I begin by picking up where I left off in my post of 9/26/08: As always, I’m sure it will be a work in progress – and I think I’ll address that statement in a post all it’s own, later on...
When I made that statement, I was referring to my natural resistance to change direction. I’m a living example of Newton’s first law of motion (an object at rest tends to stay at rest, etc.). I am ruled by the laws of inertia. Whenever I’m working on something, I tend to keep working on it until I stop… and when I stop… I stop – as in, if it’s not done, it’s 50-50 I’ll get back to it anytime soon. When I’m not doing anything, I have a tendency not to start anything. For example, when I start working on the yard, I tend to keep working on it long after I’ve accomplished what I originally set out to do. But eventually, whether done nor not, I’ll decide that’s enough… and stop. This means that if I force myself to start moving, I accomplish a hell of a lot, but I end up having a lot of idle time, too.
This phenomenon holds true for nearly everything in my life, including my behavior. Once I’m awake, I have a hard time falling asleep. When I get home, I empty my pockets, putting my cell phone, keys, etc. all in the same place I put them yesterday. Call it habit, or routine, or just… inertia. (Dee, by contrast, has the “habit” of dropping things in random places, then later wandering around asking me where I put them). This is even true in terms of sexual behavior. If we’ve had sex the past three nights, I’ll probably want it tonight. If we haven’t had sex in three days, I won’t have any real interest tonight.
For this reason, anything different I wish to try becomes a work in progress, a new behavior I embrace and act on in fits and starts, occasional bursts of consistency separated by long stretches of failure. As mentioned (or at least hinted at) in previous posts, Dee has requested a number of things from me – more aggression, more direction, talking dirty, some spanking, etc. – but in every case, though I’ve committed myself to at least give it a try, I’ve only taken a tentative step or two on a very few occasions. Novel behavior, even acts I truly want to personify, require focused effort on my part.
Between this natural law and the inherent oddity I feel in behaving in a new and different way, even when I’ve committed myself to change, it is a long, slow, gradual process. A year from now I may find myself throwing Dee down on the bed, pinning her under me, and telling her to shut up and fuck me, or demanding a blowjob when I feel the first urges for her skills. For now, however, I’ll continue to take small steps in the directions we both want to go, and find pleasure in the slow evolution of my sexuality.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Questions for today
1. Name/Describe the first place you ever had sex.
2. Describe the first time you remember having an orgasm.
3. Name a childhood toy you still enjoy playing with (board game, etc.).
4. Name something you would say you aren’t allowed to do (or aren’t supposed to do, or shouldn’t do), but wish you could.
2. Describe the first time you remember having an orgasm.
3. Name a childhood toy you still enjoy playing with (board game, etc.).
4. Name something you would say you aren’t allowed to do (or aren’t supposed to do, or shouldn’t do), but wish you could.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Great Minds...
I was just coming over to post and I see that DH has beat me to it!
Let's talk about toys for a minute. I have recently learned that several of my friends do not own a vibrator. This is just sad. Added to the fact that these are my friends in sad, broken marriages. Instead of investing in some mechanical engineering, they chose to invest in affairs.
These little mechanical tools can just do things that the human body cannot! It is in no way a substitute for a big thick steel-hard cock wrapped with velvety softness filling you up. No competition. But for what it can do, wow! Seriously! I could happily spend hours with my little vibrating friends, coaxing out orgasm after orgasm. Not that I ever have. It seems when I use them, it is either in conjunction with the lovely hard cock belonging to DH, or in a hurried, clandestine, frantic manner. Once or twice I have been able to enjoy a leisurely session, but the guilt of taking that time all to myself is too much.
I got my first vibrator at a "passion party" that I hosted at my house. 21 giggling women, passing around various models, and drinking a whole lot to get through it. Before that, I tried various household items to try to better understand my path to orgasm. A candle. A cucumber. (Come on, who hasn't tried those?) But the vibration is what does it for me.
Sadly, it hasn't really paved the path to better understanding as I had hoped. Even with mechanical help, sometimes I orgasm very quickly, and sometimes it takes forever. And sometimes I just give up because it's taking too long. (Hmmm...there's that reference to time again). I keep telling DH I'm going to retire early to the bedroom to visit my friends, but I never manage to do it. Even last night, he had to remind me I was planning to use one.
Which brings me to last night. After he reminded me, I dug through my bedside table and pulled out one shaped to increase the likelihood of hitting the Gspot (I'm still looking for mine!) As I was leaned over digging, DH rested his head on my thigh and started licking my slit up and down. I had a great vantage point for seeing his face while he was burying his tongue in me. I love it when he goes down on me, but that's another post altogether.
When he saw the purple vibrator I had pulled out, he sat back and let me start. I turned it on and pushed it in, remembering I was planning to sit up to better control the tip to see if I could hit the Gspot. But there was DH's cock waving at me. So I leaned over and started sucking his dick, with the purple dildo buzzing away at my cervix. Oh heaven. But then I got carried away and there goes the exploration.
We haven't used our toys very often, and I was making DH watch me plunge that purple dildo into my pussy. I know it turns him on. He was standing beside the bed watching and his cock was rock hard and pointing straight at me. DH is a very creative lover, always willing to try something new, and he climbed on top of me and pushed his cock around my opening, finally settling on my rosebud. We had tried double penetration before, but I didn't find it particularly exciting. But last night, I had the dildo buzzing away deep, and I reached around and pushed his cock into my ass and it immediately sent me over the edge. What an incredible feeling!
But I feel like I sadly neglected DH and his cock, so tonight I am going to enjoy a leisure cock worship session, but with a little added fun for me. I am planning to take my little bullet and have it buzzing away on my clit as I suck and lick and stroke my DH until he empties his load right down my throat.
That's the plan at least.
Let's talk about toys for a minute. I have recently learned that several of my friends do not own a vibrator. This is just sad. Added to the fact that these are my friends in sad, broken marriages. Instead of investing in some mechanical engineering, they chose to invest in affairs.
These little mechanical tools can just do things that the human body cannot! It is in no way a substitute for a big thick steel-hard cock wrapped with velvety softness filling you up. No competition. But for what it can do, wow! Seriously! I could happily spend hours with my little vibrating friends, coaxing out orgasm after orgasm. Not that I ever have. It seems when I use them, it is either in conjunction with the lovely hard cock belonging to DH, or in a hurried, clandestine, frantic manner. Once or twice I have been able to enjoy a leisurely session, but the guilt of taking that time all to myself is too much.
I got my first vibrator at a "passion party" that I hosted at my house. 21 giggling women, passing around various models, and drinking a whole lot to get through it. Before that, I tried various household items to try to better understand my path to orgasm. A candle. A cucumber. (Come on, who hasn't tried those?) But the vibration is what does it for me.
Sadly, it hasn't really paved the path to better understanding as I had hoped. Even with mechanical help, sometimes I orgasm very quickly, and sometimes it takes forever. And sometimes I just give up because it's taking too long. (Hmmm...there's that reference to time again). I keep telling DH I'm going to retire early to the bedroom to visit my friends, but I never manage to do it. Even last night, he had to remind me I was planning to use one.
Which brings me to last night. After he reminded me, I dug through my bedside table and pulled out one shaped to increase the likelihood of hitting the Gspot (I'm still looking for mine!) As I was leaned over digging, DH rested his head on my thigh and started licking my slit up and down. I had a great vantage point for seeing his face while he was burying his tongue in me. I love it when he goes down on me, but that's another post altogether.
When he saw the purple vibrator I had pulled out, he sat back and let me start. I turned it on and pushed it in, remembering I was planning to sit up to better control the tip to see if I could hit the Gspot. But there was DH's cock waving at me. So I leaned over and started sucking his dick, with the purple dildo buzzing away at my cervix. Oh heaven. But then I got carried away and there goes the exploration.
We haven't used our toys very often, and I was making DH watch me plunge that purple dildo into my pussy. I know it turns him on. He was standing beside the bed watching and his cock was rock hard and pointing straight at me. DH is a very creative lover, always willing to try something new, and he climbed on top of me and pushed his cock around my opening, finally settling on my rosebud. We had tried double penetration before, but I didn't find it particularly exciting. But last night, I had the dildo buzzing away deep, and I reached around and pushed his cock into my ass and it immediately sent me over the edge. What an incredible feeling!
But I feel like I sadly neglected DH and his cock, so tonight I am going to enjoy a leisure cock worship session, but with a little added fun for me. I am planning to take my little bullet and have it buzzing away on my clit as I suck and lick and stroke my DH until he empties his load right down my throat.
That's the plan at least.
Telling Stories
Offline, Dee has been heckling me, urging me to post the real-life stories of our actual sexual interactions, given from my point of view. I like to write, and Dee says she likes to read what I write (I think that has less to do with my writing ability, and more to do with the fact that she sees it as a sort of window into my thoughts), so it would seem to be a logical, easily fulfilled request. But it isn’t.
When writing stories – especially sexual tales – I write fiction. Sometimes I will write something that mirrors my own interests, thoughts, or fantasies. At other times I’ll take an idea I’m not even terribly interested in, and just see where the story goes (if Dee reads these thinking they are windows into my desires, that might be a problem…). I’ve even written a thing or two in which the only intention was to see how Dee reacts to the subject matter.
Maybe one of these days I’ll cut and paste a couple of the shorter things I’ve written – though even those are probably too long for the blog format.
When writing non-fiction, however, I tend to express to my own thoughts, feelings, or opinions, or ponder and analyze a particular piece of information, or a new idea. I frequently respond to something I’ve read, or something someone (such as Dee, in the case of this blog) has written. But I avoid telling stories.
Ironically, this is mostly because it's hard for me to find anything to say when trying to write non-fiction, especially from my own point of view. I end up just reporting the facts in a bottom-of-the-screen-crawler kind of way: terse, to the point… a one- or two-sentence summation.
Last night, for example, we had a nice session involving a number of different positions and activities. We even broke out the toys for a little multiple-points-of-stimulation thing, which she really seemed to get off on (and her enjoyment in the moment, in turn, almost always gets me off soon thereafter!). I had a very satisfying orgasm. But the words don’t flow… it’s just a report, not a story.
Still, after our next real adventure, I will try to tell the story, because Dee has asked me to do so. As always, I’m sure it will be a work in progress – and I think I’ll explain that statement in a post all it’s own, later on... :)
Four questions for today:
1. Name/describe a guilty pleasure you indulge in.
2. Write down five tips about sex which you have learned through experience.
3. Describe the worst/lamest sexual experience you have ever had (in terms of performance).
4. Describe the most fun you’ve ever had (sexually) while alone.
When writing stories – especially sexual tales – I write fiction. Sometimes I will write something that mirrors my own interests, thoughts, or fantasies. At other times I’ll take an idea I’m not even terribly interested in, and just see where the story goes (if Dee reads these thinking they are windows into my desires, that might be a problem…). I’ve even written a thing or two in which the only intention was to see how Dee reacts to the subject matter.
Maybe one of these days I’ll cut and paste a couple of the shorter things I’ve written – though even those are probably too long for the blog format.
When writing non-fiction, however, I tend to express to my own thoughts, feelings, or opinions, or ponder and analyze a particular piece of information, or a new idea. I frequently respond to something I’ve read, or something someone (such as Dee, in the case of this blog) has written. But I avoid telling stories.
Ironically, this is mostly because it's hard for me to find anything to say when trying to write non-fiction, especially from my own point of view. I end up just reporting the facts in a bottom-of-the-screen-crawler kind of way: terse, to the point… a one- or two-sentence summation.
Last night, for example, we had a nice session involving a number of different positions and activities. We even broke out the toys for a little multiple-points-of-stimulation thing, which she really seemed to get off on (and her enjoyment in the moment, in turn, almost always gets me off soon thereafter!). I had a very satisfying orgasm. But the words don’t flow… it’s just a report, not a story.
Still, after our next real adventure, I will try to tell the story, because Dee has asked me to do so. As always, I’m sure it will be a work in progress – and I think I’ll explain that statement in a post all it’s own, later on... :)
Four questions for today:
1. Name/describe a guilty pleasure you indulge in.
2. Write down five tips about sex which you have learned through experience.
3. Describe the worst/lamest sexual experience you have ever had (in terms of performance).
4. Describe the most fun you’ve ever had (sexually) while alone.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Jealousy, and the Twinge
It’s interesting to see Dee acknowledge her jealous streak. In the past, my insistence of the same has led to a number of arguments. Over the years, due to her reactions (which she does not notice in herself, and which, when pointed out to her by yours truly, has resulted in the aforementioned arguments), I’ve learned NOT to look – and, in truth, I really feel no desire to look, so this isn’t exactly a struggle for me. I don’t even notice the cute waitress serving my drinks.
In the past year Dee has become more comfortable with the idea of my checking out other women (and, yet, I STILL don’t notice the cute waitress serving my drink…), but even now I can’t imagine a realistic scenario in which I’d find myself interacting with another woman. The only scenario which might lead to such a thing involves Dee getting horny and drunk all at once – and then I’d be the unwilling participant. I’ve known the woman long enough to know if she woke up the next morning sober and regretful, there might be a relationship in crisis here, and I know better than to take such a risk.
In answer to the question Dee has posed (Is this what guys are like?): The answer is… Yes.
[Note that, even though I think I can speak for most guys, I will courageously resist the urge to write my response from the generic perspective of “most guys” and will instead stick with the first person. Also, note that I am reaching back to my single days to speak from experience here.]
As I pointed out in my post a couple days ago, sex (a physical act) and love (an emotion) are relatively disconnected. Combining the two often yields the most pleasurable results, but neither is dependant upon the other. This is a difficult concept to explain: My sexual desire for Dee is based on two things -- the emotional bond that connects us, and the basic sexual urges every male has for pretty much any good-looking female. However, unlike women (as I understand them to be) these two desires are separate rather than intertwined.
On a purely physical plain, I can desire to have sex with someone I don’t know at all – someone seen in a picture, or on television, or passed on the street. I can enjoy sex with someone I feel no emotional attachment to at all (or even someone I hate!). I can be struck by the desire to fuck someone I don’t normally find sexually compelling – in exactly the way Dee described reacting to FriendWife. These urges are connected to those basic sexual urges, and are unrelated to emotion.
This concept of sex disconnected from emotion is also why I define my twinge (wanting to be the only man in Dee’s life) as a Darwinian sensation – it’s not attached to an emotional reaction, but seated somewhere deeper, more instinctual. I would compare it to the fluttery case of acrophobia one might experience when looking out the large window of a tall building: you know your safe, but you still get that twinge (fear, in this case). It doesn’t make you run down the stairs and seek safety on the street. It doesn’t make you turn away from the window (or even want to do so). Yet, while there’s even a little thrill to it, if given the option, you’d most often choose to gaze out a smaller window, one through which that twinge wouldn’t be felt, or would at least be reduced.
For my part, I don’t know what to make of that twinge, or what it might mean, or what it might indicate about the future of our relationship if we ever were to experiment with others. However, given my understanding of Dee’s jealous streak, I’ve never dwelled on it, mostly because, at least until very recently, I never considered the possibility that this kind of experimentation would ever happen.
In the past year Dee has become more comfortable with the idea of my checking out other women (and, yet, I STILL don’t notice the cute waitress serving my drink…), but even now I can’t imagine a realistic scenario in which I’d find myself interacting with another woman. The only scenario which might lead to such a thing involves Dee getting horny and drunk all at once – and then I’d be the unwilling participant. I’ve known the woman long enough to know if she woke up the next morning sober and regretful, there might be a relationship in crisis here, and I know better than to take such a risk.
In answer to the question Dee has posed (Is this what guys are like?): The answer is… Yes.
[Note that, even though I think I can speak for most guys, I will courageously resist the urge to write my response from the generic perspective of “most guys” and will instead stick with the first person. Also, note that I am reaching back to my single days to speak from experience here.]
As I pointed out in my post a couple days ago, sex (a physical act) and love (an emotion) are relatively disconnected. Combining the two often yields the most pleasurable results, but neither is dependant upon the other. This is a difficult concept to explain: My sexual desire for Dee is based on two things -- the emotional bond that connects us, and the basic sexual urges every male has for pretty much any good-looking female. However, unlike women (as I understand them to be) these two desires are separate rather than intertwined.
On a purely physical plain, I can desire to have sex with someone I don’t know at all – someone seen in a picture, or on television, or passed on the street. I can enjoy sex with someone I feel no emotional attachment to at all (or even someone I hate!). I can be struck by the desire to fuck someone I don’t normally find sexually compelling – in exactly the way Dee described reacting to FriendWife. These urges are connected to those basic sexual urges, and are unrelated to emotion.
This concept of sex disconnected from emotion is also why I define my twinge (wanting to be the only man in Dee’s life) as a Darwinian sensation – it’s not attached to an emotional reaction, but seated somewhere deeper, more instinctual. I would compare it to the fluttery case of acrophobia one might experience when looking out the large window of a tall building: you know your safe, but you still get that twinge (fear, in this case). It doesn’t make you run down the stairs and seek safety on the street. It doesn’t make you turn away from the window (or even want to do so). Yet, while there’s even a little thrill to it, if given the option, you’d most often choose to gaze out a smaller window, one through which that twinge wouldn’t be felt, or would at least be reduced.
For my part, I don’t know what to make of that twinge, or what it might mean, or what it might indicate about the future of our relationship if we ever were to experiment with others. However, given my understanding of Dee’s jealous streak, I’ve never dwelled on it, mostly because, at least until very recently, I never considered the possibility that this kind of experimentation would ever happen.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Answers
The Daring Wife has given me much food for thought, and much to respond to, and I intend to do so soon enough… after I’ve formulated my thoughts and composed a few coherent sentences. In the meantime, I have realized that fair is fair, and I’ve failed act accordingly… and so, in this post, I will answer my own questions, those I’ve already posed to Dee (and to which she’s already responded):
From 9/9/08:
1. Should sexual fantasies should be unrealistic (i.e., imagining a more attractive version of yourself cruising the Mediterranean with a yacht full of sexy personal servants of the opposite sex), or realistic (envisioning yourself at home doing erotic things in front of the fireplace)?
I think fantasies are, by nature and definition, unrealistic. If they weren’t so, then they would be goals. Or reality.
2. Should sexual fantasies be things to pursue, or things that should remain only in the imagination?
I think that fantasies can sometimes fall from the starry-eyed imagination and float within your grasp. When that happens, you should try your best to grab hold, and make it happen.
From 9/16/08:
1. Happiness is… ____________.
… a hug from your daughter first thing in the morning.
2. Great sex requires… ____________.
(Ahh, SO many possible answers here! – I will constrain myself to three.)
… knowing your partner well.
… trust.
… self-confidence, and a hint of selfishness.
3. A good marriage needs… ____________.
… two close friends.
From 9/23/08:
1. List the top three reasons you have sex.
(1) Because I thoroughly enjoy getting Dee off.
(2) Because it is fun. A lot of fun.
(3) Because sometimes I’m just horny, and want to fuck.
2. List your three favorite places to fuck.
(1) On vacation, in a hotel suite – there is something that happens to people on vacation (Dee and I included). Vacations tend to make people a little hornier, and they feel an extra burst of freedom to be a little wilder, more daring, more experimental. Plus, there’s a Jacuzzi tub for two.
(2) At home, anywhere, when our child is spending then night with a friend, and we can sleep in the next morning.
(3) In our bed.
3. Name your favorite “clean” word (not naughty).
I occasionally hear (or read) a unusual word, or a word used in an uncommon way, or a unique turn of phrase that I really like… and then I forget them. Someday I’m going to start keeping a list.
4. Name your favorite “dirty” word.
Sexually, I like all the hard, raunchy-sounding words – fuck, suck, cock, tits, ass, etc. The only exception to his rule is that I prefer “pussy” over “cunt,” and I would say cunt is raunchier and harder to the ear. Any favoritism I have towards one over another depends upon my mood.
From 9/9/08:
1. Should sexual fantasies should be unrealistic (i.e., imagining a more attractive version of yourself cruising the Mediterranean with a yacht full of sexy personal servants of the opposite sex), or realistic (envisioning yourself at home doing erotic things in front of the fireplace)?
I think fantasies are, by nature and definition, unrealistic. If they weren’t so, then they would be goals. Or reality.
2. Should sexual fantasies be things to pursue, or things that should remain only in the imagination?
I think that fantasies can sometimes fall from the starry-eyed imagination and float within your grasp. When that happens, you should try your best to grab hold, and make it happen.
From 9/16/08:
1. Happiness is… ____________.
… a hug from your daughter first thing in the morning.
2. Great sex requires… ____________.
(Ahh, SO many possible answers here! – I will constrain myself to three.)
… knowing your partner well.
… trust.
… self-confidence, and a hint of selfishness.
3. A good marriage needs… ____________.
… two close friends.
From 9/23/08:
1. List the top three reasons you have sex.
(1) Because I thoroughly enjoy getting Dee off.
(2) Because it is fun. A lot of fun.
(3) Because sometimes I’m just horny, and want to fuck.
2. List your three favorite places to fuck.
(1) On vacation, in a hotel suite – there is something that happens to people on vacation (Dee and I included). Vacations tend to make people a little hornier, and they feel an extra burst of freedom to be a little wilder, more daring, more experimental. Plus, there’s a Jacuzzi tub for two.
(2) At home, anywhere, when our child is spending then night with a friend, and we can sleep in the next morning.
(3) In our bed.
3. Name your favorite “clean” word (not naughty).
I occasionally hear (or read) a unusual word, or a word used in an uncommon way, or a unique turn of phrase that I really like… and then I forget them. Someday I’m going to start keeping a list.
4. Name your favorite “dirty” word.
Sexually, I like all the hard, raunchy-sounding words – fuck, suck, cock, tits, ass, etc. The only exception to his rule is that I prefer “pussy” over “cunt,” and I would say cunt is raunchier and harder to the ear. Any favoritism I have towards one over another depends upon my mood.
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