Priorities

I’m sure I mentioned this before, but this blog began as part of a dare, a medium in which Dee was required to post a naughty picture of herself for the world to see (the first picture she posted now seems amusingly tame compared to the photos she’s allowed me to take – and which she’s posted – since then). Beyond that first dare, I had hoped this would perform other functions. I’d hoped it would positively impact the communication between Dee and I, and to a (albiet minor extent) it has done so. I’d hoped that, through thoughtful writing, I might be able to better elucidate and understand exactly what it was/is that I want, and who I am in terms of my sexuality, and it has done that, as well. But I’d also hoped that it would be an avenue through which, by posting regularly (several times a week, at least), both Dee and I would keep our thoughts trained on the subject of sex, and it seems that, at least, hasn’t happened at all.

Dee has told me numerous times that this is something she requires – the long buildup, the continual flow of sexual thoughts, a low-grade arousal lasting all day long. I am somewhat the same way. After a day of work, the commute, making dinner, doing whatever tasks are required (the dishes, cleaning up, or whatever), and then doing all the end-of-day stuff that a guy typically does (brush the teeth, let the dog out, check the door locks, turn off the lights, etc.), it’s hard as hell to curl up on the couch or climb into bed, tired and looking forward to another day of the same, and switch gears, somehow suddenly turning on the horny.

I thought that, by posting regularly, it would drive us both to devote more time during our days attending to carnal thoughts. In addition, I thought that, for my part, having to post in such a public way would (basically through embarrassment and fear of being perceived as dull and boring, and thus find new and interesting things to post about) would spur me forward, motivating me to be more adventurous, more sexual… more interesting. Our rules say that we must both post once a week, which I now recognize is far too infrequent a pace to satisfy this original intention. Dee has taken the once-per-week as being all that is required, rather than a minimum, and has occasionally even failed to meet even that low expectation. And while I have tried to post most days, I’ve tended to be more thoughtful and less sexual, and have not been motivated towards adventurism of any sort, so those ideas have failed, as well.

It would seem to me that, if sex is to be a priority, then by default, making the effort to keep erotic thoughts in the forefront of our own mind – and each other’s – would be of high interest to both of us, so the fact that Dee doesn’t post regularly bothers me a bit. Whether fair or no, I use her posts (and the frequency of her posts) as a gauge… a measure of just where her priorities lie, and an indication of her level of sexual interest and general horniness. She herself has told me that posting is of high priority to her, so it seems reasonable to expect that the tone of her posts (or lack thereof) would be a fair indicator of whether or not she’s got sex on the brain while she’s sitting at work. As it stands, it seems to me that she barely thinks about it at all.

She’s a busy woman, I realize, and doesn’t have the time (or the freedom, sharing a cube!) to write with regularity, but what bothers me more is that, even when time is available, and the opportunity readily at hand, her priorities remain elsewhere. For example, last weekend she told me she had a post written and ready to go (“just need to spell check it!”), which had me spending the weekend anticipating what I might be reading while sitting at work on Monday. All this week she’s told me how her desk was clear, and her work was caught up. And yet… no post. Just a few lines tacked on to the bottom of my Tuesday TMI, and that’s all.

How is it that, with an empty desk and post written, it is still too onerous a task to devote five minutes to cut-paste-post? How low on your priorities list does something have to be that something so simple can be set aside, ignored in favor of something else?