Reaction

A few direct reactions to Dee’s latest post:

1. I do know Dee, and realize that her participation in this blog (or lack of) isn’t an indication of her horniness, but I couldn’t come up with a good way to express that fact… that I’m aware my emotional reaction to her non-responsiveness differs from what I know to be true, but don’t have much of an idea what to do about it. This is compounded by the fact that the short-quick email thing DID bring about participation… in every sense of the word. For a few weeks there, we were completely immersed in sexual energy. So I remain convinced that if I can somehow create that same level of anticipation / excitement / passion / participation again, it’ll be worth all the failed efforts. Sometimes I fall into frustration for a while, but I really do always rebound from it – and I give Dee tons of credit for enduring my insanity.

2. We’re different people, and share surprisingly little common ground when it comes to things that’ll get us both fired up at the same time. The short-quick email thing worked – for both of us – but there’s no way that could have been sustained much longer than it was. This is why I’ve persisted in trying different things: because when something works… it REALLY works. I have no problem with Dee telling me ‘this isn’t doing it for me,’ but I do get frustrated when she tells me ‘I WANT to do this, but I don’t have the time right now (or I’m not creative enough, or I just need you to remind me every so often, or a number of other things),’ and then later, after the annoyance has built enough, finally admits that the current idea isn’t fun for her.

3. Dee says she hates obligations (as do I), but she was also a proponent of codifying many of the obligations in our rules. She has also said that she needs to be seduced, and also that I should just get over it and take her, and that I should provide subtle guidance as to what I’d like, and that I should make her do what I want. She also likes to be on top, and in control of things. This is the tightrope I struggle with sometimes, because all these are true, and finding the middle ground (and work them lurking between (in a way that also meets my own peculiarities) isn’t easy. I think I do fairly well in that arena most of the time, but when I think I’m failing in it, I tend to give up quickly and allow my sexual self-esteem to tumble.

4. There was no cock stroking (I’m pretty sure I would have noticed that) and there was no begging to be fucked, either. There was cuddling and nakedness, but those two things are part of the normal bedtime routine. That being said, I know that the rule (as Dee has expressed to me) is “if I touch you, or cuddle up, or anything of the sort, it means I’m up for it!” As admitted, I wasn’t feeling sexual at all at that time, and (as I understood the rule), having been cuddled up to, it was then up to me to decide whether or not to make a move. But, as I also said, after going the whole day without feeling even a hint of horniness, it’s hard for me to flip a switch and suddenly be in the mood! Of course, whenever this happens, I usually end up regretting it later on, when I am in the mood, and kick myself for having let the opportunity slip away.

5. I think the sexiest thing Dee has ever done, the most erotic thing she’s ever done, and the most adventurous thing she’s ever done are all one and the same: the collection of blowjobs she gave in the first year or so of our relationship. I have no idea what her deal was that first year, but the blowjobs kept coming at the oddest times: she’d pull open my pants without even a hint of foreplay or warning in my parent’s basement (with them upstairs!), in the backseat of the car while my friend was driving, in my bedroom while I was on the phone with someone…

6. I’ll be posting more on related topics that this has brought to mind throughout the week. But for now, I'm going to log off and clean the house up a bit in preparation for Dee's return tomorrow for Mother's Day!