Rose Colored Glasses

I can’t quite figure out how Dee and I ended up together, or how it’s even possible this thing will last another month, let alone beyond that.

I mean… just in the physical sense there’s a discrepancy here… she’ll tell me three times (in a semi-orgasmic squeal) just how cute Dermot Mulroney is over the course of a single 23-minute episode of Friends (Hey… I can’t remember the last time she squealed like that when I walked into the room… uh… wait… it’s never happened!). And he’s lower down in her rankings than Ashton Kutcher, and Matthew McCougnahy, and Christian Slater, and that guy from High School Musical, and Jude Law, and…

I admit, I guess can see the appeal. They’re young(er), in great shape, and I doubt any of them spend their evenings vegging out on the sofa. And it isn’t lost on me that none of the guys who make her sit up and shriek have beards, or glasses, or Budda-bellies, or the early signs of man-boobs.

On the other hand, I have also noticed how vehemently she “EEEEEWS” guys getting their back hair waxed on America’s Funniest Videos… and then I look in the mirror and realize I’m significantly closer to THOSE guys than I am to Ashton.

Uh-oh.

Of course, there are a thousand possible discrepancies I could point out between us (and vice versa, I’m sure), just as any two people who have been married for a while can do... and I’m not in any way suggesting that there’s an imminent divorce pending in our household. However, a number of our friends either have gone through a divorce or are struggling with the decision whether or not to do so, and it does raise questions about exactly how people break apart.

I’m convinced that people see their partners through rose-colored glasses – it’s an obvious fact. We overlook faults, tolerate things we’d never tolerate in others, and fail to make logical or rational choices based on what’s best for us when we’re “under the spell” of someone we love. And then one day…

Couples in the midst of divorce can list a lot of reasons why they don’t want to be together anymore. He’ll say she’s a bitch, she’ll say he’s an asshole, and all of their friends will say ‘well, duh, we’ve been telling you that from the start.’ There might be affairs, or flirtation with others. There might be neglect, or screaming fights, or days of silence. There may be a lot of things, but in the end, I wonder if the root cause of most divorces (and affairs, and even changes in the way spouses treat each other) is simply that one (or both) parties suddenly starts seeing their partner for who s/he is, perhaps for the first time.

And, if that’s the case, what causes this suddenly clear vision in the first place?

I find it illogical to blindly believe Dee will stick with me forever. I think it’s only reasonable to accept the fact that (especially given the number of discrepancies between us!) it’s possible she could wake up tomorrow and wonder how the hell she got here, and what idiot signed her up for this. She says that’s not going to happen, but you just never know. Even she doesn’t know… not for sure.

It might seem like a depressing way to view the world, but it really isn’t. I think every couple should realize the truth of this, and act accordingly – by doing everything from trying to fulfill sexual fantasies to shouldering some of the household chores without being asked to make your partner’s day a little easier. There will still be good days and bad days, of course, but when both parties act this way, everybody is happier, and the view is still wonderful, even when the rose-colored glasses come off.