As we may have alluded to in earlier posts, Dee and I have established a set of rules that were intended to enhance our sex lives (in terms of variety, frequency, etc.), and – potentially, down the road – govern our explorations and interactions with each other and even with others. We put these rules into effect in September, so they’ve been in place for two months now. At the end of each month, I typically go back and kind of review those rules, and reflect upon how the month lived up (or didn’t live up) to the spirit of those rules.
In September, the rules had their desired positive effect… at least in terms of their influence on our sex lives. We had sex more often, somewhat more creatively, in more locations about the house, and with the occasional inclusion of a few accessories. Although September wasn’t filled with mindblowing adventure, these things were all steps forward for us, and so it is clear the rules were aiding us in taking the very first steps to broaden our sexual horizons.
October, however, wasn’t as good a month for us. I wouldn’t classify things as having “backslid,” as we still had our fair share of sex, but that sex was more… um… “routine” isn’t the word – and Dee, don’t give me shit for typing it – but I’m not sure there is an accurate descriptive word for it. It was fun sex, and good sex, but while Dee did have her one foray (the story of which she told), these rules didn’t really press us to expand our horizons any further.
It definitely didn’t help that I spent a number of days pondering some thoughts on my mind – and when I tend to give deep thought to a concern, I tend to go “inside myself” and Dee gets stuck dealing with a guy who seems withdrawn and unresponsive.
These things also led to the lack of any juicy stories here in this blog… not that there really has been since its inception. I think part of the idea (from both our points of view) in having both the rules and the blog was to encourage us to talk (which it has) and actually take action to have some new experiences (which it hasn’t, really… at least not yet).
Anyhow, tonight is Halloween, and our house is going to be filled with children (the two women in my life are throwing a party…), so I can already say for sure that there won’t be any juicy stories this month either. But there’s always hope November (or even beyond that), and our rules and our blog remain, as always, a work in progress.
Overall, things have progressed pretty well. When I compare where we are with where we were say… 15 months ago, the changes we’ve made are obvious, and significant.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Realization
Over the past week, I’ve made a couple attempts at greater openness, dropping a hint in two emails (on two different days) to a friend, suggesting that Dee and I had had a particularly good time the night before. This doesn’t seem like much, but it’s a step forward for me, as I’ve rarely shared any such personal information with anyone in years.
I realize if I’m going to make any headway towards recapturing some of those lost facets of the person I once was (alluded to in my previous post) – which is, I think, what I want to do, and what I need to do – then I’ve got to start taking some small steps in that direction. I figured a good first step would to ease my friend back into the conversation (he’s known me since long before Dee and I got married), putting the topic slowly back on the table, developing an outside compatriot to whom I can subtly boast. And so I have begun that process (and will continue to do so… slowly).
Now, it’s all about what’s next, and I’ll have to think on that a little. I have realized that if I’m going to play a part in any of Dee’s desires for exploration, I have to begin here. I have to reacquaint myself with even the simplest of things… like noticing the attractive folks around me, and (eventually) commenting on them quietly, privately pointing them out to Dee.
I have realized I must push myself in one direction, and eventually rediscover my previous comfort with the simple act of flirtation, not just in theory, but in practice. At some point, if we are ever to turn talk into action, I’ll have to be comfortable with the idea of flirting with another woman. More importantly, if I’m unable to do so, how will Dee honestly measure her comfort level (in reality rather than by imagination) with that very thing? How will either of us determine what it is we are (and aren’t) comfortable with?
I realize if I’m going to make any headway towards recapturing some of those lost facets of the person I once was (alluded to in my previous post) – which is, I think, what I want to do, and what I need to do – then I’ve got to start taking some small steps in that direction. I figured a good first step would to ease my friend back into the conversation (he’s known me since long before Dee and I got married), putting the topic slowly back on the table, developing an outside compatriot to whom I can subtly boast. And so I have begun that process (and will continue to do so… slowly).
Now, it’s all about what’s next, and I’ll have to think on that a little. I have realized that if I’m going to play a part in any of Dee’s desires for exploration, I have to begin here. I have to reacquaint myself with even the simplest of things… like noticing the attractive folks around me, and (eventually) commenting on them quietly, privately pointing them out to Dee.
I have realized I must push myself in one direction, and eventually rediscover my previous comfort with the simple act of flirtation, not just in theory, but in practice. At some point, if we are ever to turn talk into action, I’ll have to be comfortable with the idea of flirting with another woman. More importantly, if I’m unable to do so, how will Dee honestly measure her comfort level (in reality rather than by imagination) with that very thing? How will either of us determine what it is we are (and aren’t) comfortable with?
Monday, October 27, 2008
Observations
Dee has pointed out (rightfully so) that I’ve been portraying her as an overly-jealous person, and to correct this error I would like to clarify what I really mean (for those who read this). In doing so, I must retreat into our past, but I will try to keep this succinct, giving only the details necessary to make my specific points (there’s a lot more to these stories, of course):
Years ago, I worked in restaurants, and, at that time, I blatantly flirted my way through the staff (even when I was running the kitchen and was, while not actually a manager, in a “position of authority”) and wore my sexuality “on my sleeve.” This went on for a few years while Dee and I were apart – I was here, and she was 1000 miles away living with another guy. Then, one day, we got back together.
Her moving 1000+ miles just to be with me, and the subsequent marriage, were each enough to change my demeanor. At that time, Dee was, in fact, a jealous person (the type which, if I noticed our waitress was cute and took a second look, would give me an icy stare, and conversation would turn cold and stilted). Partly because of this – but mostly because it’s just who I am – I changed. I stopped flirting. Noticing waitresses faded into something I did “way back then.” My conversations shifted to our life together: the wedding plans, renting a house, buying a house, being pregnant, the new baby, etc. I left the restaurant business soon thereafter, and matured into a far different person from the single guy I’d left behind.
Dee often reminds me she’s not the same jealous woman I knew ten or fifteen or twenty years ago. However, because my behavior has changed so drastically, she’s never had a chance to prove (through action) that she is as different as we both believe her to be. It’s been years since I noticed a waitress, so while I’m sure she has changed, I still conduct myself according to those old perceptions, and still often perceive her to be the way she once was, simply because no new perceptions have taken their place.
After pondering our conversations this weekend, I wonder if I might be trapped by the circumstances of our suburban life. I used to be flirtatious, outgoing, and quite sexual in my interactions with others, but contemplating a return to such behavior now feels… decidedly weird and unnatural. In a way… just plain wrong. Not who I am. What was once normal and comfortable behavior for me is now the opposite.
I think if Dee and I had never gotten together, I’d probably still be in the restaurant business, and it’s likely I’d still be that same old single guy. I can’t speak for Dee, but I am guessing that if we’d never gotten together, at this time in her life she’d feel much more free and unrestrained in exploring as she desires (and, having put it that way, maybe that does mean I’m holding her back…). If Dee and I broke up right now, I suspect that, over a short period of time (a matter of a few months for her, and perhaps a year or 18 months for me), we would both metamorphose into whoever we really are (apart from our relationship together).
The point I am driving at in everything I’ve said is this: I think it’s possible we could both take a hiatus from our “real” lives for a single evening, or a weekend, or even a week. I think it's possible we could say “this is who we are normally, but now, for this week, we’re going to change everything…”, but I now realize doing so is far more challenging than I could have ever appreciated. I used to do the whole smoking, drinking, out until dawn thing, and now… I’d have to seriously plan ahead to even attempt such a thing. We both want to explore (though we both want to follow different paths and hope for different things), but I wonder if that’s even truly possible. Even if a hiatus allows us both to be who we really are (whoever THAT turns out to be!), I think the real challenge might be the ten (or twenty) years of established history and solidified expectations we’ve built together. She expects me to behave, act, and react in certain ways, and I expect the same of her. We both feel odd and uncomfortable (in spite of professed mutual support) sharing a thought, idea, or interest – simply because it flies in the face of that history. And, I think, we actually expect OURSELVES to behave, act, and react in certain ways, making even a small step outside those expectations, even when we WANT to take that step, a significant accomplishment. (This last, I think, is more my problem than her's.)
I’m not saying I think we should just give it up, but I am saying this might be a longer, slower, more challenging process than I ever envisioned it would be.
Years ago, I worked in restaurants, and, at that time, I blatantly flirted my way through the staff (even when I was running the kitchen and was, while not actually a manager, in a “position of authority”) and wore my sexuality “on my sleeve.” This went on for a few years while Dee and I were apart – I was here, and she was 1000 miles away living with another guy. Then, one day, we got back together.
Her moving 1000+ miles just to be with me, and the subsequent marriage, were each enough to change my demeanor. At that time, Dee was, in fact, a jealous person (the type which, if I noticed our waitress was cute and took a second look, would give me an icy stare, and conversation would turn cold and stilted). Partly because of this – but mostly because it’s just who I am – I changed. I stopped flirting. Noticing waitresses faded into something I did “way back then.” My conversations shifted to our life together: the wedding plans, renting a house, buying a house, being pregnant, the new baby, etc. I left the restaurant business soon thereafter, and matured into a far different person from the single guy I’d left behind.
Dee often reminds me she’s not the same jealous woman I knew ten or fifteen or twenty years ago. However, because my behavior has changed so drastically, she’s never had a chance to prove (through action) that she is as different as we both believe her to be. It’s been years since I noticed a waitress, so while I’m sure she has changed, I still conduct myself according to those old perceptions, and still often perceive her to be the way she once was, simply because no new perceptions have taken their place.
After pondering our conversations this weekend, I wonder if I might be trapped by the circumstances of our suburban life. I used to be flirtatious, outgoing, and quite sexual in my interactions with others, but contemplating a return to such behavior now feels… decidedly weird and unnatural. In a way… just plain wrong. Not who I am. What was once normal and comfortable behavior for me is now the opposite.
I think if Dee and I had never gotten together, I’d probably still be in the restaurant business, and it’s likely I’d still be that same old single guy. I can’t speak for Dee, but I am guessing that if we’d never gotten together, at this time in her life she’d feel much more free and unrestrained in exploring as she desires (and, having put it that way, maybe that does mean I’m holding her back…). If Dee and I broke up right now, I suspect that, over a short period of time (a matter of a few months for her, and perhaps a year or 18 months for me), we would both metamorphose into whoever we really are (apart from our relationship together).
The point I am driving at in everything I’ve said is this: I think it’s possible we could both take a hiatus from our “real” lives for a single evening, or a weekend, or even a week. I think it's possible we could say “this is who we are normally, but now, for this week, we’re going to change everything…”, but I now realize doing so is far more challenging than I could have ever appreciated. I used to do the whole smoking, drinking, out until dawn thing, and now… I’d have to seriously plan ahead to even attempt such a thing. We both want to explore (though we both want to follow different paths and hope for different things), but I wonder if that’s even truly possible. Even if a hiatus allows us both to be who we really are (whoever THAT turns out to be!), I think the real challenge might be the ten (or twenty) years of established history and solidified expectations we’ve built together. She expects me to behave, act, and react in certain ways, and I expect the same of her. We both feel odd and uncomfortable (in spite of professed mutual support) sharing a thought, idea, or interest – simply because it flies in the face of that history. And, I think, we actually expect OURSELVES to behave, act, and react in certain ways, making even a small step outside those expectations, even when we WANT to take that step, a significant accomplishment. (This last, I think, is more my problem than her's.)
I’m not saying I think we should just give it up, but I am saying this might be a longer, slower, more challenging process than I ever envisioned it would be.
Friday, October 24, 2008
It's Friday Afternoon
Our posts have diverged somewhat here… Dee has now told a three-part story that ended in a spark-less kiss, and I’ve given a book report on a couple lame TV shows. What an exciting couple we’ve been lately, eh?
I was thinking about creating a collection of pictures off the Internet – positions, women, costumes, whatever – to give to Dee as “things that turn me on,” but I’m not really an online person. After hours of staring at my work computer, I lack the ambition to do it at home (which makes no sense, since I do watch TV in the evening), and i can't exactly do that kind of thing on the clock…
[Another irony – Dee can spend hours on her computer at home, and yet gives me a bit of grief over wasting an evening watching TV. Other than the size of the screen...]
…Plus, I’m still very uncomfortable with the idea of talking to Dee about other women. When she points out a hot body, I don’t feel free to agree. Before leaving this past weekend, she teasingly asked who I’d invite over. I avoided jest (“the high school cheerleading squad, of course…”), and spoke only the sober truth (“nobody”) while worrying what might happen if she thought I was lying.
I feel this way not just because Dee is naturally jealous, but because, even as she’s begun exploring new experiences, she refers to any potential interaction I might have with anyone else as “an issue” which she’ll “have to deal with.” This tells me that I should still avoid paying attention to the physical qualities of others… and NEVER comment on them! I’ve been on the receiving end of her jealousy before, and it isn’t particularly fun. And this is also a concern which we are currently discussing both in person, and through email…
[I don’t think this is odd, but perhaps a little sad… I think both of us – and a lot of other couples as well – are sometimes better able to communicate via email. For myself, I find it’s sometimes easier to write, rewrite, rephrase, reword… and sometimes just DELETE, while pondering what I really want to say over time, rather than fumbling to find the right words, words that aren’t there, in the midst of a conversation!]
… And I myself am noodling over some thoughts I haven’t yet shared with Dee (though my withholding these thoughts is not to Dee’s liking). Hopefully she trusts me when I say it’s best that I noodle on my own, and not share my ponderings with her… at least, not yet.
I was thinking about creating a collection of pictures off the Internet – positions, women, costumes, whatever – to give to Dee as “things that turn me on,” but I’m not really an online person. After hours of staring at my work computer, I lack the ambition to do it at home (which makes no sense, since I do watch TV in the evening), and i can't exactly do that kind of thing on the clock…
[Another irony – Dee can spend hours on her computer at home, and yet gives me a bit of grief over wasting an evening watching TV. Other than the size of the screen...]
…Plus, I’m still very uncomfortable with the idea of talking to Dee about other women. When she points out a hot body, I don’t feel free to agree. Before leaving this past weekend, she teasingly asked who I’d invite over. I avoided jest (“the high school cheerleading squad, of course…”), and spoke only the sober truth (“nobody”) while worrying what might happen if she thought I was lying.
I feel this way not just because Dee is naturally jealous, but because, even as she’s begun exploring new experiences, she refers to any potential interaction I might have with anyone else as “an issue” which she’ll “have to deal with.” This tells me that I should still avoid paying attention to the physical qualities of others… and NEVER comment on them! I’ve been on the receiving end of her jealousy before, and it isn’t particularly fun. And this is also a concern which we are currently discussing both in person, and through email…
[I don’t think this is odd, but perhaps a little sad… I think both of us – and a lot of other couples as well – are sometimes better able to communicate via email. For myself, I find it’s sometimes easier to write, rewrite, rephrase, reword… and sometimes just DELETE, while pondering what I really want to say over time, rather than fumbling to find the right words, words that aren’t there, in the midst of a conversation!]
… And I myself am noodling over some thoughts I haven’t yet shared with Dee (though my withholding these thoughts is not to Dee’s liking). Hopefully she trusts me when I say it’s best that I noodle on my own, and not share my ponderings with her… at least, not yet.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Lessons Learned
I return to my office, my mind going a million miles a minute. I was not overcome with the desire to rip her clothes off. But I slowly realize that I really didn't have the experience that I wanted to have either. I just sat there and let her lead me in the experience. Sexually speaking, I am really not a person comfortable sitting back and being lead. I like to take the lead, and am usually the agressor. While I often tell DH that I want him to dominate me, I mean it in the sense of knocking me down a peg or two and dominating over my insolence and aggresiveness. That I want to be forced to submit. Not that I want to sit there meekly.
Soon after she had left, I was regretting not taking matters into my own hands. I like soft and slow just as much as the next woman. But to get my motor running, I need to be able to have input. I hate regrets, but already I was regretting just sitting there. In a previous answer to DH's questions, I wrote that I don't like to have regrets, just experiences that I would or would not have again. But now I realize that it's the things I don't do that I later regret...the experiences I miss out on and opportunities that I let pass.
I emailed her and told her these thoughts and hoped to make a date for the next weekend.
The next day I sent another email, expressing that I would really like to see her. She lived very close to me. She was about the same height/weight proportion as me, it would be a good match.
After I returned from my camping trip, and she still had not emailed, I decided to email her one last time. I discovered that she had deactivated her account off PoF.
The lessons in this experience are plentiful:
I need to get over this phobia of touching if I am going to have many of the experiences that I desire.
I need to be completely clear on what I want. And what I don't. I want new experiences. I don't want a relationship.
I learned that it's not always outside influences that need to change, it's my internal influences as well. Not only having an open dialogue with DH, but with myself.
I learned that going with my gut instinct is good, but I need to know when those instincts are holding me back and be able to reach beyond my typical boundaries. Doing the same thing as I've always done will not get me a different outcome.
I learned that I might just be in a mid-life crisis. The calendar is turning to mid-to-late thirties next week and I'm realizing I'm not getting any younger.
I learned that sometimes I need to risk embarrassment. Risk being uncomfortable. Risk rejection. I so wish I had taken her by the hair and really kissed her. And things might definitely have taken a different turn.
I talked with her today and she expressed reluctance at getting involved with a married woman, which is why she has been avoiding me. She expressed desire in including DH in our activities, but that's not what she really wants either. We are going to continue our conversation and maybe meet again soon. And if we do, I will stop hiding behind my thick glasses and professional demeaner. I will let the real me out. Which is always better.
Of course, DH knew all this to begin with. But I am so stubborn that I have to learn these lessons on my own.
Soon after she had left, I was regretting not taking matters into my own hands. I like soft and slow just as much as the next woman. But to get my motor running, I need to be able to have input. I hate regrets, but already I was regretting just sitting there. In a previous answer to DH's questions, I wrote that I don't like to have regrets, just experiences that I would or would not have again. But now I realize that it's the things I don't do that I later regret...the experiences I miss out on and opportunities that I let pass.
I emailed her and told her these thoughts and hoped to make a date for the next weekend.
The next day I sent another email, expressing that I would really like to see her. She lived very close to me. She was about the same height/weight proportion as me, it would be a good match.
After I returned from my camping trip, and she still had not emailed, I decided to email her one last time. I discovered that she had deactivated her account off PoF.
The lessons in this experience are plentiful:
I need to get over this phobia of touching if I am going to have many of the experiences that I desire.
I need to be completely clear on what I want. And what I don't. I want new experiences. I don't want a relationship.
I learned that it's not always outside influences that need to change, it's my internal influences as well. Not only having an open dialogue with DH, but with myself.
I learned that going with my gut instinct is good, but I need to know when those instincts are holding me back and be able to reach beyond my typical boundaries. Doing the same thing as I've always done will not get me a different outcome.
I learned that I might just be in a mid-life crisis. The calendar is turning to mid-to-late thirties next week and I'm realizing I'm not getting any younger.
I learned that sometimes I need to risk embarrassment. Risk being uncomfortable. Risk rejection. I so wish I had taken her by the hair and really kissed her. And things might definitely have taken a different turn.
I talked with her today and she expressed reluctance at getting involved with a married woman, which is why she has been avoiding me. She expressed desire in including DH in our activities, but that's not what she really wants either. We are going to continue our conversation and maybe meet again soon. And if we do, I will stop hiding behind my thick glasses and professional demeaner. I will let the real me out. Which is always better.
Of course, DH knew all this to begin with. But I am so stubborn that I have to learn these lessons on my own.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The Kiss
She parks, turns to me and tells me that kissing a woman is definitely different than kissing a man. And she wants to show me. To give me something to think about. And I will know...am I attracted to women or not. I agree and prepare myself for her kiss (which means a fair bit of giggling). I am not a touchy person. In fact, I hate it. For anyone besides my husband and daughter that is.
She slides my glasses of my face. Already I hate that. I don't see very well at all and if you take my glasses, you are putting me in a very vulnerable spot. But I see her point, so I just sit still. She leans in very close and I can smell her salad, her lunch, on her breath. I'm still ok though. She starts rubbing her nose on my cheeks and around my nose. I don't like this, but I realize later that the stripper in Las Vegas did the same thing when she was kissing me. And when I am feeling affectionate, I try to do the same thing to DH, who hates it. But I sit still, wondering what she will do next. Her lips touch mine, softly, slowly. She pulls first at my upper lip and then my lower lip. I am distracted by the sound of suction and of her breathing. I realize this isn't going to get me anywhere.
I break off the kiss and put my glasses on. I thank her and she can tell that I'm not as turned on as she is. In answer to her quizzical expression, I offer that it's not her, that it's strange to be kissing someone other than DH for the first time in 10 years. During the short drive to my building, she suggests that perhaps I have not been given explicit permission from DH and that is what is holding me back. I tell her I will think about all these things, and will let her know if I would like to pursue anything. I don't know how to end the awkward meeting, so I tell her not to put all her eggs in my basket. She said she's still interested in having me, and DH, over for dinner and I tell her I would let her know. She tells me to email my thoughts to her.
I return to my office, my mind going a million miles a minute.
She slides my glasses of my face. Already I hate that. I don't see very well at all and if you take my glasses, you are putting me in a very vulnerable spot. But I see her point, so I just sit still. She leans in very close and I can smell her salad, her lunch, on her breath. I'm still ok though. She starts rubbing her nose on my cheeks and around my nose. I don't like this, but I realize later that the stripper in Las Vegas did the same thing when she was kissing me. And when I am feeling affectionate, I try to do the same thing to DH, who hates it. But I sit still, wondering what she will do next. Her lips touch mine, softly, slowly. She pulls first at my upper lip and then my lower lip. I am distracted by the sound of suction and of her breathing. I realize this isn't going to get me anywhere.
I break off the kiss and put my glasses on. I thank her and she can tell that I'm not as turned on as she is. In answer to her quizzical expression, I offer that it's not her, that it's strange to be kissing someone other than DH for the first time in 10 years. During the short drive to my building, she suggests that perhaps I have not been given explicit permission from DH and that is what is holding me back. I tell her I will think about all these things, and will let her know if I would like to pursue anything. I don't know how to end the awkward meeting, so I tell her not to put all her eggs in my basket. She said she's still interested in having me, and DH, over for dinner and I tell her I would let her know. She tells me to email my thoughts to her.
I return to my office, my mind going a million miles a minute.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Meeting
I walk over to the restaurant, expecting to find her in the lobby waiting. She had sent an obviously old picture of herself, and then another, more recent face shot. I have a hard time identifying someone from pictures, anyway, so I was worried I wouldn't be able to spot her. There was no one waiting in the lobby, though, and I had a few moments of worrying that I had been stood up. The phone in the lobby rang, and the waiter called out my name and handed me the phone. The first time I heard her voice! It was gruff...she sounded like a smoker. She told me she habitually runs 10 minutes behind and today was no exception. Ok, it was a last minute date, so understandable. I grab a table and wait. And wait. And wait. Texting DH, who knows I hate waiting. Surfed the net and texted DH again.
She finally showed up 1/2 hour later, looking NOTHING like her picure. Really, nothing like it. It was obvious the pictures she had sent were taken several years and quite a few pounds earlier. But even that was forgiven. I have always said I am not hung up on looks, and she just proved my point. I stood up, gave her a hug, and was ready to get to know her.
She started right off by showing me a picture of her daughter. Ookkkayy. I am meeting this woman to possibly have an intimate encounter, and she starts off showing me pictures of her daughter. And dogs. But I had posted that I was looking for a friend as well, so ok. I show her a picture of my daughter and DH and we start talking about relationships. Her marriage had recently ended and so she had a lot of bitterness there. I have the most wonderful husband on earth, so I try not to brag. But it can't be helped.
I ask her how she knows a woman kisses better than a man (as she has now told me several times). She says she met a young exchange student last spring on facebook and had a couple of intimate encounters with her, which is what lead to her marriage ending. She goes into detail about her marriage and what was wrong with it. She talks about labels and how she doesn't identify with being a lesbian, but that the encounters she had were really great.
Several times throughout the lunch I have thoughts of what am I doing...I have a great marriage, a wonderful husband and what am I doing trying to find something more? Who am I to need, want or deserve something more?
As the lunch wound to an end, she offered to drive back to my office, which was only around the corner. I could tell she wanted to have a more private conversation than we could have at the restaurant, so I agreed. She did not, after all, strike me as an ax murderer.
After she moved all of the fast food containers from the front seat to the back seat, I hopped in and she drove me to the entrance to my office, telling me that a relationship with a woman is different than with a man. She explained it was really more about an experience than pure sex. As we parked at the entrance, she asked what I thought. I told her honestly that I didn't feel the connection that I hoped I would. No sparks at all. Perhaps that's the answer that I was looking for. She asks if there's some place private where she can leave me something to think about. I know where she's leading, so I direct her to the far corner of the parking lot.
She finally showed up 1/2 hour later, looking NOTHING like her picure. Really, nothing like it. It was obvious the pictures she had sent were taken several years and quite a few pounds earlier. But even that was forgiven. I have always said I am not hung up on looks, and she just proved my point. I stood up, gave her a hug, and was ready to get to know her.
She started right off by showing me a picture of her daughter. Ookkkayy. I am meeting this woman to possibly have an intimate encounter, and she starts off showing me pictures of her daughter. And dogs. But I had posted that I was looking for a friend as well, so ok. I show her a picture of my daughter and DH and we start talking about relationships. Her marriage had recently ended and so she had a lot of bitterness there. I have the most wonderful husband on earth, so I try not to brag. But it can't be helped.
I ask her how she knows a woman kisses better than a man (as she has now told me several times). She says she met a young exchange student last spring on facebook and had a couple of intimate encounters with her, which is what lead to her marriage ending. She goes into detail about her marriage and what was wrong with it. She talks about labels and how she doesn't identify with being a lesbian, but that the encounters she had were really great.
Several times throughout the lunch I have thoughts of what am I doing...I have a great marriage, a wonderful husband and what am I doing trying to find something more? Who am I to need, want or deserve something more?
As the lunch wound to an end, she offered to drive back to my office, which was only around the corner. I could tell she wanted to have a more private conversation than we could have at the restaurant, so I agreed. She did not, after all, strike me as an ax murderer.
After she moved all of the fast food containers from the front seat to the back seat, I hopped in and she drove me to the entrance to my office, telling me that a relationship with a woman is different than with a man. She explained it was really more about an experience than pure sex. As we parked at the entrance, she asked what I thought. I told her honestly that I didn't feel the connection that I hoped I would. No sparks at all. Perhaps that's the answer that I was looking for. She asks if there's some place private where she can leave me something to think about. I know where she's leading, so I direct her to the far corner of the parking lot.
Monday, October 20, 2008
This Weekend's TV Guide...
I spent part of the weekend watching a couple shows, first on TV (Playboy TV’s “69 Things to do Before You Die”) then off the DVR (HBO’s “Real Sex”), and I think I found out a couple things about myself:
First: I think ambiance is more important than I gave it credit for. The “69 Things” featured a guy who flies couples up in his small plane so they can join the mile-high club. The back of the plane had a mattress wedged into it (those who use the service get to keep the sheets!), and the space was so cramped that, when the couple was doing it doggie style, her head was between the front seats – at which time the pilot started conversing with her (Seriously... “Isn’t that a great view of the city there…?”). It seemed to me it’d be about as exciting as fucking in the back of a van while a stranger drove around the industrial part of town, giving you the dime tour (“…and over here you’ll see Smith and Sons Foundry, where they make widgets for…”). The pilot got $500/hour for this.
Second (and related to the first): I think eroticism is important. One segment of the “Real Sex” episode featured a masturbation club, where… apparently… the group get together in one member’s living room, talks about masturbation in Alcoholic’s Anonymous fashion (“I’m Joe, and I masturbate. The first time I did it was…”), then they take turns getting each other off with hands and toys while chatting with each other. Nothing says erotic like two women talking about last night’s ER over some guy’s big belly while they jerk him off. The entire event seemed to have the sexual electricity of a family reunion – one where, without warning, your sister starts yanking your meat while you try to maintain the conversation with the uncle sitting next to you, and nobody seems to notice.
These things might (or might not) end up proving I’m nowhere near as sexual as I thought I was, but watching these kinds of shows has taught me two things: (1) There are a lot of people out there doing a lot of stuff that… personally… really doesn’t interest me [the mile high club thing, for example – I LOVE the idea, but, come on… for $500 an hour, it ought to more romantic than humping on a used mattress], and (2) Unlike my younger days (when all a girl had to do was pull up her shirt and show me her bra), there has to be some kind of sexiness in the moment. I need a little romance (or seduction, or mental-sexual stimulation, or whatever you’d call it) before I’ll get interested. I’m a lot more particular nowadays, I guess, and if the moment isn’t what I’d like it to be, I might even be willing to pass on the orgasm and find something else to do.
First: I think ambiance is more important than I gave it credit for. The “69 Things” featured a guy who flies couples up in his small plane so they can join the mile-high club. The back of the plane had a mattress wedged into it (those who use the service get to keep the sheets!), and the space was so cramped that, when the couple was doing it doggie style, her head was between the front seats – at which time the pilot started conversing with her (Seriously... “Isn’t that a great view of the city there…?”). It seemed to me it’d be about as exciting as fucking in the back of a van while a stranger drove around the industrial part of town, giving you the dime tour (“…and over here you’ll see Smith and Sons Foundry, where they make widgets for…”). The pilot got $500/hour for this.
Second (and related to the first): I think eroticism is important. One segment of the “Real Sex” episode featured a masturbation club, where… apparently… the group get together in one member’s living room, talks about masturbation in Alcoholic’s Anonymous fashion (“I’m Joe, and I masturbate. The first time I did it was…”), then they take turns getting each other off with hands and toys while chatting with each other. Nothing says erotic like two women talking about last night’s ER over some guy’s big belly while they jerk him off. The entire event seemed to have the sexual electricity of a family reunion – one where, without warning, your sister starts yanking your meat while you try to maintain the conversation with the uncle sitting next to you, and nobody seems to notice.
These things might (or might not) end up proving I’m nowhere near as sexual as I thought I was, but watching these kinds of shows has taught me two things: (1) There are a lot of people out there doing a lot of stuff that… personally… really doesn’t interest me [the mile high club thing, for example – I LOVE the idea, but, come on… for $500 an hour, it ought to more romantic than humping on a used mattress], and (2) Unlike my younger days (when all a girl had to do was pull up her shirt and show me her bra), there has to be some kind of sexiness in the moment. I need a little romance (or seduction, or mental-sexual stimulation, or whatever you’d call it) before I’ll get interested. I’m a lot more particular nowadays, I guess, and if the moment isn’t what I’d like it to be, I might even be willing to pass on the orgasm and find something else to do.
Escapades
DH has insinuated, nope downright stated, that he thinks I'm addicted to the adult internet. Not true! I do follow quite a few blogs, and do check out certain websites from time to time. But truly, I am just fascinated by all that is available at my fingertips!
I do have a profile posted on Plenty of Fish and Ashley Madison. Just a profile, nothing interesting, really. I heard about the websites, checked them out, and filled out the questionnaire to be able to look around. The questionnaire constitutes a profile, that other members can look at.
So, imagine my surprise when I received an email from Plenty of Fish (PoF) last week to let me know someone had sent me a message on the website! I was at work, but quickly checked out the message from a woman living in the same town and replied back that I would like to chat. The message was surprisingly frank, with a picture and a name. I am a bit more cautious, so used my "creative.fun" email address and just my first name. We exchanged a couple of emails and then switched over to google chat. My very first chat! I was thrilled. She seemed very nice, although a little pushy. We chat about each of us being very sexual beings, she's very reserved about the fact that I am married. We talk about kissing, pleasure and pain, what sexy is to each of us. It is thrilling talking with someone who seems interested in the same things I am. We finish by sending more risque pictures to each other, me sending the lingerie pic that I posted here.
We chat until bedtime one evening, and then the following morning while I am work. Unfortunately, the timing was not good because my time was already obligated for the next couple of weeks. But I suggested a lunchtime meeting later that week, when I could squeeze it in. She is more of a "jumper" than I am though, and suggested lunch that very day. Well, ok! I agreed and signed off. The butterflies started, but it was all good.
I do have a profile posted on Plenty of Fish and Ashley Madison. Just a profile, nothing interesting, really. I heard about the websites, checked them out, and filled out the questionnaire to be able to look around. The questionnaire constitutes a profile, that other members can look at.
So, imagine my surprise when I received an email from Plenty of Fish (PoF) last week to let me know someone had sent me a message on the website! I was at work, but quickly checked out the message from a woman living in the same town and replied back that I would like to chat. The message was surprisingly frank, with a picture and a name. I am a bit more cautious, so used my "creative.fun" email address and just my first name. We exchanged a couple of emails and then switched over to google chat. My very first chat! I was thrilled. She seemed very nice, although a little pushy. We chat about each of us being very sexual beings, she's very reserved about the fact that I am married. We talk about kissing, pleasure and pain, what sexy is to each of us. It is thrilling talking with someone who seems interested in the same things I am. We finish by sending more risque pictures to each other, me sending the lingerie pic that I posted here.
We chat until bedtime one evening, and then the following morning while I am work. Unfortunately, the timing was not good because my time was already obligated for the next couple of weeks. But I suggested a lunchtime meeting later that week, when I could squeeze it in. She is more of a "jumper" than I am though, and suggested lunch that very day. Well, ok! I agreed and signed off. The butterflies started, but it was all good.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
A Continuation of My 10/1/08 Post…
More things I like:
I like cleavage. I’m not talking about big tits or push-up bras or any of that crap. I’m literally talking about the space between. I like the sight of the smooth skin between a woman’s breasts. I love pressing my hand against Dee’s chest, feeling her heartbeat, experiencing the intimacy of having my hand resting between her tits. I like drawing a line of small kisses down her centerline, brushing my cheeks against the swells of her body. I find an unexplainable eroticism in these secrets of the heart.
As we approach Halloween, and the examples of such become more populous on certain parts of the Internet, I find that I’m must more turned on by a good-looking woman in costume than I thought I was. I always thought… “What’s the point of a costume? All I’m gonna do is take it off!” But there are a lot of costumes out there that I must compliment for being VERY… “Oh, yeah, baby!”
I like cleavage. I’m not talking about big tits or push-up bras or any of that crap. I’m literally talking about the space between. I like the sight of the smooth skin between a woman’s breasts. I love pressing my hand against Dee’s chest, feeling her heartbeat, experiencing the intimacy of having my hand resting between her tits. I like drawing a line of small kisses down her centerline, brushing my cheeks against the swells of her body. I find an unexplainable eroticism in these secrets of the heart.
As we approach Halloween, and the examples of such become more populous on certain parts of the Internet, I find that I’m must more turned on by a good-looking woman in costume than I thought I was. I always thought… “What’s the point of a costume? All I’m gonna do is take it off!” But there are a lot of costumes out there that I must compliment for being VERY… “Oh, yeah, baby!”
Friday, October 17, 2008
Another Weekend Alone…
This weekend Dee is camping with the kiddo, so I’ve got the house to myself. I’m not complaining, of course… I’m a homebody, and a bit of a loner, so I enjoy time alone. Plus, Dee and I are so very opposite in so many ways, I suspect if we didn’t spend some time apart now and then, we’d probably both end up making each other miserable.
Since Dee first created this blog, I’ve been jotting down random thoughts to use as the opportunity arises, either in my posts or in response to Dee’s. I was originally supposed to be the guest poster here, and I figured I’d post questions and more in-depth musings, and leave the telling of our sexual adventures (what little there is to tell) and day-to-day rick-rack to Dee … and I also wanted to keep a few ideas in my pocket in case Dee started posting every day, and I needed to contribute more.
Given the infrequency of Dee’s posts, however, I think I’ll start making shorter posts as thoughts strike me, and take up the storytelling duties myself. I think this is transitioning into my blog, and I might as well start treating it that way.
I think Dee might be a little bit addicted to the adult Internet. This doesn’t bother me, but between whatever tantalizing distractions she finds there and the business of everyday life, it explains the infrequency of her posts. I have no idea how many blogs she subscribes to, or how many hookup sites she’s on, but I know there’s quite a few. She’s been in contact with one woman, and maybe it’ll lead somewhere, and maybe it won’t. I’ve toyed with the idea of getting on these types of sites myself and seeing what happens, but I’m quite sure if I started flirting with another woman… well, it wouldn’t go over very well. So for now, I’ll just wait and see what the future holds.
I’d could begin by finishing Dee’s story (which she started back on 10/8), but, to be honest, I can’t recall the ending anymore. I know I gave her a satisfying performance, and I know I made her come about a dozen times before I finally gave it up myself. Sadly, all the sex blends together now. I don’t remember the details of any one particular encounter over another unless it really stands out (like going to Vegas and fucking Dee in a spa tub that could have held four people!).
I’ve been thinking about our recent trip to Vegas, and the thing that sticks in my head now (months removed) as the most fun (or most memorable, or most enjoyable, or whatever) isn’t what I would have guessed it would be. I thought it’d be fucking Dee in that spa tub, or watching her get a lap dance and make out with a stripper, or getting a lap dance while she watched.
All those things are memorable, but the strongest memory I have is the way I felt while we were at the club. Dee is a strongly anti-tobacco ex-smoker and formerly-heavier now-very-light drinker, and sitting there… both of us VERY tipsy, sharing a pack of smokes (cigarillos, actually)… having a great time together… it was as if I’d gone back in time, and regressed to a younger version of myself, out on a wildly fun date with that sexy devil-may-care girl I first met 20 years ago. The naked women and sexual interactions were wonderful added bonuses, but weren’t what made me happiest. I felt like I was with the “real” unfettered, unrestrained, uninhibited Dee, and I myself felt the same way – more free, sexier, and younger. Neither of us get to feel that way very often – it’s hard to capture the feeling of carefree youth when you have work, career, kids, a mortgage, chores… so it was nice to re-experience those moments again.
I’m just hoping it won't be the last time.
Since Dee first created this blog, I’ve been jotting down random thoughts to use as the opportunity arises, either in my posts or in response to Dee’s. I was originally supposed to be the guest poster here, and I figured I’d post questions and more in-depth musings, and leave the telling of our sexual adventures (what little there is to tell) and day-to-day rick-rack to Dee … and I also wanted to keep a few ideas in my pocket in case Dee started posting every day, and I needed to contribute more.
Given the infrequency of Dee’s posts, however, I think I’ll start making shorter posts as thoughts strike me, and take up the storytelling duties myself. I think this is transitioning into my blog, and I might as well start treating it that way.
I think Dee might be a little bit addicted to the adult Internet. This doesn’t bother me, but between whatever tantalizing distractions she finds there and the business of everyday life, it explains the infrequency of her posts. I have no idea how many blogs she subscribes to, or how many hookup sites she’s on, but I know there’s quite a few. She’s been in contact with one woman, and maybe it’ll lead somewhere, and maybe it won’t. I’ve toyed with the idea of getting on these types of sites myself and seeing what happens, but I’m quite sure if I started flirting with another woman… well, it wouldn’t go over very well. So for now, I’ll just wait and see what the future holds.
I’d could begin by finishing Dee’s story (which she started back on 10/8), but, to be honest, I can’t recall the ending anymore. I know I gave her a satisfying performance, and I know I made her come about a dozen times before I finally gave it up myself. Sadly, all the sex blends together now. I don’t remember the details of any one particular encounter over another unless it really stands out (like going to Vegas and fucking Dee in a spa tub that could have held four people!).
I’ve been thinking about our recent trip to Vegas, and the thing that sticks in my head now (months removed) as the most fun (or most memorable, or most enjoyable, or whatever) isn’t what I would have guessed it would be. I thought it’d be fucking Dee in that spa tub, or watching her get a lap dance and make out with a stripper, or getting a lap dance while she watched.
All those things are memorable, but the strongest memory I have is the way I felt while we were at the club. Dee is a strongly anti-tobacco ex-smoker and formerly-heavier now-very-light drinker, and sitting there… both of us VERY tipsy, sharing a pack of smokes (cigarillos, actually)… having a great time together… it was as if I’d gone back in time, and regressed to a younger version of myself, out on a wildly fun date with that sexy devil-may-care girl I first met 20 years ago. The naked women and sexual interactions were wonderful added bonuses, but weren’t what made me happiest. I felt like I was with the “real” unfettered, unrestrained, uninhibited Dee, and I myself felt the same way – more free, sexier, and younger. Neither of us get to feel that way very often – it’s hard to capture the feeling of carefree youth when you have work, career, kids, a mortgage, chores… so it was nice to re-experience those moments again.
I’m just hoping it won't be the last time.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The Answer
So… after much thought, here is my answer:
I prefer… Vaginal.
And here is why:
I love it when Dee sucks my dick – the woman definitely has skills. I love fucking her up the ass, too. But, in the end, my neurosis wins the day. I like orgasms, and I’ve had a few mind-blowing ones in my life, but in the long term, it’s almost always more satisfying to deliver them. A good orgasm will give me a smile for the rest of the day, but getting Dee off multiple times beforehand, and leaving her quivering and panting when I’m done, will have me smiling and feeling good about myself for days afterward.
And, as I said yesterday, when it comes to getting Dee off that way, vaginal is really the connoisseur’s choice.
I prefer… Vaginal.
And here is why:
I love it when Dee sucks my dick – the woman definitely has skills. I love fucking her up the ass, too. But, in the end, my neurosis wins the day. I like orgasms, and I’ve had a few mind-blowing ones in my life, but in the long term, it’s almost always more satisfying to deliver them. A good orgasm will give me a smile for the rest of the day, but getting Dee off multiple times beforehand, and leaving her quivering and panting when I’m done, will have me smiling and feeling good about myself for days afterward.
And, as I said yesterday, when it comes to getting Dee off that way, vaginal is really the connoisseur’s choice.
Finally... The Decision
First… to the Daree: Picking all three is a cop out. If I did that, you’d roll your eyes until they rattled. :)
Also: Note for the record that I was right: vaginal, man-on-top… Dee’s pick for a favorite. Do I know the woman, or what?
I began this whole train of thought with a question -- Which do you prefer: oral, anal, or vaginal… and why? – and the commitment to answer this question, naming my preference without waffling. I promised I wouldn’t wimp out and with a lame, non-committal cliché. Depending on how you look at it, I’ve either been trying to answer this question for about two weeks, or since puberty.
Dee frequently puts me on the spot (at that most inopportune time), asking me what I want … and I’m always honestly stumped by the question, mostly because it forces me to pick one thing. Her intention, of course, is coax me into providing direction, and getting the opportunity to give me what I want. If I were being honest, the answer would either be “I want to get you off” or “I want a little bit of everything, all at once.” The former is doable, but really doesn’t answer her question as posed, and the latter just annoys her – it’s impossible to do everything at once, and the answer itself is a cop-out.
So, really, this day is something Dee has probably been waiting for – I’m actually going to pick something.
As I’ve tried to answer this question over the past two weeks, I’ve thought about each choice logically, intellectually, cerebrally. I’ve physically experienced all three (not purposely… it just happened that way). I’ve tried just letting go and seeing if my horniness consistently leads me in one direction or another. I’ve gone back and forth, settling on one answer, and then another, and then another. I’ve filled Dee’s pussy and thought, “This has GOT to be my choice.” I’ve read Dee’s emails, telling me she’s going to spend the whole evening sucking my cock, and thought “Ok… I’m definitely picking oral.” I’ve typed up my thoughts on anal sex, and thought “What the fuck?... Now I think I’ve got to pick this one.”
And even as I type this, I still have no idea what my answer is. So I’m going to go and eat lunch, and then answer when I come back…
Also: Note for the record that I was right: vaginal, man-on-top… Dee’s pick for a favorite. Do I know the woman, or what?
I began this whole train of thought with a question -- Which do you prefer: oral, anal, or vaginal… and why? – and the commitment to answer this question, naming my preference without waffling. I promised I wouldn’t wimp out and with a lame, non-committal cliché. Depending on how you look at it, I’ve either been trying to answer this question for about two weeks, or since puberty.
Dee frequently puts me on the spot (at that most inopportune time), asking me what I want … and I’m always honestly stumped by the question, mostly because it forces me to pick one thing. Her intention, of course, is coax me into providing direction, and getting the opportunity to give me what I want. If I were being honest, the answer would either be “I want to get you off” or “I want a little bit of everything, all at once.” The former is doable, but really doesn’t answer her question as posed, and the latter just annoys her – it’s impossible to do everything at once, and the answer itself is a cop-out.
So, really, this day is something Dee has probably been waiting for – I’m actually going to pick something.
As I’ve tried to answer this question over the past two weeks, I’ve thought about each choice logically, intellectually, cerebrally. I’ve physically experienced all three (not purposely… it just happened that way). I’ve tried just letting go and seeing if my horniness consistently leads me in one direction or another. I’ve gone back and forth, settling on one answer, and then another, and then another. I’ve filled Dee’s pussy and thought, “This has GOT to be my choice.” I’ve read Dee’s emails, telling me she’s going to spend the whole evening sucking my cock, and thought “Ok… I’m definitely picking oral.” I’ve typed up my thoughts on anal sex, and thought “What the fuck?... Now I think I’ve got to pick this one.”
And even as I type this, I still have no idea what my answer is. So I’m going to go and eat lunch, and then answer when I come back…
Dee's Analysis
In the spirit of fairness, I will answer as DH did. Though mine will be all at once since my answers are probably not as detailed as DH. He's the writer in the family.
Which do you prefer: oral, anal, or vaginal? Why?
Overall, I like all three. Each is special in its own way:
Oral: I have a love/hate relationship with receiving oral. I can never relax enough to enjoy it for one. And I can never articulate what it is that I like. When I read descriptions, I think yes yes yes. But when it comes time for me to tell DH what to do, where to go, how hard, how soft, I get lost. But I definitely like it and I am getting better at relaxing enough to enjoy it. Though my shaved pussy is definitely helping with that! I can't help but think that I thoroughly enjoy sucking his cock, so maybe it's kind of the same thing.
Anal: Anal is kind of new for us. I had tried once before, because a man insisted, and it was awful. Painful, degrading and embarrassing. With DH, though, it is wonderful. I have always known that pain and pleasure go hand in hand, but I guess I never realized how much. But anal is the very good kind of pain. I like it better when DH is filling up my cunt and has his finger in my ass, just a little bit of pain and a little pressure. But when we go full on anal, it is almost as good and I have very powerful orgasms. It could definitely be a trust thing...I trust him enough that he won't hurt me. And I feel like this act is evidence that he is willing to give me anything I want.
Vaginal: Tried and true. Multiple variations possible. I particularly like that you can spin and turn in a fluid motion to get different sensations with each thrust. Though I will have to say my favorite is DH laying his entire body on mine, moving in a slow steady motion, smiling into my eyes and kissing my face as we both build to climax. Seriously love that. It is just so perfect, so right. We fit together so well, it just makes my whole body sing. I am one lucky lady.
Which do you prefer: oral, anal, or vaginal? Why?
Overall, I like all three. Each is special in its own way:
Oral: I have a love/hate relationship with receiving oral. I can never relax enough to enjoy it for one. And I can never articulate what it is that I like. When I read descriptions, I think yes yes yes. But when it comes time for me to tell DH what to do, where to go, how hard, how soft, I get lost. But I definitely like it and I am getting better at relaxing enough to enjoy it. Though my shaved pussy is definitely helping with that! I can't help but think that I thoroughly enjoy sucking his cock, so maybe it's kind of the same thing.
Anal: Anal is kind of new for us. I had tried once before, because a man insisted, and it was awful. Painful, degrading and embarrassing. With DH, though, it is wonderful. I have always known that pain and pleasure go hand in hand, but I guess I never realized how much. But anal is the very good kind of pain. I like it better when DH is filling up my cunt and has his finger in my ass, just a little bit of pain and a little pressure. But when we go full on anal, it is almost as good and I have very powerful orgasms. It could definitely be a trust thing...I trust him enough that he won't hurt me. And I feel like this act is evidence that he is willing to give me anything I want.
Vaginal: Tried and true. Multiple variations possible. I particularly like that you can spin and turn in a fluid motion to get different sensations with each thrust. Though I will have to say my favorite is DH laying his entire body on mine, moving in a slow steady motion, smiling into my eyes and kissing my face as we both build to climax. Seriously love that. It is just so perfect, so right. We fit together so well, it just makes my whole body sing. I am one lucky lady.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Part Three
Next, part three… a few comments on vaginal sex.
Short Analysis: It’s funny, but up until now, I haven’t ever really thought about “just plain old sex” as an option or choice – I’ve always just taken it as being a given, a fact of life – but now that I have, I think vaginal sex has the broadest possible range on the enjoyment scale. It can be the most mutually satisfying sex (as it was probably meant to be), but it can also be the dullest, least interesting way to do it. It can be unusual and erotic, or routine and practiced. It all depends on what you make of it.
What I Like: The versatility. There are so many ways you can do it, so many positions, so many angles and movements, so many combinations you can get creative with. When you make the most of it, and get away from the stereotypical man-on-top-get-it-over-with-quick, you can enjoy new positions involving different sensations, different angles, and even different points of view every night for a month, and still not burn up all the possible combinations.
Intimacy Issues: Having now blathered on about creativity and versatility, Dee likes the intimacy of kissing and looking at my face while I’m fucking her (on that second point there really is no explaining the woman… I don’t exactly have a remarkable face)… so I’m pretty sure the stereotypical man-on-top (sans get-it-over-with-quick) is her pick for the most intimate sexual experience.
The “Erotic” Factor: Nothing is more fun than coming up with a new way to make Dee go “Oh… GOD!” And anytime I can make Dee’s eyes roll… from my point of view, just getting her off is very erotic (especially when I can get her off over and over again). For that, vaginal is really the connoisseur’s choice.
What Bothers Me: Nothing! – and that may be what I like best of all. Unlike the other choices, I almost never feel things are getting too one-sided (often it’s the other way around… Dee feels like I’m the one getting short-changed), and getting off without having to deal with my (irrational) neuroses is always added fun.
Short Analysis: It’s funny, but up until now, I haven’t ever really thought about “just plain old sex” as an option or choice – I’ve always just taken it as being a given, a fact of life – but now that I have, I think vaginal sex has the broadest possible range on the enjoyment scale. It can be the most mutually satisfying sex (as it was probably meant to be), but it can also be the dullest, least interesting way to do it. It can be unusual and erotic, or routine and practiced. It all depends on what you make of it.
What I Like: The versatility. There are so many ways you can do it, so many positions, so many angles and movements, so many combinations you can get creative with. When you make the most of it, and get away from the stereotypical man-on-top-get-it-over-with-quick, you can enjoy new positions involving different sensations, different angles, and even different points of view every night for a month, and still not burn up all the possible combinations.
Intimacy Issues: Having now blathered on about creativity and versatility, Dee likes the intimacy of kissing and looking at my face while I’m fucking her (on that second point there really is no explaining the woman… I don’t exactly have a remarkable face)… so I’m pretty sure the stereotypical man-on-top (sans get-it-over-with-quick) is her pick for the most intimate sexual experience.
The “Erotic” Factor: Nothing is more fun than coming up with a new way to make Dee go “Oh… GOD!” And anytime I can make Dee’s eyes roll… from my point of view, just getting her off is very erotic (especially when I can get her off over and over again). For that, vaginal is really the connoisseur’s choice.
What Bothers Me: Nothing! – and that may be what I like best of all. Unlike the other choices, I almost never feel things are getting too one-sided (often it’s the other way around… Dee feels like I’m the one getting short-changed), and getting off without having to deal with my (irrational) neuroses is always added fun.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Part Two
And now, part two… a few thoughts on oral sex (blowjobs, that is):
Short Analysis: Very few men ever acknowledge it, and very few women really appreciate it, but this is a transaction of absolute trust. Think about it: When my most sensitive body part is at its most sensitive moment, I trust Dee enough to slip it between her teeth.
What I Like: I like the added visual and audio input that you can get during a good blowjob. I like watching women suck cock in general (porn, pictures, etc.), and I specifically like watching Dee work her magic on me, seeing my dick in her mouth, watching her head moving up and down in my lap, etc. It’s even more of a turn on when she knows I’m watching, and purposely allows me a better view just because she knows I like it. Add to that the audio, and it becomes a full body-and-mind experience – it’s like watching (and starring in) a live porn show while enjoying Dee’s pleasurable company at the same time.
Intimacy Issues: I personally think that a long, slow, sensual blowjob is probably the most intimate of interactions, more so that other types of sex, even more than kissing. It’s hard to explain why I perceive things that way, but I do. On the one side, there is the trust, on the other, selflessness. In addition, unlike a kiss, as a general rule it’s a private interaction shared between the two of us.
The “Erotic” Factor: When I’m confident all Dee wants is to do is suck my dick until I come, I can let go of the worries about selfishness and fully enjoy the experience. When that happens, I find the act itself to be very erotic, and having that freedom to be selfish makes the moment even more sexually satisfying.
What Bothers Me: Continuing the thought above, however, most of the time I can’t read Dee’s ultimate intentions, and often become distracted worrying about the balance of enjoyment. Even when getting me off is the clearly stated goal, I often still feel some guilt afterwards. After sucking me off, Dee is always ready for a good, long fuck, while I’m… decidedly not. For that reason, I usually hold back, which gives me the satisfaction of being able to provide what she wants, but does restrict the full and complete enjoyment of the blowjob itself.
It’s Worth Mentioning: I’ve stuck to receiving, rather than giving, as the question was meant to be about which of the three I prefer when it comes to getting off. Going down on Dee, on it’s own, doesn’t make me come, but it does turn me on a whole hell of a lot. And now that she’s shaved her pussy, eating her out is even more of a turn on.
Short Analysis: Very few men ever acknowledge it, and very few women really appreciate it, but this is a transaction of absolute trust. Think about it: When my most sensitive body part is at its most sensitive moment, I trust Dee enough to slip it between her teeth.
What I Like: I like the added visual and audio input that you can get during a good blowjob. I like watching women suck cock in general (porn, pictures, etc.), and I specifically like watching Dee work her magic on me, seeing my dick in her mouth, watching her head moving up and down in my lap, etc. It’s even more of a turn on when she knows I’m watching, and purposely allows me a better view just because she knows I like it. Add to that the audio, and it becomes a full body-and-mind experience – it’s like watching (and starring in) a live porn show while enjoying Dee’s pleasurable company at the same time.
Intimacy Issues: I personally think that a long, slow, sensual blowjob is probably the most intimate of interactions, more so that other types of sex, even more than kissing. It’s hard to explain why I perceive things that way, but I do. On the one side, there is the trust, on the other, selflessness. In addition, unlike a kiss, as a general rule it’s a private interaction shared between the two of us.
The “Erotic” Factor: When I’m confident all Dee wants is to do is suck my dick until I come, I can let go of the worries about selfishness and fully enjoy the experience. When that happens, I find the act itself to be very erotic, and having that freedom to be selfish makes the moment even more sexually satisfying.
What Bothers Me: Continuing the thought above, however, most of the time I can’t read Dee’s ultimate intentions, and often become distracted worrying about the balance of enjoyment. Even when getting me off is the clearly stated goal, I often still feel some guilt afterwards. After sucking me off, Dee is always ready for a good, long fuck, while I’m… decidedly not. For that reason, I usually hold back, which gives me the satisfaction of being able to provide what she wants, but does restrict the full and complete enjoyment of the blowjob itself.
It’s Worth Mentioning: I’ve stuck to receiving, rather than giving, as the question was meant to be about which of the three I prefer when it comes to getting off. Going down on Dee, on it’s own, doesn’t make me come, but it does turn me on a whole hell of a lot. And now that she’s shaved her pussy, eating her out is even more of a turn on.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Part One...
Last Thursday I promised I’d on answer my own question ( Which do you prefer: oral, anal, or vaginal… and why? ) after posting some thoughts on each of these three choices. I made that promise thinking that, while Dee was away, I’d spend the weekend working on what I wanted to say, but that never really happened. Instead, I got caught up in researching local strip clubs, trying to ferret out which are the good ones (Dee wants me to take her to one here in town – kind of a reliving of our Vegas adventures thing). Having been so distracted, I was forced to tap out something this morning here at work, on the sly.
So here is part one… a few of my more cerebral thoughts on anal sex:
Short Analysis: From a physical standpoint, if everything is properly slippery, there’s not a great deal of difference between anal and vaginal (for me, at least). When I’ve got Dee on her knees in front of me, I can grab her by the waist and enjoy her pussy doggie style, or move up a little and fuck her up the ass (I generally use the front door, as I love the way her tight, wet slit feels, and, even now, I don’t know what ratio of one-to-the-other she’d prefer). However, the point remains – physically, they can both have similar positions, similar motions, and similar angles. The sensations are a bit different, granted, but both lead to equally good orgasms.
What I Like: I like the concept of anal sex. It’s the mental aspect that turns me on – I feel like I’m doing something a little bit raunchy, a little bit nastier than the norm. There’s a hint of the taboo. The idea that we’re engaged in something naughtier than usual heightens every sexual moment, whether I’m fingering Dee’s ass or fucking her backdoor.
Intimacy Issues: Even though I know Dee enjoys it, I still gain the sense that the action is something special, as though Dee is giving her body completely over to me. There’s an emotional reaction that takes place, a feeling of “Oh my God, if she’s willing to take it up the ass, she must really be willing to do anything for me.” I suppose this might be different if it were an everyday thing, but since it's not...
The “Erotic” Factor: When it comes to anal, there’s also a subtle feeling of power and control, a suggestion of domination (on my part) and submission (on Dee’s part): she’s in a submissive position, performing a taboo act to give me pleasure. For me, that viewpoint makes the physical interaction itself more erotic, which is surprising to realize, since I'm typically not comfortable playing the dominant one (and playing the submissive role is a turn off for me -- I'm all about equality, it seems).
What Bothers Me: As I mentioned Thursday, if I think I’m getting more than I’m giving, I wind up feeling the need to apologize for the inequality later on, or adjust my behavior while underway. This often occurs when I fuck Dee anally. As a result, I often devote too much time and attention addressing her pleasure (using my hands, etc.) and fail to fully engage in my own experience. However, on those rare occasions when I don’t get caught up in my neurosis, I’m able to let go completely. When that happens, the totality of the experience – the combination of all those characteristics I’ve listed above – ranks very high on any list of the most erotic experiences around.
So here is part one… a few of my more cerebral thoughts on anal sex:
Short Analysis: From a physical standpoint, if everything is properly slippery, there’s not a great deal of difference between anal and vaginal (for me, at least). When I’ve got Dee on her knees in front of me, I can grab her by the waist and enjoy her pussy doggie style, or move up a little and fuck her up the ass (I generally use the front door, as I love the way her tight, wet slit feels, and, even now, I don’t know what ratio of one-to-the-other she’d prefer). However, the point remains – physically, they can both have similar positions, similar motions, and similar angles. The sensations are a bit different, granted, but both lead to equally good orgasms.
What I Like: I like the concept of anal sex. It’s the mental aspect that turns me on – I feel like I’m doing something a little bit raunchy, a little bit nastier than the norm. There’s a hint of the taboo. The idea that we’re engaged in something naughtier than usual heightens every sexual moment, whether I’m fingering Dee’s ass or fucking her backdoor.
Intimacy Issues: Even though I know Dee enjoys it, I still gain the sense that the action is something special, as though Dee is giving her body completely over to me. There’s an emotional reaction that takes place, a feeling of “Oh my God, if she’s willing to take it up the ass, she must really be willing to do anything for me.” I suppose this might be different if it were an everyday thing, but since it's not...
The “Erotic” Factor: When it comes to anal, there’s also a subtle feeling of power and control, a suggestion of domination (on my part) and submission (on Dee’s part): she’s in a submissive position, performing a taboo act to give me pleasure. For me, that viewpoint makes the physical interaction itself more erotic, which is surprising to realize, since I'm typically not comfortable playing the dominant one (and playing the submissive role is a turn off for me -- I'm all about equality, it seems).
What Bothers Me: As I mentioned Thursday, if I think I’m getting more than I’m giving, I wind up feeling the need to apologize for the inequality later on, or adjust my behavior while underway. This often occurs when I fuck Dee anally. As a result, I often devote too much time and attention addressing her pleasure (using my hands, etc.) and fail to fully engage in my own experience. However, on those rare occasions when I don’t get caught up in my neurosis, I’m able to let go completely. When that happens, the totality of the experience – the combination of all those characteristics I’ve listed above – ranks very high on any list of the most erotic experiences around.
Friday, October 10, 2008
My Answers...
I'll post something more later on this weeknd, but now that Dee has answered the last set of questions, I'll post my answers as well:
1. Name something sexual which you have done that you regret.
The easy answer would be cheating on Dee while in college, but that isn’t the truth. The truth is I most regret that Dee and I didn’t start openly communicating about sexual topics ten or fifteen or twenty years ago. I regret that it wasn’t until just last year that we started down the path we are currently exploring.
2. Describe your first oral sex experience (giving our receiving, your choice).
I was lying on the sofa in my parents basement, talking on the phone with a friend of mine, when I realized (rather belatedly, actually) that Dee – yes, the same Dee I’m now married to – had opened my jeans and was sucking my cock.
3. How would you rate the overall level of performance of your sexual partners (all your partners, averaged)? Use whatever adjective(s) you choose (impressively good, adequate, being average, generally God-awful… with one or two exceptions, satisfactory, etc.).
Taking Dee out of the equation, the average would be... extraordinarily commonplace, overall. I’ve had a few truly iconic experiences, a few extraordinarily bad ones, and a whole lot of middle-of-the-road that barely merit remembering. Adding Dee back into the mix, the average goes up rather significantly.
4. What nickname would you choose for your parts, and your partners parts (tits, pussy, and dick)?
I read Dee’s answers, and she responded with what synonym she prefers to call each one, while I had interpreted the question as asking what moniker or euphemism I preferred, so I’ll try to answer both ways. As far as synonyms go, I personally like tits (though I don’t use it often), and I like the commonly used names – pussy and cunt (more the former than the latter) and cock and dick (again, more the former than the latter). Unlike Dee, I do like ass and asshole more than anything other expression, but I agree with her sentiments on “fuck.” As far as nicknames or code-phrases go, I’m not much for euphemisms. Dee refers to refer to her tits as “The Girls,” so I think I’d have to stick with that one. I don’t think they’re individually named. I suppose I can see having fun with a double-entendre code phrase, like referring to Dee’s pussy as “the Grand Canyon” – just because it’d be fun to smile at her in the midst of polite conversation and say, “If it were up to me, I’d be exploring the Grand Canyon right now.”
And now, the next set of questions:
1. What nickname or pet name would you choose to call your partner, and which would you chose you’re your partner to call you?
2. Describe your first anal sex experience.
3. Would you be more likely to have a one-night stand with an ex, or a stranger?
4. Name one person from your past (now long absent) you would like to add back into your life, if you could.
1. Name something sexual which you have done that you regret.
The easy answer would be cheating on Dee while in college, but that isn’t the truth. The truth is I most regret that Dee and I didn’t start openly communicating about sexual topics ten or fifteen or twenty years ago. I regret that it wasn’t until just last year that we started down the path we are currently exploring.
2. Describe your first oral sex experience (giving our receiving, your choice).
I was lying on the sofa in my parents basement, talking on the phone with a friend of mine, when I realized (rather belatedly, actually) that Dee – yes, the same Dee I’m now married to – had opened my jeans and was sucking my cock.
3. How would you rate the overall level of performance of your sexual partners (all your partners, averaged)? Use whatever adjective(s) you choose (impressively good, adequate, being average, generally God-awful… with one or two exceptions, satisfactory, etc.).
Taking Dee out of the equation, the average would be... extraordinarily commonplace, overall. I’ve had a few truly iconic experiences, a few extraordinarily bad ones, and a whole lot of middle-of-the-road that barely merit remembering. Adding Dee back into the mix, the average goes up rather significantly.
4. What nickname would you choose for your parts, and your partners parts (tits, pussy, and dick)?
I read Dee’s answers, and she responded with what synonym she prefers to call each one, while I had interpreted the question as asking what moniker or euphemism I preferred, so I’ll try to answer both ways. As far as synonyms go, I personally like tits (though I don’t use it often), and I like the commonly used names – pussy and cunt (more the former than the latter) and cock and dick (again, more the former than the latter). Unlike Dee, I do like ass and asshole more than anything other expression, but I agree with her sentiments on “fuck.” As far as nicknames or code-phrases go, I’m not much for euphemisms. Dee refers to refer to her tits as “The Girls,” so I think I’d have to stick with that one. I don’t think they’re individually named. I suppose I can see having fun with a double-entendre code phrase, like referring to Dee’s pussy as “the Grand Canyon” – just because it’d be fun to smile at her in the midst of polite conversation and say, “If it were up to me, I’d be exploring the Grand Canyon right now.”
And now, the next set of questions:
1. What nickname or pet name would you choose to call your partner, and which would you chose you’re your partner to call you?
2. Describe your first anal sex experience.
3. Would you be more likely to have a one-night stand with an ex, or a stranger?
4. Name one person from your past (now long absent) you would like to add back into your life, if you could.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Answering Some Questions
Well, it seems I'm in for a few good posts in the near future. And I owe you the rest of the story. But for now, here's some answers to questions I owe DH:
1. Name something sexual which you have done that you regret.
I try not to regret anything I've done. I try to view all of my activities as an experience from which to learn. If the experience was enjoyable, do it again. If not, then don't. But no regrets.
2. Describe your first oral sex experience (giving or receiving, your choice).
I recall my first time giving head (as we called it back then) was in my basement bedroom with my first really serious boyfriend. I was probably 14. He was so sexy...a skater. We had candles lit, with my mother asleep on the couch upstairs and my father at work. He was quite mature for his 15 years, because he was actually a pretty good teacher, though I was an exceptionally eager student. While it wasn't a complete education, it was pretty thorough. And he was so open about it, I guess I didn't realize most girls my age weren't spending evenings learning the nuances of sucking or stroking. And like some of my friends, I never had an aversion to sticking "his thing" in my mouth. I loved it from the start and once I started, I didn't want to stop. No wonder he had such a hard time with our breakup! Because he knew that my new boyfriend (DH), was getting a really eager cocksucker! And it is still one of my very favorite things to do.
3. How would you rate the overall level of performance of your sexual partners (all your partners, averaged)? Use whatever adjective(s) you choose (impressively good, adequate, being average, generally God-awful… with one or two exceptions, satisfactory, etc.).
I don't think I can average all of my sexual partners. For starters, they have all been so incredibly different. And secondly, most of my partners have been surprisingly long-term relationships, (which might have only been 6 months in my younger years), but I changed and grew so much between them that I imagine my own level of performance certainly affected theirs. I will say that each of them was good in his own way. There was the one who gave me oral for the first time...he would rather give me oral than for me to give him oral. Seriously! I thought it was odd too. And then there was the one where we only messed around a couple of times. But the memory of him kissing all over my back until I had to have him will remain with me always. It was a lesson in erogenous zones...I would never have known that every inch of me can be sexual. And then there was the very much older guy whose dick was so huge we couldn't do it. Ouch. But he was so gentle and sweet about it and he gave me a long slow orgasm anyway. There was the long-term live-in who thought he was creative and fun, but really just had one setting...in and out. And before and after and during all of these, was my lifelong love...DH. Who is so caring, and gentle, and creative, and sexy that just thinking of his smile and his beautiful cock gives me butterflies in my tummy. And makes my pussy throb instantly. He has taught me that sex is not about penetration. It's about feeling, and touching, and pressure, and hardness, and softness. It's about orgasms, any way you can get them. It's about moving, and twisting, and trying new things and sometimes about just laying there and enjoying. He has also taught me that sex is fun...so fucking fun. But he has also taught me that the love we share enhances our sexual life in ways I never would have thought possible. Love really does lift me up where I belong. He is my absolute favorite lover of all my life. Wow. So mushy but so true.
4. What nickname would you choose for your parts, and your partner’s parts (tits, pussy, and dick)?
I have come a long way, baby. From giggling at the word boobs to loving the words dick and cock and suck and pussy and fuck (ok, always my fav) and lick and come. Tits isn't my favorite, but I like it better than boobies. The one body part I still don't really have a word for is asshole. I love anal. I do. But saying stick your finger in my asshole just does nothing for me. I have been using rosebud, but it doesn't seem to quite fit either.
I will try to post as the weekend progresses...in between chick flicks and drinking since I'll be away for a girls weekend!
1. Name something sexual which you have done that you regret.
I try not to regret anything I've done. I try to view all of my activities as an experience from which to learn. If the experience was enjoyable, do it again. If not, then don't. But no regrets.
2. Describe your first oral sex experience (giving or receiving, your choice).
I recall my first time giving head (as we called it back then) was in my basement bedroom with my first really serious boyfriend. I was probably 14. He was so sexy...a skater. We had candles lit, with my mother asleep on the couch upstairs and my father at work. He was quite mature for his 15 years, because he was actually a pretty good teacher, though I was an exceptionally eager student. While it wasn't a complete education, it was pretty thorough. And he was so open about it, I guess I didn't realize most girls my age weren't spending evenings learning the nuances of sucking or stroking. And like some of my friends, I never had an aversion to sticking "his thing" in my mouth. I loved it from the start and once I started, I didn't want to stop. No wonder he had such a hard time with our breakup! Because he knew that my new boyfriend (DH), was getting a really eager cocksucker! And it is still one of my very favorite things to do.
3. How would you rate the overall level of performance of your sexual partners (all your partners, averaged)? Use whatever adjective(s) you choose (impressively good, adequate, being average, generally God-awful… with one or two exceptions, satisfactory, etc.).
I don't think I can average all of my sexual partners. For starters, they have all been so incredibly different. And secondly, most of my partners have been surprisingly long-term relationships, (which might have only been 6 months in my younger years), but I changed and grew so much between them that I imagine my own level of performance certainly affected theirs. I will say that each of them was good in his own way. There was the one who gave me oral for the first time...he would rather give me oral than for me to give him oral. Seriously! I thought it was odd too. And then there was the one where we only messed around a couple of times. But the memory of him kissing all over my back until I had to have him will remain with me always. It was a lesson in erogenous zones...I would never have known that every inch of me can be sexual. And then there was the very much older guy whose dick was so huge we couldn't do it. Ouch. But he was so gentle and sweet about it and he gave me a long slow orgasm anyway. There was the long-term live-in who thought he was creative and fun, but really just had one setting...in and out. And before and after and during all of these, was my lifelong love...DH. Who is so caring, and gentle, and creative, and sexy that just thinking of his smile and his beautiful cock gives me butterflies in my tummy. And makes my pussy throb instantly. He has taught me that sex is not about penetration. It's about feeling, and touching, and pressure, and hardness, and softness. It's about orgasms, any way you can get them. It's about moving, and twisting, and trying new things and sometimes about just laying there and enjoying. He has also taught me that sex is fun...so fucking fun. But he has also taught me that the love we share enhances our sexual life in ways I never would have thought possible. Love really does lift me up where I belong. He is my absolute favorite lover of all my life. Wow. So mushy but so true.
4. What nickname would you choose for your parts, and your partner’s parts (tits, pussy, and dick)?
I have come a long way, baby. From giggling at the word boobs to loving the words dick and cock and suck and pussy and fuck (ok, always my fav) and lick and come. Tits isn't my favorite, but I like it better than boobies. The one body part I still don't really have a word for is asshole. I love anal. I do. But saying stick your finger in my asshole just does nothing for me. I have been using rosebud, but it doesn't seem to quite fit either.
I will try to post as the weekend progresses...in between chick flicks and drinking since I'll be away for a girls weekend!
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Wednesday, October 8, 2008
One Part of the Story
It’s always fun to read Dee’s perspective on a recent sexual encounter, and hopefully she’ll finish the story because, even though I know how it ends, I’d still like to read it – good information, you know? I might put in my own two cents worth later, after she’s told the full tale, but for now I’ll wait on that, except to say…
For my part, I tried to give a little extra effort towards dictating the action (which has been requested of me) and towards spanking with a bit more authority (which has also been requested). I think those worked out, at least as far as it goes. I tried to talk a little more, too (another request), but I’m not sure how that one worked out. These, and many other things, are all avoidance habits that I’m now trying to break out of (see my comments on “inertia” in my posts of 9/30/03). Eventually, I’ll get there… it will just take time and a lot of practice.
I doubt the Daree will mind the practice part… by comparison, her Ferrari-like sex drive makes mine look about as fast and furious a pair of well-worn shoes. It’s quite fun to be married to a woman like that!
One comment on her last paragraph there… Being a guy, I (of course) have a thousand fantasies roaming around in my head involving the classic me-wife-female arrangement, and I couldn’t possibly list them all, but that fantasy sounds like a pretty good START to an evening, at least.
For my part, I tried to give a little extra effort towards dictating the action (which has been requested of me) and towards spanking with a bit more authority (which has also been requested). I think those worked out, at least as far as it goes. I tried to talk a little more, too (another request), but I’m not sure how that one worked out. These, and many other things, are all avoidance habits that I’m now trying to break out of (see my comments on “inertia” in my posts of 9/30/03). Eventually, I’ll get there… it will just take time and a lot of practice.
I doubt the Daree will mind the practice part… by comparison, her Ferrari-like sex drive makes mine look about as fast and furious a pair of well-worn shoes. It’s quite fun to be married to a woman like that!
One comment on her last paragraph there… Being a guy, I (of course) have a thousand fantasies roaming around in my head involving the classic me-wife-female arrangement, and I couldn’t possibly list them all, but that fantasy sounds like a pretty good START to an evening, at least.
Just a normal night.
Last night was just a normal night, the two of us laying on the sofa watching tv. DH put a pillow on his lap and encouraged me to get comfortable. Since I have yet another cold, it was so nice of him to rub my back with his big warm hands. I love feeling his hands on my body. He worked down from my back to my hips and then my behind, caressing each cheek. He worked his way around to my inner most folds. At this point, I was just enjoying his hands caressing me and was not particularly turned on. But then he started swirling his fingers through my folds, gently caressing me with light pressure. Heavenly.
I turned and lifted my hips a bit to give him better access and some encouragement. He continued swirling through my folds, spreading the wetness. He went forward a bit and rubbed both sides of my clit, which he knows I love. This really started me purring. I pushed the pillows to the side and felt for his cock, which was hard and halfway down his thigh. I started massaging it through his sweat pants, rubbing the fleece lining up and down the length using my mouth.
His manipulations increased, pushing his finger into my pussy while rubbing my rosebud, carefully pushing the tip of his finger and holding it just inside. This drives me wild. I love anal anyway, but this little bit of pressure always drives me crazy. While he held his finger there, his other fingers were busy at work, pushing in and out of my pussy and stroking the sides of my clit with intense pressure. Every once in a while his other hand would deliver a cracking smack to my ass, making me shudder and squeeze my vaginal walls together. I love a good finger fucking from my man, but it seems incomplete without his cock in my mouth, so I pulled his sweatpants down and swallowed as much as I could.
I started sucking up and down on the tip of his cock in rhythm to his fingers and with all these things combined it only took about two seconds for my orgasm to rocket through me. And it was one of those amazing full body orgasms that make my toes curl and my eyes roll back in my head.
The fun continued but I want to pause here to address something DH has said about me in the past. He has said that I like multiple stimulations and that is why he thinks I would really enjoy having someone else in our bed. I always thought he was crazy, that multiple stimulations are just distracting to me, but now I see his point. And quite honestly, I have been fantasizing lately about having a woman licking me out while I have my lips wrapped around DH's cock. I imagine how divine that would feel for me and what a great view it would be for DH.
And now for the rest of the story....later.
I turned and lifted my hips a bit to give him better access and some encouragement. He continued swirling through my folds, spreading the wetness. He went forward a bit and rubbed both sides of my clit, which he knows I love. This really started me purring. I pushed the pillows to the side and felt for his cock, which was hard and halfway down his thigh. I started massaging it through his sweat pants, rubbing the fleece lining up and down the length using my mouth.
His manipulations increased, pushing his finger into my pussy while rubbing my rosebud, carefully pushing the tip of his finger and holding it just inside. This drives me wild. I love anal anyway, but this little bit of pressure always drives me crazy. While he held his finger there, his other fingers were busy at work, pushing in and out of my pussy and stroking the sides of my clit with intense pressure. Every once in a while his other hand would deliver a cracking smack to my ass, making me shudder and squeeze my vaginal walls together. I love a good finger fucking from my man, but it seems incomplete without his cock in my mouth, so I pulled his sweatpants down and swallowed as much as I could.
I started sucking up and down on the tip of his cock in rhythm to his fingers and with all these things combined it only took about two seconds for my orgasm to rocket through me. And it was one of those amazing full body orgasms that make my toes curl and my eyes roll back in my head.
The fun continued but I want to pause here to address something DH has said about me in the past. He has said that I like multiple stimulations and that is why he thinks I would really enjoy having someone else in our bed. I always thought he was crazy, that multiple stimulations are just distracting to me, but now I see his point. And quite honestly, I have been fantasizing lately about having a woman licking me out while I have my lips wrapped around DH's cock. I imagine how divine that would feel for me and what a great view it would be for DH.
And now for the rest of the story....later.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
A New Set of Questions
First, I would like to comment on a question Dee answered from an earlier post:
Question: Name something you would say you aren’t allowed to do (or aren’t supposed to do, or shouldn’t do), but wish you could.
Dee’s Answer: I wish I could walk up to a woman I don't know, tell her I found her attractive, and ask if she would interested in an intimate encounter. (Not only shouldn't I do this, I never probably could!).
My comment: Darling… I’m not quite sure why you’d say you shouldn’t do it… at least under the right circumstances! You wish you could, and this would definitely be something I’d love to see happen, so… jump.
And now, the next set of questions (I'll comment with my answers later!)…
1. Name something sexual which you have done that you regret.
2. Describe your first oral sex experience (giving or receiving, your choice).
3. How would you rate the overall level of performance of your sexual partners (all your partners, averaged)? Use whatever adjective(s) you choose (impressively good, adequate, being average, generally God-awful… with one or two exceptions, satisfactory, etc.).
4. What nickname would you choose for your parts, and your partner’s parts (tits, pussy, and dick)?
Question: Name something you would say you aren’t allowed to do (or aren’t supposed to do, or shouldn’t do), but wish you could.
Dee’s Answer: I wish I could walk up to a woman I don't know, tell her I found her attractive, and ask if she would interested in an intimate encounter. (Not only shouldn't I do this, I never probably could!).
My comment: Darling… I’m not quite sure why you’d say you shouldn’t do it… at least under the right circumstances! You wish you could, and this would definitely be something I’d love to see happen, so… jump.
And now, the next set of questions (I'll comment with my answers later!)…
1. Name something sexual which you have done that you regret.
2. Describe your first oral sex experience (giving or receiving, your choice).
3. How would you rate the overall level of performance of your sexual partners (all your partners, averaged)? Use whatever adjective(s) you choose (impressively good, adequate, being average, generally God-awful… with one or two exceptions, satisfactory, etc.).
4. What nickname would you choose for your parts, and your partner’s parts (tits, pussy, and dick)?
Monday, October 6, 2008
Jealousy
This seems to be a hot topic for me. Silly me, I thought it was obvious why I wanted to experiment with a couple rather than a single person. If a single girl is introduced into our marriage, either for me or him, I will always feel inferior. Just because she is new and unknown.
If a single guy is introduced into our marriage, I would constantly worry about crossing the line and developing any kind of feelings. Pure sex is all I want. And I imagine that having a couple, with the infinite positions, scenarios, and possibilities is just way more fun and less complicated than a single person.
As I said, I've been following a few couples who have had fun playing with each other, and the ones that have made me squirm in my seat (and not in the good way) are the ones where the one half of the couples (MF) can't wait to get their hands on each other, and the other half just kind of go along for the ride. When I try to put myself in their shoes, I feel left out, cast aside, tolerated. As in they want to fuck and I'm being given her husband as a way to keep me occupied.
The couples who make me squirm in my seat (in the good way) are the ones who go into the experience together, and spend a good amount of time together while in the midst. The experiences where all four spend the majority of time in bed together. Girls exploring girls while their husbands watch. Girls sucking strange dick, while getting fucked by their husband. Girls getting fucked by a strange dick while sucking on their husband's cock. I suppose I see that there is inevitably a 4th wheel, but I don't think that's a bad thing. See, just thinking about this scenario makes me wish I had my lipstick vibrator in my purse (darn thing is never around when you need it).
I guess every experience is what you make of it. And also, as long as no one is so invested in the experience that when their partner says stop, it's not too hard to stop.
What I find disappointing is how long it takes me to jump into something. Granted, I am in the middle of a suburban life, with work, school, kids, community service organizations, housework, visiting relatives, etc. But I have let several opportunities at building experiences slip through my fingers. Several date nights I have settled for pizza (and these are my responsibility to plan). And while I have been actively looking online for a playmate, they are not easy to come by!
If a single guy is introduced into our marriage, I would constantly worry about crossing the line and developing any kind of feelings. Pure sex is all I want. And I imagine that having a couple, with the infinite positions, scenarios, and possibilities is just way more fun and less complicated than a single person.
As I said, I've been following a few couples who have had fun playing with each other, and the ones that have made me squirm in my seat (and not in the good way) are the ones where the one half of the couples (MF) can't wait to get their hands on each other, and the other half just kind of go along for the ride. When I try to put myself in their shoes, I feel left out, cast aside, tolerated. As in they want to fuck and I'm being given her husband as a way to keep me occupied.
The couples who make me squirm in my seat (in the good way) are the ones who go into the experience together, and spend a good amount of time together while in the midst. The experiences where all four spend the majority of time in bed together. Girls exploring girls while their husbands watch. Girls sucking strange dick, while getting fucked by their husband. Girls getting fucked by a strange dick while sucking on their husband's cock. I suppose I see that there is inevitably a 4th wheel, but I don't think that's a bad thing. See, just thinking about this scenario makes me wish I had my lipstick vibrator in my purse (darn thing is never around when you need it).
I guess every experience is what you make of it. And also, as long as no one is so invested in the experience that when their partner says stop, it's not too hard to stop.
What I find disappointing is how long it takes me to jump into something. Granted, I am in the middle of a suburban life, with work, school, kids, community service organizations, housework, visiting relatives, etc. But I have let several opportunities at building experiences slip through my fingers. Several date nights I have settled for pizza (and these are my responsibility to plan). And while I have been actively looking online for a playmate, they are not easy to come by!
Nothing, Really
The vast majority of the recent posts have been mine – in fact, Dee has not posted since 9/26, and has only posted twice in the past 19 days! I’ve been left sending my thoughts into the oblivious, unresponsive, uninterested emptiness of the Internet, and even though we’ve had some fun times fucking on more than a few nights, it’s getting to the point where I’ll may have to start telling stories about the past, or just plain make stuff up just to avoid talking to myself here. I thought to pose more questions here, but since she hasn’t responded to my last set, I don’t particularly see the point…
Still, I’ve been concocting new sets of questions, and I’ll post them eventually, after Dee stops giving me the silent treatment here (I specify “here” because in real life, things are just as fine as ever... plus, she's reading my posts, just not typing herself).
Dee tells me that if I ask questions, I should also be able to answer them, as well (this is because, during our commute home, she asked for my answers to questions I’d posted, and I had to admit that, without giving it some thought, I didn’t really know), so after putting four questions in each list, I’ve been passing the time trying to answer them myself.
I mention this because I considered including one question of my own (all the questions I’ve posted so far have been culled from the Internet somewhere): Which do you prefer: oral, anal, or vaginal? Why?
At first blush, I thought the question was probably pretty lame, but I decided to leave it there and take a stab at answering it before I hit the delete key. I haven’t finished thinking on this, but I did discover that explaining my thoughts is far more complicated than I first thought, so now I am planning on saving that for a post all it’s own later on down the road.
In the meantime, in the same spirit as my 10/1/08 Post… a couple things I just don’t get:
1. Clowns. As mentioned before, clowns seem to be popular in sexual fun for reasons that escape me.
2. Eating. On TV, in porn, and in pictures, women (and men, too) eating is presented as somehow being sexy. I can see the suggestive nature of a woman eating an ice cream cone, etc., but even that doesn’t really do much for me. You can probably get some romance or a good scene out of a couple feeding each other in some sensuous way, But… a close up of someone biting an apple? Popping a forkful of prime rib in? I think I may have missed class the day they went over that.
Still, I’ve been concocting new sets of questions, and I’ll post them eventually, after Dee stops giving me the silent treatment here (I specify “here” because in real life, things are just as fine as ever... plus, she's reading my posts, just not typing herself).
Dee tells me that if I ask questions, I should also be able to answer them, as well (this is because, during our commute home, she asked for my answers to questions I’d posted, and I had to admit that, without giving it some thought, I didn’t really know), so after putting four questions in each list, I’ve been passing the time trying to answer them myself.
I mention this because I considered including one question of my own (all the questions I’ve posted so far have been culled from the Internet somewhere): Which do you prefer: oral, anal, or vaginal? Why?
At first blush, I thought the question was probably pretty lame, but I decided to leave it there and take a stab at answering it before I hit the delete key. I haven’t finished thinking on this, but I did discover that explaining my thoughts is far more complicated than I first thought, so now I am planning on saving that for a post all it’s own later on down the road.
In the meantime, in the same spirit as my 10/1/08 Post… a couple things I just don’t get:
1. Clowns. As mentioned before, clowns seem to be popular in sexual fun for reasons that escape me.
2. Eating. On TV, in porn, and in pictures, women (and men, too) eating is presented as somehow being sexy. I can see the suggestive nature of a woman eating an ice cream cone, etc., but even that doesn’t really do much for me. You can probably get some romance or a good scene out of a couple feeding each other in some sensuous way, But… a close up of someone biting an apple? Popping a forkful of prime rib in? I think I may have missed class the day they went over that.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A Concern About Jealousy
As Dee ponders thoughts of sexual exploration with others, I wondered at my motivations – why would I be interested in interacting with others (especially another woman)? – and tumbled upon a new worry… but to explain that, I must first enumerate my motivations, and how I came to them:
It is important to note there is a minor dispute between our two preferences – Dee prefers the involvement of another couple, while I prefer a single female. Because of this, I examined a number of reasons I might desire sex with another woman, or another couple, asking one question… what do I want, and why do I want it?
The obvious reason to prefer a couple would be to swap, or to observe, and while I am definitely open to either (or both), neither feels on-point with my ultimate interests. The group action (a foursome) is in this same category. This leaves only the various threesome combinations (though in a couples scenario there’d always be a ‘fourth wheel’) to draw greater interest: I find I prefer the three over the group (with myself participating, rather than playing the wheel), and, unless the guy is exactly what I’d want a guy to be, I prefer a female over a male.
Even more interesting, when considering a swap (ultimately, having one-on-one interaction with another female), my first inclination is to say ‘if I am going be with one woman, I’d prefer it were Dee.’ In realizing this, I discovered that having the freedom to fuck another woman isn’t an urge I’m seeking to address. It’d be fun, but isn’t a reason I would chose to interact with others.
I now understand my motivations to be threefold: First, to witness Dee’s explorations with another woman (which Dee has expressed a serious desire in). Second (and FAR more erotic for me), I am turned on by the idea of a shared experience… that is, sharing a partner with Dee. And, third, the selfish male motivation… I’m a guy, and I would like to experience a threesome, one where I’m outnumbered two to one. There is a fourth possibility that sneaks up on me sometimes: every so often, when imagining the possibilities, I find a surging thrill in the thought of Dee watching me with another woman -- but this last isn't dominant motivation, while the others are more so.
Having analyzed my motivations, it occurred to me to wonder about Dee’s, and how a couple better fulfills her interests – and herein lies the worry. I could be way off in my surmising here, but (based on what she’s told me) I don’t believe Dee has a burning interest in group interactions (a foursome), and I don’t think she has enthusiastic interest in fucking other guys (as in a swap). I believe, ultimately, what she wants most is merely to experiment with another woman, but she says she prefers a couple, so the question remains… why a couple?
In trying to look at things from Dee’s point of view, I can’t help but wonder: is it possible her preference is based on a latent worry of her own? Does she want another man in the mix ONLY to ensure I won’t be tempted by thoughts of deserting her in favor of some other woman? (This, as opposed to wanting another guy there for her own entertainments... or ours!)
This, of course, would be a concern because it demonstrates a level of distrust and jealousy that is completely incompatible with this kind of sexual experimentation. If Dee merely wants to try girl-on-girl for the experience (and is merely talking about including me in the experience for the sake of good form), then my thought is: find a friend and have at it without worrying about my inclusion. Otherwise, it might be wise to at least examine this concern, and put it to rest before we embark on an adventure of this sort.
Regardless, I’m open to considering just about all possibilities. I may hesitate. I may need convincing. I may need coercion. I may need a drink (or three) beforehand. But these are merely byproducts of my lifelong inertia, and not indications of doubt or a lack of interest or desire.
It is important to note there is a minor dispute between our two preferences – Dee prefers the involvement of another couple, while I prefer a single female. Because of this, I examined a number of reasons I might desire sex with another woman, or another couple, asking one question… what do I want, and why do I want it?
The obvious reason to prefer a couple would be to swap, or to observe, and while I am definitely open to either (or both), neither feels on-point with my ultimate interests. The group action (a foursome) is in this same category. This leaves only the various threesome combinations (though in a couples scenario there’d always be a ‘fourth wheel’) to draw greater interest: I find I prefer the three over the group (with myself participating, rather than playing the wheel), and, unless the guy is exactly what I’d want a guy to be, I prefer a female over a male.
Even more interesting, when considering a swap (ultimately, having one-on-one interaction with another female), my first inclination is to say ‘if I am going be with one woman, I’d prefer it were Dee.’ In realizing this, I discovered that having the freedom to fuck another woman isn’t an urge I’m seeking to address. It’d be fun, but isn’t a reason I would chose to interact with others.
I now understand my motivations to be threefold: First, to witness Dee’s explorations with another woman (which Dee has expressed a serious desire in). Second (and FAR more erotic for me), I am turned on by the idea of a shared experience… that is, sharing a partner with Dee. And, third, the selfish male motivation… I’m a guy, and I would like to experience a threesome, one where I’m outnumbered two to one. There is a fourth possibility that sneaks up on me sometimes: every so often, when imagining the possibilities, I find a surging thrill in the thought of Dee watching me with another woman -- but this last isn't dominant motivation, while the others are more so.
Having analyzed my motivations, it occurred to me to wonder about Dee’s, and how a couple better fulfills her interests – and herein lies the worry. I could be way off in my surmising here, but (based on what she’s told me) I don’t believe Dee has a burning interest in group interactions (a foursome), and I don’t think she has enthusiastic interest in fucking other guys (as in a swap). I believe, ultimately, what she wants most is merely to experiment with another woman, but she says she prefers a couple, so the question remains… why a couple?
In trying to look at things from Dee’s point of view, I can’t help but wonder: is it possible her preference is based on a latent worry of her own? Does she want another man in the mix ONLY to ensure I won’t be tempted by thoughts of deserting her in favor of some other woman? (This, as opposed to wanting another guy there for her own entertainments... or ours!)
This, of course, would be a concern because it demonstrates a level of distrust and jealousy that is completely incompatible with this kind of sexual experimentation. If Dee merely wants to try girl-on-girl for the experience (and is merely talking about including me in the experience for the sake of good form), then my thought is: find a friend and have at it without worrying about my inclusion. Otherwise, it might be wise to at least examine this concern, and put it to rest before we embark on an adventure of this sort.
Regardless, I’m open to considering just about all possibilities. I may hesitate. I may need convincing. I may need coercion. I may need a drink (or three) beforehand. But these are merely byproducts of my lifelong inertia, and not indications of doubt or a lack of interest or desire.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Bored
I am spending the day involved in a mediation… which means I’m really just sitting in an office for hours on end, waiting for other parties to work things out amongst themselves. As a result, I’m bored, but the office I’m in has wireless access, so I’m free to surf the Internet and enjoy whatever I want… and get paid for it.
Some things I’ve discovered:
1. I like pictures of naked women with guitars.
2. I like pictures of naked women with guns.
3. I hate country music, but I’m partial to cowgirls – tight jeans, tight t-shirts (exposed midriff), denim vests, boots, and cowboy hats.
4. I have very particular gothic tastes – a gothic women is either a total turn on, or a complete turn off, with very little real estate in between.
5. I really like bikinis.
6. And wet t-shirts.
7. A fully clothed woman (in the right clothes) can be just as arousing as an exposed one.
There are a lot more I could probably list here, but I'll leave it at that for now.
Most importantly, I have re-confirmed something I’ve known all along – I don’t have “a type.” Most guys I know prefer blondes, or big tits, or long legs. I have no such preferences (the closest I have to a preference is that I lean towards redheads and tend to like shorter vs. taller women). It’s all about the total look for me.
Some things I’ve discovered:
1. I like pictures of naked women with guitars.
2. I like pictures of naked women with guns.
3. I hate country music, but I’m partial to cowgirls – tight jeans, tight t-shirts (exposed midriff), denim vests, boots, and cowboy hats.
4. I have very particular gothic tastes – a gothic women is either a total turn on, or a complete turn off, with very little real estate in between.
5. I really like bikinis.
6. And wet t-shirts.
7. A fully clothed woman (in the right clothes) can be just as arousing as an exposed one.
There are a lot more I could probably list here, but I'll leave it at that for now.
Most importantly, I have re-confirmed something I’ve known all along – I don’t have “a type.” Most guys I know prefer blondes, or big tits, or long legs. I have no such preferences (the closest I have to a preference is that I lean towards redheads and tend to like shorter vs. taller women). It’s all about the total look for me.
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