Nice.

Is it just me, or does the term “stimulus package” sound like something naughty? A boxed set of really good porn, maybe. A euphemism for the sexual organs (male or female). A new sex toy. Something.

And how many woman do you think have had to endure really lame pick-up lines as a result of this particular Congressional action? Can I get a bailout from YOUR stimulus package?

It occurred to me that this whole fatigue thing I’ve been complaining about here might be something more than just a matter of getting run over by an increased workload – it might be related to the diet thing. Since January, I’ve lost 20 pounds, I’ve been walking 2-3 miles almost every day, I’ve been eating better, and I’ve generally been a little more active than I once was. All of these things – medically – are supposed to be good for me, but they do have their drawbacks, apparently.

Until very recently, for example, I used to be able to walk outside in the dead of winter, and melt snow just by passing nearby. I’m the guy who never felt cold, always slept on top of the covers. Now… I’m freezing, all the time.

Admittedly, I’ve never been a ball of energy – a lethargic ‘who-hoo’ has always been about the top end of my personal energy scale… I think I even fuck pretty lackadaisically (no wild, hard thrusting here… just a lot of undulating ocean-wave moves) – but it’s entirely possible that I’ve changed my metabolism, and somehow turned the thermostat down, or became more fuel-efficient, or whatever.

So maybe I’m the one who needs a stimulus package. A metabolic boost of some kind.

When I was younger, I remember buying bottles and bottles of 357-Magnums – massive pills loaded with caffeine and ephedrine. We used to down them with a heavy dose of Mountain Dew (or Jolt! cola), and called it “a pick-me-up.” At one point I was popping three or four at a time, and enjoying two or three pick-me-ups a day. Then one day I realized that my heart was always racing and pounding in my chest, I was frequently dizzy, perpetually buzzed, and was probably slowly killing myself, and that put an end to all that… really fast.

After that, there were a couple of occasions (mostly when I was either working two jobs, or working full time, going to school, and still trying to have a social life) when was tempted to try those herbal supplements you see advertised in cheesy commercials… but I’ve never got beyond the thought. I’ve heard that a lot of that stuff is either ineffective or downright BAD for you.

I’ve always been in search of a bottomless well of energy – a legal source, and preferably a healthy one (yes, I know… keep dreamin’). The idea that I have to sleep has never sat well with me. It seems like such a waste of time! Especially when I’m tired, and all I WANT to do is sleep, to the detriment of everything else I’d like to do.

Being tired doesn’t make me grumpy… feeling too tired to do the things I either want to, or at least should be doing… which in turn makes me feel lame… which in turn makes me feel like I’m wasting my time… which makes me feel as though life is slipping away from me, and the best years are behind me… which in turn…

THAT’S what makes me grumpy. And sometimes a little pissed off. It can sometimes turn into a downward cycle.

You’d think that the someone would have come up with a pill for this by now – after all, we’ve got Viagra and Starbucks triple shot mocha Frappuccinos. Wouldn’t it be nice to pop a pill in the morning, zip through the workday with boundless energy, run some errands, go home and watch a little prime time TV, knock a few things of your at-home chores list, grab your spouse and fuck like teenagers… and then head for the bathroom, where you take a shower, pop another pill, and head off to work?

No sleep necessary, and no residual fatigue.

Nice.