The Year is Ending

It has been a while since either of us have posted here, and I will begin by insisting that I have followed through on my recent postings, at least to some extent. Dee promised to post more frequently about the sex side of our lives, and I promised to provide some material for revelation. Now, while our nights haven’t been torrid and tawdry on a daily (or nightly) basis, I swear… I HAVE given Dee some material to work with! It just hasn’t shown up here.

(In Dee’s defense, she usually writes her posts at work, and between the snow days, closed offices, holidays, and the fact that on a couple occasions the kiddo was at work with her, looking over her shoulder… but there have been occasions where time was available!)

As for me, now that I’ve delivered on my Christmas Gift promise, and we’ve successfully navigated the bulk of the holiday season, I’ve started turning my attention towards the new year, and what the future may bring. As far as I'm concerned, 2008 was a year to remember – and not in a good way. Whatever the critics say, 2009 has got to be better!

I’m not a New Year’s resolutions fanatic, but I do make a list in my head of things I want to accomplish. However, that list is typically more of a “big-ticket chores I’d like to get done” thing, rather than a set of resolutions – stuff like finishing the landscaping, or installing crown molding. On any given year, my success in accomplishing these goals is always pretty spotty, perhaps 50-50 (I did finish the landscaping, but the crown molding has been on the list for five years now). Every year the list seems to get longer, rather than shorter.

This year, many of the items I’ve thought about adding actually do have more of a “resolutions” flair and feel to them – things like renewing the dare game between Dee and I, getting into the online thing (blogging, etc.), and the like. Now I find myself wondering: should I compile a full list – a list that is certain to be overwhelming, and one which I have no hope of completing – and just make the best of it, or should I pick out a few and really focus my attention on those alone? And, if the latter, which ones should I chose?

If I’m going to do the New Year’s resolution thing (in some form), I’ve only got a couple days left to decide.

Snuggling

I love snuggling. All day yesterday I was looking forward to the end of the evening, snuggling on the couch with DH. The last hour of the day, pleasantly ensconced in his arms, head resting on his chest, cheek caressing the soft cotton of his shirt, breathing in his scent, reaching up and kissing his neck. Sometimes his lips will meet mine in a soft, sweet kiss. His arm is draped along my side, lazily stroking my waist, softly caressing the skin. Occasionally I will feel a kiss dropped onto the top of my head like a raindrop or feel his soft lips against my forehead. If I have the proper attire on, DH often reaches under to caress my ass and thigh, softly stroking closer and closer to my warm pink pussy.

This is heaven.

If we have long enough (think Sunday football games), his stroking will work its magic and my thighs will slowly open to him. Sighing contentedly, I will usually reach for his cock and do some soft stroking of my own. He likes wearing fleece-lined sweat pants when we are just hanging at the house, so I will use the fleece to my advantage. I imagine the soft fleece caressing his cock feels nice...and I wonder what a soft fabric would feel caressing my sensitive parts.

Inevitably, his stroking turns to rubbing, and my stroking gets momentarily discarded as he flips me over so my face is in his lap and his fingers busily bring me to the brink of orgasm. Often, I will try to muffle my moans by filling my mouth with his cock, but as the volume and urgency of my whimpering reaches a crescendo, he increases the pressure on my pussy and just waits for me to explode.

And then we get to snuggle again, until it's my turn to practice my skills.

The Christmas Gift

There have been a few queries in the comments regarding my Christmas gift for Dee, and the possibility of my sharing it (at least the questions!) – this is something I will have to think about…

First, there’s the matter of size: the full compilation is large scale – some three hundred pages of MS Word doc – so I don’t think it’s something I could even post on a blog (can you attach a file here? I don’t know!) – or that I’d want to due to the personal info that’s probably attached to it.

Second, I compiled a lot of the questions (or got ideas for them) straight off the Internet… if I posted it, it’s possible I could be re-using someone else’s work (can you say copyright infringement?). I’d hate to wrap up the year getting served a civil suit.

And, finally… I worked on the compilation for something like six months… so it’s still kind of my baby, and still a work in progress (some questions were repeated, as I found out, and a few I wish I'd asked are missing), so I’m not sure I want to put it out there just yet.

So… I’ll be thinking on this. In the meantime, our Anniversary is coming up, and next weekend Dee and I once again have a couple days alone in a hotel suite to enjoy. Earlier in this blog I insisted that she top last year’s events (I’m not sure that’s even possible)… but I don’t really expect that. I do, however, anticipate a fabulous time… and I’m definitely going to be bringing the camera.

Cockwhore? Cumslut?

Oy vey! It HAS been a while, hasn't it. Almost a month. We have had loving sex, fun-on-the-couch sex, even start-with-a-toy sex recently. So why haven't I been writing about it? Good question, DH would say.

First things first...posting here really does put it out there. Not just to the world anonymously, but to my DH, by far more revealing. Holy moly, the upset that I caused on the writing of our adventure at the swinger's club! Even though we talked about it after, it would appear that we both came away with different opinions of not only what happened, but the level of enjoyment. I won't rehash the arguments, but will say that the mere fact that we went, and were together was sexual tension and excitement for me. I learned a lot about myself, my feelings about sex, and what turns me on. But the week of upset that came after the writing I could have done without. Therefore, whenever I think to myself, that's something I should blog about, it is followed very quickly by "maybe I should rethink that." That's not to say communication itself is not good, of course our relationship is better by being able to talk honestly. But quite honestly, DH and I are very different people. And sometimes I just don't want to be reminded of how vast those differences are. (See...right now I'm thinking I should delete that line, or that whole paragraph. Is that really how censored I want our blog to be?!)

Plus...blogging is hard! It's like being in my high school Creative Writing class all over again! Whoever said that a blog is like an online diary is crazy. It's more like an online essay contest! And most days I don't want to have to think that hard!

Ok...on to the good stuff. I was thinking recently how very much I love sucking DH's cock. Though when I tell him "I love to suck your" I use the word dick. That's funny, isn't it? I've always said dick isn't my favorite word for that appendage, but I guess I was wrong. Anyway, I've always liked giving head. A teenaged boyfriend schooled me on how he liked it, and ever since I have always enjoyed this particular act. But not the physical part necessarily. More the giving part. I liked giving head. Giving a blow job. Giving...that was the enjoyable part. To me, it was always like giving a gift. The gift of my tongue, of my submission, of my acquiescing to have "that" in my mouth purely for his pleasure.

As with most things, my outlook on giving head has changed since I was a teenager. Now I like to suck dick. Not just the giving, but the physical sucking, licking, tonguing, caressing, smelling, tasting. But not, I don't think, just any dick. But sincerely, my DH's dick. I love settling between his legs, grinning up at him as I anticipate what's in store. Deciding on the first touch...will it be a tiny lick of the tip, or will it be a broad sweeping ice cream cone lick from the base to the tip? Closing my eyes and rubbing his cock over my lips, my cheeks, savoring the velvety softness of the skin, juxtaposed with the hardness that my fist is wrapped around. I daresay my technique had gotten dated. I always did the same thing...pull it all into my mouth as far as I can. Suck as I pull it out to the tip. Kiss the tip. Then suck it in half way as my mouth met my hand. In and out while my hand matched the rhythm. And continue until he comes.

I like to think my online research has given me a little more to work with. Different tongue variations, different hand movements. Plus, DH sent me an article that spelled out where the good spots are and pointed to some techniques he particuarly enjoys. I really love the ice cream licks from base to tip and then ending with a swirl of the tongue around the head. I love rubbing my tongue along the underside while rubbing the head against the roof of my mouth. I have been trying to take him in farther and farther. He actually noticed! I love rubbing his balls, so velvety soft and vulnerable. I like to vary the timing, knowing that I can make it last longer if I slow down every once in a while. But in the end, it's always the same. A tight hold at the base as I bob my head up and down faster and faster until he unloads his delicious seed in my mouth. Sometimes, if I have done it right, it shoots against the back of my throat, and DH lets his eyes roll back and my typically silent DH will let out a long low moan. That moan is what I strive for! That moan that tells me I've done a good job and that he is going beyond his silent boundary. Though I'm always a little sad that it's over. Until next time.

Weekly Update...

Once again, an entire week has gone by with nary a post to be read. As anticipated, I’ve focused most of my free time typing away at my keyboards, but sending words in other directions. But the excitement of the day – and the week, really – is that I’ve almost completed the Christmas gift I’m putting together for Dee. I took Friday off work, locked myself away at home, alone – no TV, no radio… just me and my laptop – and got it done! Now it’s just a matter of making sure I didn’t misspell Dee’s name or some other such faux pas….

The other bit of news, I guess, is that yesterday Dee said she’d make an effort to start posting again… at least now and then. She claims she’ll keep her posts restricted to tales about our sex life – which means I’ll have to work hard to give her a regular stream of fresh, new material to work with. I guess I'll also have to make sure that her stories aren't full of unimpressive adjectives! (Oh, the pressure... the PRESSURE!)

Hopefully some of her personal thoughts will pop up here and there as well, as she is quite a bit smarter (and more observant) than the average commuter I meet during my day, but for me… I’ll just be happy to see her words here.

One Week Later...

It is a little hard to believe it’s been over a week since I last posted anything here… and yet, at the same time, it seems like it was ages ago. Between the holiday, the time off, and all the activities, it’s hard for me to decide whether time is flying by, or dragging. A little of both, I think.

Over the weekend I bugged Dee a bit about NOT POSTING HERE – on her own blog! – and by way of explanation she told me she is hesitant to post because she knows I’m reading it. I’m not sure I understand that… on the surface, her position has some sense to it, but mostly I don’t understand the logic.

Dee did suggest that this is mostly avoidance… that when she posts things I either misread or misinterpret them, or she misstates something in a way that leads to argument or moments of conflict between us. I can see how this might be troubling (we’ve had numerous behind-the-scenes discussions, some of them mildly heated, in the past year, but not one real out-and-out fight), but that doesn’t address the fact that those discussions have also been good for us in the long term. Plus, more than a few of them have led to some really good after-the-exchange sex.

The point being, we’re supposed to be communicating honestly here, and following a policy of being upfront and open with each other. If there are things she doesn’t want me to read, that would suggest that there must be something she doesn’t want me to know, doesn’t wish to share with me – well, then she’s not really adhering to that policy. So I maintain she ought to keep posting!

As I mentioned in my last post, after the New Year’s Eve bash we’re slated to attend, I plan to refocus some of my efforts, and part of that is going to be bugging Dee a little more to fulfill her own obligations, if for no other reason than simply because it’s more fun to sit here at work and read HER blog entries… not my own!

At the moment, I’m really in no position to criticize, though… I had planned on taking more pictures this long holiday weekend (and maybe coax Dee into posting a few!), and that plan never came to fruition. I also planned to back-read a couple of Dee’s favorite blogs, and get more involved in that aspect of online fun, but haven’t gotten around to that, either. Some other things on my list include doing something with Facebook or Myspace or some such entity, finding some fun websites I can share with Dee, and posting a few ads around searching for a fun companion or two, just to see where it might lead. So far… well… I’ve made the list, but not much else.

All I’ve been focusing all my time and effort on is completing my “Christmas Gift” for Dee. With a bit less than a month left to go, I’ve started to worry about actually getting the whole thing done. I only have a few questions left to address, but the trouble is, I’ve procrastinated and left the longest, most complicated, and most detailed questions for last. Luckily, I have a number of vacation days remaining, and I’ll be able to take a few days off and hunker down at home, alone, undisturbed, and focus all my attention on getting these last ones done!

Looking forward

The evolution of our communication began with a simple game of back-and-forth emailed questions starting with basic and simple choices (Lights on… or off?) and expanding outward into more and more in depth, detailed, and challenging queries. From there, it segued into the “Dare Game,” and among the various dares I gave Dee were those that led to the establishment of the formal rules that govern our relationship, and this blog.

When it comes to our rules, both Dee and I (especially myself) have been a bit lax lately – not about adhering to them (which isn’t actually that difficult), but about living at the outer limits of what they allow, or actively pursuing the obligations set forth in them. For example, the rules state that we must have sex somewhere in our house other than our bedroom on a regular basis. The original purpose of this was to spur us on to creatively pursue novel locations – a sexual conquest of sorts. For these past few weeks in particular, however, we have barely acknowledged that this rule exists. This doesn’t mean our sexual encounters have been restricted to our bedroom – I enjoyed teasing Dee as we cuddled on the sofa watching the football games just this past weekend… interactions that eventually ended with Dee bending over the arm of the couch – but these out-of-bed encounters aren’t in response to the rules, and on more than one occasion, when feeling amorous at the end of the evening, I’ve taken Dee’s hand and ushered her upstairs, when these rules were meant to urge me to lead her into different, more creative environs.

As we move into (and through) the holidays, I’m already looking forward to renewing my commitment to better utilizing these rules, including the reinstatement of the Dare Game (the rules say I’m in charge of that), as the new year begins – a kind of pseudo New Year’s resolution.

Why wait until the new year, rather than getting started right away?

First, I’m a big believer in watershed starting points – and I think most people are just like me. People don’t start diets, or exercise plans, or quitting smoking, or whatever, on Thursday March 9th, unless it’s their birthday. We all tend to start things on Mondays, or the first day of a month, or the first day of the year. I’m one of those people. I can’t help it.

Secondly… we’re just busy right now. There’s a lot going on. And adding dares and rules and sexual conquests into the equation would… well, it’d be fun, but it would also be somewhat calendar crowding. So I’d rather wait until after the holidays, and between now and then just let things be as they are, with nature regularly taking it’s course.

Mostly, however, it’s because I’ve been devoting the bulk of my focus towards the creation of Dee’s Christmas present… which is an extension of the birthday present I gave her last month (translation: she knows it’s coming, and I’m not ruining any surprises here…), and I’d like to keep my focus on that for the time being.

Over the course of this communication evolution, I spent time online gathering ideas from every source I could find – ideas for dares, for questions, and for possible future games. These questions run the gamut from those simple, basic choices, to very challenging essay questions, to multiple choice responses, to things that begin “Rank the following in order, from your favorite, to least favorite…” and “On a scale from one to ten…”

Her birthday present (such as it was) was in direct response to both here interests: I spent the last several months organizing, compiling, and making neat all those questions I’d collected over the previous year, and with them I constructed two book-sized documents. The first is filled with the innocent questions (What is your favorite color? Describe your favorite vacation you took as a child, etc.), aptly titled “All About Mom.” When answered (by her), Dee will be able to share this collection of literally HUNDREDS of questions with our daughter in a way that will share her mother’s life history with her. The second document, a compilation of all the adult-oriented questions I found, Dee is free to use in any way she wishes (respond to them, use them in this blog, generate ideas through them, whatever!).

For Dee's Christmas gift, I have promised to give her my full and complete answers to both of these – both my own “All About Dad” volume (for both mom and daughter), and all my answers to the adult questions (for mom), as well. It’s taking me a lot of time to get this completed(there are something like fifteen hundred questions between the two – call it a long, and very entertaining, sexual SAT test... or one GIGANTIC TMI Tuesday), but I’m nearly done. Interestingly, I’ve learned a few things about myself as I’ve answered these, and I’ve discovered a lot of things that I’ve never shared with Dee, which I know she’ll find interesting and informative. I’m looking forward to giving it to her, and she is already looking forward to reading it!

And so it is that, for the time being, I’m content to leave things as they are, and devote my focus to this specific task. But I’m still looking forward to the renewed commitments of a new year, and whatever experiences that might bring.

Busy Week

It has been a few days since our last post (well… MINE, at least!). The holiday season is always especially hectic for us, from Dee’s birthday (shortly before Halloween) right on through New Years – there’s all the major holidays, three birthdays in our family (and those of several friends), an anniversary, plus all the parties, school functions, work-related crap, and the rest of daily life. I’ve been so worn out lately that the past two nights I’ve opted for cuddling instead of sex… and Dee hasn’t lodged a complaint about the lack of entertainment.

That alone tells the tale. :)

I’ve been trying to entice Dee to pick up the slack and post something here, but she’s told me it’s a good thing she hasn’t, since she feels the greatest urges to post when she’s completely pissed off at me. Having gotten that information, I have to agree with her… and if that’s the case, here’s hoping she never posts again!

I’ve also been going back to the earlier picture posts, and I’ve started thinking that I might have to try and convince her to agree to us taking and posting a few more pictures. It was a bit of a turn on taking them (for both of us), a bit of a turn on reading the comments about them, and most of all, it’s nice just being able to access our blog and see Dee naked whenever I want… right here at my desk. It makes the day a little happier.

Modern Technology

It’s been a while since our last posts, but that’s mostly because there’s nothing new to report, really. We had a couple parties over the weekend, but one was a birthday for a 9-year-old girl (ours), and one was for a 40-year-old girl (not ours). The former was fun, but overly loud. The latter was fun, overly loud, and adults only, but wasn't exaclty sexual. I caressed Dee’s tits once (over the shirt, even!), and five liquored up women and two drunk guys all gasped and got offended, which tells you the kind of crowd we were dealing with there.

I’m thinking about getting more into this whole technology thing. I’m familiar with computers, of course, and can handle the simple things with ease, but I have never really embraced technology, and I rarely use it unless I have to (when I’m at work, for example). Posting to this blog is about the height of my technology interfacing.

Personally, I don’t get how Dee does it. After a day at work staring at a computer screen, the last thing I want to do when I get home is pull out my computer and go electronic some more. Just the thought of it makes my eyes burn. But that’s exactly what Dee does most days. After a day at work reading pages of material, trying to learn enough about not just the two sides of a specific argument or dispute, and immersing myself in the underlying information required to evaluate those arguments, the last thing I want to do is go home and spend more time researching and learning more. But that’s exactly what Dee does!

Dee is always online seeking out better ways to give me head, or new positions to try, or better ways to use a vibrator (not to mention all the blogs she keeps up on!), and she’s always bugging me to do the same… for my benefit as well as hers. And the thing is, I’m not against the idea in any way. I’d love to. But even though the subject of sex would certainly keep my attention, what I just typed remains true: After devoting an entire day to not just understanding why Party A thinks it’s Party B’s fault a 3000 square foot atrium skylight is leaking (and why Party B says it’s Party A’s fault), but learning how skylights are designed and built and how the concept of controlled leakage and proper water flow and control is critical to that design… my brain is fried. I have no motivation or desire to go home and spend another hour or two focusing on anything at all – even the topic of sex. And I absolutely CAN’T do that kind of thing at work!

Still, I have decided that in the coming months I will make an effort to get up to speed on the use of modern technology. Maybe by embracing it, and trying to get myself into that particular game, I’ll gain a better understanding of what Dee sees in it, what she gets from it, and a obtain a better understanding of where she’s coming from in some of the things she says and does.

The Future

Who knows! For now, I am glad we had the experience. We have a free night if we should wish to go back, so that's good. I learned even more about myself and it gave us something to talk about.

Overall Impression

I did truly enjoy myself. I surprised myself at my level of comfort being in that situation. I was naked in front of 20 people and I didn't mind it one bit. I can see myself pushing my boundaries and pretty quickly. I could see myself really enjoying myself. However, I think that place is about sex. Just orgasms...pressure on clits. Strokes to produce come. It is not about seduction, for sure. Or intimacy. Or eroticism. I like racing pulses and butterflies in the stomach. I like build up and seduction and touching.

Though it bears mentioning that I think if we were with different people, that perhaps the seduction and erotism would be there.

Going Home

We got into the brighly lit locker room where I pulled on jeans, and a tank top and shoved my feet into the Crocs I had brought. I practically ran downstairs and into the lobby to get our last bottle of wine. DH hollared that he was getting our cell phones. The girls behind the counter were the girls we had eaten dinner with and they were alarmed to see us leaving so early. I told them everything was fine and we were just done and that I hoped to meet them again sometime. We flew out to the car and DH drove me home.

Typically, when one or the other of us is angry, the other will fume and it may last for days. I have been trying harder, as I get older, to let things go. I started thinking of what I had hoped this evening would turn out like. I heard the owner's words ringing in my ears that if you have an agenda, it probably wouldn't happen. I replayed the dancing with DH and how enjoyable it was. DH asked me if I had an agenda for the evening and I answered yes. He asked if it happened and I answered no. And I felt my anger drain away. I had a couple of agendas going into the evening. I really hoped to have an experience with a woman. I basically had a sure thing. My friend was willing, we were there, it was all set. But it didn't happen. I really hoped to have a threesome with my husband and another girl. Out of all the places, this is where it could happen. But it didn't happen. But ultimately, I wanted DH to enjoy himself. I wanted him to feel comfortable. I wanted to feel comfortable myself. And he did. And I did. We got home and kissed and made love. And I was again reminded of how very lucky I am that I have such a supportive, loving and sexy man. I felt a deeper connection with him that night. And that was the agenda.

Alone But Not

Before we were out of the room, the newcomer's screams started. Oh oh oh, oh my god, oh oh fuck yes. An ongoing litany. She had been having sex with her husband already, so maybe she was already primed. Or maybe I am unique in that I need a build up. But she was going on and on and on. We were separated by merely a curtain. I could hear her saying she was in heaven and that it felt so fucking good. I just kept thinking that's my orgasm she's having!!

I was on DH's lap and trying to tune her out. I was kissing him and expected that he would be aroused and ready to have sex with me. But as I reached around to feel him, he was not. DH gets aroused when I walk out of the bathroom to come to bed. If I am naked, he's aroused. I was completely surprised to find him not hard at all. I moved back and sucked his cock, trying to get him turned on. I thought here we are, we must have sex! The sounds from the other room were arousing to me, I couldn't understand why it wasn't to him. I got him hard by sucking his dick and I climbed on. After a minute or two, it was obvious he was not into me and didn't want to be doing this.

I climbed off and asked him what was wrong. He insisted that the ongoing screams from the other room were just too distracting. I could now hear Jane joining in the moans and I got really pissed. That was the experience I wanted and I was not getting. We sat there for a few minutes, kind of arguing, listening to the sounds from the other room. He knew that the experience was not living up to what I wanted it to be. So when I said let's just go, he was arguing a little. I finally threw his sweatpants at him, grabbed my sarong and Hitachi and said let's go. I climbed out of the cubby and stood in the door of the playroom. I could see Jane and the newcomer in a scissor position. I felt DH behind me so I turned on my heel and stomped to the locker room, passing couples in a variety of positions.

Hitachi demonstration

Her and I went back to the table and announced we were going up. The guys followed and we met back at our dinner table inside, where our bag of clothing was stored. I was standing with DH and he was behind me when Jane came up and hugged me and asked me if I was ready to go up. We had a few moments of the three of us hugging and then we went upstairs.

We went into the brightly lit locker room and found a cubbie to stash our bag. I gave DH the sweatpants that I had brought for him, quickly undressed and wrapped my sarong around me. We waited in the hall for Jane and John. Considering how little she was wearing, it certainly took her a while to get ready. When they emerged, we followed them down the hall, looking for an open play room. I was surprised by how many people were surrounding us. I expected we would find a room, grab a corner, and everyone else would fall by the wayside. So when we found a playroom, I was really surprised when all the couples filed in and sat along the walls.

The newcomer was excited and stepped up to volunteer, but Jane reminded John that I was first. He patted the towel he had laid down and told me to lay down and relax. I hestitated, looking around. This was really not what I was expected. But the next thing I knew, DH had ripped the sarong from around me and told me to just lay down. I didn't want to cause a scene, so I sheepishly laid down. I looked around and noticed DH taking a seat on the farthest wall and I motioned him over next to me. I tried to hold his hand, but he just patted me and didn't hang on. Having everyone stare at me was so disconcerting, I covered my face with my hands. John handed me a eye mask that I gratefully took. With that, I could try to block out everyone.

I could hear him turn the Hitachi on and he used it along my thighs and my stomach at its lowest setting. It felt very good and I was anticipating what it would feel like on my pussy. After a second or two, he placed it gently against the outer lips of my pussy, not much pressure. Heaven. I sighed and felt my legs relax and open a bit. He moved the vibrator up a bit so it was more or less directly over my clit, which I found uncomfortable. I shifted a little and it was better. I wanted a connection with DH, so I reached over and grabbed what I could, settling with his forearm. John was telling me he couldn't hear me and the only way he would know what I was feeling was for me to tell him. I heard a woman say that based on the arch of my back, I was enjoying it. But I was concentrating on DH. I could feel the icyness.

I felt the woman lean over me and suck on my nipple, telling DH to suck on my other one. I don't remember what he said, but it was basically no. He didn't want any part of this. I heard John ask DH if I ever had Gspot orgasms and DH said he doesn't know what I have. And he was pissed. That's when I knew I had to get him out of the room. John was pushing harder with the Hitachi and I was squirming to redirect the pressure. He mistook the squirming for pleasure and turned the Hitachi to the high setting and really pushed hard. It hurt so much, that I had to flip my leg over so I could reach the head of the Hitachi and push it off. John still mistook this as pleasure and told me to ride out the discomfort and that I would orgasm.

I finally managed to get out the safe word and John immediately stepped back. I don't ever remember moving as fast, but I was on DH's lap before I knew it. I was whispering to him that I wanted to be alone with him, let's go. I heard John tell DH that now I was ready for him. The newcome had already taken my spot. I grabbed my sarong and DH and headed for the door. I was worried all the private cubbies were taken so I was surprised when I found one right outside the playroom. I ducked in and pulled DH with me.

Hitachi Conversation

I bought my first vibrator at a Passion Party that I held at my house. It is poorly made, the batteries fall out, and it was incredibly overpriced. It's a rabbit and while it gets me off, I have been in search of a better model. I've purchased several bullet vibrators, as well as a lipstick vibrator and a remote controlled egg. But in my research, the standard of comparison has always been the Hitachi. As in, it's a good vibrator, but it's not a Hitachi. I even pointed it out to DH once or twice while we were in an adult store looking for handcuffs.

All our toys are fun to use, but we don't incorporate them in our sexual activities very often. I primarily bought them for alone time anyway, but since having a child and being active in her life, I don't get a whole lot of alone time. Ok, none. DH has been...willing to use toys, but has not been enthusiastic about it. At all. In fact, I often get the eyeroll when I talk about using a toy at all. I have explained that a vibrator can do things to a clit that a human cannot in terms of pressure, consistent vibration, pitch. But it doesn't get through. To him, it is something being used in place of him.

So when Jane showed me the line of lingerie she was selling, I was delighted to see a flier advertising the Hitachi at the lowest price I've ever seen! I immediately told DH that I wanted to order one from her and he immediately said no way, I have plenty of toys I never use. So it was an even bigger eyeroll when I told him I ordered one anyway, to support my friend in her new business. And I had wanted one for a long time and this was a great price. And talking to Jane, she was telling me that a favorite position was the Hitachi sandwich, with one girl on the bottom, and one girl on the top, and a Hitachi in between. Oh boy, I was sold! In fact, I was dripping wet just thinking about it. And she assured me she would personally demonstrate the Hitachi sandwich with me, as well as other positions. Woohoo! But explaining this to DH was not easy, and he was none to happy about yet another "substitution" joining our household.

I told Jane about DH's reluctance with machinery, and she said she knew a lot of guys with this issue and that John could usually explain to guys why the Hitachi is so nice. So while we were out having that final smoke, the conversation turned to the Hitachi. All of the women that were sitting with us, except for me and another newcomer, had been on the receiving end of John and his Hitachi. And they all swore it was a fantastic orgasmic treat. This newcomer had not purchased hers yet, but was expressing a desire for the demonstration. The excitement kept mounting as the ladies expressed excitement and testimonials. The newcomer was willing to be the demonstrator for the evening and wanted to get started. I could feel DH's increasing chilliness and I assumed this was the end of our night. I caught Jane's eye and she could sense my disappointment. She pulled me off to the side and asked me if everything was ok. I told her I thought DH was done and ready to go home. She said we just need to get him upstairs and he would be fine. I thought that was a good plan!

Dancing

We got to our table and looked around. There were only a couple of people on the dance floor. And Jane, John and the rest of the crowd we were sitting with had disappeared. Now what? We were standing and swaying a bit to the music, wondering do we go upstairs alone? Do we hang out at the table? Apparently, DH liked the way I was moving against him, because he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. Quite honestly, this was one of the best moments of the night. I rarely wear heels and I was wearing some of the highest heels I ever have. I am much shorter than DH, but with my heels on, I was dancing height! I could feel his arousal against me so made a point of rubbing on him a bit. The music changed to a faster beat and I tried my darndest to turn him on. During orientation, the jolly man mentioned that alcohol could not be taken upstairs because state law dictated that alcohol could not be in a place where nudity was expected. But alcohol could be consumed downstairs because any nudity that occurred there was accidental. So I was teasing DH that I might accidentally get nude and dropped the strap of my dress and bra. He pulled me close and lifted my dress to reveal my bare ass. I couldn't believe how comfortable I felt exposing myself on the dance floor. I had an overwhelming desire to lift my dress off entirely, but Jane and John came back at that moment. They were going out for another cigarette before going upstairs, so we joined them outside.

Birthday wishes

After we were finished eating, an MC appeared and made some announcements. One of which was that everyone who had a birthday should come to the center of the dance floor for birthday wishes. Jane had mentioned this practice to me, and told me that it was a good way to break the ice. However, I wasn't prepared for being the only two people out there (our birthdays are a week apart). So the MC graciously invited to other people to come up so that we weren't the only ones and soon there were three lines formed, in front of everyone but me! During orientation, the owner reminded us that this experience is whatever you make of it. If you sit in the corner and look unapproachable, people will leave you alone! I know this, but it was good to hear. Unfortunately, it's not easy to change our habits. Jane, knowing me and my shy nature, sat on my lap and gave me several kisses before moving on to DH. After her, I welcomed an older gentleman who gave me a really wet kiss, as if he licked his lips just before kissing me. Ick. After that several ladies approached, all older, one with rotten teeth, and I am sure I gave off the vibe that I didn't want to be touched, because they didn't. The welcome was over and DH and I returned to our table and the MC had a young girl draw tickets out of a fish bowl. We both won prizes, one of which was a free weekend party.

The MC made a couple more announcements and then the band took over for dancing. Our group decided to go outside for another cigarette. We had a nice conversation. By this time, I had almost a full bottle of wine, and was pretty toasted. The conversation was good, but I don't remember it being all that erotic or exciting. Everyone decided to go in, and we followed.

Dinner

After paying our entrance fee, we walked into a small hallway where a few couples, with the women in small skimpy outfits, were standing and welcoming us. Whether it was their job or not, I was delighted when one of the women commented on how hot my dress looked. Jane and John had reserved places for us at their table, which they informed us was the best table in the house, besides sitting with the owner. I was surprised to see the jolly man, his woman, and another woman were also sitting at our table, as well as the couple who had complimented my dress. Though far from gourmet, we had a lovely dinner. Jane, John, and the other couples discussed the apparently very late, very naughty, birthday party they attended the night before and DH and I just took it all in. After learning it was our first time there, we were told it was a good night for us to be there because it was a very small crowd. And that we were with the cool people.

Orientation

We arrive at the Club with moments to spare. All guests have to go through an orientation before being allowed to stay for a party, so we have to arrive an hour and a half before the official start. The entrance is not obviously marked, so we wander around a bit and finally see some people who it would appear are at this place for the same reason we are. We stand around the locked front door with two or three other couples. They are all older than us. One starts ribbing his woman and chortling about the lack of sleep he's had this week, between one girl or another. He laughs and says he hopes no one minds if he just falls asleep. The woman in another couple says not unless he's doing someone while he does it. The sleepy guy keeps making cracks about falling asleep while doing someone and I feel entirely out of place. And the thought of what the hell am I doing here starts.

The door finally opens and we are directed to the "orientation table" which is a table set up in front of a dance floor. I take a quick look around and the facility is quite lovely. hardwood floors, twinkle lights. Really lovely. I approach the check in desk, where a very heavy woman is sitting next to a dwarf. She asks our names and checks us off, handing us paperwork to fill out. We sit down at one of the round tables set up for dinner and I notice that the tables and chairs are all of the outdoor resin variety. Plastic chairs and tables. Interesting. Several woman are roaming around, in various "outfits." Most are very small and straight out of the "fredericks of hollywood" catalog, except without the model bodies. Again, I am filled with "what the hell am I doing here." Jane and John are no where to be found, even though they assured me they would go through orientation with us.

I fill out the paperwork while DH uses the restroom. When he comes back, I decide I need to visit the ladies room, and while it is very clean with lots of complimentary items, I note it is very old feeling, like a girl scout lodge. Though it is clean, and smells nice, so nothing to complain about.

As I am walking back to the ballroom area, Jane and John are coming downstairs and call out my name. Jane is wearing a full length fur coat and as she hugs me hello, I note her hair is wet. I get the feeling they've been here a while. I introduce them to DH and Jane takes off her coat, revealing a bikini top and a g string with a little skirt attached, in addition to her 4 inch stiletto acrylic heels. She looks great, but it's still a little disconcerting.

We turn in our paperwork and cell phones as requested (no cell phones allowed outside the lobby due to camera technology) and I go outside to sit with Jane and John as they have a cigarette and DH runs back out to the car for his alcohol of choice. When he returns, we have a nice conversation with Jane and John, and two of their close friends, who encourage us to ask any questions we might have. We finally decide to open a bottle of wine. The Club provides plastic wine glasses and bottle openers, as well as soda, tea and coffee. One sip from our glass and we are being called in to start the orientation.

A jolly looking round man is standing with the heavy woman from the orientation table. He's very soft-spoken and begins to tell us how the Club started 30 years ago as a ladies club, and that is how it remains today. Jane and John are standing with them but not contributing to the conversation. Everyone is invited to go upstairs and look around and the sleepy guy from outside just keeps making dumb comments while everyone else is pretty much silent.

At the top of the stairs is the sleeping room, which I did not see until we were headed back downstairs, but there are some cheap foam cushions stacked in rows. For $5, you can bring a sleeping bag and have a place to sleep in this room. We passed the hot tubs (indoors and outdoors), the communal locker and shower room, and came to a large room with various curtains and many beds, surrounding a pit of cushions (that was just last week a fire pit!) We all sat on a bed as the jolly man continued discussing rules, etiquette, expectations. I was struck at how he explained why the rules were in place rather than just reciting the list of rules. Sleepy man of course had to make more annoying comments.

We all trooped up a final set of stairs. The center of the large circular room was another cushioned pit and various private cubbies were built around the outside. It was really quite interesting the way it was set up. You could have complete privacy if you wanted, be the center of the action, or anywhere in between. We all ended up in the mirror room, which was a couple of beds pushed together under a metal ceiling. This was where the jolly man asked how many were new to the lifestyle. Most of us raised our hands, and the annoying man revealed that this was their first date, blind date in fact, but they had been conversing online for a couple of weeks. This explained a lot.

The jolly man congratulated us though, at the communication that took place to even get us in the front door, and I realized how right he was. Not many are lucky enough to be able to tell their partners their most private fantasies and have them help in broadening the horizons of the relationship. We are lucky indeed.

With that, we all trooped to the owner's quarters for an introduction and speech. Having started the club 30 years ago with his wife, I should not have been surprised to see how old the owner is. But old he is, though he seemed very nice and offered some very good advice. The most important was that this place was for exploration and if you have an agenda of what you wanted to happen, it usually doesn't work out. I, of course, had an agenda and I thought whatever. My agenda will definitely work out.

After that, we all trooped downstairs to dinner, paid our entrance fee, and were free to roam the place at will.

Preparations

A while ago now, I discovered that some people had started blogs to chronicle the trials, tribulations, and sex in their marriages. A lot of people! I started reading about these exploits and one page lead to another and eventually I learned about a place near us where "like-minded" people gather to get acquainted. Also known as a swingers club. I mentioned it to DH, and explored the website, and he was not overly enthusiastic about hearing about it. I mentioned it to a single friend whom I know to be a more a little more adventurous than most. She knew about the place. She hadn't been there herself, but she mentioned that a mutual friend of ours went there. Based on DH's interest level, I put it at the back of my mind as something to think about someday.

Fast forward a year. We had had some amazing sex this year, broke some boundaries, had some wonderful communication, and I am ready to take it to another level. I had lunch with Jane who is now selling lingerie and she asked me to help her set up a website. I declined but she knows I am also a bit more adventurous than most, so she mentions the Club, which apparently she has been frequenting every weekend. We have a few long conversations about how fun it is and what I can expect. We've talked about what my goals are (incorporating another woman), my insecurities and fear of rejections, and expectations about our relationship (will she be offended if I want to go upstairs with her). She assures me that this will be a fun experience, I don't have to worry about being rejected, and that she is open to anything that I am. After we are both comfortable, I arrange for her to host us for date night. I still can't believe I am planning to take my husband to a sex club! Yeah me! I spend a week in anticipation...not just of going to the Club, but getting dressed up and going out with DH for some adult entertainment.

DH and I, of course, have several long discussions about our expectations of where the night will lead, and we decide we will be satisfied with an evening out, having dinner, and learning more about a lifestyle choice that is out there. But we won't rule anything out either. That said, I spend the morning taking extra special care in my personal hygiene routine, packing some "upstairs" clothes, and other possible accoutrements. When it's time to go, I slip into my favorite red dress (with no panties), my new red shoes, throw a couple of bottles of wine into our bag, and we're off!

What I Learned, Etc.

One observation, revisiting my last post: I mentioned the sounds coming from the room after we’d left – the screams of supposed pleasure. Honestly, I think most of that was half “faked” – that is voluntary, rather than involuntary. Several of the screamers (in conversations downstairs) took great pleasure in boasting about the amount of noise they make when serving as the subjects of “demonstrations.” There’s a difference between involuntary sounds that erupt in the midst of a moment, and just making noise because you think it’ll make everyone else in the other play areas jealous. I think this was the latter.

Now... What I learned (and etc.) this weekend:

Imagining scenarios in my head, I was pretty sure a group thing wasn’t going to be the biggest turn on for me, but I figured that, in such a moment, I’d wind up getting turned on – how could I help it? There’d be naked bodies and couples playing like live porn. OF COURSE I’d end up getting turned on! But it turns out I’m even less interested than I would have guessed – in reality, I was unaroused, and mildly bored. However, I do admit to this caveat: it might have been the circumstances (which I described), and it’s very possible that in more erotic circumstances I could be easily convinced to join the gathering, so I’m definitely open to another (more appealing) opportunity, if I came upon it.

I was surprised to find I had no anxiety or anticipation. I expected nervousness, or worry, or even just butterflies in my stomach, but I didn’t experience any of these things.

I don’t feel jealous, and don’t view myself as a jealous person, but I was still expecting to experience some twinges of jealousy or possessiveness (or SOMETHING)… but I didn’t – not at ALL… except in one specific case (which I’ll get to in a moment).

Odd as it may sound, I discovered what my biggest issues are (but not how to get over them):

I’ve mentioned in earlier posts that I felt uncomfortable with the idea of even checking out our waitress while we’re dining out. At the club, I felt the same way – I was quite uncomfortable with the idea I could check out the women there – some of whom were wearing nothing at all, even downstairs! By contrast, anytime I was approached, I was perfectly comfortable with anything that happened – I felt perfectly at ease kissing other women, being felt up by them, running my hands over their bodies as they sat on my lap – with Dee sitting right next to me. And so it is I understand myself a little better: even with Dee’s encouragement, my discomfort is with taking the initial action – whether it be starting a conversation, flirting… or simply checking out the hot, naked body put on display by the girl sitting next to me. Knowing I have Dee’s permission (and even encouragement), I am comfortable interacting with another woman… but I need to be approached.

Finally, the jealousy thing I mentioned above: Dee has, on several occasions, teased me (in a not-so-teasing way, if you know what I mean) that I might be jealous about her toys, or feel like I’m competition with them, and I’ve denied (honestly) that this is the case. However, this weekend I discovered – or more accurately was able to put my finger on – the vibe which I might be giving off, and which she’s likely responding to. In this very specific way, I think I AM a little jealous, or possessive, or whatever you’d define it as: I wasn’t jealous at all – not when seeing Dee get kissed by other guys in her own “birthday line,” or (even more significantly) while Dee was serving as the subject of the demonstration, and John was intimately interacting with her pussy as she lay naked, legs spread, for his attentions. HOWEVER, for some reason (I can’t fully explain it), I felt like, if she is going to be playing with toys, then her husband should be the one wielding them (not another guy… and this is gender specific, I don’t think I’d feel the same way if it had been Jane holding the Hitachi). This is the one thing I did react strongly to… the one thing where I thought “hey… that’s MY job!” So I think I might be jealously possessive of this particular thing – I’ve already expressed my strong male-centric bias towards being the only guy in Dee’s life, but even if I make an exception to that… if you’re a guy and I’ve agreed to it, you’re going to have to get Dee off the old fashioned way – no accessories to give yourself a leg up on being impressive.

Upstairs

We were upstairs for… maybe an hour, probably less. A group formed and followed John and Jane around as he searched for a free play area until he found an open room. The group paraded in… John, Jane, Dee, myself, six other couples. The other couples arranged themselves in a semi-circle along the wall: boy, girl, boy, girl. Dee and I stood near the entrance. I felt… resigned?

In reality, I don’t think I felt anything. I wasn’t uncomfortable at all, but I didn’t have any sense of anticipation. No trepidation, no anxiety, no thrill, no rush of horniness. Nothing.

“Ok…” John said, opening the bag he had with him and taking out toys, setting them down like a surgeon preparing for a minor procedure. He spread out a towel on the mattress to protect the sheets. “Who wants to go first?”

“Dee’s going first,” Jane reminded him.

“Ok, then… Dee?” he said, patting the towel. “C’mon. Just lay down.”

His tone was entirely businesslike, like a professional who just had a job to do. It lacked any semblance of foreplay. It lacked seduction. It lacked even the most basic hints of eroticism. For me, this was as sexual an experience as accompanying Dee to the OB/GYN (“Ok… lay back… if something hurts or feels uncomfortable, let me know… you ready?”).

Dee lay down on the towel and John gave her a blindfold, which she put on. I sat nearby and felt… as though I’d been mis-cast for the part I was supposed to play. I was supposed to be the husband, and this was supposed to be about our relationship, about connecting as a couple, and here I was… sitting off to the side, twiddling my thumbs.

John began “the demonstration” – talking about techniques and options in a detached, uninvolved way as Dee began to get turned on by the stimulation he provided.

Again… I felt nothing. The best way I can describe it is to say I felt as though I’d entered the room looking forward to an intimate sexual experience with Dee and finding myself in a room full of only strangers… and when I look around, I don't seeing Dee anywhere (this is how I felt, of course, as Dee was right next to me). I felt like I’d wandered into the wrong lecture hall, and, realizing this isn’t where I wanted to be, couldn’t make a graceful, quiet exit.

The couples around me conversed – some talking about Dee’s reactions in a clinical sense (“Based on the arch in her back, I guess she likes that,” “Yeah, John, you may not even need the attachments.”), while others seemed to be as uninterested as I was (“I think they're going to have roast beef sandwiches downstairs later?” “Really? They usually only have ham.”). One couple played lightly together, but even as he licked her, she chatted with a friend in a way that clearly showed he wasn’t too distracting to her. A single woman leaned forward, sucked Dee’s nipple for a second, then retreated.

I was not turned on at all.

Dee picked up on my disinterest (it is amazing that, blindfolded, holding only my hand, in a room full of strangers, while distracted by “the best vibrator on the market,” wielded by a self-professed “expert” in it’s use, Dee perceived my disinterest… it’s a little bit special to be that connected to someone), said the safe word, and called an end to it all.

We left the room, and talked for a while. John found another subject for demonstration, and as we sat in the cubby nearby, a constant series of screams emanated from the room, mixed with the babble and laughter of disjointed conversations among the audience members, making it impossible to talk. It didn’t sound sexual to me – I like the sounds of sex, and they normally SERIOUSLY turn me on, but to me this sounded like ten guys jawing it up at a lively poker game while bad 70’s porn played on the VCR with the volume cranked up.

We decided it would be best if we just went home.

I feel bad for Dee in the sense that I believe if she’d been there alone, she would have enjoyed a fantastic orgasmic experience, and so I ruined that for her. I feel my complete lack of interest held her back, and prevented her from experiencing something she was really wished for.

Still, we talked in the car on the way home, my mood had returned in full, and I took her upstairs and did what I could to make up for it.

[Next: What I Learned!]

Downstairs II

I forgot to post a few other things, which I wished to mention:

First, I must stress that, overall, I had a GREAT time. I have to stress this because thus far you might think otherwise (especially in reading the last part of my previous post). However, there is a point to all this – if I can get to it – in that I did discover SEVERAL things about myself, and those things are rooted in these less enjoyable moments… so bear with me here!

Second, I forgot to mention the fun: Prior to dinner, a number of fun things happened that are worth sharing:

First, it was “Scorpio” month – meaning anyone who is a Scorpio (this includes both Dee and I) get put into a drawing for door prizes – and both Dee and I won items! I won a free weekend party for Dee and I (you normally have to pay for dinner, etc.), and Dee won a gift pack with a number of new toys for us to play with!

Second, as per the club ritual, anyone with a recent birthday is brought out on the dance floor, and any member who wishes to do so can come up and wish you happy birthday in any way they see fit. A line formed before me, and I was kissed, fondled, groped, and otherwise awash in good greetings! Dee, I guess, got a number of kisses (she’ll have to give the details, as I was… occupied!).

Downstairs

My posts on this weekend are going to come in several parts, written here at work as my time allows. I’m hoping to share and say everything I want to before the day is out, but we’ll just have to wait and see how that works out. I have a lot on my to-do list here, and it wouldn’t do me much good to go and get myself fired. :)

Saturday night Dee and I checked out our first sex club (or swingers club, or whatever you’d choose to call it). The club we went to has two parts – the downstairs, where it’s about the socializing, and the upstairs, which is about the sex. Downstairs, they have live bands, dancing, dinner, drinks, and conversation. Upstairs, they have play areas. We were hosted by our friends “John” and “Jane” -- they might play a role in future posts, and I may have to come up with better , but for today we’ll just stick with John and Jane Doe.

I’m going to keep my posts and observations to what I personally think (or thought) and feel (or felt). If Dee wishes to post her own thoughts, or offer a different point of view, I’m sure she’ll post her own entry – and I hope she does, just so I can read it!

We spent the first five hours or so downstairs, meeting people, having dinner (and drinks!), talking with John and Jane, and having a wonderful time. Dee even managed to get me tipsy enough to join her on the dance floor – a very rare thing, as I don’t dance at all. Everybody was very easygoing, supportive, and friendly. I felt very comfortable there, and I sensed Dee felt the same way.

I was a bit surprised in the lack of any sexual vibe I felt there, however. I had expected there would be an overriding electricity, a sense of anticipatory foreplay, a feeling of flirtation in every conversation, but there wasn’t. For want of a better description, the sexuality felt academic, almost as though everyone there was approaching the social (downstairs) portion of the evening with the same resigned “Please, God, just get me through this “ that I feel in anticipating another routine workday. I felt like one of the fun parts for me – the flirtation that leads to caresses that turn into massages and become the slow segue into sex – were nothing but monotonous onerous impediments… pro forma requirements that were nothing but red tape and paperwork. Still, up until the last half hour or so, I had nothing short of a wonderful time – far better than I’d actually anticipated.

That last half hour, my enjoyment faded a little, and the underlying arousal I’d held all evening dissipated and disappeared. We went outside with John and Jane and a few others to have one more smoke before heading upstairs to check out the goings on there. There are a number of ways I would describe the conversation that went on there – and all of them are bad.

It should be noted here that John is a supplier of sorts, of the new Hitachi vibrator, and he professes to be an expert in it’s use, and appears to be… a little too proud of it for my taste. Thus, when the conversation turned to the vibrator of choice, the conversation descended into unarousing form. It became part sales pitch (“They’re available at the desk here, far cheaper than you can buy anywhere else!”), part audio instruction book (“If you do this first, and this second, Dee will become much more sensitive to step three, which is…”). It was part pseudo-bullshit infomercial (“Yes, Dee, too, can get off in less than 30 seconds! You’ll never need to waste time with foreplay again!”), and part pressure sell (“In fact, most people have TWO!”). It was even slightly insulting – at one point it was suggested to me that repeated use of this in the proper way would cause Dee to be much more sensitive all the time, and that without that, I couldn’t possibly satisfy her the way a woman should be satisfied… but “With it… Jane thinks I’m a total stud! How can any man NOT want that?”

All this was followed by an offer – come upstairs and see a physical demonstration!

And so it was, I lost most of my good cheer. Still, when Dee volunteered to be the recipient of that demonstration (to my great surprise), I pressed on, hoping my earlier feelings and mood would return.

My Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday, and the present I requested is below… I asked Dee to post these two particular pictures online. The pictures are explicit, and everything about them reflects bold steps forward for us… both taking them (we’ve never experimented with a camera until very recently), and sharing them here (which we’ve never done… EVER).

We both found it was a lot of fun to take them, too!

Saturday evening we’ll be taking another bold step, as Dee is taking me to a swingers club as guests of a friend. To quote her own email to me: “I am kind of hoping that Saturday will be the ultimate birthday present. So stay tuned.”

I will stay tuned, but must admit I have some trepidation, which I’ve shared with her. Our history regarding activities involving the two of us together where dancing, drinking, groups of people (especially those we don't know) and/or late nights have been a factor has not been particularly good. However, this history was created long ago, and I know things have changed dramatically since then.

Again, to quote Dee herself: “We'll just see what happens. Worse case is that we go, eat a decent dinner, have a couple of drinks and have a fun time together. I'm hoping it is at least as much fun as we had going to the strip club in Vegas.”

For myself, I’m thinking something along those same lines. We’ll go, check the place out, go through the orientation, and meet some people, but take things slow. I don’t anticipate participating in anything on our first visit, but I’m thinking fun thoughts all the same: we go, we have a good time, and then come home to an empty house (the kid is spending the night with friends), leaving us free to make all the noise we want… in particular I’m thinking of the loud smacking sound of a good hard spanking. Maybe we’ll break out the infrequently used toys (like the handcuffs). Maybe I’ll just strip her naked as soon as we come through the door, and fuck her like crazy, jumping from place to place and position to position without ever going upstairs. Or maybe we’ll just stay up all night and do all of the above, and wrap up the event with a shower together as the sun rises.

But like Dee, I’m trying to approach the evening with an open mind, and see where it leads.

Happy Birthday, Darling.

All for you, baby.

Quick Post

Yes, Dee really does follow that whole list of blogs.

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This is why I said I think she's a little bit addicted. :)

A Thought About this Weekend

Only a few posts ago, I determined that I preferred vaginal sex over the other available options, and that is, indeed, the case – at least in the conjectural sense (I knew even as I wrote that this discourse was based entirely on the theoretical). Of course, this past weekend, as is frequently the case, the academic became applied theory (on more than one occasion), and in life, the application of the theory isn’t quite so simple.

There’s a big difference between an abstract consideration of personal preferences (“I say, after considering all the pros and cons of the matter, I must find I prefer vaginal intercourse over oral stimulation”), and making an on-the spot decision in the midst of a moment.

For me, the decision is difficult enough in the hypothetical: In the heat of the moment, how, exactly, would I want it to end? (More often than not, Dee actually poses the question to me… putting me on the spot!). This same question becomes both more urgent, and more confounding, when I find myself watching as Dee settles between my legs, naked and smiling, and takes me into her mouth (to give a specific moment this weekend when the question struck me as relevant).

As always seems to happen, I wind up torn in twelve different directions at once (or twenty… or fifty!): I feel the urge to get up off the bed, pull Dee into position, stand between her spread legs, and fuck her hard. I want to roll her over, shove her down on her back, and jerk off all over her. I consider opening the bedside drawers and taking out the toys, or the handcuffs, and putting them to use. I think about grabbing her by the hair and taking control, and filling her mouth with my come. I imagine what a turn on it would be to bend her over and slowly ease into her backdoor. I want to pull her down on top of me and run my tongue through her pussy.

I want to do all these things at once, and a thousand others, too, but I’m just not that talented.

Admittedly, this is a very nice problem to have, but it’s a conundrum that continues to challenge me.

The 60 Day Review

As we may have alluded to in earlier posts, Dee and I have established a set of rules that were intended to enhance our sex lives (in terms of variety, frequency, etc.), and – potentially, down the road – govern our explorations and interactions with each other and even with others. We put these rules into effect in September, so they’ve been in place for two months now. At the end of each month, I typically go back and kind of review those rules, and reflect upon how the month lived up (or didn’t live up) to the spirit of those rules.

In September, the rules had their desired positive effect… at least in terms of their influence on our sex lives. We had sex more often, somewhat more creatively, in more locations about the house, and with the occasional inclusion of a few accessories. Although September wasn’t filled with mindblowing adventure, these things were all steps forward for us, and so it is clear the rules were aiding us in taking the very first steps to broaden our sexual horizons.

October, however, wasn’t as good a month for us. I wouldn’t classify things as having “backslid,” as we still had our fair share of sex, but that sex was more… um… “routine” isn’t the word – and Dee, don’t give me shit for typing it – but I’m not sure there is an accurate descriptive word for it. It was fun sex, and good sex, but while Dee did have her one foray (the story of which she told), these rules didn’t really press us to expand our horizons any further.

It definitely didn’t help that I spent a number of days pondering some thoughts on my mind – and when I tend to give deep thought to a concern, I tend to go “inside myself” and Dee gets stuck dealing with a guy who seems withdrawn and unresponsive.

These things also led to the lack of any juicy stories here in this blog… not that there really has been since its inception. I think part of the idea (from both our points of view) in having both the rules and the blog was to encourage us to talk (which it has) and actually take action to have some new experiences (which it hasn’t, really… at least not yet).

Anyhow, tonight is Halloween, and our house is going to be filled with children (the two women in my life are throwing a party…), so I can already say for sure that there won’t be any juicy stories this month either. But there’s always hope November (or even beyond that), and our rules and our blog remain, as always, a work in progress.

Overall, things have progressed pretty well. When I compare where we are with where we were say… 15 months ago, the changes we’ve made are obvious, and significant.

Realization

Over the past week, I’ve made a couple attempts at greater openness, dropping a hint in two emails (on two different days) to a friend, suggesting that Dee and I had had a particularly good time the night before. This doesn’t seem like much, but it’s a step forward for me, as I’ve rarely shared any such personal information with anyone in years.

I realize if I’m going to make any headway towards recapturing some of those lost facets of the person I once was (alluded to in my previous post) – which is, I think, what I want to do, and what I need to do – then I’ve got to start taking some small steps in that direction. I figured a good first step would to ease my friend back into the conversation (he’s known me since long before Dee and I got married), putting the topic slowly back on the table, developing an outside compatriot to whom I can subtly boast. And so I have begun that process (and will continue to do so… slowly).

Now, it’s all about what’s next, and I’ll have to think on that a little. I have realized that if I’m going to play a part in any of Dee’s desires for exploration, I have to begin here. I have to reacquaint myself with even the simplest of things… like noticing the attractive folks around me, and (eventually) commenting on them quietly, privately pointing them out to Dee.

I have realized I must push myself in one direction, and eventually rediscover my previous comfort with the simple act of flirtation, not just in theory, but in practice. At some point, if we are ever to turn talk into action, I’ll have to be comfortable with the idea of flirting with another woman. More importantly, if I’m unable to do so, how will Dee honestly measure her comfort level (in reality rather than by imagination) with that very thing? How will either of us determine what it is we are (and aren’t) comfortable with?

Observations

Dee has pointed out (rightfully so) that I’ve been portraying her as an overly-jealous person, and to correct this error I would like to clarify what I really mean (for those who read this). In doing so, I must retreat into our past, but I will try to keep this succinct, giving only the details necessary to make my specific points (there’s a lot more to these stories, of course):

Years ago, I worked in restaurants, and, at that time, I blatantly flirted my way through the staff (even when I was running the kitchen and was, while not actually a manager, in a “position of authority”) and wore my sexuality “on my sleeve.” This went on for a few years while Dee and I were apart – I was here, and she was 1000 miles away living with another guy. Then, one day, we got back together.

Her moving 1000+ miles just to be with me, and the subsequent marriage, were each enough to change my demeanor. At that time, Dee was, in fact, a jealous person (the type which, if I noticed our waitress was cute and took a second look, would give me an icy stare, and conversation would turn cold and stilted). Partly because of this – but mostly because it’s just who I am – I changed. I stopped flirting. Noticing waitresses faded into something I did “way back then.” My conversations shifted to our life together: the wedding plans, renting a house, buying a house, being pregnant, the new baby, etc. I left the restaurant business soon thereafter, and matured into a far different person from the single guy I’d left behind.

Dee often reminds me she’s not the same jealous woman I knew ten or fifteen or twenty years ago. However, because my behavior has changed so drastically, she’s never had a chance to prove (through action) that she is as different as we both believe her to be. It’s been years since I noticed a waitress, so while I’m sure she has changed, I still conduct myself according to those old perceptions, and still often perceive her to be the way she once was, simply because no new perceptions have taken their place.

After pondering our conversations this weekend, I wonder if I might be trapped by the circumstances of our suburban life. I used to be flirtatious, outgoing, and quite sexual in my interactions with others, but contemplating a return to such behavior now feels… decidedly weird and unnatural. In a way… just plain wrong. Not who I am. What was once normal and comfortable behavior for me is now the opposite.

I think if Dee and I had never gotten together, I’d probably still be in the restaurant business, and it’s likely I’d still be that same old single guy. I can’t speak for Dee, but I am guessing that if we’d never gotten together, at this time in her life she’d feel much more free and unrestrained in exploring as she desires (and, having put it that way, maybe that does mean I’m holding her back…). If Dee and I broke up right now, I suspect that, over a short period of time (a matter of a few months for her, and perhaps a year or 18 months for me), we would both metamorphose into whoever we really are (apart from our relationship together).

The point I am driving at in everything I’ve said is this: I think it’s possible we could both take a hiatus from our “real” lives for a single evening, or a weekend, or even a week. I think it's possible we could say “this is who we are normally, but now, for this week, we’re going to change everything…”, but I now realize doing so is far more challenging than I could have ever appreciated. I used to do the whole smoking, drinking, out until dawn thing, and now… I’d have to seriously plan ahead to even attempt such a thing. We both want to explore (though we both want to follow different paths and hope for different things), but I wonder if that’s even truly possible. Even if a hiatus allows us both to be who we really are (whoever THAT turns out to be!), I think the real challenge might be the ten (or twenty) years of established history and solidified expectations we’ve built together. She expects me to behave, act, and react in certain ways, and I expect the same of her. We both feel odd and uncomfortable (in spite of professed mutual support) sharing a thought, idea, or interest – simply because it flies in the face of that history. And, I think, we actually expect OURSELVES to behave, act, and react in certain ways, making even a small step outside those expectations, even when we WANT to take that step, a significant accomplishment. (This last, I think, is more my problem than her's.)

I’m not saying I think we should just give it up, but I am saying this might be a longer, slower, more challenging process than I ever envisioned it would be.

It's Friday Afternoon

Our posts have diverged somewhat here… Dee has now told a three-part story that ended in a spark-less kiss, and I’ve given a book report on a couple lame TV shows. What an exciting couple we’ve been lately, eh?

I was thinking about creating a collection of pictures off the Internet – positions, women, costumes, whatever – to give to Dee as “things that turn me on,” but I’m not really an online person. After hours of staring at my work computer, I lack the ambition to do it at home (which makes no sense, since I do watch TV in the evening), and i can't exactly do that kind of thing on the clock…

[Another irony – Dee can spend hours on her computer at home, and yet gives me a bit of grief over wasting an evening watching TV. Other than the size of the screen...]

…Plus, I’m still very uncomfortable with the idea of talking to Dee about other women. When she points out a hot body, I don’t feel free to agree. Before leaving this past weekend, she teasingly asked who I’d invite over. I avoided jest (“the high school cheerleading squad, of course…”), and spoke only the sober truth (“nobody”) while worrying what might happen if she thought I was lying.

I feel this way not just because Dee is naturally jealous, but because, even as she’s begun exploring new experiences, she refers to any potential interaction I might have with anyone else as “an issue” which she’ll “have to deal with.” This tells me that I should still avoid paying attention to the physical qualities of others… and NEVER comment on them! I’ve been on the receiving end of her jealousy before, and it isn’t particularly fun. And this is also a concern which we are currently discussing both in person, and through email…

[I don’t think this is odd, but perhaps a little sad… I think both of us – and a lot of other couples as well – are sometimes better able to communicate via email. For myself, I find it’s sometimes easier to write, rewrite, rephrase, reword… and sometimes just DELETE, while pondering what I really want to say over time, rather than fumbling to find the right words, words that aren’t there, in the midst of a conversation!]

… And I myself am noodling over some thoughts I haven’t yet shared with Dee (though my withholding these thoughts is not to Dee’s liking). Hopefully she trusts me when I say it’s best that I noodle on my own, and not share my ponderings with her… at least, not yet.

Lessons Learned

I return to my office, my mind going a million miles a minute. I was not overcome with the desire to rip her clothes off. But I slowly realize that I really didn't have the experience that I wanted to have either. I just sat there and let her lead me in the experience. Sexually speaking, I am really not a person comfortable sitting back and being lead. I like to take the lead, and am usually the agressor. While I often tell DH that I want him to dominate me, I mean it in the sense of knocking me down a peg or two and dominating over my insolence and aggresiveness. That I want to be forced to submit. Not that I want to sit there meekly.

Soon after she had left, I was regretting not taking matters into my own hands. I like soft and slow just as much as the next woman. But to get my motor running, I need to be able to have input. I hate regrets, but already I was regretting just sitting there. In a previous answer to DH's questions, I wrote that I don't like to have regrets, just experiences that I would or would not have again. But now I realize that it's the things I don't do that I later regret...the experiences I miss out on and opportunities that I let pass.

I emailed her and told her these thoughts and hoped to make a date for the next weekend.

The next day I sent another email, expressing that I would really like to see her. She lived very close to me. She was about the same height/weight proportion as me, it would be a good match.

After I returned from my camping trip, and she still had not emailed, I decided to email her one last time. I discovered that she had deactivated her account off PoF.

The lessons in this experience are plentiful:

I need to get over this phobia of touching if I am going to have many of the experiences that I desire.

I need to be completely clear on what I want. And what I don't. I want new experiences. I don't want a relationship.

I learned that it's not always outside influences that need to change, it's my internal influences as well. Not only having an open dialogue with DH, but with myself.

I learned that going with my gut instinct is good, but I need to know when those instincts are holding me back and be able to reach beyond my typical boundaries. Doing the same thing as I've always done will not get me a different outcome.

I learned that I might just be in a mid-life crisis. The calendar is turning to mid-to-late thirties next week and I'm realizing I'm not getting any younger.

I learned that sometimes I need to risk embarrassment. Risk being uncomfortable. Risk rejection. I so wish I had taken her by the hair and really kissed her. And things might definitely have taken a different turn.

I talked with her today and she expressed reluctance at getting involved with a married woman, which is why she has been avoiding me. She expressed desire in including DH in our activities, but that's not what she really wants either. We are going to continue our conversation and maybe meet again soon. And if we do, I will stop hiding behind my thick glasses and professional demeaner. I will let the real me out. Which is always better.

Of course, DH knew all this to begin with. But I am so stubborn that I have to learn these lessons on my own.

The Kiss

She parks, turns to me and tells me that kissing a woman is definitely different than kissing a man. And she wants to show me. To give me something to think about. And I will know...am I attracted to women or not. I agree and prepare myself for her kiss (which means a fair bit of giggling). I am not a touchy person. In fact, I hate it. For anyone besides my husband and daughter that is.

She slides my glasses of my face. Already I hate that. I don't see very well at all and if you take my glasses, you are putting me in a very vulnerable spot. But I see her point, so I just sit still. She leans in very close and I can smell her salad, her lunch, on her breath. I'm still ok though. She starts rubbing her nose on my cheeks and around my nose. I don't like this, but I realize later that the stripper in Las Vegas did the same thing when she was kissing me. And when I am feeling affectionate, I try to do the same thing to DH, who hates it. But I sit still, wondering what she will do next. Her lips touch mine, softly, slowly. She pulls first at my upper lip and then my lower lip. I am distracted by the sound of suction and of her breathing. I realize this isn't going to get me anywhere.

I break off the kiss and put my glasses on. I thank her and she can tell that I'm not as turned on as she is. In answer to her quizzical expression, I offer that it's not her, that it's strange to be kissing someone other than DH for the first time in 10 years. During the short drive to my building, she suggests that perhaps I have not been given explicit permission from DH and that is what is holding me back. I tell her I will think about all these things, and will let her know if I would like to pursue anything. I don't know how to end the awkward meeting, so I tell her not to put all her eggs in my basket. She said she's still interested in having me, and DH, over for dinner and I tell her I would let her know. She tells me to email my thoughts to her.

I return to my office, my mind going a million miles a minute.

The Meeting

I walk over to the restaurant, expecting to find her in the lobby waiting. She had sent an obviously old picture of herself, and then another, more recent face shot. I have a hard time identifying someone from pictures, anyway, so I was worried I wouldn't be able to spot her. There was no one waiting in the lobby, though, and I had a few moments of worrying that I had been stood up. The phone in the lobby rang, and the waiter called out my name and handed me the phone. The first time I heard her voice! It was gruff...she sounded like a smoker. She told me she habitually runs 10 minutes behind and today was no exception. Ok, it was a last minute date, so understandable. I grab a table and wait. And wait. And wait. Texting DH, who knows I hate waiting. Surfed the net and texted DH again.

She finally showed up 1/2 hour later, looking NOTHING like her picure. Really, nothing like it. It was obvious the pictures she had sent were taken several years and quite a few pounds earlier. But even that was forgiven. I have always said I am not hung up on looks, and she just proved my point. I stood up, gave her a hug, and was ready to get to know her.

She started right off by showing me a picture of her daughter. Ookkkayy. I am meeting this woman to possibly have an intimate encounter, and she starts off showing me pictures of her daughter. And dogs. But I had posted that I was looking for a friend as well, so ok. I show her a picture of my daughter and DH and we start talking about relationships. Her marriage had recently ended and so she had a lot of bitterness there. I have the most wonderful husband on earth, so I try not to brag. But it can't be helped.

I ask her how she knows a woman kisses better than a man (as she has now told me several times). She says she met a young exchange student last spring on facebook and had a couple of intimate encounters with her, which is what lead to her marriage ending. She goes into detail about her marriage and what was wrong with it. She talks about labels and how she doesn't identify with being a lesbian, but that the encounters she had were really great.

Several times throughout the lunch I have thoughts of what am I doing...I have a great marriage, a wonderful husband and what am I doing trying to find something more? Who am I to need, want or deserve something more?

As the lunch wound to an end, she offered to drive back to my office, which was only around the corner. I could tell she wanted to have a more private conversation than we could have at the restaurant, so I agreed. She did not, after all, strike me as an ax murderer.

After she moved all of the fast food containers from the front seat to the back seat, I hopped in and she drove me to the entrance to my office, telling me that a relationship with a woman is different than with a man. She explained it was really more about an experience than pure sex. As we parked at the entrance, she asked what I thought. I told her honestly that I didn't feel the connection that I hoped I would. No sparks at all. Perhaps that's the answer that I was looking for. She asks if there's some place private where she can leave me something to think about. I know where she's leading, so I direct her to the far corner of the parking lot.

This Weekend's TV Guide...

I spent part of the weekend watching a couple shows, first on TV (Playboy TV’s “69 Things to do Before You Die”) then off the DVR (HBO’s “Real Sex”), and I think I found out a couple things about myself:

First: I think ambiance is more important than I gave it credit for. The “69 Things” featured a guy who flies couples up in his small plane so they can join the mile-high club. The back of the plane had a mattress wedged into it (those who use the service get to keep the sheets!), and the space was so cramped that, when the couple was doing it doggie style, her head was between the front seats – at which time the pilot started conversing with her (Seriously... “Isn’t that a great view of the city there…?”). It seemed to me it’d be about as exciting as fucking in the back of a van while a stranger drove around the industrial part of town, giving you the dime tour (“…and over here you’ll see Smith and Sons Foundry, where they make widgets for…”). The pilot got $500/hour for this.

Second (and related to the first): I think eroticism is important. One segment of the “Real Sex” episode featured a masturbation club, where… apparently… the group get together in one member’s living room, talks about masturbation in Alcoholic’s Anonymous fashion (“I’m Joe, and I masturbate. The first time I did it was…”), then they take turns getting each other off with hands and toys while chatting with each other. Nothing says erotic like two women talking about last night’s ER over some guy’s big belly while they jerk him off. The entire event seemed to have the sexual electricity of a family reunion – one where, without warning, your sister starts yanking your meat while you try to maintain the conversation with the uncle sitting next to you, and nobody seems to notice.

These things might (or might not) end up proving I’m nowhere near as sexual as I thought I was, but watching these kinds of shows has taught me two things: (1) There are a lot of people out there doing a lot of stuff that… personally… really doesn’t interest me [the mile high club thing, for example – I LOVE the idea, but, come on… for $500 an hour, it ought to more romantic than humping on a used mattress], and (2) Unlike my younger days (when all a girl had to do was pull up her shirt and show me her bra), there has to be some kind of sexiness in the moment. I need a little romance (or seduction, or mental-sexual stimulation, or whatever you’d call it) before I’ll get interested. I’m a lot more particular nowadays, I guess, and if the moment isn’t what I’d like it to be, I might even be willing to pass on the orgasm and find something else to do.

Escapades

DH has insinuated, nope downright stated, that he thinks I'm addicted to the adult internet. Not true! I do follow quite a few blogs, and do check out certain websites from time to time. But truly, I am just fascinated by all that is available at my fingertips!

I do have a profile posted on Plenty of Fish and Ashley Madison. Just a profile, nothing interesting, really. I heard about the websites, checked them out, and filled out the questionnaire to be able to look around. The questionnaire constitutes a profile, that other members can look at.

So, imagine my surprise when I received an email from Plenty of Fish (PoF) last week to let me know someone had sent me a message on the website! I was at work, but quickly checked out the message from a woman living in the same town and replied back that I would like to chat. The message was surprisingly frank, with a picture and a name. I am a bit more cautious, so used my "creative.fun" email address and just my first name. We exchanged a couple of emails and then switched over to google chat. My very first chat! I was thrilled. She seemed very nice, although a little pushy. We chat about each of us being very sexual beings, she's very reserved about the fact that I am married. We talk about kissing, pleasure and pain, what sexy is to each of us. It is thrilling talking with someone who seems interested in the same things I am. We finish by sending more risque pictures to each other, me sending the lingerie pic that I posted here.

We chat until bedtime one evening, and then the following morning while I am work. Unfortunately, the timing was not good because my time was already obligated for the next couple of weeks. But I suggested a lunchtime meeting later that week, when I could squeeze it in. She is more of a "jumper" than I am though, and suggested lunch that very day. Well, ok! I agreed and signed off. The butterflies started, but it was all good.

A Continuation of My 10/1/08 Post…

More things I like:

I like cleavage. I’m not talking about big tits or push-up bras or any of that crap. I’m literally talking about the space between. I like the sight of the smooth skin between a woman’s breasts. I love pressing my hand against Dee’s chest, feeling her heartbeat, experiencing the intimacy of having my hand resting between her tits. I like drawing a line of small kisses down her centerline, brushing my cheeks against the swells of her body. I find an unexplainable eroticism in these secrets of the heart.

As we approach Halloween, and the examples of such become more populous on certain parts of the Internet, I find that I’m must more turned on by a good-looking woman in costume than I thought I was. I always thought… “What’s the point of a costume? All I’m gonna do is take it off!” But there are a lot of costumes out there that I must compliment for being VERY… “Oh, yeah, baby!”

Another Weekend Alone…

This weekend Dee is camping with the kiddo, so I’ve got the house to myself. I’m not complaining, of course… I’m a homebody, and a bit of a loner, so I enjoy time alone. Plus, Dee and I are so very opposite in so many ways, I suspect if we didn’t spend some time apart now and then, we’d probably both end up making each other miserable.

Since Dee first created this blog, I’ve been jotting down random thoughts to use as the opportunity arises, either in my posts or in response to Dee’s. I was originally supposed to be the guest poster here, and I figured I’d post questions and more in-depth musings, and leave the telling of our sexual adventures (what little there is to tell) and day-to-day rick-rack to Dee … and I also wanted to keep a few ideas in my pocket in case Dee started posting every day, and I needed to contribute more.

Given the infrequency of Dee’s posts, however, I think I’ll start making shorter posts as thoughts strike me, and take up the storytelling duties myself. I think this is transitioning into my blog, and I might as well start treating it that way.

I think Dee might be a little bit addicted to the adult Internet. This doesn’t bother me, but between whatever tantalizing distractions she finds there and the business of everyday life, it explains the infrequency of her posts. I have no idea how many blogs she subscribes to, or how many hookup sites she’s on, but I know there’s quite a few. She’s been in contact with one woman, and maybe it’ll lead somewhere, and maybe it won’t. I’ve toyed with the idea of getting on these types of sites myself and seeing what happens, but I’m quite sure if I started flirting with another woman… well, it wouldn’t go over very well. So for now, I’ll just wait and see what the future holds.

I’d could begin by finishing Dee’s story (which she started back on 10/8), but, to be honest, I can’t recall the ending anymore. I know I gave her a satisfying performance, and I know I made her come about a dozen times before I finally gave it up myself. Sadly, all the sex blends together now. I don’t remember the details of any one particular encounter over another unless it really stands out (like going to Vegas and fucking Dee in a spa tub that could have held four people!).

I’ve been thinking about our recent trip to Vegas, and the thing that sticks in my head now (months removed) as the most fun (or most memorable, or most enjoyable, or whatever) isn’t what I would have guessed it would be. I thought it’d be fucking Dee in that spa tub, or watching her get a lap dance and make out with a stripper, or getting a lap dance while she watched.

All those things are memorable, but the strongest memory I have is the way I felt while we were at the club. Dee is a strongly anti-tobacco ex-smoker and formerly-heavier now-very-light drinker, and sitting there… both of us VERY tipsy, sharing a pack of smokes (cigarillos, actually)… having a great time together… it was as if I’d gone back in time, and regressed to a younger version of myself, out on a wildly fun date with that sexy devil-may-care girl I first met 20 years ago. The naked women and sexual interactions were wonderful added bonuses, but weren’t what made me happiest. I felt like I was with the “real” unfettered, unrestrained, uninhibited Dee, and I myself felt the same way – more free, sexier, and younger. Neither of us get to feel that way very often – it’s hard to capture the feeling of carefree youth when you have work, career, kids, a mortgage, chores… so it was nice to re-experience those moments again.

I’m just hoping it won't be the last time.

The Answer

So… after much thought, here is my answer:

I prefer… Vaginal.

And here is why:

I love it when Dee sucks my dick – the woman definitely has skills. I love fucking her up the ass, too. But, in the end, my neurosis wins the day. I like orgasms, and I’ve had a few mind-blowing ones in my life, but in the long term, it’s almost always more satisfying to deliver them. A good orgasm will give me a smile for the rest of the day, but getting Dee off multiple times beforehand, and leaving her quivering and panting when I’m done, will have me smiling and feeling good about myself for days afterward.

And, as I said yesterday, when it comes to getting Dee off that way, vaginal is really the connoisseur’s choice.