I Hate It When That Happens (#2)

I Hate It When That Happens (#2):
The Wrong Time
(A story based on the compilation of many true-life instances)

It’s 10am, and I’ve been at work for 3 hours, but it’s only now that the coffee kicks in. For the first time all day, I feel awake, alert, and fairly energized. I’m online, taking five (ok… ten!) minutes to get away from work. After surfing through the news on NFL.com, then click over to the Sports Illustrated coverage.

That’s when it happens. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I’m a little bit horny.

Now?

Last night I was so exhausted that, cuddling in bed with Dee, I didn’t even respond to the overt signals she sent indicating she wanted to play. I kept thinking I ought to make a move, react, send a signal of my own, but I felt tired. My eyes kept dropping shut, sending a signal of fatigue that was somehow, inexplicably more powerful. Moving an arm seemed like too much effort. Against my mind’s desires, I didn’t react at all. Instead, I told myself that if she pushed the issue just a little more… a little more… just a little more… and when Dee gave up, my mind pummeled me with it’s disapproval and disappointment, but my body relaxed more deeply, as if it knew it wouldn’t be called on to perform.

Now I’m sitting at my desk, wishing Dee was here. In this moment, I don’t care that there are coworkers in plain view, or that I’d get fired… if she were here I’d bend her over my desk and fuck her right here. I’d push her under my desk and beg her to suck me off. In this moment, all I want is to get off. I want to come, and come hard.

Great grief.

There’s no reason for the sudden surge – it’s not like I’ve got a hot co-worker who just cruised by in a low-cut shirt and miniskirt. I'm not surfing porn, or daydreaming about the last time I got off on Dee's body. I’m staring at news headlines, that’s all. I’ve gotten this same feeling while staring out the window at the traffic, or while composing a letter on my keyboard. It’s simply an unsolicited rush of… hormones, maybe?

And I’m not just horny… I’m also totally pissed off.

If you believe the stereotype, guys walk around with perpetual hard-ons. They feel this way all the time. They’ll nail anything with a hole and a heartbeat. They spend most of their day thinking about it. They could be bleeding from their eyes and on the verge of starving to death, and if their wives offered them a blowjob, they’d still take it.

But me? I get these flashes once in a while… but never when the urge can be acted upon. They overwhelm me for all of thirty seconds – thirty seconds during which I want to pull my hair out, jerk off, and fuck, all at the same time. It feels incredible, and if I knew how, I’d want to feel this way all the damn time. But after it fades… well, let’s just say I’m left feeling very un-stereotypical.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Even as I wonder this, the hormonal tide subsides. As always, the urge passes quickly, and with it, the anger slips away, too. It’s a 30-second rush of adrenaline, there and then gone again.

But I wonder… which is more frustrating… Is it finding myself completely horny when there is nothing I can do about it? Or is it realizing that, for me, at least, feeling this horny is a momentary experience, a feeling that is never lasting, never sustained?