Expectations

Now herein lies the trouble. As a girl, you sit next to a boy and hold his hand. The next time you see him, the expectation is that you will not only hold his hand, you will allow him to put his arm around you. Fast forward to marriage...you kiss a stripper and the next thing you know you're supposed to top it!

I have the same problem with gifts.

Sexual appetite is a funny thing, isn't it? Some days (or weeks), sex is but a fleeting thought as I get ready for bed or I'm soapy in the shower.

Other days (or weeks), it's all I can think about. My lips throb with the need to be kissed. My pussy is wet all day. Visions of cocks (well...a cock to be accurate) dance in my head.

What makes the difference?

Anticipation for sure. An accomplice. Someone stoking the fire. I read on another blog that apathy is something you just have to push past. I have even offered this advice to my girlfriends who ask how is it that our sex life is so hot after 10 years. They're too tired. They're too busy. They're not in the mood. I tell them to push past it. If you tell your husband to fuck you, and give him a pouty look, he will get you in the mood whether you are ready for it or not.

But this is most definitely easier said than done.

All that was the coward's way of saying I have no idea what new way I will keep DH happy OR horny. But really...does he need a new way?

As for the other questions I have been studiously ignoring:

1. Should sexual fantasies be unrealistic (i.e., imagining a more attractive version of yourself cruising the Mediterranean with a yacht full of sexy personal servants of the opposite sex), or realistic (envisioning yourself at home doing erotic things in front of the fireplace)?

I don't have fantasies. I don't know why. Maybe because I don't know if they are supposed to be unrealistic or realistic. I don't fantasize...the closest I come is usually a replay of a movie or scenario that I have already seen. I have been known to write stories, like the one about the plumber who finds me in the kitchen with nothing on but an apron and I offer him lemonade. But really, that's just a clique re-written. I can't fantasize. It is the weirdness that is me.

2. Should sexual fantasies be things to pursue, or things that should remain only in the imagination?

In as much as I don't think a real plumber would stumble into my cliqued scenario, I can't imagine pursuing that particular one. But I am a firm believer in pushing boundaries (whether DH agrees with me or not). Part of the thrill for me is pushing myself beyond what I thought I would ever do. And the...pride?...sense of accomplishment?...feeling of victory over my inhibitions? ... that comes after that is the reward. And I tend to accomplish these feats the same way I tackle everything else in my life. I noodle things for a while. Quietly go about removing obstacles and putting things in place. And then I take a deep breath and jump.