TMI

1. Have you ever had angry sex?

Honestly, I don’t remember, but I don’t think so. I think of ‘angry sex’ as having sex while royally pissed off (usually at the other person) and venting that anger on him/her in a way that alters your sexual behavior in the direction of the rougher and more venomous. Taking that definition into consideration, I think there may have been a time or two when I was mildly miffed, but I can’t recall ever being pissed off to the point where it actually altered my sexual character. I imagine it could be fun, but for me to get pissed off enough to change my sexual character, and actually have sex while in that state… I just don’t see that happening. First, I don’t think that could happen with Dee (and if it did, I don’t think it would be a good thing for our relationship, because, in all honesty, I would have to be REALLY pissed), and, secondly, I don’t imagine such a thing would happen with anyone else, either.

2. Pity sex?

No. At least not that I know of. Of course, that doesn’t eliminate the possibility that I was on the receiving end, and just wasn’t aware of it. I imagine that is entirely possible.

3. "Oh well, I might as well" sex?

Yes. Once. See the bonus question below.

4. One-of-you-knew-it-was-goodbye-and-the-other-didn't sex?

Not that I know of, but I have been sent packing shortly afterwards on several occasions (more often than not after the first encounter), so it might have been goodbye sex, or pity sex, or oh-my-God-this-is-boring-I’ve-got-to-dump-him sex.

5. Don't-remember-having-it sex?

No. Though I suppose there’s the argument that my answer would still be "no" if I had, since I wouldn’t remember it. But seriously, no. I’ve passed out a couple of times in my life, but I’ve always woken up with my pants on.

6. Regret-it-afterward sex?

Yes. See the bonus question below.

7. Can't-remember-his/her-name sex?

No. I’ve had too few partners not to remember them all.

8. Never-knew-his/her-name sex?

No. I don’t move in that fast. I’m more likely to know her grandmother’s maiden name before than I am to not know her name after.

Bonus: What was the worst single sexual experience of your life?

I slept with my boss once – a friend I really felt no actual attraction to. A group from work went over to her place just ot socialize, and I had a good bit to drink, so she offered to let me sleep on the couch. The others left, and when I was the only one left, she made a move on me. For the first and only time I can remember, I actually thought “why not?... what the hell?” Between the fatigue, the alcohol, and the fact that she was, in truth, a completely uninteresting partner, I nearly fell asleep in the middle of things. In the end, I actually faked an orgasm (the only time I’ve done so), and I got up and left as soon as I could. We hardly spoke again after that.

Men, and me.

I have no idea why I don’t fit the stereotype.

The other day I was talking to a friend on the phone… he was in his car heading home after a business dinner, blasting down the road at breakneck speed because (for a variety of understandable reasons) he and his wife hadn’t done it in almost three weeks, and (for other understandable reasons) probably wouldn’t get the chance to do it again for another week or two. He jokingly told me that, after three weeks, he was starting to think about having an affair, then confided: She actually told me tonight was the night. She’s never said that before. Usually I have to convince her.

I thought: Jeez, Dee thinks every night is the night. I’m the one that needs convincing.

In movies and on television, the stereotype abounds. Men can’t get enough of woman: they’re sidetracked by the mere sight of a beautiful woman, and, whether married or no, get themselves into all manner of difficulty over them. They can’t help but stare, even when their wives kick their ass for it. Men are horny little bastards who cheat, lie, and make fools of themselves. They have one-night stands at every opportunity, and seek to get laid with the desperation of a heroin addict searching for a fix. Fidelity in marriage is a struggle.

So, is the stereotype all wrong… or is there something wrong with me?

I seriously doubt it’s the former. I know (and have known) a lot of guys, and there is something to the stereotype. I’ve known guys who cheat on their wives, and guys who would bullshit God himself if they thought they’d get laid. I’ve known guys who have done some really stupid things just to get a girl to look at them. But I’ve never met a guy who admits he’s turned down an invitation for sex. I’ve never heard a guy say Man… my wife was all over me last night, but I was just too damn tired. Other than me, that is.

I know a few married men who are happy with the status quo, but even they aren’t interested in turning down an offer, and most of them still have to do some “convincing. Most of the married men I know, however, are constantly complaining about how nice it’d be to get it more often… even the ones that are happy with the status quo.

Meanwhile, my wife has practically begged me to throw her down on the bed (or sofa, or car hood, or…) and have at it whenever I want – but I’ve never thrown down… not even once. She’s asked me to get off my ass and find a girlfriend… someone we can both play with (most guys would jump all over this – “Quick! Before she changes her mind!” – right?) – but I’ve been completely unsupportive of the idea. Not against it, just ambivalent... or maybe just squirrelly.

Years ago, in the movie The Firm, Tom Cruise’s character is blackmailed when the firm sets him up for a one-night stand while on a business trip. If it had been me in this movie, it would’ve devolved into a comedy… a hilarious story devoted to the firm’s increasingly desperate attempts to get me to even notice the woman, let alone sleep with her. A chance meeting on a beach turning into a blackmail opportunity?… not a chance. At the end of my movie, after leaving naked women in my hotel room without success and who knows what other inventive capers, the partners would throw themselves off the roof in frustration.

In some ways, I’m like a guy with a winning lottery ticket, afraid to cash it in because I’m convinced I’ve got to be reading the numbers wrong. In other ways, I just don’t feel the need to turn it in, like a guy who is already perfectly happy with what he’s got: yeah, I know, I should cash it in… I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

But I still have no idea why I don’t fit the stereotype.

Friday!

1. Through Google Reader, I subscribe to a number of blogs that are nothing but posted pictures. This week I decided that, each day, I would email Dee the two photos (and ONLY two) posted that day that I found most erotic, arousing, or sexy. I can already see there will be two types of days… the days when I’ll be forced to pick the two best out of a bad lot, and the days when I’ll have to struggle to choose between any number of good ones.

2. Dee has to start over on her “repayment” plan again after not making any offers yesterday. I’m not sure her strategy was sound since she’ll be gone overnight tonight, and the opportunity for any offer at all was therefore limited and likely to be missed today anyways (though she did suggest a quickie in the car in the parking lot of the CHURCH where the sleepover is being held… which is a little over the top for me, I’m afraid to say).

3. She’s threatening to renegotiate anyways, because I’ve turned down her last two offers. The first I’d qualify as a legitimate offer, but the second was just an offer of a backrub with the innuendo of “seeing where it leads” (which, in my case, leads nowhere… a backrub relaxes me and puts me to sleep, guaranteeing it won’t lead anywhere at all). Since I was already well on my way, already…

4. Admittedly, I haven’t been feeling particularly randy lately. I think it’s the sun and the longer days. In December, we’d come home from work in the dark, but now I got to bed and lay there thinking about all the things I should have done with the nice day, and how I wasted a good couple hours… it's distracting, and not particularly rousing.

5. On the positive side, I’m still working on the to-do list, and I’ve taken a stab at writing an ad… but I’m not having much success in the latter. Do I write it as being from both of us? From me? What should I say?

6. I’m going to spend a couple hours on the computer tonight, and pay attention to what’s out there. Maybe I’ll be able to answer a couple of those questions, at least. :)

Clarification first, then on to other things

1. After Wednesday’s post, Dee pointed out to me that I’d painted her with the jealousy brush when she has done nothing to deserve it (which is absolutely true), that I’d misinterpreted what she’d meant to say (also true). I apologized immediately, and admit that I did misinterpret. And without belaboring the point further (more than I already have, at any rate), I honestly don’t believe that Dee is jealous, and apologize for any intimation in my post that might suggest otherwise.

2. I’ve been putting together a list of little things to do just for fun… a checklist of simple things like blowing bubbles or catching snowflakes on your tongue. My idea was to give it to Dee, and see how many of them she can check off over the course of a year – just to add a little extra fun to her day/week/month/year. I actually had a list of about four hundred of these things, but I pared it down to one page with some of my faves (or those I thought would be Dee’s faves) on it. I was going to do an adult one of these, as well, but most of the ideas I found paralleled with dares I still have, or lists I can give her, or that kind of thing, so I don’t know if that’ll be a workable thing.

3. Seriously… one of these days I’m going to get us back on the dare thing. And start doing a better job of meeting my obligations under the rules. Poor Dee… it must really suck being married to me. :(

4. I’ve been working on writing up an ad, too, but the trouble is, I have no idea what works. Shorter? Longer? Detailed? Whimsical?

5. Having a bit of free time at work is a good thing!

6. I’ll have a couple hours to myself tomorrow night, so I’ll try to check out some of those websites Dee referred to in more detail. Maybe we should consider a pay site, as well. The question would be… which one is best? If anyone out there reading this has any suggestions…

The Firsts Edition

1. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend?

That would be Jason. I was in 3rd grade and I walked him home from school. I kissed him on his front porch after telling him he had beautiful eyes.

2. Who was your first celebrity crush?

I will say George Michaels. My best friend and I wrote a letter to him when we were in jr. high. We giggled every time we saw his videos.

3. Describe your first sexual fantasy.

Don't really have them.

4. What was your first “type.” (athlete/nerd/etc.).

That would have to be stoner. I gravitated towards the guys in leather who listened to heavy metal and smoked.

5. Who was the first person you fell in love with?

I think that was Chad, the neighborhood boy I messed around with, and eventually he was the one to "officially" pop my cherry. I can still remember dancing with him to Careless Whispers in the darkened hallway outside my bedroom and how my heart felt like it would burst. He was surprisingly romantic and was quite the kisser. I was always second fiddle to his old girlfriend though and whenever she wanted him back, he would drop me like a hot potato. Luv sucks.

Bonus Question: Have you ever had a one-night stand? Describe the first time you had one.

It was Halloween night and I must have been 13 or 14. We walked to a friends house (none of us were old enough to drive) and "hung out" with the older brothers of my friend's friend. We all ended up pairing up and I slept with the guy I was with and I don't even remember his name. I know I knew it at the time. I think this was my one and only one night stand, because while I did sleep with a couple of guys only a couple of times, it WAS more than once.

Hmmm.

For the first time in a while, I’ve had little to do at work, so I’ve re-read Dee’s recent posts and let my mind wander about both the past and future. Reading between the lines of Dee’s list of things she wants me to do (spend some time on Ashley Madison, et al, create a profile, respond to some ads, connect with someone that wants to pursue a threesome, and meet them in preparation for introducing Dee) and numerous other comments she’s posted or said in the past, I sometimes think she wishes I’d get off my ass and get proactive about pursuing other woman -- that she’d be happier if I a touch of the womanizer in me.

I can’t get on any of those adult websites at work, but I thought I might try my hand at writing an ad or two for later use sometime this afternoon. Then, earlier today, I mentioned to Dee (via email) that a co-worker stopped by and commented on how my weight loss was starting to show (positively). Dee’s response was (paraphrasing) ‘isn’t she the one you think is cute?’ (it wasn’t), followed by a one-word commentary… “Hmmm.”

I assumed that “hmmm” indicated (in thought) the implicit and unstated ‘I’m not sure I like the thought of this,’ but rather than jump to conclusions, I asked what the “hmmm” meant. Dee’s response: “the Hmmm was wondering how much you are flirting at work. I know, I know.” -- again, a response that, to me, signaled hidden discomfort with the very idea I might interact with another woman.

Keeping in mind that I’m stuck living life in prevent mode – carefully avoiding, whenever possible, any act that might cause discord in our relationship -- you can see why I’m unable to bring myself to action… because, even now, I sense mixed messages. On the one hand, Dee makes cracks about me getting a girlfriend, and spends evenings online looking at ads for potential partners. She suggests I find a girl and meet her for coffee prior to introducing them to each other. She gets annoyed when I fail to notice an attractive woman in our midst.

On the other hand, we had a bad row over whether to pursue a threesome, or another couple, and another regarding what comprised a potential female partner (at one time Dee insisted she must be older and comparably less attractive), based in part on Dee’s concern that I might find another woman more desirable… not to mention that the mere thought of my being flirtatious at work being worthy of a ‘hmmm.’ These things, and others, have told me I’m not as free to act as her words indicate.

I can fully understand these sentiments, of course. I’ve been honest with her from the get-go that I’m uncomfortable with the idea of her with another guy. In the self-esteem department, I think I’m really smart, a great father, etc. I think highly of myself in many areas, but in terms of this particular topic, I view myself as being in the below-average. Still, I’ve tried very hard not to send mixed messages … I’ve never said “go get a boyfriend… but… uh… wait… no… Yes!... wait… NO!” (even though I sometimes think that way).

I often suspect that Dee’s urgings are simply words she’s comfortable uttering because she is confident I’ll never actually act. I think if I ever did act on them, our relationship would quickly tumble into a bad patch. And so, my response to her encouragements is a (now stereotypical) eye rolling, “uh-huh… yeah.”

A couple days ago Dee shared with me the fact she’s been exchanging emails with a woman she’d met on an adult site – a woman who wanted to hang out with her and have some fun, and would, in addition, be open to allowing my participation now and then. The revelation came when Dee sought my advice on how to respond after this woman had sent her x-rated self-portraits.

It occurred to me to wonder what Dee’s reaction would have been if the situation were reversed… if I’d told her I’d been chatting with another woman, and she was interested in hanging out with me, and was also open to the idea of a threesome, and had sent me nude photos of herself.

Of course, I didn’t ask. I suspect Dee’s first response would have been to point out that the scenario isn’t the same – for it to be equal, I would have to be exchanging emails/photos with another guy. And I would contest that this is just her splitting hairs in order to justify her unfair belief that we should each live by a different set of rules, and three days of two stubborn and immovable forces butting heads would begin, with both of us behaving somewhat unfairly.

But I’m pretty sure it’d being with some relative of “Hmmm.”

The Media Edition

1. What was the first nudity you remember seeing on film?

I remember watching the Blue Lagoon at about 10 years old and that was the first nudity I remember seeing. I'm sure there was some before that, but I don't remember it.

2. What was the first x-rated movie you ever saw?

I think the first X-rated movie I saw was in a dorm room in college. Have no idea what it was, but one of the guys I was seeing always had porn playing in his room. I remember there was a particularly graphic anal scene and it wasn't until years later that I realized the green goo leaking all over the place was lube and not bodily fluids!

3. What was the first x-rated movie you owned?

Well, I taped a segment of the Spice channel once when my roommate wasn't home. I watched that tape A LOT! I didn't purchase any until DH and I went to Castle one morning instead of going to work! Sadly, the taped Spice channel was much more enjoyable.

4. What was the first “adult” magazine you ever saw?

The first magazine I ever saw would have to be Playboy. My father used to have them laying around until I was 6 or 7 and my mom made him put them in their bedroom.

5. What was the first “adult” magazine you ever purchased?

I had a subscription to Playgirl for a few years and looked forward to receiving them every month! But that was all, and I've never gone into a store to purchase one.

Bonus Question: Of all the seuxally oriented materials you have viewed, describe something which you discovered turned you on, which your partner would be most surprised to learn aroused you?

My partner won't be surprised at all, but I was completely surprised when I was totally turned on by a girl on each end of a double ended dildo. I was, in fact, shocked that it would turn me at all! He might be surprised that watching two men kissing did not turn me on.

TMI-less Tuesday

1. There must have been a glitch in the system somewhere, because the TMI questions I see for today were the “extra” ones I answered two weeks ago! So I guess that means I have none to respond to today!

2. I have assured Dee I will try to be more diligent about living up to my kissing obligations. She said ‘don’t worry about it,’ but I sense that this may have been a pro forma response. I have learned that when a woman says ‘don’t worry about it’ to a guy, that guy should immediately start worrying.

3. Yes, my one and only redeeming quality is that I do, in fact, have some kissing skills.

4. Last night Dee uttered a sarcastic threat to start looking for a hooker now that she knows where to look on Craigslist. I don’t know if she was talking about for her, for us, or for me, but I’m pretty sure this had something to do with being frustrated or annoyed with me (she’s never sarcastic unless this is the case!).

5. On the other hand, maybe I should look forward to my Father’s day gift.

6. Oh, man, speaking of which… Mother’s Day is coming up soon…!!!

7. It is far too nice out to be stuck at work.

Questions for Dee...the Kissing Edition!

Mmmmm....kissing. I do so love kissing. It is one of the biggest attractions I have to being with a woman, because I have a perception that women are way more into kissing then men. DH has an obligation to give me two kisses every day, and I honestly can't remember the last time he fulfilled either of them!

So...I chose this group of questions to answer first.

1. If you could kiss anyone in the world (someone you didn’t personally know), who would you kiss?

Well, I was going to Matthew McConaughey. Then I thought of Johnny Depp. Then Matt Damon. Then Zac Ephron. Mathew Perry. Leonardo DiCaprio. All yummy! But beyond their kissable faces, I imagine the smirk, and the hand reaching out to grasp the side of my jaw as he pulls me in slowly, closer and closer, his eyes staring hotly into mine. His lips part slightly just as they reach mine. My eyes close and I feel his lips moving over mine, slowly at first, with gentle pressure. His bottom lip rubs back and forth over mine until mine also part slightly. Seeing this as acquiescence, he tilts my face up slightly as his lips begin to devour me. His tongue strokes softly across my parted lips and he enters ever so slightly until my tongue catches his. The heat has been turned up now and he nibbles on my lips as his tongue licks my lips with each dart into my mouth.

Whew. So I guess what I'm saying is it's totally NOT the looks, but the technique. And I imagine these guys have a good technique.

2. If you could kiss anyone in the world (someone you personally know, other than your partner), who would you kiss?

As much as I love kissing, I am not a very approachable person and prefer to be arms length from most people. That said, sometimes when I am sitting at my desk, daydreaming about kisses, and on those rare occasions I'm not thinking of DH, I think about my co-worker who lives in the same town as me. Or one of my closest friends who there is no real possibility with, but she gives off a certain vibe that I find intriguing.

3. If you had to kiss someone right now – someone nearby (in your office, etc.) – who would you kiss?

That would be my co-worker.

4. Describe the worst kiss you ever received.

The worse kiss I ever received was given by a very drunk cowboy in a bar, many years ago. He had asked me to dance and I was very flattered, and a bit drunk, so I accepted. He was a very good dancer, and had his hand behind my neck leading me around the dance floor. At the end of the dance, he leaned in and (ugh...I can still see his face!) pressed mushy moist lips against my firmly closed lips. He used his tongue to pry my lips open, helped with his hand at my chin. I squirmed and tried turning my head, but he followed, with his tongue pushed so far down my throat I could barely breathe. It was so gross!!

5. Describe the best kiss you ever received.

Well, the kiss above was describing a kiss that DH gave me in fulfillment of his obligation to give me one sexual kiss per day. This was just at the end of the time he was fulfilling this obligation. He had me pushed up against the wall and it was a good thing because my knees literally went weak and I was thankful the wall was holding me up. There is no faster way to get me heated up and ready to pounce than to kiss me like that...and DH uses it to his advantage on some occasions!

A new week...

1. I gave Dee her “assignment” on Friday… six groups of related questions (TMI style) to post her responses (answers) to all of them within two weeks. I’m already looking forward to reading them!

2. Anyone reading some of my previous posts would think I’m unhappy with who I am, or with life in general, and that’s not the case at all. To use a common analogy: some people think their glass is half full, others half empty. I personally think my glass is three quarters full… but that whoever washed it did a questionable job. In other words: I think I’m very lucky, and I recognize that, in a world full of thirsty people, my complaints are minor, but I think they are legitimate (of course, maybe I’m biased!).

3. I am now officially down to two requested lists left. I’ll have to start coming up with some new ideas of my own this week!

4. Dee informed me this weekend that she is making it her mission to elicit a more obvious happiness in my demeanor. This is, I think, in response to my characteristically muted post-game enthusiasm after rather enjoyable sexual interactions. Admittedly, I am, by nature, not easily impressed or outwardly expressive – in my vocabulary, “a rather enjoyable sexual interaction” is high praise, and great happiness is typically conveyed with a small (but genuine) smile. Now, I can’t honestly say I have any idea what Dee could do that would cause whatever reactions she is hoping for (or even what reactions she is hoping for!)… but, in truth, I’m a little concerned as to what extent she might go to in attempting to elicit them. She can be frighteningly focused sometimes, and occasionally goes overboard in pursuit of what she wants.

My list...

He's right...it did make me think!

1. Surf the web and find some adult-oriented shows we can go to on our next date night.

2. Find an adults-only club in our area and check it out.

3. Spend some time on plenty of fish, ashley madison, adult friend finder, or swinglifestyle. Create a profile or two to see who is out there.

4. Watch some of our porn collection and find some sections to share with me. Particulary portions that turn him on.

5. Spend some time setting up a photography spot to include backdrops and lighting.

6. Spend some time finding good lighting techniques and ways of photographing a woman that is flattering.

7. Respond to some personal ads (Craigslist) or connect with someone on an adult site that wants to pursue a threesome and meet for coffee or drinks to see if there's a connection in preparation for introducing me.

8. Look at the website for our local Wet Spot to see if there are any events/classes that might interest him. If yes, makes plans for us to attend.

9. Go to a store and pick out an outfit for me to wear on our next date night as a dare.

10. Create a secret hideout in our home that we can go to expressly for sex.

Friday Tidbits

It just doesn’t feel like Friday to me. I have no idea what that is.

Dee hasn’t made any offers to restart the ten-day repayment plan… not that I blame her. The past couple of days have been particularly hectic and fatiguing.

I’ve been posting requested lists for a while now (on my other blog), but I’m down to the final three requests. Looks like I’ll be on my own again by the middle of next week. Yikes!

I’m looking forward to Dee’s own list, which she may or may not post today – her “assignment” was to make a list of sexually oriented activities she wishes or hopes I will engage in while I’m home alone for a weekend. It seemed to be a good topic to make a girl think, and I’m curious to see what activities eventually make her list!

Weighed in this morning for the first time in a while. I began the year at 206, and set a goal of 180, but when I hit 185 about a month ago I stopped paying close attention. This morning I was… 183. Surprised by that, but not at all displeased.

If there’s something that can ruin the mood in the bedroom more effectively than listening to one dog snore loudly from the floor on her side of the bed, it would be the other dog farting on the floor on your side. I have no idea what that dog has been eating, but there are rooms in our house that are going to need a fresh coat of paint. Jeez.

For the record… the stray is the snorer. OUR dog is the one passing tear gas. This is why we never have guests over.

I like the way Dee has, of late, been overtaken by the urge to show me her tits every time she catches me looking at her. The past couple of days she hasn't gotten much reaction out of me for the effort, but that's due to the effects of excessive yard work. Mentally, I am paying attention.

On a more serious note...

As Dee correctly noted, our relationship has never been about swinging from chandeliers, but my post on middle-aged suburbia wasn’t lamenting things we are or aren’t doing – it was about the fact that I have never swung from chandeliers, and probably never will. I’ve always wanted to (or thought I did), but never had a willing partner (until, perhaps, now) or the mental-emotional self-esteem required to do so, and so comforted myself with a promise that those experiences would someday come.

I imagine most young men dream of threesomes and moresomes and harems of girlfriends and selfishly taking what they desire, and I was no different in thought. In practice, however, my sexual history includes a few infrequent, unfathomably boring partners (most of whom made it no secret they found me equally boring), and Dee -- and the Dee of my youth is (was?) far different from the one I know today... a jealously possessive partner who frequently reminded me that looking at others was unacceptable, that fantasizing about them was the same as cheating, and that there were tight constraints within which I must behave, or else.

Between the Christian science teacher dad, the thoroughly avoidant mom, and this history, I never truly developed the confidence to believe a woman would want me. I never learned to boldly take control or pursue my desires, or that it was even ok to do so. In the past, the end of a relationship was usually followed by months, even years of solitude before the next opportunity appeared. I learned that, in order to hang on to what I’ve got, I must be the most giving, selfless, and acquiescent of partners – not just in the bedroom, but in every aspect of life… never asking for anything, always serving, rarely comfortable, trying hard not to complain. It’s always been easier to give in, accept less, submit, or endure unhappiness. I learned to get what little I could through manipulation, and hold any dissatisfaction inside. My relationship mantra has always been “whatever you want.” After all, if I did any less than this, I was left behind, cast aside for someone else, someone who could deliver whatever it was I wasn't.

By contrast, Dee has swung from chandeliers, and has enjoyed numerous interesting partners. She has had no reason to endure dissatisfaction or to accept less, because there has almost always been another awaiting his chance. She has never endured years in succession without even a date. She has far less cause to look back and think “I wish I’d…,” or “If only I’d…” (except possibly with me).

We went to a swingers club, and my reaction was a flaccid ‘Dear God, what am I doing here?’ while Dee’s was a sizzling ‘Why did we wait so long?’ (yet another example, in a long line of examples, of why I remain convinced that, sooner or later, Dee will find someone who makes her happier than I). I wanted to enjoy myself, and reminded myself that this was exactly what I’d once dreamt of, but resisting my now grown-up, now ingrained reactions was like trying to make the tides run backwards. I was in over my head, and knew it. I felt like I was drowning. I felt uninteresting, unexciting… a miserable partner. And I felt old.

My post was about how disheartening it sometimes is to remember I once wanted to expand my horizons, when I find that that, now – whether due to the passage of time, the behavioral constructs of psychological learning, or the fact that I never possessed the proper qualities in the first place – I lack the energy and boldness required to chase those horizons, and likely wouldn’t enjoy them, should I ever reach them, as a result. I’ve become so set in my ways I can’t force myself to be otherwise, and attempting to do so leaves me so far removed from my comfort zone that, as Dee pointed out, “we usually get in a fight about it.”

My post wasn’t about wishing I could party all weekend, but about the fact that, whether at home or with friends, whether drinking coffee or Long Islands, whether active or sedentary, I know when it’s 9:45pm without having to look at a clock. It’s about how, no matter how late I stay awake, I can no longer sleep in and recover lost rest. It’s about the fact that I sometimes sense I may have to just accept who I am now, and put my teen-aged chandelier dreams behind me, once and for all.

I blame it on getting old, and maybe I’m right about that, or maybe I’m not. Most of the time I fight off whatever it is … but sometimes I don’t have the energy for that, either. And when that happens, I end up wallowing in it, just a little bit.

Gotta Respond...

And I, in turn, will respond to Dee’s post, and so create some weird conversation thing here…

1. I don’t think my other blog qualifies for mistress status, since Dee knows about it! Plus, I very rarely have sex with it. The most you could credit me with there is a little mild flirtation.

2. The light flipping didn’t bother me. She was naked at the time, and the view left me satisfactorily compensated for the disruption.

3. In truth, I realized sometime around 9pm on Monday that Dee hadn’t yet made an offer during the day, and that the obligation had slipped her mind, and it was likely that, if I were careful not to remind her… so, in a fit of selfish whatever, I decided to procure myself an additional 10 days of future offerings. :)

4. Speaking of offers, last night’s offer (“I’ll lay here [and fall asleep] and you can do whatever you want”) didn’t count, so she’s still got 10 to go.

5. I’m posting a three-part-series of lists over the next three days on the other blog. Like the radio DJ says, I’ve got all your requests, all the time! At least until I run out of them, or Dee doesn’t request more, anyways. Maybe someone else has an idea for a list?

6. Did anyone catch the subtle subtext buried in Dee's post, by the way…? When given a choice between a strip club and a stray dog… Dee opted for the dog. When faced with the option of fulfilling my sexual request, or petting the stray… Dee cuddled up with the dog. Boy… talk about putting a guy in his place!

7. Of course, this is the same woman who climbs into bed naked, then invites the dogs up. If I didn’t know any better, I’d start to wonder if maybe she has a thing for dogs…

8. I am starting to worry what that says about me!

9. I think when you start using the phrase “relative youth,” you’re really just making my point about no longer being “young” for me. Next up: you’ll find yourself saying you feel “relatively healthy,” telling people you look “relatively good,” and bragging about how you still sleep “relatively well,” in spite of staying up “relatively late.”

10. As for responding to the rest of Dee’s post, I’ll do that later, since I do have a serious thing or two to say.

Starting Over

I think I will use this opportunity to respond to some of the last few posts that DH made.

I am proud of myself that I have responded to DH's request for lists for his "other" blog (his mistress blog, I guess!) I always say I'm not very creative, and that is true. And it is also true that I need to be in a certain place, mentally, in order to be creative. Good ideas don't just flow in. I have to noodle something for a good long time, and then I have to have dedicated time in which to THINK. And that means no multitasking. Just setting aside time to do one thing at a time. It's true! The other night, after we had sex, and after I had noodled for a few days, I was laying there thinking and ideas were coming to me. I had to get out a pad of paper and a pen and annoy DH by flipping the light on and off. But I did it.

Perhaps we should go to bed an hour early every night, so that we have time for sex and then I can have time for thinking. It's not a bad idea, though I know it won't happen. In any case, I have enjoyed reading the lists.

Taking HNT photos is the same way, I guess. Only worse. Because we have things working against us. Like lighting. And gravity. But I have a very sweet DH who deletes the really bad ones before I can see them.

I royally screwed up yesterday.

Day 8 out of 10 and I forgot to make an offer. So now I have to start over or re-negotiate. Re-negotiating with DH usually means either trying to think something good up or letting him give me an even more complicated assignment. I think I will start over. But this time with a plan. I do much better with a plan. And reminders. Which is why I have had to go back and change some of my entries on my calendar so that when I print the months off for a planning session, my friends don't know that I have to submit a sexual suggestion on the first of the month, or give DH a blowjob on Wednesday, the 29th.

Having the house to ourselves is fun, but again, I'm not very creative. Though I have to say that having the house to ourselves, enjoying some wine, a cigarette, and DH licking my pussy on the couch may not be very creative, it was certainly enjoyable. Which brings me to his Middle-Aged Suburbia post.

I really like the word "lick." Just sayin.

So sad. I don't know what he thinks we should be doing, but we weren't exactly swinging from the chandeliers when we were young. And when we do try something WAY out there, we usually get in a fight about it. But I'd even be willing to risk it. The problem is: we need a plan. When we try to wing it and think something exciting is going to happen, it doesn't. But if we make a plan to do something exciting, sometimes it does. Though I do tend to mess up DH's plans. He had planned for us to go to a strip club, but I invited a stray dog to stay the weekend, and messed up DH's plans. But I know we will try again.

And his post also reminds me to tell him that he needs to live life for TODAY. Not tomorrow. Not when the kid moves out. Not when the bills are paid. Not for retirement. But NOW!

It is true we are not getting any younger and who knows if we will enjoy each other as we grow older. So we need to take advantage of our relative youth.

Why is why I am choosing to start over and make an offer for 10 more days!!

My Non-TMI TMI

Normally, I would simply do the TMI today, but the questions posted are the “dance” edition:

1. If you could describe your personality through a dance what would it be?
2. What about describing your sex life through a type of dance?
3. What's one move on the dance floor sure to turn you on?
4. Is there a dancer you would love to be with?
5. What moves do you pull out to impress someone new?

Since I (a) don’t like dancing… (b) know very little about specific dance styles… and (c) outside of Mikhial Berishnikov (or however you spell his name!), don’t know any dancers at all (and Berishnikov is NOT going to be my answer to #4!), I will, instead, post my response to one of Dee’s requested lists here today. So… here are the Top 5 things I look forward to seeing [or doing, or experiencing] at a strip club…

Note: I thought of just putting down the “obvious” answer here (“seeing naked women… duh!”), but that wouldn’t be an honest response. On the rare outing with friends, what I remember are the conversations at the table, not the view. As for the Vegas strip clubs Dee and I went to, I barely remember what the strippers looked like. I remember that one was blond, and her boob job made it feel like there were two volleyballs stuck to her chest, but I don’t remember her face or any other details about her physical appearance at all, and I don’t remember ANYTHING at all about the girl who kissed Dee, nor do I remember anything at all about the stripper who gave Dee the lap dance. I can say, however, that I had a lot more fun with Dee than I had in any “guys only” outing, so that’s the scenario I am focusing on. Here is my list:

1. Just being there with Dee, and seeing her having fun. There were other female patrons in the clubs we went to, but most of them looked about as happy to be there as cats in a washing machine. The most “enthusiastic” one (other than Dee) sipped her drink and tried to appear “above it all” while trying to look as thought the guy sitting next to her really wasn’t her boyfriend. Dee, however, was more into it than I was, and that was the best part of the whole evening. I don’t remember much about the strippers, but I did catch a few guys sending envious looks in my direction or wistful “wish she was mine” glances at Dee, and that made me feel quite lucky and appreciative for who I got ball-and-chained to. :)

2. On the enthusiasm front, while not overtly arousing, the way Dee kept asking me for more money – like a kid in a candy store with permission to buy ANYTHING – was a very subtle, but undeniable, turn-on.

3. The hedonistic atmosphere. This is really specific to the Palomino in Las Vegas… the only club I know of where you can drink and get full-on nudity as a chaser. I’m sure there are others, but I’ve never been in one, and don’t know where one would be. I’ve been to several clubs in Vegas (over a few trips there), but, just as in our state, they can’t serve alcohol if there’s going to be full skin (the Palomino was grandfathered in when the law was passed there). The only other place I’ve been in clubs is back east, and, at the time, those didn’t serve alcohol either (I have no idea if they can or do now), and I’ve never even been to one here! I’m also sure that, if you have the means, the opportunities and selections available are vastly different, and far more entertaining, but I don’t have any platinum records. Still, throw in the drinks, a pack of cigarettes or some cigars, the naked women, and Dee, and the atmosphere of self-indulgent pleasure created is a turn on.

4. Just getting out for the evening... and letting go. I really enjoy doing the “night out as a couple” thing, whether it’s just dinner or a movie or even just shopping at Costco. I particularly like it when we splurge a little and do it up right, and I especially enjoy it when there is a sexual aspect to the event. When all these things are combined, and I feel free to relax and let go of my hesitations and inhibitions (hence my preference for alcoholic beverage availability), it’s a very enjoyably experience.

5. And… ok, YES, there would be naked women. And I do like naked women. Maybe next time I’ll actually pay closer attention to them.

Middle Aged Suburbia

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The Weekend is Coming

1. Feeling the Friday joy today. Leaving work early. A weekend-long "date night" with the wife. She fulfills my sexual request of the month tomorrow evening.

2. Had to turn down yesterday's repayment offer, but do give Dee credit for offering. I just wasn't in the mood for that quick of a quickie, and a second offer made later was reasonable, but I didn't view as practical. Still, 3 down, 7 to go for full repayment, and 2 of those three were accepted and acted upon.

3. I have been throwing together my list responses as fast as I can now. Spent half the workday today typing them up. :)

The latest on Lists

1. No HNT today. We took pictures, but the lighting was really bad, and both of us have a thing about quality in photographs. We’ll be taking a bunch this weekend, so there WILL be something in the future, I promise. :)

2. I did post another list on my other blog. I feel some sense of accomplishment about that, at least.

3. Speaking of lists… Dee has now flooded me with list work. I’m actually quite happy about that.

4. I’ve been trying to think about all her list requests at once, and knock out one a day. I’ve made progress on a number of them simultaneously, but there’s one that just has me stumped. Dee added this as a list request: If given a day with no disruptions, list the top 10 sexual ways you would spend it with a woman other than me if you had my permission to do so. This one really has me racking my brains. First I got hung up thinking “what would a do with another woman that I wouldn’t do with Dee?” – and, of course, the answer is nothing. Then I tried to put myself in the moment in my imagination – I’m at home, alone with another woman… and Dee says I can do whatever I want… what would I do…? – but just as with not noticing cute waitresses and such, I found myself just sitting here thinking: nothing… seriously… I couldn’t think of a thing I’d want to do. I wound up imagining us sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee, watching the West Wing, and debating political topics. Or watching football. No sex. No nudity. Nothing sexual at all. Then I tried to force myself to think sexually… and wound up imagining I was cooking her dinner. I haven’t come up with a single answer thus far.

Mid Week Tidbits

1. Dee’s assignment this week is to give me at least five “lists” she’d like to see me post on my other blog by Friday, and I’ve promised to post those lists once each day after receiving them until I’ve responded to them all. I have just returned from lunch, and she has delivered “the first five” – which may indicate there are more to come! – so I will begin working on them at once. The first one will be posted tomorrow, I think (maybe today, if my afternoon is really boring).

2. We have the house to ourselves tonight, so I’m hoping to create a postable HNT!

3. Dee fulfilled her payback obligation last night (1 down, 9 left to go). I was invited to masturbate and come on her body anywhere I chose, and I fully intended to end the evening just that way, after first giving her some enjoyment. Alas, I lost control and made my deposit in the traditional manner… I have great difficulty keeping myself under control when hearing/seeing/feeling Dee orgasm.

4. We have the house to ourselves all weekend, as well, so it’s likely we’ll have some fun then, too.

5. I’m going to go work on my lists now… :)

TMI

For some reason, I see two sets of TMI questions for today. I’ll just answer them both…

1. Have you ever had a sexual experience with the opposite sex?

Of course. There must be a typo in this question or something.

2. When you see someone you like, how do you act, how do you get their attention?

I either say “Hey… Dee!” or grab her ass.

3. Dominate or dominated, which do you prefer?

Dominate, despite my reticence to do so. I like being in control (even if only passively), and being dominated does nothing for me (in fact, I’d say being dominated diminishes the experience slightly for me).

4. Would you/ Have you ever had a threesome?

I would, but I haven’t.

5. When was the last time you had sex?

Last time I had sex: Saturday night
Last time I had an orgasm: Friday night

6. Sex on the first date...good or bad?

Couldn’t tell you. It’s never happened to me.

7. Do you have any random or out of the ordinary turn ons?

I don’t think so.

8. What attributes attract you to a potential partner.

I’m not looking for a potential partner. But as far as what I find attractive in a woman, the answer would be long and complicated. I find a lot of women attractive, each for different reasons. There isn’t any one thing that I look for in particular.


1. Marriage and children aside, what has been your greatest accomplishment in life?

That’s a tough one, actually. I honestly don’t think I’ve accomplished much.

2. Aside from healthy and happy children, what is your greatest ambition for the future?

Sadly, I have no great ambitions. I used to hope for things like becoming an author (see #3), or a good, comfortable retirement, but now the limit of my aspirations is to someday finish the household projects I have.

3. If we were to enter your real name in a search engine, what would we find?

That at on time I seriously tried to be a published writer.

4. Who is the most famous person you ever met (not just in the same room as, but actually spoke with)?

Arnold Schwarzenegger or Ervin “Magic” Johnson, depending on who you count as more famous. Schwarzenegger would never in a million years remember (at a publicity appearance in… 1988? – his wife was pregnant with their first, so whenever that was – I asked him what part of parenthood he was looking forward to most). There’s a technical chance that Magic MIGHT remember me, vaguely.

5. Parents aside, who is your biggest hero?

There are a lot of people I respect, but I can’t say I have any personal heroes. There are a lot of people who I would define as being heroes, though.

6. Someone once worked out the sexual version of Six Degrees of Separation - Celebrity A slept with B, who slept with C, who slept with D, making as sort of connection between A and D. Are you connected to anyone famous through six or fewer bonks?

I would have to say no. In truth, I have no idea, but I have had very few bonks in my life, and only one of those bonks could be defined as having been with a promiscuous partner, so I would think I’m more likely to win the lottery than be so connected.

Clarification

1. Dee owes me three for essentially catering the party, and one for volunteering to drive the Brownie troop around town while she stayed home and scrapbooked.

2. I take negotiations seriously. Offering to buy me dinner at Subway (when we don't keep our incomes separate or anything) as repayment for all of the above IS insulting.

3. The agreement is that Dee must offer the SEXUAL gratification of her choice.

4. On that front, Dee... last night's offer to "cuddle" doesn't cut it. You must start over. *heh heh*

Paybacks...

So last weekend, DH indulged me and spent the evening with my friends and their husbands. Not exactly torture, but for him, pretty close. But it didn't stop there. My girlfriend had the brilliant idea to have a fondue party, she would provide the fondue, and everyone would bring things to dip. Great idea. Did not translate well in reality. So DH's cooking skills came to the rescue. But every time he had to rescue her, he looked at me and said you owe me for this. For a grand total of 4 times.

So, my tongue-in-cheek first offer for payback consisted of me buying him dinner the other night. At Subway. Before the school play. He declined. And was offended and insulted at my attempt to lowball him. My second offer was 10 minutes of making out in the car after work. He also declined, stating that this particular activity would be more for me than him. This insulted and offended me, but whateve.r So I told him he'd better tell me what he thought a good payback might be.

He gave me several options, from one big obligation to payback all the favors, to halfies and even quarters (one for one as it were).

I opted for the one big obligation.

So for the next 10 days, I have to find an opportunity to offer the specific gratification of my choice, whatever creative idea strikes my fancy. Only half can be at bedtime, so the other half has to be during waking hours. He can choose to accept or reject the offer, which must be followed through at the time of offer (no fair offering something up for later in the evening as a way around the half-time bedtime rule). He will be under no obligation to satisfy me, however, so I'd better make these offers good! If I miss a day, I have to either start over or re-negotiate another payment option.

This should be interesting.

Types

In trying to think up interesting (and challenging) questions to pose to Dee, I’ve found myself thinking about the variety of patters (or personality types) that you can use to describe or define who you are, sexually speaking. There are probably hundreds of different continuums upon which we can define ourselves. Some of them are obvious:
…On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being totally submissive and 10 being completely dominant…
…On a scale from 1-10, would you say you were homosexual (1), bi (5), or straight (10)?

But there are other patters I recognize, yet can’t place a label on – that is, I don’t know that there are names for them. For example, I think there two types of sexual personalities… the first type (which I’ll refer to as A-Types) are those who prefer a set pattern … for them, it’s less about variety, and more about results. I’m not suggesting A-Types are “in a rut,” doing the same thing the same way every time, but I would say they do have a definite set of favorite moves or positions they can mix-and-match in a way which almost guarantees they’ll have a really good orgasm, every time. They know what they want, and what works for them and make efficient use of that information. They specialize in the slow (or rapid) build-up, and the consistent, satisfying climax.

By contrast, B-Types are all about the variety, even though sometimes that variety doesn’t pay off. For them, it’s more about the journey, and less about the results. These are the people for whom sex starts with a caress and a kiss in their bedroom upstairs, and ends with ass-prints on the car windshield in the garage. These are the people who are in the same position twice in a week only by accident. They go with the flow of the moment, and though they do get to the top of the hill, it’s often after repeated build-ups and backslides.

A-Types can be exceptional sexual partners in the sense that, once you have them figured out, you always know exactly how to turn them on, and exactly what to do to rock their world, but for some (mostly B-Types) A-Types might seem uninspired, even uninteresting. On the other hand, with B-Types, you never really know what is going to work for them – or really get them off -- this time, and what blew their mind last night might, today, bore them to death. This can be frustrating, and slightly demoralizing to your self-esteem (especially to A-Types), but others (mostly B-Types) would rather play the guessing game and enjoy the variety.

When two A-Types get together, the sex will be consistently good (provided they like the same things), but will almost never exceed expectations, since they both know exactly what’s coming. When two B-Types get together, the sex can be mindblowing (when both partners desire the same things in the heat of the moment), or frustrating (when the two partners want different things), and will swing wildly from one to the other from encounter to encounter.

When an A-Type and B-Type get together, the disparity can cause a lot of problems. Still, I think the sex can be good, but only if one partner is willing to give up some of his/her personal preference and submits to becoming more like the other.

I really have nowhere to go with this… but I’ve been pondering the various permutations that define what sexuality is. I think it’d be interesting to come up with a little 10-question thing that really boiled down who a person is, sexually, just as a way of really thinking about what it is we want, like, etc. A little 10-question conversation starter.

Friday Bits

1. These days, it seems that my peak level of horny for the day arrives in the small slice of time between the moment my first cup of coffee really kicks in and the moment when the first work-related frustration hits. That puts it somewhere between 8 and 9:30 am – not exactly a practical and useful moment for this to happen. I think this is the point when my energy level is at its peak, too.

2. On the other hand, I did wake up in the middle of the night last night horny as hell (I don’t know what woke me up, and I don’t remember any dreams, but I suspect I must have been dreaming about SOMETHING…). I seriously considered waking Dee up – the fact that she had kicked the blankets down, and was thus exposed and looking particularly yummy factored into this – but didn’t have the heart to do so. She was sleeping soundly, and I didn’t think it would be fair to rouse her for what would have almost certainly been less than five minutes of self-indulgence. It took me a while to get back to sleep, though.

3. I was feeling particularly creative at work yesterday, so I spent part of the day blowing off my non-critical obligations and played around with a few ideas. I now have a small collection of topics (questions and whatnot) I can pummel Dee with similar to those questions she responded to earlier this week.

4. I’m feeling the Friday joy, but for the past two weeks there’s been a sense of annoyance wrapped up into that feeling. Each of the past two Wednesdays and Thursdays I’ve woken up feeling like it was Friday, so I’ve been feeling the joy – at least initially – on six of the last ten workdays. Since I’ve been disappointed four times out of six, I now have an underlying sense of “oh, great, here we go again,” even though I KNOW that this time it really IS Friday. This is an example of one of those little, meaningless things that has added to my stress level. Waking up every day thinking “Oh, thank God it’s Frid… oh, CRAP!” isn’t exactly getting off to a good start. :)

5. Looking forward to the weekend, though. For no particular reason at all.

Making Demands

I’ll never quite get past my conviction that one day Dee is going to wake up and call the whole thing off. In a perfect world, Dee would be married to a dominating Zach Efron with cooking skills and a streak of the social butterfly in him -- someone who looks good, brings her home from social gatherings, throws her down on the bed and takes her, and then cooked her breakfast in bed in the morning. Instead, she wound up with a middle aged, moody, slightly rotund introvert with a whole series of hang-ups. A good father, to be sure, cleans up after himself, holds a steady job… but won’t even admit when he IS actually in the mood for a little lovin’.

I can’t imagine that, from her perspective, I’m the guy on top of the evolutionary ladder here, the cream of the gene pool. There’s HAS be another guy out there who knows how to roast potatoes, and is still better acquainted with the rougher and more adventurous adult worlds than I am. Even I recognize that truth, and if anyone were biased in my favor, it’d be me. :)

I mention this because it feeds directly into the topic at hand: It doesn’t take much deduction to see I’m not comfortable with making demands or requests, sexual or otherwise. I’m just not that kind of guy. Never have been. Never will be. It makes me feel selfish, disrespectful. When I even consider such actions, the guy I see in the mirror suddenly turns into just another prick… one of those guys who gives good men a bad name and encourages women to embrace less flattering stereotypes.

I’m convinced there’s better matches for Dee out there somewhere, so it’s up to me to keep her happy... to take care of things and make her life easier; to keep the grass as green as possible over on my side of the fence. And to never, ever embody the selfish, disrespectful stereotype. She stuck with me because I wasn’t the stereotype – in fact, she dumped quite a few stereotypical guys along the way. I often wonder why, exactly, I'm trying to be more like one of “those” guys.

On the rare occasion I do share a particular thought or tidbit of information, I usually end up feeling equally uncomfortable later on… when Dee tries to act on the information. If I grumble about how I really hate unloading the dishwasher, and Dee gets up five minutes earlier and unloads it, I feel like a slave driver. If I post here and say I’ve been extra tired and not really in the mood, and Dee comments (paraphrasing), if I were a better wife, I’d get you in the mood, and I’ll try harder to do so…

… Well, now I just feel terrible! It seems she thinks I’m disappointed in her, or our relationship, or something…

… And when she follows through on her comment, I’m sure I’ll find myself worrying that the only reason she’s trying to light my fire is because I posted a paragraph, and not because she actually wants my fire to be lit.

This is the cycle of stupid hang-ups this poor woman has to navigate.

Yes, empirically, logically, I realize this isn’t the case at all, but since when has reason and knowledge ever really trumped emotion and instinct? You know the stupid, teeny spider won’t hurt you, but you still get the willies when it drops off the ceiling onto your shoulder and runs up your neck and into your hair, right? People feel guilty when they shouldn’t all the time. Schadenfreude exists. So does claustrophobia. Examples of baser reactions overriding higher logic abound. It’s beyond control.

I am continuing to try and change things. As our rules dictate, I submitted the specific sexual adventure which she must make real within the next six months. I also submitted (as the rules allow) a request for a less involved act which she has to make real before the end of the month – though, if you actually read THAT one you’d see that even this request is more about her than about me… even my requests or demands are patently unselfish. I’m supposed to submit those once a month, and here, six months into the rules, and it’s the first time I’ve done so.

And I started looking around for a good strip club, too.

True Wife Confessions

One of the blogs I read is True Wife Confessions. I don't know why. It's like watching a train wreck. Maybe it makes me feel better about my life. Reading about other's misfortunes just makes me grateful for the life I have. This, however, was a post today that I could have written myself:

Confession #2855

Let me just say that you are wonderful. I am so grateful to have met you. You completely saved me from a-hole after a-hole. You're my best friend, a wonderful father, an excellent provider, a devoted husband, and a fantastic lover. I love you to the bottom and depth of my soul. It's been the greatest 18 years of my life and I would not trade you for George Clooney. I am now and forever yours as you are the best man I have ever known. We have a beautiful child and life is as good as it should ever be.

Truly.

Today's Thoughts

1. It was nice to read Dee’s responses, though I’m really not sure about “Panties.” For me that word conjures up thoughts of the large white contraptions worn by grandmothers. I think it’s ‘cuz that’s what my mother called female underwear. She insisted that men wore underwear, and women wore panties, and there isn’t a whole lot that’s less sexy than your mother’s underwear.

2. I’ll give her another idea to post after she gets settled at work, and lets me know she wants it.

3. It’s been a couple weeks now since the last time we tried to participate in the HNT thing. Not sure we’ll get to it this week, either. Kinda bummed about that, and kinda not, and by that I mean…

4. … I keep complaining about my energy level being at an all time low, but it is. Which leaves me unmotivated, uncreative, and maybe even slightly depressed-feeling. And…

5. … My sex drive seems to be at a record low tide. I'm here thinking of things I might blog about (something which usually at least turns my thoughts towards what possibilities might exist for the evening), and I don’t feel even a mild stirring in the body. I’m in bed with a naked wife at the end of every day, and haven’t had a sexual though in my head in days. Granted, I did have a number of urges over the weekend (five, if I remember right), but those moments stand out against the backdrop of the last couple weeks like bright beacons… and one of the other reasons is because they were very transitory thoughts – along the lines of “Wow, she’s really looking good… I could totally just bend her over and… uh… oh… never mind.”

6. According to the rules (and a reminder sent this morning from Dee), today is the day when I am required to submit a specific sexual adventure or experience (meaning one in which orgasms are part of the package) that I wish her to make real within the next six months. So I have to come up with something, which might be hard to do, since I’m not feeling terribly creative, and decidedly un-sexual.

7. Speaking of which, I’m not a schmuck… yet. But I’ve gotta be getting close now. Our rules state that Dee must provide me with a suggestion for a non-sexual adult adventure (meaning an orgasm isn’t necessarily part of the package) on January 1, and I have to make it real within six months. Her request: take her to a strip club for a night out. Now, it’s been three months, and I haven’t even really given it a thought, let alone plan anything. My wife has asked me to take her to a strip club, and invited me to enjoy the sight of naked women, live and in person… and I haven’t done so. What kind of a yo-yo does that make me?

8. And even as I’m typing these things, my email inbox has popped up with another incoming flood of work (just as it did a couple weeks ago, and just as it did again last week)… making me feel even more tired, and more sick of everything, and more in need of a vacation. Seven new issues scanned and emailed from one branch office in the last five minutes. It’s going to be another one of those… weeks.