention of anal sex illicited groans of sick, gross, who would do that?

We all split up for a while, some of us went shopping, some saw the sights, and some played the slots. When we all met back up, I'm the only one that got eyerolls because I was carrying a Frederick's of Hollywood bag.

I need to find some fun friends. Some friends who are ready and willing to try new and fun things instead of settling for middle aged.

The weekend was a fun girlie time, but it was wasted in Vegas. We might as well have been in Detroit. And now I'm longing to go back with DH so we can really have some fun!

All Orgasms are not created equal...

2009-03-24T14:24:00.000-07:00

The other night, DH surprised me first by telling me he would be pulling out the hitachi, and later by actually doing it. This is a man who is very anti-machinery, so to have him offer was a pleasant surprise. We were fooling around on the couch when he paused to get the object in question.

He started out by massaging my legs and my belly, my breasts, and finally lightly caressing the outside of my pussy. The soft purring feels so wonderfully invigorating. My DH is an expert at what makes ME purr so he knew to gently stroke with increasing pressure in a rhythmic circle. It didn't take long for me start writhing and moaning as the orgasm started, with the epicenter at my clitoris...jolts of electricity running through my body, stiffening my legs and arching my back. A good orgasm!

Later that night (or maybe another) we were in our bed making love with all the kissing and caressing and loving that really turns me on. I was on top of DH riding the full length of his cock. As we looked deep into each other's eyes, I could feel the the orgasm buiding, starting in my heart and spiraling to my head, my breasts, and finally my legs. I continued to ride him as I was telling him how much I loved him and the wave of orgasm crashed over my body. The waves engulfed me as I continued moving with DH and with each stroke I could feel the sensation recede and wash over me again and again. As the last wave slowly faded, I collapsed on DH's chest giggling happily as every fiber of my being was infused with feelings of love and well being. This was an amazing orgasm. The kind that you remember fondly for days to come. The kind that brings a smile to your face as you are working out and your mind drifts back to this memorable moment.

The hitachi will almost always give me an orgasm and sometimes that release is needed. But when I want a mind blowing full body orgasm, the only thing I can count on is DH's delicious, beautiful, powerful cock.

My retort

2009-03-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

DH is a writer. He writes books.

I am a reader. Though beyond 9 year old literary choices, I haven't been able to read a book in years. Except blogs. I have my Google reader set up nicely, so that I always have a tidbit or two to read each day. The computer equivalent of a fashion magazine.

First, for me, it takes days to think up a subject for a post, formulate what I want to say in it, and then type it out, edit, polish, and finally publish.

Second, posting daily about how your wife doesn't post and how tiring life is, does not count as sexually adventuresome. In fact, I don't think it should even count as posting.

Third, as we all know, when something is made into an obligation, it becomes a chore and infinitely less enjoyable. And when someone is nagged constantly about their lack of meeting even a low expectation, it makes it that much harder to WANT to do the thing in the first place.

That said, I will now post...

TMI

2009-03-24T11:15:00.001-07:00

Short answers this time around, as I’m going to at least TRY to post a second entry before I leave work today…

Mine are below his...Dee

1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?

No. I have considered running a few names through Facebook, but then I realize I’m really just not that interested.

Sadly, yes. I get obsessed about stuff. Not to mention that I am obsessed with Google. It's not that I care what happened to any ex of mine, but I am curious.

2. Do you gossip?

No, not really.

Sadly, yes. Sometimes, that all us girls have to talk about. I have tried abstaining, but that lasts for all of 30 seconds.

3. How many people do you completely trust?

One.

One.

4. Have you ever had sex in car?

Yes.

Oh yes. In a few different cars, in fact. And once on the hood of the hood. The most interesting would have to have been in my Fiero, which is a little tiny two-seater from the 80s. But it was fun figuring out where all our body parts were going to go.

5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?

Innuendo, combined (eventually) with physical contact.

I would have to say talking about my sex life. I am not a good flirter at all. In fact, I'm particularly bad at it.

Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?

I really have no idea. There have been a few days in my life with multiple events, but I can’t say I’ve actually kept score. I can say with certainty that if anyone would know the answer to this, it’d be Dee, since she would have been the other party involved.

I've also never really kept score. I would say at least 3 times, but not sure if that's the record or not.

Priorities

2009-03-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

I’m sure I mentioned this before, but this blog began as part of a dare, a medium in which Dee was required to post a naughty picture of herself for the world to see (the first picture she posted now seems amusingly tame compared to the photos she’s allowed me to take – and which she’s posted – since then). Beyond that first dare, I had hoped this would perform other functions. I’d hoped it would positively impact the communication between Dee and I, and to a (albiet minor extent) it has done so. I’d hoped that, through thoughtful writing, I might be able to better elucidate and understand exactly what it was/is that I want, and who I am in terms of my sexuality, and it has done that, as well. But I’d also hoped that it would be an avenue through which, by posting regularly (several times a week, at least), both Dee and I would keep our thoughts trained on the subject of sex, and it seems that, at least, hasn’t happened at all.

Dee has told me numerous times that this is something she requires – the long buildup, the continual flow of sexual thoughts, a low-grade arousal lasting all day long. I am somewhat the same way. After a day of work, the commute, making dinner, doing whatever tasks are required (the dishes, cleaning up, or whatever), and then doing all the end-of-day stuff that a guy typically does (brush the teeth, let the dog out, check the door locks, turn off the lights, etc.), it’s hard as hell to curl up on the couch or climb into bed, tired and looking forward to another day of the same, and switch gears, somehow suddenly turning on the horny.

I thought that, by posting regularly, it would drive us both to devote more time during our days attending to carnal thoughts. In addition, I thought that, for my part, having to post in such a public way would (basically through embarrassment and fear of being perceived as dull and boring, and thus find new and interesting things to post about) would spur me forward, motivating me to be more adventurous, more sexual… more interesting. Our rules say that we must both post once a week, which I now recognize is far too infrequent a pace to satisfy this original intention. Dee has taken the once-per-week as being all that is required, rather than a minimum, and has occasionally even failed to meet even that low expectation. And while I have tried to post most days, I’ve tended to be more thoughtful and less sexual, and have not been motivated towards adventurism of any sort, so those ideas have failed, as well.

It would seem to me that, if sex is to be a priority, then by default, making the effort to keep erotic thoughts in the forefront of our own mind – and each other’s – would be of high interest to both of us, so the fact that Dee doesn’t post regularly bothers me a bit. Whether fair or no, I use her posts (and the frequency of her posts) as a gauge… a measure of just where her priorities lie, and an indication of her level of sexual interest and general horniness. She herself has told me that posting is of high priority to her, so it seems reasonable to expect that the tone of her posts (or lack thereof) would be a fair indicator of whether or not she’s got sex on the brain while she’s sitting at work. As it stands, it seems to me that she barely thinks about it at all.

She’s a busy woman, I realize, and doesn’t have the time (or the freedom, sharing a cube!) to write with regularity, but what bothers me more is that, even when time is available, and the opportunity readily at hand, her priorities remain elsewhere. For example, last weekend she told me she had a post written and ready to go (“just need to spell check it!”), which had me spending the weekend anticipating what I might be reading while sitting at work on Monday. All this week she’s told me how her desk was clear, and her work was caught up. And yet… no post. Just a few lines tacked on to the bottom of my Tuesday TMI, and that’s all.

How is it that, with an empty desk and post written, it is still too onerous a task to devote five minutes to cut-paste-post? How low on your priorities list does something have to be that something so simple can be set aside, ignored in favor of something else?

The Non-HNT Thursday...

2009-03-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

Once again we didn’t post a HNT pic, for a number of reasons – Dee has spent the last couple of days feeling flat-on-her-back sick, I’ve been busy as hell at work (still… but the light at the end of that tunnel is very close now, I think), and Dee is departing for Vegas today, so packing and preparing for that was a priority. Still, the failure has me feeling somewhat schmuck-ish. The best I can do is promise to make up for it later… there’s a couple of particularly interesting photograph ideas I’d like to see if we can pull off, but those are for a later date, when we have a little bit of time to devote to the enterprise, and standing up and moving about doesn’t make Dee want to throw up.

Starting today I’ll be wifeless for a while (until Monday night, that is). I meant to dream up something creative, an assignment or dare which Dee would have to perform while in Vegas, but I never got around to that. I’m not sure it matters anyways, as the woman has bought new clothes, can’t sleep, performed some additional primping, and clearly has plans for the weekend already.

I toyed with the idea of requesting she do the same for me, but since I have the kiddo, and am not a very daring person anyways (and she was apparently as busy as I’ve been), I never settled on whether or not I would make that request, either. Overall I’ve not been terribly motivated and quite under-energized. I’ve even tried things like Zip-Fizz, Emergen-C Energy Boost, etc., but didn’t really see all that much in the results column. Coffee still works, but whoever makes the coffee at my firm is… untalented in the undertaking.

Poor Dee has had to spend the last two weeks enduring a spouse who either drops off the instant we get in bed, or approaches sex with an air of “oh… all right, I guess…” I think it might be a bad sign when, after the fact, my wife’s reaction to my efforts is an appreciate “thank you” – as if I’ve performed a kindly act that I’ve neglected to attend to for far too long. I'm truly hoping that I'll come out of the work-tunnel by the end of the week, gather some rest over the weekend, and return to the land of the living by the time Dee returns home.

I do plan to spend the weekend applying what little electronic knowledge I have, and attempt to set up a Google Alert for HNT (as Animalmindreader advised in a comment earlier this week), and I’ll probably post here (and on my other blog) a time or three, as well…

TMI

2009-03-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

I just added mine at the bottom of his...Dee.

1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?

I would have to say no… I don’t have a sexual secret I’ve never told anyone, since (as far as I know) I’ve shared everything with Dee. However, I will qualify this by saying I strongly suspect that Dee probably doesn’t feel that way.

First, I think it’s human nature to suspect that someone we are close to is harboring secrets – I think that, in a way, we’re all somewhat suspicious by nature. Sometimes those suspicions bring about full-blown jealousy, but more often than not this suspicion is something we take as a matter of course, and doesn’t affect our lives or relationships. For example, I suspect that Dee fakes it more often than I know, but… I could be wrong, and for the most part (to coin the phrase) what I don’t know doesn’t hurt me.

Second, in sharing my “whatever” (thoughts, feelings, opinions…) with Dee, I know I sometimes fail to adequately communicate as well as I would hope to. In failing to do so, I think there are times when the same subject arises at a later date, and by doing a better (or worse) job of communicating what I think is the same thought, it’s entirely possible that the perceived change in what I’m saying might indicate to Dee that I wasn’t completely honest earlier, or that this time around I’m hiding something.

Finally, I think that sometimes what I would identify as the most critical or important piece of information conveyed may not be received or identified as such by Dee. For example, I gave her my answers to an extensive questionnaire – my “Christmas Gift” to her, previously identified in this blog – and I’m sure that if you asked me to highlight the top three or four pieces of information I wanted her to know – and remember, and asked her to highlight the three or four she thought I’d pick (or that she herself feels is most important and remembered most), you’d end up with two fantastically different answers. And so it is that, two years down the road, she might say to me “this is how I feel” (repeating something she had said before and felt was important, but which I heard, thought incidental, and failed to commit to memory), only to be hurt and upset when my response is “why haven’t I heard this before? I thought we didn’t have any secrets!”

And I think that every couple has these same issues, to a greater or lesser degree. And for myself, I think Dee an I are very much on the lesser end of that particular bell curve, but these things do still happen from time to time.

I always say my life is an open book. And this is, essentially, the truth. I just cannot keep secrets. They always leak out, especially when I've had a little bit to drink. I want to keep secrets. But I never manage it. Though I have been pretty good at compartmentalizing. DH knows everything about me. My friends, however, typically do not. I can do without the wrath of middle aged judgmental women! Sad but true.

2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?

I can honestly say I don’t have any secrets. There are a great number of things that I’ve shared with Dee… and nobody else – but there is nothing I can think of that I’ve never told anyone. Having said that, I’m sure there is something, somewhere, at some time in my past, that I haven’t shared with anyone (including Dee), but it isn’t anything important, as even I don’t recall what it might be.

I can pretty much keep a sexual secret from most people. But nonsexual secrets? Forget about it. My friends know that to tell me something is to tell the world.

3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?

It’s a funny thing about secrets… the way the salient details slip your mind as time passes. I’m absolutely sure I’ve shared secrets with others, only to have that confidence betrayed – that I can remember, and I can remember that I was embarrassed by it. But the experience was years ago, and I don’t have the first clue what the revealed secrets actually were, or why I was embarrassed.

As ironic as it is, even though I can't keep a secret I expect other people to keep them. I tell people stuff all the time that I don't want repeated and DUH! What do you think happens? This happens on a professional level as well as a social level. And yet, I never learn!

4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?

I’m sure that I have spilled a secret or two, but I honestly can’t recall having done so, and any secrets spilled would have either been inadvertently revealed or spilled long, long ago. When it comes to matters of confidence, such as the sharing of a secret, I value the trust others place in me above almost all else, so keeping secrets is very important to me (unless there is a very good reason not to). As I’ve shared with Dee, even in a (thus far hypothetical) situation where our daughter confided in me (in a don’t-tell-mom scenario), I would keep that confidence unless there was a valid reason not to (and then I’d tell her straight off that mom needs to know). And in the same way, I value the trust Dee puts in me as far as taking the right road (to tell or not to tell) if I were confronted with such a scenario.

Well of course I have! And quite honestly, the repercussions are usually not nearly as bad as expected. I believe knowledge is power and open communication can cure a whole lot of things. If people just came out and said what was on their minds, the world would be a better place. I'm convinced of it. DH would disagree, I'm sure.

5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)

I can’t think of any secret to respond with here – the salient details of previous confidences (a/k/a those told to be “BD” – “Before Dee”) have been lost with the passage of time. The only secrets I can recall are Dee’s, which I’m not about to share... though, come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure that there’s anything I know about Dee that really, truly IS a secret – as she says, her life is an open book, so I’m not sure there’s anything about her that I’m the only one who knows.

Hmmm...Can't think of anything anyone told me that I haven't told someone about. Though that is a gift onto itself. If I am told something, and nothing happens with it for a week, I will have completely forgotten it. Thereby ensuring the safe haven of the secret, locked in my very forgetful brain!

Four Disconnected Thoughts

2009-03-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

1. I’m feeling the joy. It’s Friday, and the light at the end of the tunnel is clearly visible.

2. Thursday, HNT (Comment #1): I feel compelled to say it… I really like this picture (below). Then again, I’m biased on any number of fronts – I took the photo (and got a blowjob moments later), I’m married to the woman, and I’ve been rather obsessed with the objects presented ever since Dee and I were teenagers.

3. Thursday, HNT (Comment #2): Dee was checking out some of the other HNT offerings last night, and I took a peek or two over her shoulder, but someone should come up with a website with an innocuous sounding name that has every HNT picture posted available on it, which I can then feed into my Google Reader and check them all out while I’m at my desk during the day, painstakingly procrastinating. Or is there something like that already? I’ll have to ask Dee…

4. Technology Rules! I have now set up my phone as a 16GB flashdrive and moved all my documents (and some photos) over to it. Now, all I have to do is put all my mp3s on it, and for the first time in my life, I’ll have an all-in-one PDA / Phone / mp3Player / Browser / heaven-only-knows-what-else. I’ve officially joined the 1990s! This means I’m catching up to people!) :)

5. Several corrections. After posting this, I decided I had more to say, and had to correct several typos, so my four disconnected thoughts is now more than that, so....

6. Thursday, HNT (Comment #3): This one is for Dee -- look at those abs! :)

7. The Buzz. After I posted yesterday, I got to remembering just how fanatic I was in pursuing the best "wake-up" combinations to get me wired. Coffee, Mountain Dew, Jolt!, 357-Magnums, No-Doze, etc. I remember making fresh pots of coffee becuase we had to have the first, strongest, and freshest we could get (and brewing a pot just for myself was required since I needed most of it to fill my 44oz insulated mug anyways). We called the first coffee to drip from the machine (directly into our cups) "mother's milk." I think I might have been a slight bit crazy, but we were always awake and ready for ANYTHING...

HNT

2009-03-12T17:56:00.000-07:00

Do you think DH will allow this to count as my weekly post?! I didn't think so either...

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday, everyone!

Nice.

2009-03-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or does the term “stimulus package” sound like something naughty? A boxed set of really good porn, maybe. A euphemism for the sexual organs (male or female). A new sex toy. Something.

And how many woman do you think have had to endure really lame pick-up lines as a result of this particular Congressional action? Can I get a bailout from YOUR stimulus package?

It occurred to me that this whole fatigue thing I’ve been complaining about here might be something more than just a matter of getting run over by an increased workload – it might be related to the diet thing. Since January, I’ve lost 20 pounds, I’ve been walking 2-3 miles almost every day, I’ve been eating better, and I’ve generally been a little more active than I once was. All of these things – medically – are supposed to be good for me, but they do have their drawbacks, apparently.

Until very recently, for example, I used to be able to walk outside in the dead of winter, and melt snow just by passing nearby. I’m the guy who never felt cold, always slept on top of the covers. Now… I’m freezing, all the time.

Admittedly, I’ve never been a ball of energy – a lethargic ‘who-hoo’ has always been about the top end of my personal energy scale… I think I even fuck pretty lackadaisically (no wild, hard thrusting here… just a lot of undulating ocean-wave moves) – but it’s entirely possible that I’ve changed my metabolism, and somehow turned the thermostat down, or became more fuel-efficient, or whatever.

So maybe I’m the one who needs a stimulus package. A metabolic boost of some kind.

When I was younger, I remember buying bottles and bottles of 357-Magnums – massive pills loaded with caffeine and ephedrine. We used to down them with a heavy dose of Mountain Dew (or Jolt! cola), and called it “a pick-me-up.” At one point I was popping three or four at a time, and enjoying two or three pick-me-ups a day. Then one day I realized that my heart was always racing and pounding in my chest, I was frequently dizzy, perpetually buzzed, and was probably slowly killing myself, and that put an end to all that… really fast.

After that, there were a couple of occasions (mostly when I was either working two jobs, or working full time, going to school, and still trying to have a social life) when was tempted to try those herbal supplements you see advertised in cheesy commercials… but I’ve never got beyond the thought. I’ve heard that a lot of that stuff is either ineffective or downright BAD for you.

I’ve always been in search of a bottomless well of energy – a legal source, and preferably a healthy one (yes, I know… keep dreamin’). The idea that I have to sleep has never sat well with me. It seems like such a waste of time! Especially when I’m tired, and all I WANT to do is sleep, to the detriment of everything else I’d like to do.

Being tired doesn’t make me grumpy… feeling too tired to do the things I either want to, or at least should be doing… which in turn makes me feel lame… which in turn makes me feel like I’m wasting my time… which makes me feel as though life is slipping away from me, and the best years are behind me… which in turn…

THAT’S what makes me grumpy. And sometimes a little pissed off. It can sometimes turn into a downward cycle.

You’d think that the someone would have come up with a pill for this by now – after all, we’ve got Viagra and Starbucks triple shot mocha Frappuccinos. Wouldn’t it be nice to pop a pill in the morning, zip through the workday with boundless energy, run some errands, go home and watch a little prime time TV, knock a few things of your at-home chores list, grab your spouse and fuck like teenagers… and then head for the bathroom, where you take a shower, pop another pill, and head off to work?

No sleep necessary, and no residual fatigue.

Nice.

The Rundown

2009-03-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

Feeling run down (physically) is bad enough. There’s nothing quite like hearing that tickle in the back of your head that says, you know, I kinda want to have sex right now… then having the thought consults your energy level and finish itself with, um… yeah… no.

What I hate the most, however, is the way being over-busy runs me down (mentally). I hate it when I want to think creatively, and can’t. I haven’t come up with a single idea for an HNT picture, so we’re just holding back last week’s (which we failed to post even belatedly because of the distractions), and will hopefully get it posted tonight. I’ve found it impossible to generate anything interesting to post on my other blog. And as for this one… I’m not sure rambling on, post-after-post, about how life has suddenly thumped me is all that interesting.

I feel like I’ve barely seen the kiddo in the past couple weeks (though worn out, I am home in the evenings, but the ladies are not). I feel an intensified need – as I alluded to in my last post – to plan an adult weekend with Dee and get the hell out of here (and then I feel all guilty about the fact that this would mean shoveling the kiddo off for yet even more time on her own). I feel like we should do something nice for the girl, even something as simple at taking her out to dinner, but I’m hesitant to add yet another item to her calendar (plus, we’re all on diets here, and dieting and dinners out are just not compatible).

And, of course, my adherence to the rules has been abysmal. At six o’clock last night, I was convinced I was going to get some before bed… but by the time the girls returned home, and the kid was safely tucked in bed, I knew I wouldn’t have the energy for it.

In the words of Charlie Brown: Good grief.

The good news, I guess, is that the family hasn’t packed up and left yet, and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. At the rate I’m digging out from under here at work, things will be back to normal sometime mid-next-week, or thereabouts… just in time to see Dee off on her trip to Vegas (not THAT kind of trip).

And so I find myself looking forward to Dee’s departure, because – hopefully – my work will be back to the norm, and I’ll have the house to myself for a day or two (after trying to accomplish way too much the first day or two, I give up on that and find the remaining “alone time” is quite restorative).

But then I feel guilty for thinking such a thought, because I haven’t seen all that much of Dee, either.

TMI

2009-03-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

1. Are you pro-marriage? Why or why not?

I’m definitely pro-marriage, but that may just be a matter of having nothing to compare it to. For me, the whole being single thing pretty much sucked anyways. Plus, I might be biased based on who I ended up marrying.

2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?

No.

3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?

No.

4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?

Assuming it was without the knowledge and permission of your spouse, yes.

5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?

Tough choice. I think real sex is far more satisfying, but due to the additional physical exertion, after real sex, I need some serious recovery time. Masturbation is far more efficient, far less taxing, and the orgasms can sometimes be more intense than with real sex (and, if they’re not, I can try again five or ten minutes later).

6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?

I have no idea, since I don’t know how often she wants it. Plus, it probably depends on the definition of ‘want.’ I get flashes where, for 30 seconds or so, I really want it, but then everything returns to normal. If those flashes count, then I “want” it three or four or five times a day, typically, sometimes more, but if you only count the times when I actually make a move to get it…

Still, if I had to guess, I’d say no matter how you define ‘want,’ the answer is probably a clear and straightforward NO.

7. Do you get offended when you partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?

I can’t say this has actually occurred, so I’m mostly running on the hypothetical, and what I know about myself: With another woman, no. With another guy, I don’t think I’d be offended, but I probably wouldn’t be particularly thrilled, and get pouty and sullen. I’m not worried about her leaving me for someone else or anything like that, and I don’t feel as though I’m jealous, but I think I need the reassurance/ego-boost of feeling like I’m the only guy she’s interested in.

8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?

I used to be, but not anymore.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

2009-03-09T14:39:00.000-07:00

One busy week down, three more busy weeks to go. And the new month starts it all over again. Let me just say that busyness definitely puts a kink into my sex life. And not in a good way.

However, there is one teeny tiny benefit. Friday night, I had a glass...ok a LARGE glass...of wine. There was no obligation, no place to be, until 10 am the next morning. We cuddled on the couch, played with our phones, just hung out. Finished watching a tv show even though it put us past our bedtime. As I got ready for bed, checking items off the chart, and planning ahead for the weekend, I realized just how incredibly exhausted I was.

I crawled into bed next to DH and snuggled in next to him. My favorite place to be, inhaling his scent, caressing his body. He doesn't like kisses, but often I annoy the hell out of him by kissing his shoulder, his cheek, anything until I can get my lips on his. Which I succeeded in doing on Friday night. Kissing his lips over and over until I could have just come on the spot. His lips found their way down my body, his tongue swirling around my nipple and his teeth scraping me until I was writhing. Down further still until he was kissing my belly and then, finally, he was kissing the mound below my belly button. His tongue flicked into the very start of my slit, which feels so delicious. His tongue swirled around and around my clit, and then he used a broad stroke up and down my very wet pussy until I ordered him to just come and fuck me. Which he did.

As we moved together, kissing and touching and breathing, I felt such an incredible sense of peace come over me. And of coming home. I have missed our lovemaking, our loving, our touching and kissing and connecting. I hate when our days are so busy that our nights are reserved for sleep and nothing else.

But it's almost worth it when that sense of calm comes over me, just before I ride the wave of orgasm that inevitably follows. Best orgasms ever.

Las Vegas

2009-03-09T14:15:00.000-07:00

I’m stuck in a rut.

On the news last night they aired a segment on how, if you can afford to do so, NOW is the time to travel! Prices are low (especially airfare), and there’s lots of empty seats and empty hotel rooms. They’re talking about cheap fares to Europe (London, Paris, Barcelona… all places I’d love to go!). They mentioned how low prices are for flights to New York, and how cruise lines are offering special deals (we’ve never been on a cruise, but really want to!).

But all I could think was: I’ve gotta look into this, and see what It’d cost to go back to Vegas.

Now, as reported, we did have a wonderful adult “weekend” (actually held mid-week) together, but the truth is, there wasn’t anything about that getaway that was uniquely Vegas. We got a suite. We took in a show or two. We went to a strip club. We saw the sights (the casinos, that is). We didn’t even gamble. You can do the things we did in pretty much any decent sized city in the country. We could do that here at home… probably as well, if not more easily, than anyplace else, expect NYC and Vegas.

So… why do I seem to be so focused on Las Vegas?

There are places I’ve been to that are all about relaxing (Maui, to name one such place), and places I’ve been to that are all about family (Orlando). There are places where I just feel all touristy (NYC) and a LOT of places I’ve been to with amazing scenery (Yosemite). There are a lot of spots I’ve been to just to say I’ve been (Mount Rushmore). There are places that hold an odd fascination for me (Death Valley), and places I’ve just had to see with my own eyes (Denali). I could come up with an endless list of places and reasons to go to each one.

I’m all for a relaxing, romantic weekend at a Bed and Breakfast in the Adirondacks, holding hands in a rented convertible on a warm fall day, doing the color tour. I’m all for sipping hot chocolate in front of a fire in an Aspen resort, cuddled up under a blanket, chatting about whatever comes to mind. I’m all for a week-long cruise in the Bahamas, or walking the beach at night, and finding a secluded place to slip away…

But… when I think about an adult weekend, I don’t think about making love. Or long, cozy conversations. Or romance. Or tourism.

When I think about an adult weekend, I think about fucking. And, for me, Vegas is a place made specifically for that activity. That’s my own personal rut. For adult entertainment, Vegas is my go-to guy.

Something about Vegas energizes me. It’s a place where I feel rested without a full night’s sleep, where I can stay up later without feeling the fatigue. It’s a place where I feel a little more adventurous, a little more daring. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and in Vegas, you’re SUPPOSED to act that way.

This week, I want to at least check out what opportunities are out there. In order to broaden my horizons, however, I’ll force myself to look for someplace new that Dee and I can discover (or re-discover… we’ve both been to NYC, but never together). I’ll try to find some new ideas… even if we don’t do anything soon, I can always apply the knowledge later on.

But I’ll check to see what a weekend in Vegas would cost, too.

A Direct Response, and Other Stuff

2009-03-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

Several recently posted comments have prodded thoughts out of my addled brain (in a “I really should mention…” or “I really should post something about…” kind of way), so I suppose this first paragraph or two can be seen as a direct response to some comments made… :)

I can’t speak for Dee, but for myself, I do 99.9% of my blog-following through Google reader while I’m sitting at my desk at work. Now, I don’t believe that having certain URL names on my company server history would be a positive move, so I’ve never once tried to drop a comment on someone else’s blog (though I’ve been tempted to!) – can you even do that through the Reader? The fact that Hubman is surprised to find I'm here, and following him, too, isn’t really a surprise to me. After all, how could he and Another Suburban Mom possibly know I’m here when I’m merely sitting silently in the corner… which is, coincidentally, my usual tack in person, too.

Still, these comments have brought to my mind another interesting thought to consider… how something as simple as my Internet habits (where I surf, how I surf, etc.) can limit or influence my level of interaction and participation in the broader world in which our horizons are supposed to be expanding into. The thought is percolating down there in the boiler room… so maybe something will come of it later on.

(And, yes – Hubman, I will try to coax Dee into updating the link as soon as we find the time - she’s the computer wiz in our household, not I!)…

…but speaking of finding the time…

I wrote yesterday about the crazy, fatiguing, busy week we’ve had, and today is no different. In fact, as I’ve composed these sentences, I’ve also been on the phone with a variety of people, and gone back and forth between this and several other work related items. Today is, again, a busy one, and I really shouldn’t be taking time to post, but as I’ve said before, I’ve decided to make this, at least, a priority. So here I am.

I recently sent Dee an email that said “(1) Pick a number between 1 and 10, and (2) Pick a day of the week” as part of the games we play. The idea behind these directions was to have her (blindly) fill in the blanks for the following instructions: “You are required to give me ____ orgasms by next week ________.”

The thing of it is, I’ve really been that busy at work, which means that by the time I get home, I have little interest or energy in anything else. Even doing the dishes has become a seriously onerous chore. In fact, when I received Dee’s responses (5, and Friday), and emailed her the instructions, with blanks filled in, my first thought was “Great grief… when are we going to fit that in?”

At this point, I’d really like to walk into my boss's office, slap him upside the head, and snarl, “Dude, do you REALIZE you’re fucking up my sex life?”

(For reasons best left unsaid, the current situation is entirely his fault!)

At least I can get a smile from imagining the look on his face. :)

Busy, Busy Times

2009-03-05T11:17:00.000-08:00

Wow… what a busy week – for both of us.

We took a picture to post today (HNT)… and the fact that it isn’t here yet tells the tale of our lives of late. I came up with the idea for the picture last Thursday, but it took until Tuesday to squeeze in enough time to actually get it taken. And since then, there hasn’t been a half-chance of getting it off the camera and onto the blog yet.

Maybe tonight? Who knows?

For me, the worst thing about weeks like this isn’t the stress – I can deal with stress pretty well. It isn’t even the high volume of obligations that sometimes pile on all at once – I’m pretty efficient at keeping up with the things that are important in life, no matter how high the inbox of life gets. It may take me years to get around to doing the touch ups in the interior painting department, but when the headlight goes out on the car, I’m all over it… before I get pulled over for it.

What gets to me is the frustration – how it has a snowball/avalanche way of building upon itself and compounding everything else in life.

I’ve never really understood why things work this way. Normally, life goes along pretty smoothly, but when something at work has you particularly on edge (frustrated)… THAT’S when the batteries on the remote go out, and there’s no fresh ones in the drawer, and when looking in the drawer, THAT’S when the drawer fails, and you end up dumping everything out onto the floor, and when you go to get the broom out of the closet to clean that up, THAT’S when the closet door handle comes off in your hand…

Frustration has a way of taking you from “Ok… life isn’t great, but it’s still pretty good..” to throwing your shoe out the window just because it’s got a knot in the laces (and chances are you’ll forget to open the window first, thus compounding your frustration even further!).

And then, at the end of the day, when we can finally sit down together for the first time, the fatigue hits, and neither Dee nor I want to get up again.

Worst of all, time becomes oddly arbitrary. At any given moment the day seems to be crawling past, and yet before I know it, it’s Thursday already, and I haven’t fulfilled any of our weekly obligations (as set forth in the Rules).

I just keep telling myself... Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow is Friday...

A Commitment to Post

2009-03-04T13:31:00.000-08:00

A couple days ago I mentioned that I’d I read or heard a quote about marriage somewhere (I forget where) that basically said “REAL love is spending thirty years watching someone floss their teeth, treat their zits, and trim their toenails, and still wanting to be with them.”

Thanks to a series of unfortunate events at work, I haven’t been much in the mood for thinking about an original post today… I just haven’t had the time. But I am committed to posting, just for the sake of habit (and because it was one of my New Year’s resolutions!). So, I thought I would paraphrase and post a few other short statements I thought were neat… one of which I made up myself:

1.

There are two extremes in sexuality: the audacious and the timid. The difference is that, when the neighbor is tanning topless (or bottomless), the timid will avert their eyes, hurry out of the room, and tell no one what they saw. The audacious will take pictures.

2.

The difference between lust and love: Lust makes you want to fuck the girl at the bar when she’s dressed revealingly and giving you that special look. Love makes you want to take care of the girl when she’s curled up on the couch in her pajamas, throwing up into a wastebasket, miserably sick, and you do anything you can, knowing you’ll end up getting sick, too, and not caring you will.

3.

The difference between romance and love: Romance is taking a special moment to express how you feel. Love is not needing a special moment to express how you feel.

TMI

2009-03-03T09:41:00.000-08:00

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?

I would have to say “no.” But I must also qualify that by saying I haven’t really done all that much outside of the “usual” or “norm.” In addition, I think I have a pretty good handle on what I like and don’t like, so I tend to be resistant to trying anything I don’t think I’ll enjoy. And if I do try something, that resistance almost always results in a cycle of self-fulfilling prophesies. Dee really hates me for this.

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?

I would have to say that visiting the swingers club was surprisingly less interesting than I thought it would be. I think it was a combination of being surrounded by people I didn’t know (I’m not terribly social with friends, let alone others) and, from my perception, the lack of even the barest hints of eroticism. In my head I thought it would be erotic, seductive, arousing… I thought it would feel highly sexual, but for me it was very much the opposite.

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?

Unless I’m buzzed, I typically don’t.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?

According to her, anytime she touches me, she’s in the mood. By that definition, she’s in the mood about 80% of the time. Often, this is not the most practical of arrangements, as I’m highly ticklish, and being tickled is a turn off for me, so you can imagine the incompatibility issues that sometimes arise.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realize was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?

There are a lot of opportunities I regret missing out on. From the time I was fifteen or so, right on through college and into my early 20’s, I could seriously flirt/seduce my way into having “a chance” at just about any girl I wanted… but I almost never actually closed the deal. When I look back at my younger days and realize how many girls I could have at least fooled around with, it’s a little depressing. I’m not saying I would want to have sex with them all, but the naiveté I see permeating my youth is sometimes embarrassing. My history is full of examples of this complete lack of… even mild sexual conclusions.

Once when I was sixteen, I had a girl in the back of my car, naked, under me. I was naked, too, and literally pressed up against the entry point. She whispered in my ear “I want you inside me” and I sat back and said “It’s getting late… I should get you home.” …and I took her home.

I demonstrated this – “restraint?” – on numerous occasions in my life, both in high school and college. I’ve never been able to “take that last step” or “close the deal” or whatever you want to call it. If I hadn’t met a couple of girls (most notably Dee) who were willing to do all the heavy lifting, I would never have lost my virginity at all.

A Reason for The Rules

2009-03-02T13:53:00.000-08:00

Dee and I know several couples who are currently struggling – their relationships are on shaky ground. Sometimes it’s mostly one party’s fault, but more often than not, both parties are equally to blame (though neither of them acknowledge or accept such a notion). Other couples we know would tell you they’re happily married, and have good relationships, but in many cases, if you get one of them alone (and you can pick either one… both men and women are equally capable of this), you find they spend a lot of time complaining about the other. And when they’re together, they seem to spend a lot of energy sniping at each other.

In each case, there are unique circumstances that contribute to the current state of the relationship, but in paying attention to these couples, both collapsing and “happily” married, I think that, regardless of circumstance, there are a number of things that are almost always true:

1. The longer two people are together, the less likely it is they will actually communicate. If they have kids, they’ll pretty much just talk about the kids. Or they’ll stick to the bills, or what’s on the calendar for tomorrow, or how much their boss sucks. But it’s unlikely they’ll stay up late talking about something new they want from the relationship (sexually or otherwise), or take the time to express appreciation for everyday things the other does, or

2. The worse off the relationship, the more selfish both people will become. And the more they will lie to each other, too.

3. The longer two people are together, the more entwined (interdependent) their lives become. This is obvious, but important, because, from a perceptual point of view, when things are good, this greater the dependence, the more difficult it becomes for one partner to “risk” the other’s respect and love by expressing a changed opinion, sharing a new idea, or revealing a new sexual interest. And when things are bad, this dependence is what keeps people together long after they should have hit the door.

4. Sexually, the longer two people are together, the more likely it is that at least one will want to explore new territory and expand their sexual horizons. As people get older they become more internally self-aware, and more secure in themselves and their bodies, increasing both the likelihood their sexual interests will expand and their willingness to pursue those interests.

5. A lot of people simply accept an acceptable status quo as defining a “good” relationship. But neutral contentment with the "okay" is not really the same as "good."

I read or heard a quote about marriage somewhere (I forget where) that basically said “REAL love is spending thirty years watching someone floss their teeth, treat their zits, and trim their toenails, and still wanting to be with them.” From what I've heard, half the couples in the country don't get anywhere near that thirty-year benchmark before calling it a day, and I sometimes think that a lot of couples who do get there aren't really held together by love, but rather inertia, or habit... #5 on my list, above.

This list is the best reason I can think of for having the rules Dee and I have. The rules aren’t simply about sex, or what’s allowed or not allowed with other people (though those things are covered, too) -- they’re also about those things just listed. They’re about keeping the communication going, making changes to keep things interesting, and making time for date nights. And they’re about making sure we each take a moment (almost) every day to say “I appreciate…”

It's less about keeping to the rules, and more about just making the effort.

Weekend Plans

2009-02-27T14:40:00.001-08:00

We have another weekend coming up, and once again Dee and I will be on our own for at least a portion of it. It’s amazing, I think, to have a kid that, having yet to reach 10 years of age, already has a life of her own (ours spent last weekend with one friend, and will be spending tomorrow night with another). But it also makes me feel a little old. That’s not a good thing, since I already feel older than I am!

[Tangential thought: looking at the last HNT post, I think from now on I’m going to make Dee post the pictures in a larger format. I’m squinting at the screen here!]

Last weekend we did enjoy ourselves, and had a pretty decent date night. This weekend we weren’t able to plan ahead (we didn’t know we’d be on our own until a couple hours ago), and we’re already having dinner with friends, so it’ll be up to us to put the time to use by throwing together some last minute ideas to fill the little remaining free time available. But I’ve been wondering…

We’ve talked about a threesome (and many other things, but I’ve almost always used that as the standard example, and will stick to it now) now and then, though nothing’s ever come of it – Note: I’m not complaining in any way (I should state that for the record).

… and I wonder, are we wasting a great chance to turn an idea into reality … and if so, which idea? Should I “knuckle down” and make sure that, when these free nights crop up, we knock something off our sexual to do list? Should one of us really gone all gung-ho on at least trying to make that threesome happen?

I realize that the kid will soon be older, and have a job, and a car, and a college dorm. She’ll move out, and we’ll have the rest of our lives together, but who knows what the future holds? For some couples, age and health aren’t an issue, and for others, those things are. So… are we wasting valuable time, or is it good enough to just enjoy the time together, without making a focused and concerted effort to accomplish a specific task or goal (pleasurable though it may be)?

I was looking at our rules this morning, and was confronted with a schizophrenic set of thoughts and feelings about the enterprise. On the one hand, I had a sense of anticipation reading over all the things that were still upcoming on my, and Dee’s list of obligations for the year. On the other hand, I did feel some sense of… a task-oriented approach to the list. I found myself thinking: I can do this on this day… that I can do next month… the trick is, when can I work this into the schedule?... It was more business-Blackberry than wild-gigolo.

Again, I’m not complaining, and I think Dee is right in saying that it’s all about making time, and putting in the effort. Sex is fun, but after more than ten years together, it’s easy to allow other things (like fatigue, or after school activities, or a good TV show) get in the way. But sometimes it seems like, when it comes to sex and sexuality, the more I think about who I am, what I want, and what I’d like to change, the less and less sexual these thoughts become. It’s as if I'm slowly desensitizing myself to my own ideas, becoming less and less aroused by the prospect of the very things that once interested me so much (and I’ve never been a highly aroused individual to begin with). The younger version of me (and even a pretty recent version) would have practically gotten off in his jeans at the very mention of the possibility of a threesome… but now I feel much more blasé about the idea. A threesome? Sure… but if it doesn’t happen, no big deal.

Or maybe it’s just that the sun has been gone for a while now, and, as is always the case this time of year, my energy levels are at low tide, and I just can’t wait for Spring to arrive.

Thoughts on HNT

2009-02-26T10:45:00.000-08:00

1. It occurs to me that the whole idea of HNT is the “half-naked” part… and so far, all the pictures we’ve posted (all two of them) have been totally naked. I will have to get a little more creative and come up with something a little more half than whole.

2. Speaking of which, is there a “totally naked” day? TNF, maybe?

3. Dee wants me to come up with an idea or two for HNT that includes the both of us, but I’m still thinking about that one. The better looking half is already in front of the camera.

4. I do have a couple ideas for future pictures I think would work out nicely, but I’m not sure if the logistics of taking them will be easily overcome. When you have a kid, simple addition like “daylight + empty house + day off + naked wife = HNT picture” can turn into complicated math!

HNT!

2009-02-25T21:03:00.000-08:00

The product of our sunshine sex!

What a Great Weekend!

2009-02-25T10:37:00.000-08:00

I think we wind up with more weekends and evenings alone than most. Not only do we plan date nights, and take advantage of resident camps in the summer, but our daughter has a plethora of friends with whom she loves to have sleepovers. This weekend we had planned date night for Saturday night and she was going to have a sleepover at a friend's. That friend's parents decided they were going to take the girls to the beach for the day, so it was more convenient to have her for Friday night too, and then drop her off on Sunday. Just like that, we had a free weekend!

After breakfast on Saturday we decided to take a walk together, since it was a beautiful spring day. It was gorgeous and we enjoyed the fresh air. After our walk, we cuddled up on the couch. We had early dinner reservations, so we knew we only had a couple hours.

DH was stroking my pussy through my jeans and I could feel my pussy getting wet. He unbuttoned my jeans to gain access and was enjoying my cleanly shaven pussy. Not to be outdone, I was stroking his hard cock through his jeans, until I couldn't wait any longer to have his cock in my mouth. I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his dick out until it was free and awaiting my attention. I was softly licking and sucking his cock for quite a while while he stroked my pussy. I grew impatient, however, and kicked off my jeans so he could have even better access. That didn't last long until I was up and stripping fully in front of him, and then tugged his jeans all the way off too.

I climbed on top of him and welcomed his cock deep into my pussy. I rocked and grinded on his cock, rubbing my swollen clit against him and building the pressure, all the while kissing his beautiful pink lips. I swung around and pulled him on top of me, wanting to feel his weight on me and let him really dig in and go as deep as possible. This was incredible, but it still was not making me come. I asked him if I could flip us over, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs to our bed.

He laid down and I climbed on top, relishing the beautifully alive feeling that I get when we are naked together in the sunlight. It only took a couple of strokes before the wave of orgasm crashed over me. He let me bask and laugh for a minute or two and then flipped us around so that he could penetrate me and I watched his face as he stroked his way to his own orgasm. I love when we have the house to ourselves because my normally silent DH lets go a little and expresses his coming with small gasps.

We were dozing for just a few minutes when DH said hang on and left the room. He was back shortly with my camera and told me to stand by the window. We so rarely get to be naked in the daylight he wanted to take advantage!

We had a wonderful dinner and hung out with friends. We capped the night off with another romp and then while hanging around waiting for the drop off, I passed the time by swirling my tongue around the head of his cock and sucking him off.

What a great weekend!

TMI

2009-02-24T08:53:00.000-08:00

1. What do find is the most exciting part of a new sexual encounter?

I haven’t had one of those in… what? 15 years? So I’m really answering based on memory. But in the past, I always liked “the chase” the best. The seduction and flirtation, and the sense of not really knowing what might come next.

2. Do you have "a most exciting part of a sexual encounter" with a usual partner?

The sound Dee makes the first time she’s penetrated in an encounter (whether finger, tongue, or cock). It’s an exhilatory semi-gasping moan that’s part anticipation, part pure pleasureable satisfaction, part erotic enjoyment...

Impossible to describe, but very very nice to hear.

3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?

I think open and honest are two totally different things. I would like to think I’m honest with people all the time, but I open up to almost no one. Even my close friends don’t know about this blog, for example.

4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?

Again, I’m honest, but not open. I’m not close to anyone I work with, and therefore feel that 99% of my personal life is none of their business.

5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent a your child's friend or...)?

As boring as my answers might be this week, they’re all the same.

Bonus (as in optional): Define a "normal" as in "normal relationship" or "normal sex life".

A normal sex life and/or a normal relationship is whatever the two (or sometimes more) people involved say/think/feel/agree is normal.

I Hate It When That Happens (#2)

2009-02-23T12:59:00.000-08:00

I Hate It When That Happens (#2):
The Wrong Time
(A story based on the compilation of many true-life instances)

It’s 10am, and I’ve been at work for 3 hours, but it’s only now that the coffee kicks in. For the first time all day, I feel awake, alert, and fairly energized. I’m online, taking five (ok… ten!) minutes to get away from work. After surfing through the news on NFL.com, then click over to the Sports Illustrated coverage.

That’s when it happens. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I’m a little bit horny.

Now?

Last night I was so exhausted that, cuddling in bed with Dee, I didn’t even respond to the overt signals she sent indicating she wanted to play. I kept thinking I ought to make a move, react, send a signal of my own, but I felt tired. My eyes kept dropping shut, sending a signal of fatigue that was somehow, inexplicably more powerful. Moving an arm seemed like too much effort. Against my mind’s desires, I didn’t react at all. Instead, I told myself that if she pushed the issue just a little more… a little more… just a little more… and when Dee gave up, my mind pummeled me with it’s disapproval and disappointment, but my body relaxed more deeply, as if it knew it wouldn’t be called on to perform.

Now I’m sitting at my desk, wishing Dee was here. In this moment, I don’t care that there are coworkers in plain view, or that I’d get fired… if she were here I’d bend her over my desk and fuck her right here. I’d push her under my desk and beg her to suck me off. In this moment, all I want is to get off. I want to come, and come hard.

Great grief.

There’s no reason for the sudden surge – it’s not like I’ve got a hot co-worker who just cruised by in a low-cut shirt and miniskirt. I'm not surfing porn, or daydreaming about the last time I got off on Dee's body. I’m staring at news headlines, that’s all. I’ve gotten this same feeling while staring out the window at the traffic, or while composing a letter on my keyboard. It’s simply an unsolicited rush of… hormones, maybe?

And I’m not just horny… I’m also totally pissed off.

If you believe the stereotype, guys walk around with perpetual hard-ons. They feel this way all the time. They’ll nail anything with a hole and a heartbeat. They spend most of their day thinking about it. They could be bleeding from their eyes and on the verge of starving to death, and if their wives offered them a blowjob, they’d still take it.

But me? I get these flashes once in a while… but never when the urge can be acted upon. They overwhelm me for all of thirty seconds – thirty seconds during which I want to pull my hair out, jerk off, and fuck, all at the same time. It feels incredible, and if I knew how, I’d want to feel this way all the damn time. But after it fades… well, let’s just say I’m left feeling very un-stereotypical.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Even as I wonder this, the hormonal tide subsides. As always, the urge passes quickly, and with it, the anger slips away, too. It’s a 30-second rush of adrenaline, there and then gone again.

But I wonder… which is more frustrating… Is it finding myself completely horny when there is nothing I can do about it? Or is it realizing that, for me, at least, feeling this horny is a momentary experience, a feeling that is never lasting, never sustained?

Then, and Now

2009-02-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

One thing I love about posting a picture of Dee on our blog… while I’m sitting at work, I can flip over to the website and sneak a peek of her nakedness! The trouble is, I have to resist the urge to make it an obsession. :)

Shortly before Christmas, I brought Dee to my company’s holiday party, and to spice things up a little, I posed a challenge to her: guess which of my co-workers I think is the hottest. She never told me if she had fun with the game or not, but I found it an entertaining exercise.

The event has since had me pondering one aspect of my life: flirtation.

When Dee and I got back together (for the third time), and began our journey towards marriage, I stopped flirting with others. It wasn’t a conscious decision… it’s simply something that happened. I don’t know if the root cause for this is. It might be some underlying morality regarding marriage. It might be that soon thereafter I changed careers from the restaurant business to an office environment, where I feel such behavior is less acceptable. It could just be that I’m totally smitten with Dee. Who knows?

As I’ve mentioned previously in this blog, earlier in my life (from the time I was 13 or 14 right on through until I was in my early 20’s), I was a voracious flirter. I could flirt with the best of them, and it wasn’t about trying to hook up, but simply about having fun. I flirted with married, fifty-year-old waitresses, and cute eighteen-year-old hostesses. And it was probably a good thing that it was all about having fun, because on those rare occasions I was flirting with the intention of getting somewhere, I almost never closed the deal – other than with Dee herself.

What interests me about this is that now, when it comes to flirtation, I don’t even know where to start anymore. This is slightly frustrating to me because, now that our relationship has begun moving towards this more adventurous direction, I can’t help but think that my current mental/emotional positioning has prevented me from helping to advance our explorations.

When Dee writes: I was thinking of all this because DH answered an online ad today to a woman looking for a couple to have fun with. An ongoing thing. I think this would be terrific. Something I've been wanting to explore for a while. – I can’t help but wonder… if I were still that flirtatious restaurateur, would I be better able to fulfill such a fantasy… to bring home a girl for Dee to enjoy… for us both to enjoy?

It seems to me the likely answer is yes.

So the question now is… how can I do so now?

A Couple Small Steps

2009-02-19T09:44:00.000-08:00

We’ve gotten a number of comments on the picture I took of Dee (to be honest, more people have commented on it than I would have guessed even knew this blog existed – so welcome all!). I really don’t know anything about this whole HNT thing (or the TMI thing, or any other thing, for that matter!) – I thought it was just post a picture and there you are, but Dee tells me there’s a whole website-linking-networking thing going on. If that’s true, I’ll leave all the paperwork to her… she’s better at that than I am. I just like getting Dee naked, and taking pictures is a little bonus. :)

That being said, I find it kind of ironic that Dee has spent time learning all these things – literally doing research on blogging… what blogs are really good, what the protocols are (for things like HNT), etc. And yet, I’ve had to bribe her with sex, and practically beg her (playing the devoted spouse card) just to get her to post!

Ah, well. I’m not really complaining. The trouble is, reading a post from her sure beats actually paying attention to my inbox. If I had my way, she’d probably have to post ten times a day or something.

In Dee’s last post, she referred to a comment I made – fatigue is the #1 hurdle to having fun (which, by the way, was a comment I made on my other blog, not on this one) – and I stand by that statement. As to Dee’s own comments on the subject, I’m not sure if she was expressing a concern, a complaint, disappointment, or simple observation, but for myself, I can only say this: every relationship is cyclical, and there will be times when things are hot and heavy, and times when things aren’t.

In spite of what Dee might say, the truth is, I tend to take things in stride, and accept what comes. When things are going well (in that hot-and-heavy sense), I’m happy and satisfied, but when they’re not, I still feel the same, and feel no urgency to “fix” things and “make” them hot-and-heavy again. I realize that Dee gets frustrated by this because, when things are in a lull, she wants me to take the lead and turn it up again, and (from her perspective) my unconcerned contentment and acceptance of the status quo probably seems like a complete lack of desire.

I’m working on changing, one step at a time, to be more proactive in moving things forward in terms of our explorations. I’ve responded to a personals ad (and will do so again when the opportunity arises). I’ve nudged us into participating in HNT (it didn’t take any convincing, but one of us had to say “let’s do this!”). I’ve tried to be a touch more aggressive in getting things started in the evening. I’ve made a specific request for Saturday night (we’re celebrating Valentine’s Day a week late, and at my request Dee will be cleanly shaven… yummy!).

This year started out in a bit of a lull, though we’ve had a couple of weeks when activity has spiked, and I think the fact that we’re both a bit more tired than usual has played a role. Still, in the past week, we’ve had sex more often than not (yet it appears that the absences seem to stick in Dee’s mind most -- *sigh*). But lull or no, I don’t agree with Dee that going to bed earlier would make much of a difference – for example, lately we have been going to bed at the usual time (or even later!), and we’ve still had plenty of VERY entertaining evenings.

Now I just have to get her to write about them! ;)

HNT

2009-02-18T21:37:00.001-08:00

First official HNT!

Worth the Effort?

2009-02-18T15:14:00.000-08:00

Why is it that it is so hard to make time and expend effort on those things we most enjoy? Seriously...I can count at least 5 activities that I truly enjoy doing but that I purposely put off. Once I'm in the midst of the activities, I typically don't want to stop. It's just getting to the starting point that's a challenge.

Sadly, sex is at the top of that list.

DH pointed out that fatigue is the #1 hurdle to having fun. This is exactly what I'm talking about. We have gone through cycles of making the time and making the effort. We were on a streak for quite a while where we had sex every night (or day). For like three months! Every other day, we were each in charge of the activities. I think that neither of us want to let the other person down. Now, that wasn't the purpose, in fact the purpose was the exact opposite. It was supposed to be so that we each had an opportunity to demand what we wanted. But that's really not how it worked out. I find it interesting that we regularly retired to our bed a half hour earlier than normal to facilitate the extra activity. Now we don't do that as regularly.

Not to mention that to DH's annoyance, I have compiled quite a collection of toys and adult material that never gets used. There never seems to be a good time to pull it out for a little fun. And if there is a good time, I don't expend the effort.

I was thinking of all this because DH answered an online ad today to a woman looking for a couple to have fun with. An ongoing thing. I think this would be terrific. Something I've been wanting to explore for a while. I did attempt a connection that didn't work out, but after that fizzled attempt I stopped trying. Not because I didn't want to find a connection, but because I didn't want to expend the effort. And then if I did expend the effort to make the connection, that would require even more effort to plan play dates, time spent getting to know each other and talking things through with DH.

I have read blogs where people really enjoy being in this type of lifestyle. Frankly, I think it would suit me. It sounds like fun. However, I am completely and utterly fulfilled by DH and our current lifestyle.

So all of this begs the question: Is it worth the effort?

I suppose we shall see.

More Random Subjects

2009-02-18T14:38:00.000-08:00

1. I’ve been sitting here all day, waiting impatiently for Dee to post her weekly post (she even has it on her calendar… every Wednesday, post something here!)… but so far, nothing. And it’s getting near the end of the work day. *sigh*

2. Just this afternoon, for the first time, I actually replied to an online personals ad… W4MW. From what I’ve been led to understand, it’s not likely I’ll ever hear anything in reply. And I might have subjected myself to a buttload of SPAM. But you gotta take a chance, right?

3. Had sex last night. Rather enjoyed it.

TMI Tuesday

2009-02-17T08:04:00.000-08:00

1. What is your favorite charity? Do you give your time or just money to that charity?

I don’t have a favorite, though I could probably come up with one if I researched it a little. I give small amounts (money or donations) now and then, when mood and opportunity converge in the same moment.

2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?

A king-sized double pillow top mattress, a nice warm comforter, comfy sheets, lots of pillows (that’s Dee’s idea, not mine, since most of them end up on the floor and seem to be for decorative purposes only). Not to mention a headboard and footboard that are practically designed for multiple sexual purposes… lots of places to hold on to it, or attach handcuffs, or whatever (and we really should make better use of it!).

I sleep on the right side. Not sure why – it’s a chicken or egg thing. The alarm is on the left, and Dee gets up first, so either she sleeps on the left because the alarm is there, or the alarm is there because she sleeps on the left. Who knows?

3. How important is a partners kissing ability?

My knee-jerk response is “not terribly important,” but then it occurs to me that I have met a few bad kissers in my life, and the bad kissing was important enough to me to have withered my interest in pursuing things further. So perhaps it is very important after all.

4. Have you ever "taken advantage" of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been "taken advantage" of while under the influence of alcohol?

I can’t honestly say yes to either of these questions. I’ve had sex with someone while one of us (or both of us) was under the influence, but I don’t think there was ever a time where the alcohol was clearly a factor in the event. I’ve never thought “if she wasn’t so drunk…” and I’ve never woken up thinking “if I’d been sober, I never would have done that…”

5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?

Never. I’m not a big fan of the water, so I don’t have any real desire to, either. And the last time I stood in the ocean (on a beach in Hawaii) a jellyfish washed up and wrapped itself around my ankle and burned the crap out of me. It hurt like hell, and I’d really rather not risk the thought it could have ended up someplace a little more sensitive.

I Hate It When That Happens (#1)

2009-02-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

[I’m thinking I might make this a recurring theme (meaning sometime down the road there might be a #2, #3, etc.). But for now, at least… ]

I Hate It Then That Happens (#1):
Putting Me On The Spot.

“What do you want?”

Dee’s on her knees in front of me, panting into a pillow, ass in the air, my cock inside her. She’s just had a really good orgasm, and now I’m pretty sure all she wants is for me to have my fun.

I hate it when she puts me on the spot like this.

What do I want? I want to yank my dick out, shift my aim, and bury it in her ass. I want to turn her around and shove my cock down her throat. I want to jerk off and come all over her back. I want to roll her over and fuck her tits until I explode. I want to grab her by the waist, drive it deep into her pussy, and finish what I started.

But it’s late, and this is our second go-round of the evening. I really only have one bullet left in the gun…

I hate the question. I get distracted by it. I stop living in the moment and start pondering, considering… ranking my options. What exactly do I want? What do I want most? What haven’t we done in a while? What do I think will be most satisfying for me? For her?

I hate the question because I never have a good answer for it. I never know what my answer is going to be, or even what I want it to be.

Maybe next time I’ll just smack her ass, tell her to shut the fuck up, and just do what I want to do. That's the whole point, anyways, and I know that's what she wants me to do…

…but then I’d just be asking myself the very same question.

What do I want?

I hate that question.

The answer is always “YES!”

And that's really not an answer at all.

A Response in Three Parts (Part 3)

2009-02-13T10:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I wrote: This difference between our viewpoints, however, clearly demonstrates the fundamental differences in our upbringing regarding sex: My dad gave me the save-it-until-marriage speech (see my TMI post of 2-10-09), her stepfather gave her a bag with 50 condoms in it (even knowing she was on the pill) and sent her off to visit me in my college dorm. There’s no doubt that this difference is the true “source of contention” Dee is referring to.

Dee told me that she felt I was bashing her past when I said this, which is not the case at all – I was using this as an illustration demonstrating the differences between our separate upbringings, and putting forth my belief that this difference is a root cause of the differences we now struggle to resolve (my reserved reticence vs. her openness to explore).

In fact, in looking back into my past, I can see that, in terms of sexuality, I would probably be a different person (more adventurous, more open, etc.) if my childhood had been somewhat different. In the house I grew up in, the topics of sex and sexuality were treated as uncomfortable subjects that were avoided at all times. With the exception of that one “birds and bees” talk, I never heard another word about it. Even concepts like attraction and physical contact were absent… my parents never kissed, hugged, held hands, or went out on dates together (in fact, they were rarely in the same room together!).

If you prescribe to the psychological theories about such things, it’s no surprise that I rolled through my teen years and into my twenties with a lot of bravado and very little actual experience, and consistently FLED the scene whenever I was confronted by potentially sexual situations. I can remember leaving parties because someone suggested strip poker. On more than one occasion I was literally inches away from penetrating a naked, willing girlfriend… and then “chickened out.” I once walked home from a friend’s house because the majority of the group wanted to hop in the pool… and since nobody had brought their swimsuits…

On television, guys are usually portrayed as willing and ready to drop everything in a heartbeat when opportunity for sex arises. I’ve never really felt that way. I used to worry that I might be suffering from low testosterone levels, and wondered if I should see a doctor. I’ve even been tempted to try those herbal supplements… the ones they tout as able to reinvigorate your interest and potency… thinking something like that might cause me to actually feel more like the stereotypical “horny.”

As I’ve expressed before (to Dee, at least, if not somewhere here in this blog), I actually wish I were more assertive, aggressive, and dominating. I would like to be more sexual. I want to be a little more like a stereotypically horny man, and a little less like the stereotypical “nice guy.” Basically, I’d love to snap my fingers and be more like Dee would like me to be, but I’ve started to believe that I might simply have to accept that this is the way I am.

I wrote: I find it illogical to blindly believe Dee will stick with me forever. I think it’s only reasonable to accept the fact that (especially given the number of discrepancies between us!) it’s possible she could wake up tomorrow and wonder how the hell she got here, and what idiot signed her up for this.

And when I wrote this, the fact that I KNOW Dee has interests and desires I might never be able to fulfill was first and foremost in my thoughts.

A Response in Three Parts (Part 2)

2009-02-12T15:03:00.000-08:00

Dee wrote: I never wanted anyone to hold me in such high regard that they wouldn't give me what I want. And I want to be bent over the hood of a car and fucked hard. I want to be forced to me knees and ordered to suck cock. I want to be smacked and choked and have my hair pulled. I am not a good little girl and I don't want to be treated like one. And I know DH has it in him to put me in my place. But I'm not sure how to unleash the sadistic bastard.

In one sense, this paragraph doesn’t surprise me at all, after all, I’ve known these things for a while now. In another sense, this paragraph shocks me somewhat, because this is the same woman who said that, even in the case of a quickie, she needs to be ‘eased into it.’ (And, yes, my darling, I realize that I have used this phrase in our conversations on many occasions, and I apologize for saying it yet again). She has also said that having an orgasm in under 13 minutes is great for a Wednesday night when we have to work the next day, but when time is available she’d prefer that we take more time and draw the experience out. She’s also said that sometimes my ‘attitude’ (when I have it) feels as though I believe she should just be thankful she’s even had an orgasm, and that I should avoid acting that way.

Perhaps I’m naïve, but to my eye and interpretation, the paragraph she posted seems to demand the opposite… it appears to suggest I should take what I want, even on the rare occasion I encounter resistance (has that ever even happened?), by force if needed. In theory, I assume it to suggest that, if I were in the mood, I would be more than welcome to grab Dee and put her down in front of me so I could pull my dick out and fuck her mouth, and then walk away with a satisfied smile after coating her throat with my come. And if she has issues with it, I should feel free to shove her into a corner, grab her by the hair, and make her suck me off.

I don’t feel as though I have that kind of… well, manliness (I really can’t think of a more apt word) in me, but even if I did (or could fake it), I still believe doing so could run into a number of different problems. First, I think that what Dee said is true… after she is properly in the mood for it. I believe the requirement that she be ‘eased into’ that mood is a prerequisite, and this is a challenge to me because it then requires a mid-stream change in my attitude (seduce her, then turn on the aggressive, dominating, demanding stuff) – I don’t usually work that way. However, I’m willing to acknowledge that if I were both horny enough, and pissed off enough (and not at Dee… or, well, maybe even then), all at the same time, then I might find it in myself to just fuck the shit out of her because it feels good, but under normal circumstances, that’s really not me.

What’s more important is, as a general rule, the more vigorous things are, the less control I have over my own inner workings. Typically, it is the controlled, slowly increasing pace and the changing of positions and angles that allows me to stay around long enough to take Dee all the way to the mountaintop in the first place. Even when Dee just wants to suck my dick, I prefer to draw the encounter out – it is so enjoyable feel my cock in her mouth, to see and feel her work, to watch her as she runs her tongue over my shaft, or takes my entire length into her throat! Ultimately, whether it’s the cocksucking scenario described, or any similar fucking scenario, if we’re playing that aggressively, it’s more than likely that I’d be walking way in under five minutes. This means that, to embrace this stated philosophy, almost by definition, requires that I embrace the attitude that Dee’s enjoyment (even a single orgasm, let alone multiples) is of no importance… an attitude I’ve been chastised for in the past.

Also, as I posted in my TMI (2/10/09), I can’t recall ever having had an eye-rolling, laughing, panting, “holy shit was that fun! We have GOT to do that again!” moment, but that doesn’t mean I find sex boring or unsatisfying. On the other hand, more often than not, masturbation most often leads to a “well, crap… that really was a waste of time” moment (this is why I hardly ever engage in the activity… it’s really just not all that interesting). For me, getting off just on it’s own isn’t nearly as satisfying to me as getting off after having already given as good as I got, and so I suspect that similar actions might not ultimately be as satisfying (though I could be wrong about that, what do I know?). On the plus side, when it comes to jerking off, I’m usually reset and ready to go far more quickly than a typical fuck – I think it’s just a factor of involving less physical activity and exertion – so if the same is true under the described circumstances, it’s possible Dee could find herself sucking my cock four or five times an hour.

Of course, I do recognize there is a balance between doing things all one way, and doing them all the other. And I DO enjoy a good blowjob…

TMI

2009-02-12T12:38:00.000-08:00

Haven't done this before, but if he is, I will:

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
Well, I started (in my head) at the hair on the top of DH's body, down to his lips and ears, his neck, his shoulders, chest, nipples, biceps, hands, tummy, cock, balls, thighs, shins, feet, flipped him over and went up his calves, back to his thighs and onto his gorgeous ass, the small of his back, the width of back, his shoulders, his neck, his ears and back to his hair. Not a single un-sexy part of his body.

And just for the record, I think his feet are one of THE sexiest parts of him. Shoes on or off. So cute!

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
Definitely over. And if I'm somewhere that has it under, I have to switch it. I can't stand it.

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
Not called in sick per se, but planned for a vacation day. Though once or twice when I was sick and called in, I managed to get some sex in.

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?
I really don't remember. I have such a bad memory it is pathetic.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
For me, it's all the little things. Though when DH hits just the right spot, it rocks my universe.

A Response in Three Parts (Part 1)

2009-02-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

In response to Dee’s most recent post, I’d like to break it up into a few paragraphs, and directly address several of them, one at a time. I’ve changed the order of the respective paragraphs (that is, I’ve responded to them out of their original order) to better fit my thought-flow, but I don’t think that the order, in this case, makes a contextual difference. Here are the first two:

1. Dee wrote: I can honestly say my reticence to share was less about being perceived as abnormal and more about the worry that it would come back to bite me in the ass. And sure enough, I was right. For instance, I tell the world that I would fuck a movie star in a heartbeat, and he says that he's rather just be with me.

I simply stated a fact: I would rather just be with Dee. And she already KNOWS this… just as she typed in this same post: I have always been the abnormal one. The one willing, and wanting, to try new things. To push the boundaries. And it has always been a source of contention. It was not meant to be an ass-biting comment, though it could be interpreted as such by a jaded spouse (ok… that WAS kind of an ass-biting comment, and I apologize). This difference between our viewpoints, however, clearly demonstrates the fundamental differences in our upbringing regarding sex: My dad gave me the save-it-until-marriage speech (see my TMI post of 2-10-09), her stepfather gave her a bag with 50 condoms in it (even knowing she was on the pill) and sent her off to visit me in my college dorm.

There’s no doubt that this difference is the true “source of contention” Dee is referring to.

2. Dee wrote: After many tears, much screaming, and several hours of that awful talking when you just say the same things over and over, it came out. He could do things to her he couldn't do to me. Wow. It was at that moment that I knew he had it in him. He could be a sadistic bastard if he wanted to be.

Of course, there are differences between any two relationships under comparison, and every relationship has it’s good points and bad points (by comparison or otherwise), but there’s no sense in parsing (or even discussing) the details. However, I want to make a few points in response to this paragraph:

First, there has never been any sadistic qualities in any relationship I’ve had. In truth, I’ve always been the “nice guy,” the “good friend.” This obviously plays into why I have difficulty playing the aggressive or assertive role, too. When I’ve tried to be more so, it always feels rather fake and false to me. Perhaps that alone is enough to explain why my sexual history is so limited, so conservative. Maybe the stereotype is true, and women really do most desire men who have a streak of the asshole in them. But the idea that I could be a ‘sadistic bastard’ if I wanted to be is probably very, very wrong.

Second, it is important to note that, for some inexplicable reason (I honestly have no idea why), for the majority of our relationship neither Dee nor I were really able to talk openly with the other. If I had to guess, I would say it was a combination of my inexperience and conservative always-treat-women-respectfully-and-NEVER-do-anything-inappropriate upbringing and whatever viewpoints Dee brought into our relationship. This is not a feeling that was unique to me, either. At that time, Dee, too, found allure in other guys who were more open, more exploratory, more daring, and with whom she was more comfortable openly communicating.

All I know is, at the time in which these events transpired, I didn’t believe it was either allowed or proper to admit to Dee that I really liked blowjobs, and wanted to try fucking her in the ass.

In truth, the only allure “she” (this unnamed mistake from my past) presented, the thing that I couldn’t do with Dee (at that time), was talking to her about sexual topics… though even that statement is a deceptive “lie” – the communication to which I refer never went beyond “I like blowjobs, and want to try anal,” and her backdoor was off limits because that idea was “disgusting.”

And, for whatever it’s worth, I can honestly say I’m oh so VERY glad that our communication status has changed so dramatically.

Random Thoughts

2009-02-12T09:31:00.000-08:00

Since Dee has committed herself to posting once a week (on Wednesdays), I have plenty of time to contemplate and respond to her latest post, and I will do so in a series of posts over the next couple of days. But first, a few random things, most of which have nothing to do with anything…

1. Damn. On Tuesday, when doing the TMI thing for the first time, I also thought about getting Dee to pose and doing the HNT thing… but I totally forgot about my intentions yesterday, when I would have had to take the picture. So… no picture. Oh well.

2. I had a laugh over this past weekend while thinking of ideas for things do for entertainment purposes. I thought about charging the battery on our video camera… and then realized we don’t have the adapter to play the small tapes… and even if we did, the only VHS tape player in the house is in our daughter’s bedroom (yeah… no thanks!). I COULD plug the camera directly into the big screen and playback that way, but I seriously doubt it’d be worth the trouble… a $100 VHS video camera image on a 52” HD screen… that might just be disturbing to both of us. I could also plug it into the TV in our bedroom, too, but I’d have to pull it out of the armoire to get behind it, and thinking about putting in that kind of effort somehow sucks a lot of fun out of the idea. It’d be easier to just get a new camera.

3. In Dee’s post yesterday, she wrote: Never in my life have I seen a dorm room empty out so fast. Ok… I realize it wasn’t meant to be funny, but that’s just a really funny hilarious turn of phrase. Can’t help it. The image it concocts of fifty people going *whoosh* in every direction like a cartoon just makes me giggle.

The Sadistic Bastard

2009-02-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

Communication is a wonderful thing. And for sure, DH and I have been communicating. We have written rules and expectations. We have talked about our likes and dislikes, our desires, our fantasies. We've really put ourselves out there. Obviously, one of the reasons most people don't share as deeply with their significant others is the risk that their partner will judge them as being "weird" or not normal.

I can honestly say my reticence to share was less about being perceived as abnormal and more about the worry that it would come back to bite me in the ass. And sure enough, I was right. For instance, I tell the world that I would fuck a movie star in a heartbeat, and he says that he'd rather be with just me.

I can be thankful that in the big scheme of things, sharing with DH has been good and whatever ass-biting that has come of it has been minimal. But I knew that telling DH secrets such as I want to experience being with a woman, or a threesome, or go to a strip club was not without its risks.

Because I have always been the abnormal one. The one willing, and wanting, to try new things. To push the boundaries. And it has always been a source of contention.

Back when I was young, I would get irritated and impatient with DH when he would play the "I'm an innocent that you are corrupting" card, and many times it led to me straying. When he denied me what I wanted, I went out and found it anyway. And then I would feel bad. And think myself that I was abnormal. Oversexed. Seeking love in all the wrong places. Nymphomanic.

Until the night I was visiting his dorm room after recently getting back together. Back then we were forever breaking up and getting back together. I remember it distinctly. Those dorm rooms are small and there were quite a few people gathered so I was sitting on DH's lap in a chair. I could feel the stare from across the room. And all of a sudden, the girl shooting the glares asked DH if we were back together. Me, the oblivious one, giggled and said yep, and leaned back for a kiss. Never noticing the narrowing of the eyes, the flaring of the nostrils, or the guilt-ridden look on DH, I was shocked when she calmly asked if we were back together, what he was doing fucking her the night before. Never in my life have I seen a dorm room empty out so fast.

After many tears, much screaming, and several hours of that awful talking when you just say the same things over and over, it came out. He could do things to her he couldn't do to me. Wow. It was at that moment that I knew he had it in him. He could be a sadistic bastard if he wanted to be. And it was also when I realized I never wanted to be anyone's wife. Or mother. I never wanted anyone to hold me in such high regard that they wouldn't give me what I want. And I want to be bent over the hood of a car and fucked hard. I want to be forced to my knees and ordered to suck cock. I want to be smacked and choked and have my hair pulled. I am not a good little girl and I don't want to be treated like one. And I know DH has it in him to put me in my place. But I'm not sure how to unleash the sadistic bastard.

TMI Tuesday

2009-02-10T09:43:00.000-08:00

Thought I would try this…

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?

The feet. I have a utilitarian view of feet… they’re useful, practical things, but are in no way ANY kind of a turn on for me.

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?

Years ago, I actually cared, and when I did, it would always be over. Now, I don’t care one way or the other, so long as there’s actually TP accessible when I need it.

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?

No. But I have planned ahead and taken days off specifically to spend with Dee, and those days often included sex.

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?

Yes. My dad, a former Christian school science teacher gave me the three-hour sit-down when I was… 13? 14? Despite the educational background, he was obviously (and ridiculously) uncomfortable with the topic, didn’t tell me much I didn’t already know, and imparted very little useful information. It was a basically a “this is how everything works (in a biological/anatomical sense), but you better wait until marriage” presentation.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?

I really can’t say I know. I’ve had ok sex, and good sex, and sex that I would call great, but I can’t recall ever having had an eye-rolling, laughing, panting, “holy shit was that fun! We have GOT to do that again!” moment. Maybe I’ll just never feel that way, or maybe that’s still something I need to experience, or maybe the reality simply doesn’t live up to the hyped expectations I’ve unconsciously built up after years of watching Another World and Dallas as a kid.

Bonus (as in optional): What does sex mean to you?

A tough question, and one I could ponder for ages, I think. I also believe that my viewpoint is skewed depending on whether I’m answering for myself or speaking to a general concept. As a general concept, I view sex as a recreational activity, but for myself personally, at this point in my life, I’m not sure I can say that’s an honest answer. By this, I mean that, in concept, if I were single I don’t think I’d have any issue at all with having a friends-with-benefits arrangement, or fucking someone just for the fun of it, but being married, I find I frequently have a much more conservatively constrained point of view.

Maybe the Christian science teacher talk rubbed off a little more than I thought.

A Direct Response

2009-02-09T13:59:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking about what to post here today, and finally settled on a direct response to a few things Dee posted recently:

Dee wrote: Matthew McConaughey is gorgeous, yes, with those twinkly blue eyes that can smolder in an instance, the blindingly white smile, the dimples, the hair, the aw shucks demeanor. I mean, wow. What girl could resist that? Seriously, what girl? He's on like every woman I know's top 10 list… AND...if I had the opportunity, I'm pretty sure I would fuck him a heartbeat.

This is where Dee and I diverge. She’s adventurous enough (or confident enough, or whatever) that if the opportunity arose, I’m pretty sure she really would run off and take advantage of it. Me? If you lined up my top ten list on the bed naked, and let me have my pick… I’m pretty sure I wouldn't fuck any of them. Part of that is that I’m less adventurous than Dee is, and part of it is probably that, in all honesty, sex just isn’t that important to me (I like it, and I enjoy it, but if I had to live without it, it wouldn’t rip a gaping hole in my life). I think most of it, however, is that I’d rather just be with Dee.

Dee also writes: …I tell you so often how cute you are that you obviously don't even hear me anymore. [This was said in response to my statement that “she’ll tell me three times (in a semi-orgasmic squeal) just how cute Dermot Mulroney is over the course of a single 23-minute episode of Friends” – and I acknowledge that she does tell me I’m cute quite often… just without the orgasmic squeal!]

This is a second point of divergence: I tell Dee she’s cute, too, but I can’t recall the last time I told Dee I found someone on the TV cute – let alone telling her the same three times in 20 minutes! The main reason? I just don’t feel that way about anyone other than Dee herself. Even when Jennifer Anniston is nipping right out of her T-shirt, I don’t really notice it until Dee points it out… and when she does, I don’t really care. I suspect it isn’t even 10% as arousing to me as it would be to any other guy. I have Dee, and she’s really all I have eyes for.

And within these points lies the basis for my last post… there IS always a chance Dee will wake up one morning and decide things could be better, or more entertaining, or more satisfying, or happier, or more fun (or any of a hundred other adjectives). She notices the cute guys, and can say (honestly) that she’d fuck them in a heartbeat. Me? I’ve even tried saying such things… I've tried thinking such things… but I might as well tell Dee I’m a ballroom dancing fiend while I’m at it – they’d both be equally true.

I’m not complaining about a spouse’s wandering eye, here (or anything else) – she’s allowed to look, and opine, and fantasize, and whatever else, just as I am (even if I don’t actively use that right). All I’m saying is… it IS reasonable to accept the fact that, whether remote or not, it’s possible Dee will decide an adjective upgrade is in order, especially if I'm making her life miserable instead of adding to its enjoyment, satisfaction, and happiness. And that's my job… to keep her happy, and prevent that from ever happening.

Hence, when Dee also writes: …all of my friends are sick with jealously at how very much in love we still are, after all these years. We are so far from divorce it's like we're not even married. I swear, if I tell my peeps how cute my husband is one more time, I am frightened they won't be my peeps anymore! I get so many eyerolls, I am worried about their retinas. DH is so amazing, DH is so cute, DH is so sweet, DH is so sexy.

… I merely take it as an indication I’m doing my job fairly well, at least for now.

Personally, I don’t think THAT’S such a bad thing.

Heh Heh Heh

2009-02-06T13:16:00.000-08:00

[Explainer: Dee is at work, and has just discovered she can no longer log on to the blog and post from there due to new Internet restrictions placed upon her, so she has asked me to cut and past her post out of an email and post it in her name. She didn't give me a title (Heh Heh Heh), and at this moment I'm trying hard to resist the urge to insert a few comments of my own... but I will overcome the temptation other than to say, after all these posts here on my own, I FINALLY got a rise out of her. :) ]

Ok, I know I don't post nearly often enough, and I know you're looking for juicy stuff, but I can't NOT post a reply to this one!

First of all, all of my friends are sick with jealously at how very much in love we still are, after all these years. We are so far from divorce it's like we're not even married. I swear, if I tell my peeps how cute my husband is one more time, I am frightened they won't be my peeps anymore! I get so many eyerolls, I am worried about their retinas. DH is so amazing, DH is so cute, DH is so sweet, DH is so sexy.

Second, I tell you so often how cute you are that you obviously don't even hear me anymore. Matthew McConaughey is gorgeous, yes, with those twinkly blue eyes that can smolder in an instance, the blindingly white smile, the dimples, the hair, the aw shucks demeanor. I mean, wow. What girl could resist that? Seriously, what girl? He's on like every woman I know's top 10 list. Bad grammar not withstanding.

AND...if I had the opportunity, I'm pretty sure I would fuck him a heartbeat.

BUT...if afterwards he said he couldn't live without me and wanted me to run away with him forever, I would have to break his heart. Because I can't live without you.

I think it's funny that if we see our mates through rose-colored glasses, we also see ourselves through circus fun house glasses. We are seriously our own worst enemy.

But, in my many years of experience, I have come to learn that gorgeous eyes aren't that great without intelligence behind them. And a beautiful smile is nothing without a sharp wit and sense of humour. Big bulging muscles are worthless unless they are being used to tenderly massage a sore back or carefully coax an orgasm. A loving, attentive, engaged, and thoughtful man will win out over movie star looks every time.

And it doesn't hurt to have the ability to make your wife melt with just the power of a kiss.

Rose Colored Glasses

2009-02-06T11:25:00.000-08:00

I can’t quite figure out how Dee and I ended up together, or how it’s even possible this thing will last another month, let alone beyond that.

I mean… just in the physical sense there’s a discrepancy here… she’ll tell me three times (in a semi-orgasmic squeal) just how cute Dermot Mulroney is over the course of a single 23-minute episode of Friends (Hey… I can’t remember the last time she squealed like that when I walked into the room… uh… wait… it’s never happened!). And he’s lower down in her rankings than Ashton Kutcher, and Matthew McCougnahy, and Christian Slater, and that guy from High School Musical, and Jude Law, and…

I admit, I guess can see the appeal. They’re young(er), in great shape, and I doubt any of them spend their evenings vegging out on the sofa. And it isn’t lost on me that none of the guys who make her sit up and shriek have beards, or glasses, or Budda-bellies, or the early signs of man-boobs.

On the other hand, I have also noticed how vehemently she “EEEEEWS” guys getting their back hair waxed on America’s Funniest Videos… and then I look in the mirror and realize I’m significantly closer to THOSE guys than I am to Ashton.

Uh-oh.

Of course, there are a thousand possible discrepancies I could point out between us (and vice versa, I’m sure), just as any two people who have been married for a while can do... and I’m not in any way suggesting that there’s an imminent divorce pending in our household. However, a number of our friends either have gone through a divorce or are struggling with the decision whether or not to do so, and it does raise questions about exactly how people break apart.

I’m convinced that people see their partners through rose-colored glasses – it’s an obvious fact. We overlook faults, tolerate things we’d never tolerate in others, and fail to make logical or rational choices based on what’s best for us when we’re “under the spell” of someone we love. And then one day…

Couples in the midst of divorce can list a lot of reasons why they don’t want to be together anymore. He’ll say she’s a bitch, she’ll say he’s an asshole, and all of their friends will say ‘well, duh, we’ve been telling you that from the start.’ There might be affairs, or flirtation with others. There might be neglect, or screaming fights, or days of silence. There may be a lot of things, but in the end, I wonder if the root cause of most divorces (and affairs, and even changes in the way spouses treat each other) is simply that one (or both) parties suddenly starts seeing their partner for who s/he is, perhaps for the first time.

And, if that’s the case, what causes this suddenly clear vision in the first place?

I find it illogical to blindly believe Dee will stick with me forever. I think it’s only reasonable to accept the fact that (especially given the number of discrepancies between us!) it’s possible she could wake up tomorrow and wonder how the hell she got here, and what idiot signed her up for this. She says that’s not going to happen, but you just never know. Even she doesn’t know… not for sure.

It might seem like a depressing way to view the world, but it really isn’t. I think every couple should realize the truth of this, and act accordingly – by doing everything from trying to fulfill sexual fantasies to shouldering some of the household chores without being asked to make your partner’s day a little easier. There will still be good days and bad days, of course, but when both parties act this way, everybody is happier, and the view is still wonderful, even when the rose-colored glasses come off.

Communication

2009-02-05T14:03:00.000-08:00

Dee and I have spent the last few days re-working our rules, taking out things that weren’t really working, or at least not worth the trouble of trying to maintain and keep track of. We also have been working on clarifying some things with regards to our roles, and what each expects of the other. These things have gone pretty well.

It is sometimes surprising, given the bulk of our history together, how well this whole idea of communicating can go.

In addition, I’ve extracted another promise from her, assuring me that she would be more active, and post here at least once a week. I think she’ll follow through on it, as it’s now a recurring item on her personal calendar. So now, at least, my boring ramblings will be accompanied by something else… something that’s likely far more interesting.

I realize that this blog was originally supposed to be more about our adventures, experiences and simple sexual interactions, but it’s been a while since the last time anything along those lines was said here. In truth, we haven’t exactly had any adventures here in the dead of winter, but reading back through the last couple weeks’ worth of posts, you’d start to wonder if we’ve had any fun at all – when, in fact, we have (even though I’ve been a little more tentative than usual, since Dee’s back has been an issue, but that seems to have gotten better).

This past Saturday was particularly amusing for me, not for any unusual experiences, but for the way our afternoon sex came about. Dee took the kiddo to a party, and planned to stay there and bring her back home a few hours later. I remained at home, and, shortly after she’d left, it occurred to me that we were letting a golden opportunity slip away.

I texted her: U know, if u come home now, we cld have a quickie.

Fifteen minutes later she burst through the door, having left the kid, her camera, and who knows what else behind (for all I knew, the car could have been left running in the driveway). She rushed upstairs, and by the time I got there, moments later, she was already well on her way to full nudity (she still had her socks on).

It was a nice way to spend an afternoon.

The Sexual To Do List

2009-02-03T15:33:00.000-08:00

I have a lot I’d like to accomplish, but there’s very little on my “actually need to do” list, and the reason is simple: I like to get things done and out of the way. If something is on my “need to do” list, I like to get it done now rather than later. For example, I’d like to organize the garage, but it’s doing the dishes after dinner that gets filed under “need to do.” When we wrap up dinner at 6pm, I get the dishes done by 6:15. Poof. Done. Out of the way.

In the sexual arena, I often operate under the same principals. When it comes to sexual adventures, I would prefer it if Dee would give me a list of specific events – a list of individual items – to put on my “need to do” list.

Dee isn’t normally that type of person – in our relationship she rarely tells me “this is what I want, now make it happen” – but when she does move something from my “like to accomplish list” to my “need to do” list, I usually get around to it, or at least I start looking for a way to create the opportunity. When Dee said “I want us to go to the Dollar Store, where we split up, and each of us has to pick out three things to use (sexually)… now make it happen,” we ended up on a shopping spree. When Dee said “I want to do an adult weekend in Vegas, and go to a strip club… now make it happen,” we ended up going (admittedly that took a while).

Usually, however, Dee tends to add things to me “accomplish” list (or gently remind me what is already on the “accomplish” list), without suggesting any type of change in their priority. And of course, I took (and continue to take) no action whatsoever with regards to these items. They’re not on my to do list.

I have asked Dee to provide me with such a “to do” list, but the results have been confusing. Even when she does try to move things from the “accomplish” to “to do” column, I’m given instructions instead of a list. Dee doesn’t say “I want you do to the dishes… make it happen,” but rather tells me “I want you to fill the sink, then add some soap… then you have to pick up the sponge and get it wet. Begin with the plates… wipe them off with the sponge, then scrub off any remaining spots. Rinse thoroughly, using clean water from the tap…”

This is frustrating. Don’t tell me how to do it… tell me what needs to be done. I’m a guy, and this is what we do. Give me a project, and I’ll do it. Sometimes I’ll screw it up completely, other times I’ll surprise you with my abilities, but at least I’ll give it a try. Give me directions, and I’ll throw them away and go watch the game.

Unlike other areas of life, the sexual “to do” list is a two way street, and I think this may be why the things we try often fade away. I think we often feed off of each other in this (negative) way. She doesn’t make time for these things… she allows other things to get in the way. And I just quit trying.

For example, Dee has repeatedly promised to be more diligent about posting here, but has posted only three times since the flurry of posts made after our visit to the swingers club (three months ago!). She says it’s because she can’t think of anything to say (this from a woman who tells our daughter “just write!”)… and because she has other things she needs to do. I’m (honestly!) not bitter about it, but I lack any ambition to press the issue. I spent a while waiting, hoping, looking forward to seeing something new to read, but since then I’ve stopped bugging her about it.

At the end of all things, the enterprise is always dropped. Looking back at the last “official” dare, Dee still hasn’t completed it, and I haven’t bothered to follow up on it. I tried to spice things up a little on the blog by posting questions for Dee to answer, but if you drop back far enough you’d see she waited days before answering, and the most recent questions posed were never answered at all, so I simply let the matter drop. Dee is supposed to be in charge of tracking our success/failure in following our rules, but she hasn’t done so, and I have just shrugged and let it slide.

It’s a self-fulfilling cycle. When Dee is distracted, I’m less interested in (whatever it is), and thus fail to be creative in the endeavor and keep her interested, and she, in turn, allows herself to be more and more distracted by other things. And the less responsive she is, the less interested I become.

The sexual “to do” list is a team sport, and when only one member of the team is playing, it’s nearly impossible for the other team member to remain interested. And when both teammates lose interest…

Disappointment

2009-02-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

I should be a little disappointed, but that just wouldn’t be reasonable.

Saturday night Dee left me for a “girl’s night” out, and I sent her on her way with a dare: take a camera with you, and return to me on Sunday with at least two pictures, a picture of her tits, taken by someone else, and a picture of someone else’s tits, taken by Dee herself. They were going out drinking (and by later accounts, several of them got quite toasty), dancing, and spending the night somewhere afterwards, so I left it up to Dee to decide (based on circumstances, etc.) how risqué, revealing, daring, and naughty the pictures got.

This would seem to be an easy dare… especially since Dee ended up spending the night in a hotel room with a woman she’d previously expressed an interest in enjoying… without her bag (and therefore without her pajamas!). Talk about your perfect opportunity, not only to accomplish the dare, but perhaps to do far more than that!

And yet, Dee returned home with a few random snapshots of herself and her friends’ low cut necklines, showing some cleavage, but not much more than you’d see while attending your average wedding. In fact, Dee’s wedding dress showed off more than the picture her friends took of her!

I should be a little disappointed, but that really wouldn’t be fair.

In all honesty, I have to admit that, subject to a comparable dare on a “guy’s night out” (that is, taking a photo of another guy, and vice versa), I definitely wouldn’t be taking photos of anyone’s equipment, or posing for pictures myself.

Even if I were given the obvious, abbreviated dare (get a picture of someone else’s tits), it’s highly likely I’d never even get the cleavage shots, let alone anything more daring. I don’t know any guys that are likely to be willing to serve as my wingman in the pursuit of such a dare, let alone be proficient at the task. Given most of their wives’ opinions on the matter, a few drinks in a sports bar is about as far as they’ll go.

My first choice for a wingman, be it a bar or a strip club or wherever, would be Dee. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, though. After all… pajama-less, drunk, in a hotel room… and she’s texting me and watching Three’s Company… what kind of a wingman is THAT?

On the other hand… pajama-less, drunk, in a hotel room… and she’d rather text me than do anything else. I guess I don’t mind that at all. :)

I really haven't got a title!

2009-01-30T15:04:00.000-08:00

I’ve spent the whole day here at work, trying to think up something interesting to post, some exciting way to work in some descriptive and exciting prose to be read and enjoyed… but I just keep running into the roadblock I alluded to last Thursday (1/22/09)…

…That is, Dee and I had fun last night…

…but why would anybody be surprised? Or wish to read about it? It wasn’t a threesome, and we didn’t climb out on the roof or anything. It was fun, and very enjoyable, and quite satisfying, but… it weren’t nuthin’ we ain’t done before.

I covered the basics of massage-based foreplay, after which I slid down her body and segued into a little tongue loving (I found that, on this occasion, I had a particularly strong NEED to taste her pussy!). We rolled around, I slipped inside her (a delicious feeling), we rolled around some more. I’m fairly certain she had a nice orgasm, as she was (apparently literally) purring in the after-moments.

An all together excellent exchange…

…but I’m just not used to the role of reporting the sensual details of our intimate events. That’s supposed to be her job here.

Chekhov

2009-01-29T14:55:00.000-08:00

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
– Anton Chekhov

Today is (well… was) Chekhov’s birthday, and so this quote has showed up a few times in the newsy retrospectives I pay attention to. And I really like that quote. Mostly because I think it’s true.

When the adrenaline is flowing (for good or ill), you feel more alive. You don’t fall asleep, no matter how long the day has been, or how much you’ve had to drink. You’re never too tired to get it on. You don’t zone out in front of the TV after dinner.

Routine, no matter how pleasant, has far fewer invigorating properties.

It’s easy to feel alive when you’re enjoying Vegas as a couple, going to strip clubs, taking in sexy, stimulating shows, and fucking each other wildly about the suite until the air conditioning no longer keeps up with the rising temperature in the room...

...but we can’t run off for four day weekends twice each month – nor would we want to. First, we do have a kid to think about! Plus, it isn’t financially feasible, and even if it were, making these things an everyday event would probably just change the nature of what a “normal” day is. I can’t imagine getting to the point where I thought “oh, dammit, do we really have to go again?” – but I know that could happen. There really is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

This isn’t to say I’m in any way unhappy. I watch the news in the evening (and even keep an eye on it during the day), and I’m constantly reminded how lucky I am – in terms of wife, and family, and life in general.

The past few posts have been the beginnings of a thought process, really... a pondering of how to strike a different balance between the good life we have, and that energized-enhanced vacation mindset. How can we make each day a little less like the former, and little more like the latter? How can we be a little more like our vacation-selves and a little less like our normal-workday-selves on a daily basis?

We had that initial onslaught of email exchanges, and that revved things up for a while, but that seems to have run its course. The dare game spiced things up for a time, but I could sense Dee’s interest waning, and I was running out of realistic-yet-interesting ideas (I have a lot of dares remaining, but they’re mostly either kind of “out there” as far as realistic chances of performing them, or admittedly a little dull), and so that, too, faded away.

The question is, what’s next – for myself, and for us as a couple? It’s a question that I’m responsible for answering (the rules say I’m in charge of these game-type things!). I have a few ideas percolating in my head. In the meantime, as I alluded to in my last post, I’d like to get a little amplitude in my daily adrenaline/energy level.

So I’m thinking about that, as well.

Energy

2009-01-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

“How sad is it that I’m too tired to have sex? That’s just wrong.”

That’s what Dee said to me last night, and it got me to thinking… I eat pretty healthy, I take a walk at lunch, I don’t drink a lot of caffeine, all the usual things you’re supposed to do to feel naturally energized. Dee does all these things, too. I don’t have trouble waking up in the morning, and can say that (most days, at least) I don’t feel particularly tired during the day.

And yet, most nights, by the time I climb into bed, I’m fairly wiped out. When she said what she said, I knew exactly how she felt. It’s not a lack of interest – it’s just that, at the end of the day, it’s so damn nice to just lay there, relaxed and comfortable, and drift off (even if it takes a bit of time for the drifting to happen). I think Dee feels the same way a lot of the time (though probably not as often as I do).

It’s not a big thing, this end-of-day energy drain… nothing that causes me worry or concern, but there are times when it makes me feel a little old. I remember my younger days, when running for weeks at a time on four hours of sleep, fast food, and 2-liters of Mountain Dew (more often than not, laced with pints of Southern Comfort) was a normal routine.

I’m not looking to regain that kind of insanity, but the high-energy point in my day comes sometime mid-morning these days. It’d be nice if I could trade some of my useless work productivity, and transfer that energy to more noble pursuits… like providing Dee with an energetic evening fuck.

That’s all I’m saying.

I’m considering some options that may (or may not) increase my evening energy levels – things like revving up through the use of energy drinks – having a Red Bull (the sugar free version) or whatever else is out there (even just a good dose of the caffeine-laced Crystal Light drinks) with dinner. Though I do worry that this idea will lead to sleepless nights and miserable mornings – I’m not a kid anymore.

I’m also wondering if I should get up a little earlier, and have a better breakfast at home (rather than a quick bite at my desk at work). In addition, I’m thinking a time-shift in my evening might be worth a try – staying up a bit longer, especially in the summertime, when it stays light longer anyways, and doing something productive with the extra hour. It seems counterproductive to suggest that less sleep would lead to more energy, but, historically, that’s the way my metabolism has worked.

I could just eat oysters. But I tried them once, and didn’t particularly like them.

Mental Evolution

2009-01-27T13:07:00.000-08:00

One of the puzzles I haven’t solved is why there is such a disconnect between what I feel and my actions. I feel bold, aggressive, and sexual, but I realize that, in terms of action, I don’t outwardly appear to be so – not even to Dee. I think and fantasize in daring and assertive tones, but never put these internal characteristics into practice.

Even now, it’s easy for me to sit at my desk at work and think, “After the kid is tucked in, I’m gonna curl up on the sofa with Dee and let her suck my cock” (our rules require that I initiate one blowjob per week) -- but actually doing that… isn’t so easy for me. I’m sure that part of it is related to the tendency to follow I shared on 1/23/09, but I think there are other factors involved, as well.

Over the years, my interest in sex hasn’t changed much, but my viewpoint has varied through the normal course of time, just as everyone else’s has. Still, throughout my life, for some unexplainable reason, this disconnect has always been there.

In my own psycho-sexual evolution, naïve anticipation for the unknown became the imaginary explorations of an inexperienced youth. I fantasized about sex and blowjobs and tits and alternative positions, but never revealed these thoughts to any sexual partner (and there weren’t that many to begin with). I timidly followed wherever my partners led, and, lacking confidence and fearing a negative reaction, couldn’t summon the nerve to so much as admit the dirty little secret that I wanted to do it doggie style.

Eventually, these youthful fantasies evolved into adult desires. In practice, I did gain some experience, a hint of confidence, and a beginner’s grasp of what it was all about. In my head, my fantasies became more expansive in scope, more daring and experimental, and broader in variety. I pictured myself enjoying threesomes, and anal sex, and even orgies. An untold number of scenarios paraded through my head, and I finally acknowledged that my only option was to admit these thoughts existed. But even as the horniness that comes from wanting to experience everything sex had to offer hit me, I found I had become simultaneously entangled in two very different nets…

First, by the time I was finally ready to admit I had these thoughts, I was married to Dee, and this was, in truth, a great impediment to my sexual growth. In a way I suspect is not unlike a woman who has been faking orgasms for years (and then suddenly considers revealing the truth to her lover), I couldn’t imagine coming clean – honey, sorry to tell you this, bit I’ve basically been lying and keeping things from you for a decade now. I couldn’t help but worry over what Dee’s reaction would be. For a long time, it was just easier to keep silent, and not worry about it.

Second, and perhaps both more insidious and more challenging, I had become (and still am) so accustomed to being the silent follower, so used to not acknowledging these thoughts (let alone acting on them), that the habit has become my natural character. It seems strange (in an uncomfortable this-isn’t-me kind of way) to act in a sexual manner. As I posted on 9/25/08, just the idea of “checking out” another woman feels wrong.

This is really the struggle to make a conscious change to a deeply set habitual behavior. I compare this to a simple (albeit silly) example: Imagine you’ve spent the past 20 years calling everyone you know (or meet) “dude,” but now wish to not only stop the practice, but replace it with a more respectful one (calling people “sir” or “ma’am” as the case may be). Not only is it tough to stop the previous habit, but forcing yourself to stick to the new plan is a true challenge, as well. And when you succeed, those who know you inadvertently make things harder. They stop and stare, and note the change. They ask if you are feeling ok, or blurt out “dude… what the hell is wrong with you?”

We’ve pretty well transcended that first by communicating openly and plainly for some 14 months now. Now, it’s mostly about getting out of that second net. That’s mostly on me. And that’s mostly what this year (and my resolutions) is about. Things have started out slowly… but I accept that. These things take time.

Oxymorons

2009-01-23T14:21:00.000-08:00

I used to think I was a chameleon. In the past (this would be back in the bad old days of high school and college), whenever I was fooling around with a girl, I would mirror her behavioral output – this seemed to be my natural tendency. If she was acting aggressive, forward, and sexual, I would, after a delay to acclimate myself, act more sexual in return. When she was acting shy, my tendency was to retreat and become even more tentative. As a result, I don’t think I’ve ever initiated a first kiss, and probably never really initiated sex… at least not until long after Dee and I were married.

In the past year, I’ve come to understand I’m not the chameleon I thought I was – sexually speaking I’m actually a tentative follower who likes to feel he’s in control… an oxymoron if ever there was one. Still, it’s an apt description: I like to feel as though I’m initiating and guiding things, but – to coin a phrase – I need an engraved invitation (or, more often then not, repeated invitations) before I’ll initiate anything or guide you anywhere at all. Further, I’m only comfortable when I’m led towards (or invited to visit) safe and familiar territories.

In retrospect, I realize that what I needed (and could still use) was a hefty dose of self-confidence when it comes to how I approach women, and how I view the guy I see in the mirror. I also see that there eventually came a time in each relationship (or potential relationship) when I was expected to take over and lead the way… something that just never happened. As a result, in my less rosy moments, I can look back on my life and see it as a series of potential life experiences (both sexual and not) that I let slip away.

Dee has told me in the past that she likes to be “eased into things” – a description I now recognize fits my own particulars, as well. I like the image of wading slowly into water, testing the temperature, the depth, etc. Getting used to the sensations over time, and deciding, on a moment-by-moment basis whether to move further forward, or return to the safety of the shore. Sadly, when I’m testing waters I really DO want to swim in, I still have to wade in slowly, with Dee tugging at my arm, leading me slowly away from shore. And when I’m not sure I want to swim… I might only take a small step forward once each year.

Of course, Dee has also told me she likes to “jump in,” too, subjecting me to her own oxymoronic brand… somehow suggesting I ought to ease her into the water by encouraging her to leap off the diving board… without pushing her off. (Oy!)

Admittedly, between the two of us, Dee definitely has the tougher time… I’m a complex collection of oxymorons. I’m a follower who likes to be in control. I think of myself as dominant… but not aggressive – which means I find aggressiveness and submissiveness appealing (go ahead… try being both at the same time). I like to be in control, but hate having to give direction – and thus when Dee fails to read my mind, I get grumpy, and if forced to make requests, I get annoyed (even when my requests are fulfilled). And to continue the metaphor, I am moody, stubborn, and rather unpleasant when being led away from the safety of the shore… even when I’ve specifically said I want to go swimming.

What’s a girl to do? She’s asked me that many times, and I never have an answer. I’m a mystery, even to me.

Luckily, Dee apparently likes a good, frustrating mystery. :)

Marriage vs. Dating

2009-01-22T10:03:00.000-08:00

When you’re married for over a decade – and you still WANT to be married – you think marriage is a great thing. And that’s were I’m at. I’m happy, I still think she looks great naked, and (in spite of all those frustrating little quirks she has that drive me NUTS) I still like having her around. Still, after watching an episode of Friends (in which one of the characters laments all she’ll be giving up by getting married), I got to thinking about the differences between dating and marriage, and realized marriage does take away something that might be impossible to bring back into the relationship.

In my last post I typed: This, I think, is tied to the hidden thrill I get from knowing things about Dee… things that NO ONE else knows...

What I said is somewhat inaccurate – the word “thrill” suggests a serious turn on, and that isn’t really a spot-on description. There used to be a thrill there, but now… ?

Allow me to explain: I remember sitting down around at the dinner table – surrounded by my horrifyingly conservative parents here, my dorky brother and ditzy sister there – and looking over at Dee, thinking: Just ten minutes ago we were fooling around downstairs… just ten minutes ago I was in her mouth…

And I remember her looking back at me, the corners of her mouth turn up, and I knew she was thinking these same thoughts.

There was a naughtiness to it… a feeling of drawing outside the lines. Of rebelling. A shared secret. A sense of the taboo. And that’s what’s forever missing once you’re married.

First off… sexually speaking, whatever 'it' is, it’s not really a secret. Everyone knows I’ve seen Dee naked, and nobody cares. Back in high school, if a guy got to second base, and told his friends about it, he’d invariably get a response (“You got to see her rack? …(*chuckle*)… NICE!”).

Now…? I see Dee naked on a regular basis, and nobody seems particularly surprised.

Everyone knows we’ve done it, and nobody cares. We have a kid, and I’m pretty sure even my conservative parents – and everyone else on the planet -- know how that happened.

My parents come for a visit, and we sit at the dinner table… but the secrets contained in our glances are no longer sexual, and the turn on isn’t there (we do roll our eyes at the conservative opinions they express). When in the midst of public interactions (at a party, socializing with friends, for example), my mind does often turn to the subjects I expressed – the fact that I know what she looks like naked, etc. – but even when our eyes meet… it’s really not the same.

Ask anyone at the party if they think Dee and I have slept together, and the best you’ll get is “Well… duh… yeah. Pass me the salsa, will ya?”

There’s no naughtiness left… that little (albeit adolescent) thrill is removed.

I think this might be part of the reason people have affairs, and why couples seek out new experiences, new thrills. They tie each other up, or post x-rated views of their fun on the Internet. They have threesomes, and broaden their horizons. And all of it is fun (or, if they don’t find it to their liking, it still remains thrilling to have tried!).

But I wonder… is it really all just an attempt to recapture this one powerful thrill from our youth… an attempt to recreate the feeling we get when we have a shared intimacy, a naughty secret that we share with one special person… and only that one person?

Pain or no pain...

2009-01-20T14:23:00.000-08:00

I was away for the weekend and while DH and I were texting a bit, it's just not the same as being with him. So when I got home I was ready to drink him in. We went to bed and I entwined my body around his, smelling his wonderful scent and being warmed by his lovely big hands. I love kissing his face, his beard tickling my nose. I pulled his lips into mine and sucked gently, flicking my tongue against his until he at last responded. I knew he was holding back because of he was worried about the pain my back had been causing me.

He turned me on my side so that he could massage my back, which he knows I love. He has recently begun to focus some attention on my back, which is an erogenous zone for me. Feeling his hands kneading my sore muscles and feeling his lips caressing the soft skin, my pussy lit up and my body started to hum with electricity.

He moved his hands to my side and hip, and then to my breasts. I love feeling his hands slip over my curves, heading to my nipples where he pulls and tugs until they are standing at attention. I reached back between us and found his hard cock, stroking it, pulling him towards me with it.
I spread my legs a bit so that I could nestle his cock between my pussy lips, where I could warm it in my moist folds. I started to rock a little, almost imperceptibly, but I had positioned the tip just at the opening of my vagina so each little rock nudged the edge of my clit and I could feel the wetness build.

I love when my pussy gets so wet that his cock just slips inside. Knowing how wet I was getting, I took his cock in my hand and dipped it in my pussy juices so that I could slip it between my cheeks. I was stroking his cock up and down my ass and then between my pussy lips.

The feeling of his hard cock against my ass was so good, I started pushing back against his cock, rubbing his cock against my rosebud. He realized what I was doing and flipped me onto my stomach, pinning my fingers against my clit, which is my favorite position. With him stroking my ass and pushing his weight onto my clit, which was against my fingers, he pushed me into one of the most amazing orgasms I've ever had. I was beyond over the edge, by the time my pussy spasms subsided, I was a drooling puddle of quivering flesh.

But he was not done with me, not even close. With one swift motion, he buried his cock in my pussy. Arching his back, he stroked my gspot while leaning down to bite my shoulder. He continued stroking and I reveled in the smooth velvet covered hardness inside me.

I moaned as he pulled out completely, only to moan loader as he pushed his cock into my ass and held it still for a moment. My fingers found their way back to my clit as his cock filled my ass. Oh my god the intense feeling when he does that is amazing. We moved together as he pounded my ass and I ground my clit into my fingers. I pulled him in as far as I could by clenching and unclenching my ass with every stroke. He was pounding faster and faster and I was rubbing harder and harder until I heard his gasp and I knew he was about to come. I arched my ass high in the air and pushed my fingers into my pussy, pushing my clit into my pelvic bone as hard as I could and we were both exploding into orgasm at the same time.

Definitely something worth repeating, even when my back isn't sore...

First Thoughts

2009-01-19T11:01:00.000-08:00

Whenever I meet someone, one of the first thoughts that zips through my head is to wonder what he/she is like sexually. It makes no difference if the matter of the moment is a friend I’ve known for a while or an attractive woman in a passing car. My thoughts are never gender specific – guy, gal, or couple (and, in the case of a couple, I’ll sometimes look at her first, sometimes him) – somewhere along the line, more often than not, I’ll find myself giving the subject at least a moment’s consideration.

Sometimes these thoughts are general, other times focused on specifics. Sometimes they’re questions, while at other times my first impression will run strong enough to become fact in my own mind. These thoughts seem to come from nowhere, and (to my mind) feel entirely random, but there is some pattern to them.

I find a degree of fascination in the holding of intimate knowledge. When chatting with couples, I often look from one to the other and think: You know what he/she likes… and then proceed to ponder what secrets each might be able to tell. What particular, unique act turns each of them on? What have they shared with each other that would, if revealed, be embarrassing to them?

[This, I think, is tied to the hidden thrill I get from knowing things about what Dee… things that NO ONE else knows. After you’ve been together a while, there’s a deep connection between two people in these things… knowing what you each look like naked, what sounds arise from within at as you come, the naughty, explicit turn-ons nobody else knows.]

When dealing with individuals, especially upon first meeting, I tend to ponder the basics: What does s/he look like naked? What particular predilection really drives him/her wild? Has s/he ever had a threesome? Is s/he aggressive… or timid?

The thoughts can be positive, or pseudo-negative. For example, when I see the (stereotypical) chain-smoking, scrubble-faced, guy with mossy teeth on the news describing how fast the river rose, forcing him, his wife, his five kids, and their six dogs to run for their lives… again, and how this time, after everything dries out, he’s gonna put the trailer up on blocks like it’s s’posed to be... the first thing I think is… he’s got a wife? Kids? Someone actually fucks him? Eeeeew!

Usually, however, the thoughts are positive.

Occasionally these musings are a mild turn-on, but most of the time they are merely simple clinical analyses. As mentioned earlier in this blog, it’s actually been quite some time since I’ve really noticed anyone besides Dee – in a sexual, whoa-isn’t-she-hot way, that is – so, while I frequently think about these things, my thoughts all have a decidedly academic flavor: Interesting… the waitress is pretty good looking, and I’m getting a serious 'threesome-friendly' vibe from her… so… let's see... what appetizers do they have here?

It’s kind of sad, really. I think about sex a lot, but most of the time it's not in a way that gets my heart pumping. I have no idea why this is.