Weekend Plans

We have another weekend coming up, and once again Dee and I will be on our own for at least a portion of it. It’s amazing, I think, to have a kid that, having yet to reach 10 years of age, already has a life of her own (ours spent last weekend with one friend, and will be spending tomorrow night with another). But it also makes me feel a little old. That’s not a good thing, since I already feel older than I am!

[Tangential thought: looking at the last HNT post, I think from now on I’m going to make Dee post the pictures in a larger format. I’m squinting at the screen here!]

Last weekend we did enjoy ourselves, and had a pretty decent date night. This weekend we weren’t able to plan ahead (we didn’t know we’d be on our own until a couple hours ago), and we’re already having dinner with friends, so it’ll be up to us to put the time to use by throwing together some last minute ideas to fill the little remaining free time available. But I’ve been wondering…

We’ve talked about a threesome (and many other things, but I’ve almost always used that as the standard example, and will stick to it now) now and then, though nothing’s ever come of it – Note: I’m not complaining in any way (I should state that for the record).

… and I wonder, are we wasting a great chance to turn an idea into reality … and if so, which idea? Should I “knuckle down” and make sure that, when these free nights crop up, we knock something off our sexual to do list? Should one of us really gone all gung-ho on at least trying to make that threesome happen?

I realize that the kid will soon be older, and have a job, and a car, and a college dorm. She’ll move out, and we’ll have the rest of our lives together, but who knows what the future holds? For some couples, age and health aren’t an issue, and for others, those things are. So… are we wasting valuable time, or is it good enough to just enjoy the time together, without making a focused and concerted effort to accomplish a specific task or goal (pleasurable though it may be)?

I was looking at our rules this morning, and was confronted with a schizophrenic set of thoughts and feelings about the enterprise. On the one hand, I had a sense of anticipation reading over all the things that were still upcoming on my, and Dee’s list of obligations for the year. On the other hand, I did feel some sense of… a task-oriented approach to the list. I found myself thinking: I can do this on this day… that I can do next month… the trick is, when can I work this into the schedule?... It was more business-Blackberry than wild-gigolo.

Again, I’m not complaining, and I think Dee is right in saying that it’s all about making time, and putting in the effort. Sex is fun, but after more than ten years together, it’s easy to allow other things (like fatigue, or after school activities, or a good TV show) get in the way. But sometimes it seems like, when it comes to sex and sexuality, the more I think about who I am, what I want, and what I’d like to change, the less and less sexual these thoughts become. It’s as if I'm slowly desensitizing myself to my own ideas, becoming less and less aroused by the prospect of the very things that once interested me so much (and I’ve never been a highly aroused individual to begin with). The younger version of me (and even a pretty recent version) would have practically gotten off in his jeans at the very mention of the possibility of a threesome… but now I feel much more blasé about the idea. A threesome? Sure… but if it doesn’t happen, no big deal.

Or maybe it’s just that the sun has been gone for a while now, and, as is always the case this time of year, my energy levels are at low tide, and I just can’t wait for Spring to arrive.